Greetings! It’s been so long since we’ve been with one another, here on the only fantasy site that truly unites people like only a game of leap frog played by naked men could do. If we’re being honest here, my life has been empty and inconsequential without you. First, it was a much needed vacation after leaving a mental health facility. Then it was a new job accompanied by the sort of sickness I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy (except Ralph). There’s only so many weeks in the fantasy football season, and with each post missed, it feels as if a piece of my soul has been torn out and stomped on by Rosie O’Donnell and Roseanne right after they hit the “All you can eat Shrimpfest” at Red Lobster. Even now, as I write this, tears are flowing down my cheekbones like urine down the face of one of R. Kelly’s 14-year-old girlfriends. I need you! If only the Elders would bless me with the attributes one needs to become a successful writer so that I could quit the ridiculously lame job I started that has ruined whatever life I had left. But you’ve got to be realistic about these things…

I am Tehol Beddict and this is, Through the Wire… That doesn’t sound right, does it? I miss Disgrace/Delight. Oh well, TAKE HEED!

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Is it time for D.J. to keep playing that song on and on and on? Before we can get the party started, let’s rewind and take a look at how we got here. The Arizona Cardinals selected David Johnson in the third round (#86 overall) of the 2015 NFL Draft. Bruce Arians raved about him in May: “Very, very bright. The kid can do anything as far as a wide receiver, running back, fullback. He will find a niche quick because he can learn so much. And he was a good kickoff return guy” (courtesy of Mark Morales-Smith). Unfortunately, Johnson injured his hamstring in training camp, which prompted the Cardinals’ front office to acquire Chris Johnson for depth behind oft-injured Andre Ellington.

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Another week, another handful of big injuries in fantasy football. We saw Jimmy Graham go down for the season with a knee injury, Rob Gronkowski go down with a knee injury that isn’t too serious, but still potentially a multi-week injury, and also Chris Johnson suffer a fractured tibia. As the season progresses, more and more injuries will pop up and determining who to keep, who to pick up, and who to drop becomes crucial for those vying for playoff spots. Hence, the Benchwarmers and yours truly is here to save your Fantasy Football season.

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Quick question: If this game was on in May, would you watch it? To be honest, I wouldn’t just watch it, I’d dissolve it in a spoon and inject it into my left eyeball. But 12 weeks into the season? Yeah, not so much. While I thought the final score would be 7-0 (an insurmountable lead!), the Ravens and Browns match-up did, at least, provide some semblance of what football would look like under normal conditions with normal teams. But anything beyond that descriptor is probably pushing it. Okay, okay, it wasn’t that bad in the second half, but in the end, as the Browns pulled defeat out of the jaws of a possible tie (shown above), I didn’t really know if this game was entertaining, or I had just been reduced into thinking it was mildly interesting. And while most AFC North rivalries carry a bit of, well, national appeal, this one really doesn’t. Sure, Cleveland isn’t too fond of the Ravens, seeing as how their franchise is only three years older, yet they’ve drafted four Hall of Famer’s and a pretty large number of Pro Bowl players, and then, of course, the postseason success. But… that’s pretty much the extent of it. And, well, you know, the whole Art Modell thing. Well, anyways, one thing is for sure, that was certainly peak Browns last night. PEAK.

“See? This is why I don’t want any more Browns here.” – Donald Trump.

Join myself and your fellow readers in a special Razzball-only Contest! Buy-in is just $5.00 and the top-12 finishers in a 55-team league are all part of the prize pool! Sign up here!

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As we now enter the post-Thanksgiving Football phase (or in Boston, the “post-BAWHSTON WAS RAWHBED FROM UNDEFEATED HISTORY!”), it’s hard to understand how we’re already on the doorsteps of Week 13 and how someone can gain five pounds in one four-day Holiday period. The answer to both is bourbon, but regardless, the point remains: Alcohol! AND, wow, this season has gone by fast. (With a lot of injuries.) That being said, I do want to take this time on your Monday, to thank everyone for being a part of the site. I could have wrote this Thursday, or Friday, or I guess any day up until now, but, well, you know. Alcohol! And while my Chargers are charging (see what I did there?) to a first overall pick in next year’s draft, I guess, in this time of thanks, we should all thank the game of Football. As usual, the wonderful sport continues to provide us reasons to kill our liver, protect women and couches with guns on them, and Will Smith (bonus foreign accent!) movies about concussions. I truly despise this game that I love. An amazing journey we take here if you ask me! Or a masochistic one? Nah… that’s what Fantasy Football is for.

