It’s amazing how many euphemisms we have in this world for the act of coitus. Some would say too much, others would say not enough but needless to say, urban dictionary is pretty much 80% sexual references so I’ll say there’s plenty to go around either way. And after the night Aaron Rodgers left on his fantasy owners and the receivers by proxy, I’m sure there’ll be more innuendos built to describe the act of getting funked over. Aaron left the game early in the first quarter with a left shoulder injury. Seriously, I’m typing this about 4 hours after the fact and that’s really all that can be shared at this point. Rodgers left the game with the doctor in the 1st and the doctor returned without Rodgers in the 2nd quarter and McCarthy gave a sneer when the news was relayed to him. But again, we have zero news at this point to really say what exactly the problem is. Then Aaron returned to the sidelines late in the 3rd in a jacket with no clear sling involved in the ensemble which further led to the questioning of just how injured he was. Now Rodgers played with a separated non-throwing shoulder in 2008 and didn’t miss a game so we could speculate that’s not the issue. At this point, it’s TBD whether your team is FML or FTW ROS as a Rodgers owner but I’d be making backup plans. Foles available? No? How about Keenum? Grim times, I know. Of all things people count on from their top tier QB, it’s 16 games. Here’s to the innuendo not ending in your end-o, friends. In other news from Monday Night Football…
Josh McCown – To quote myself when I ranked McCown & Foles 10th and 11th for QBs this week: Surprise! It felt right and if Spike Lee taught me anything in life besides that it’s gotta be the shoes it’s to do the right thing. To be fair, I thought it was gonna be a shootout for McCown to finish this high but either way, I was liking his game before this game even started. After a 22/41 night for 272 and 2 TDs along with 20 rushing yards, the news about Cutler coming back just feels a little too soon. No chance you could just rest your broken crotch one more week, Jay? BTW, Jay out there on waivers? Is Rodgers your QB? Two birds, one stone y’all.
Eddie Lacy – He needs a nickname. He also needs to send his personal game tapes to T-Rich as a former alum friend. Lacy finished with 22/150/1 but oddly zero receptions. How do the Packers put in a QB who averages 6 yards per attempt that doesn’t throw to the RB? Hello? A bubble screen perhaps? No, you’d rather have him throw to Quarless…of course, McCarthy, of course. But back to Eddie…holy hamster wheels, the kid is everything you could want and more. It’s too bad he’s fat. #Sarcasm
Brandon Marshall – Had 7/107/1 on 13 targets. Heard a lot of worry when Cutler went down about Marshall. Told ya to not worry. We good now? Yeah, we good.
Jordy Nelson – How bad was it owning a wide receiver for the Packers tonight? Rodgers was 1/2 with 27 yards before he left. Those yards went to Nelson. Jordy finished with 4/67 on 9 targets. Yeah, we’re done here if Aaron is done here.
Alshon Jeffery – He’s a baby Marshall. Brandon Jr. Mini-Marsh. Whatever, I’m just trying to say he’s not going anywhere if you’re worried about it.
James Starks – Before you get excited about the endline, let me Debbie Downer it for you. One, 32 of those 40 yards were on 1 carry. Two, that 32 yard scamper? I’m pretty sure Michael Bush could’ve scored on it. Three? He plays behind Eddie Lacy. Your fantasy dreams are invalid.
Matt Forte – Fuerte keeps playing strong: 24/125/1 on the ground 5/54 on 8 targets through the air and played a huge role in the game killing drive in the 4th quarter that included a 4th and inches conversion. Oh and that TD? Yeah, it was a goal line carry. Meanwhile, Bush looking like what Wallace looks like compared to being Rodgers’ backup.
Seneca Wallace – I don’t care you’re in a 2 QB league. I don’t care that your 2 QB league has Tom Brady and Alex Smith on bye next week. I don’t care that you score a bonus of 25 points just for starting a guy with the name ‘Seneca’. He’s unownable. Packers management are learning this quickly. I have no doubt they’re texting Brett Favre as you read. Hopefully they don’t get any pics in return.