Period Rank QB RB WR TE K DST
Week 13 105 out of 131 109 12 127 77 30 2
Week 12 52 out of 130 60 44 28 119 43 8
Week 11 35 out of 133 81 24 59 33 19 77
Week 10 59 out of 133 46 40 102 104 15 40
Week 9 2 out of 133 2 20 76 14 33 18
Week 8 46 out of 134 76 13 90 65 73 33
Week 7 5 out of 138 58 2 36 30 22 56
Week 6 92 out of 137 101 60 87 63 18 55
Week 5 9 out of 138 42 32 4 112 56 12
Week 4 5 out of 141 60 15 6 49 4 62
Week 3 22 out of 139 41 18 62 21 7 32
Week 2 96 out of 139 96 116 38 107 13 8
Week 1 66 out of 138 63 73 34 116 32 23
2016 11 out of 141 44 5 18 56 13 7
3-year AVG 21 out of 122 42 28 19 47 18 34

So, instead of ignoring the obvious, I’ll go ahead and embrace it. These were pretty bad results in Week 13, I mean, we’re talking ESPN territory. It also kicked Razzball just outside the top-10 to 11th best accuracy for the year… still an amazing result when you look at the big picture, and would still be a big improvement from previous years. Regardless, last week and the next couple are when we need to do our best jobs for those of you remaining in the hunt, so I’ll be working extra hard to make sure our performance gets the results all of you need. Sounds like a perfect job for Viagra…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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hi-res-47896592d21f124c76a07f18420144c0_crop_north

It’s playoff time! I personally can’t wait to get my hopes up and get them crushed in the four leagues that I made the playoffs in this season.  We are going to skip quarterbacks this week because if you made the playoffs, you probably don’t need a streaming quarterback. (I feel like I am the only person who has to stream a quarterback this week.)  In a 16-team league, I rolled the dice by drafting Blake Bortles.  Aside from being the worst quarterback to start 12 games of the regular season in our generation (don’t @ me), the Jaguars play the Vikings this week.  The backup that I ended up drafting was none other than Ryan Fitzpatrick. I also drafted Todd Gurley in the first round in this league.  I bet you wouldn’t believe me when I tell you that this shit show ended up 8-5.  Well it’s true, and I’ll be streaming Alex Smith this week, and feel lucky to be able to do so with the matchup against Oakland.  So in the spirit of holiday giving, I’m going to give you a few good defensive plays for this week…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Pittsburgh Steelers tight end Ladarius Green (80) warms up before an NFL football game against the New England Patriots in Pittsburgh, Sunday, Oct. 23, 2016. (AP Photo/Gene J. Puskar)

For the last fourteen weeks or so I have proven that even a team that looks like absolute hot garbage on paper can prove the old adage true, never judge a book by its cover. That’s easy to say with the benefit of hindsight. It’s not like I’m predicting who these players will be a week in advance. I would, but I can’t seem to find my copy of Gray’s Sports Almanac. Each week I have tried to pick the players for the upcoming week, but if I said it was an easy task, I’d clearly be lying. Many weeks I have gotten a player or two correct, but my low batting average is nothing to write home about. George Brett? Tony Gwynn? Wade Boggs? More like the Mendoza Line for me!

If you are still reading this post that most likely means you have made the playoffs. Congratulations. But you are a long way from hoisting that championship trophy. And if you’ve made the playoffs, it is even more unlikely that you are going to be looking for under owned players that “might” have a good week. At this point you need high floor players.

If you have not made the playoffs and just enjoy reading my banter, rock on!

However, in the spirit of this post I’d still like to present to you last week’s crop of crapshoots…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

playoffs

If you are reading this, congratulations. And I don’t say that just because you are fortunate enough to be reading one of my articles. If you are reading a fantasy football article in Week 14, it is likely because you are in the playoffs and still have a reason to care about your team and your lineup. So, congratulations. I mean it. To those of you who didn’t make the playoffs: see you in hell, candy boys! This is, unfortunately, the last Handcuff Report of the year. It has been a great ride, but we are wrapping things up as the fantasy playoffs begin!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

giphy

Congratulations! If you’re reading this you survived the Hunger Games of fantasy football only to begin an even more difficult ascent. It’s like what Maeve must have felt when she saw that ‘SW’ on the wall as she exited to Star Wars style, multi-leveled connecting corridor in the season finale of Westworld. That’s about as spoiler-friendly as I could possibly write that without giving anything away, haha. Point is…now  comes the hard part. Now is all that matters. Oh, you finished 9-4 to win the #2 seed and a bye in Round 1? Congratulations. Here’s a LifeSaver to enjoy while you go look at the total points and realize that all four teams under you scored more than you this season. Come Week 15 and Round 2, you’re likely to be in need of a LifeSaver. Fantasy Football is filled with luck (or the lack thereof, like that time when you score the 2nd most points, but miss the playoffs because of Colin Kaepernick ghosting Week 13. I guess that’s what I get after hyping him for a month straight. And don’t talk to me about karma. It doesn’t exist. And don’t worry…I’m not salty about it, either. Hahaha.), so savor that LifeSaver while you can; you may need a real one soon.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