Here’s what else I saw in Week 12’s Sunday Games…

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I hope everyone has had a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend thus far. Mine was a bit different than in the past, but came off as a smashing success because of three very Thanksgiving things occurring; Turkey, Beer, and Football. So thankfully, these upcoming Sunday games gave us a few days to nap our festivities off. And just in time, we have the annual Patriots and “whatever team Peyton Manning is playing on” prime time game. Otherwise known as the NFL’s Highlander. The one thing that’s changed between this football affair (I mean, literally, there’s a whole bunch that’s changed, but this is the only thing I remember right now in a food-induced light coma) is that there is no more Peyton Manning. After ceding his job to a guy that’s had to live his entire life with the fact his parents named him Brock, the storied quarterback duo that the media has, in the past ten years, crafted into the most legendary event ever in the history of man… is no more. Even though, you know, Tom Brady won most of these games, and like, two or three of them were actually good football games. No matter! A new Broncos epoch has begun, and it’s name is Brock. Are you ready?

Rankings have been updated and can be found here.

New to Daily Fantasy Football? Try out this new free FanDuel’s contest, where half the league is guaranteed to win. (Played on FanDuel before? You can build a team for $5 for a chance of $100,000, part of a one million dollar prize pool!)

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Boys and Girls, I’m finishing business school and I thought it was going to be incredibly hard to go out and find job opportunities in the real world. I enjoy waking up at 10:30 AM every day to eat a bowl of cereal and then trudge over to class, then head home watch Netflix or play video games, get a workout in, then maybe some lady time. I’m enjoying the life right now, but it is coming to an end. My generation of young adults hears that the job market is small and that we’re all going to be hobos or living with our families for a good portion of our life until we all have Phd’s, win the lottery, or  sue someone or a company because they screwed up big time. To my surprise, I have had four firms this past week ask me to come in for interviews. I even woke up today with a voicemail and E-mail asking me to come in tomorrow to talk business. I do not want to leave my current 10:30 AM wake ups, but my prospects of not being homeless and doing lots of drugs are really looking up. Thanksgiving day Football will have already been finished when my post goes live, so I apologize for that, but I can’t help but enjoy all these companies calling me and asking to learn about what I can provide them…

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Food, football, family and friends. I hope everyone had a healthy, happy and safe Thanksgiving. I recently caught up with Razzball’s own Tehol Beddict and Doug Moore on Twitter about what they are thankful for in 2015.

Me: What are you thankful for this year Tehol? The new Concussion movie? Because the NFL isn’t thankful for that.

Tehol: My new job that has totally ruined my life in every way possible.

I’m pretty confident in that he isn’t talking about Razzball. However, if he is, I would lay off the comments. Just kidding, pepper the man with questions. I then quickly reached out to Doug.

Me: What are you thankful for this year?

Doug: In all seriousness? I’m thankful for my family, friends, my girlfriend, the job I have and my co-workers.

I have two issues with this statement. First, he thinks I’m kidding, and possibly a goofy guy? I’m very offended at this generalization. I am very serious. Example A. My second issue? Doug is way too nice and serious guy, and needs to realize that there are more important things in life than family and jobs.

He quickly realized.

Doug:  Oh, and for football and fantasy football as well.

Let’s review Week 11…

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Johnny Manziel is a punk.  Yeah, I like my sports to be entertaining, but I applaud the Browns for benching Manziel. What’s the big deal, you say?  Well, not only did he lie to the team, but he just left a rehab center and he’s out partying.  He’s a grown-ass man, but he’s also being paid as an investment.  Sorry, if my investment is acting like a clown when it’s clear he’s had issues in the past, I’m making the same moves that the Browns did. See you on TV in a few years, Johnny. Let’s get to the streamers.

Join Jay and your fellow readers in a special Razzball-only Contest! Buy-in is just $5.00 and the top-12 finishers in a 55-team league are all part of the prize pool! Sign up here!

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To be honest, I really don’t care much for Thanksgiving. After so many years it has become more of a chore than joy. Who gives a sh*t about the food? I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want anyway. Cramming twenty or so people into an average-sized house is not my definition of fun. Other people’s kids annoy me. Especially when they threaten to impede best part of the day. Football. Cries of I WANNA watch [insert bullsh*t kids show]” by a whiney brat annoy me about as much as when someone somewhat related to me that I could really care less about sits down next to me and tries to tell me about what’s gone on in his life since last year when he tried the same thing. But I digress.

Other than a last name that gave me a fitting title, Chris Givens has no business being mentioned in this post. But since he’s unknowingly done me a solid, I’ll give him his 30 seconds of “fame”. After three games with St. Louis where he had 1 reception for 7 yards, Givens was traded to the Ravens. Since moving to Baltimore he’s had 12 catches on 24 targets (50%) for 168 yards and a touchdown. I think Antonio Brown topped those number last week alone. Have no “misgivens” about it, if you own this guy, you’re bad at fantasy football.

This week I’m giving The Stats Machine a well deserved opportunity to rest its bits and bytes. It takes a lot of 1’s and 0’s to fuel its core and with the playoff push in the near horizon, I thought it was the right time to recharge its light cycles. So instead of analyzing last week’s performances, I am going to use this space to highlight some stats leaders…

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