faab-green

The season is wrapping up and it’s time to look at that waiver wire one more time. It’s always somewhat of a relief for me when a fantasy sports season ends. No more checking lineups on a daily basis. No more last minute lineup decisions to fret over. Hopefully your playoff teams are in good shape.  Many of them aren’t, for example teams with A.J. Green, Rob Gronkowski, Jordan Reed or even Giovani Bernard. Could it be Ladarius Green to the rescue? After a week long hiatus (ooooohh my first time using that word in a blog post) the World Wide FAAB is back with waiver wire advice to help teams in need or teams just looking for a minor upgrade here or there. (And what better way to end this Free Agent Auction Bidding series than on a man named Green..)

Please, blog, may I have some more?

At some point, we’re going to get old. Technically, some of us are already there (children of the 80’s unite!). Okay, we’re not that old, but age is probably subjective anyways. And before I give myself an existential crisis, the point I’m trying to make is that Fantasy Sports might be one of those things that don’t have a shelf life. But this season has made me question that conclusion more than usual. I mean, sure, there are things we can do to spice up the experience. Like Craigslist and sex, maybe we’d pay attention more if money is involved, thus, the evolution of money leagues. DFS is, of course, an offshoot. But with NFL’s noticeable ratings drop this year, talk of rearranging when commercials are shown (haha, dream on), the retiring of Thursday Night Football (naw, Jags vs. Titans is always a good idea!) have been some of the things discussed internally. But time is a flat circle, maaaaaaan, so I wouldn’t expect much of anything the NFL does to change. The officiating has been garbage, the penalties for celebrations is an infringement on my right to not eye-roll infinitely. And really, whatever that was on Sunday Night Football last night, which was flexed!… It’s almost as if they aren’t even trying. (Can’t quite tell if I’m talking about the NFL or the Panthers.) The Chargers lost, but I think you already knew that based on this lede, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be mopey. What’s that? Westworld won’t be back on until 2018? Okay. Time to burn this motherf*cker down!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well, this is it, the Fantasy Football playoffs are here. Not much else to say, except good luck. We’re obviously shutting down some of our content, but you don’t have to worry about me. I’m here for… uh, life probably, now that I think of it. That’s either the greatest thing ever or the worst. But it’s definitely a first-world something. But to the point, even though we’re minimizing our footprint, to be super metaphorical, the site will still provide rankings all the way to the Super Bowl, and I’ll still be around to answer any and all questions for those of you seeking that sweet-sweet championship. Speaking of which, let’s get the day started…

Rudy’s updated projections for Week 13 can be found by clicking here. And as always, my updated rankings are available after the jump!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

ST. LOUIS, MO - SEPTEMBER 7: Adrian Peterson #28 of the Minnesota Vikings rushes during a game against the St. Louis Rams at the Edward Jones Dome on September 7, 2014 in St. Louis, Missouri. (Photo by Michael B. Thomas/Getty Images)

By now, most of you guys are already in the playoffs or at least know where you’re sitting in the hunt.  I’m unfortunately eliminated in my main league and am a bit sour while writing this, so please forgive a bit of my saltiness. My handle may have to change to Rob Gronkowski lying in a hospital bed since that’s where he’s been most of the year (I trusted you after staying healthy last year!). If you’re in the same boat as me, better luck next year. Do it the right way next time and join 10 leagues so you’re guaranteed to win one (that’s how statistics work right?). Yup, we’re way beyond the numbers and I’m not even through with the intro. For those who still have a shot at glory, I’ll suck it up for you guys and do my best to help out. Here are some guys that’ll get you to next week, some to stash for when you get there, and some to avoid all together.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

635730277588618227-2015-07-20-justin-hunter

Welcome everybody to this week’s edition of Deep Impact! This is an important week, dear readers. For many of you, it is one last shot to lock up a first round bye or sneak into the playoffs and pray for a Giants-like romp to the championship. For many others, this will be your last week of fantasy football for the season, as your failed early round picks of Brandon Marshall or Rob Gronkowski (What idiot would have ever suggested those picks? Please don’t look at my preseason articles) give you another reason besides seasonal affective disorder to go see a therapist this winter. To those jumping off the metaphorical train after this week: don’t jump off anything literally, it’s going to be ok. Go book that therapy appointment, and thanks for reading along this season. To people gearing up for the playoffs, let’s take a look at the under 10% owned population and figure out what unearthed gem can take you to the Promised Land.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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