“Alexa, what’s the weather like in Buffalo?” “Look outside moron.”

The great leader has spoken and global warming has been confirmed a hoax. I mean, with this much cold weather, how can the Earth be warming? It’s like, if the ice is melting, just get out the bourbon and more ice and enjoy the free air conditioning, maaaan. And if it is snow (prove it!), that’s fine too. I mean, if we can’t have the Game of Thrones premier until next summer, then lets bring it right to Buffalo, am I right? It just makes so much sense, kinda like how Ian Eagle should do play-by-play for porn. But if it isn’t snow (believe it!), we must accept that it’s either massive amounts of cocaine (settle down Michael Irvin, settle down) or the salt of dried tears from all the Julio Jones and Melvin Gordon owners out there. It’s okay, it’s totally normal to end your Fantasy Season like this. I read that on Facebook, the bastion of legitimate news, so I know it’s true. But don’t worry, if you’re looking for a distraction in a post-fantasy football world, or you need something to do the next four years, keep in mind that anything can be a dildo if you’re brave enough…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We’re into the second week of the Fantasy Football playoffs (at least, for most of you) and there’s really not much else to say. Last week was essentially our last week of regular season content, and things will get just a bit tad lonelier around these parts. Much like my parts! But that’s okay! At this point, rankings are about the only important aspect that we all need to focus on. And everyone has their own way of interpreting rankings… It’s pretty much a straight-forward exercise there could be in game; a numerical ranking of players that are completely without context, in a vacuum if you’ve seen the term. So remember to add that context yourself. The rankings are there to help guide your starts and sits, but it doesn’t take into account your opponent. Nor does it consider the ceiling or floor of your players, simply the median. So do keep those things in mind, and in addition, I want to add that this is the main reason why each and every Razzball contributor is happy to answer any and all questions from you guys, at any point in the season. To give that “context”. So I guess what I’m saying is… can I context you bro?

Be sure to check out our Start and Sits for today’s games here, along with Rudy’s updated projections for Week 14 by clicking here. And as always, my updated rankings are available after the jump!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

On this week’s episode, we have everything. Existential crisis. Crisisee? Crisises? Zach (or!) Matt create their own hazmat suit and makes sure the sounds are loud enough for the world to hear throughout the entire show. Zach does an amazing Tehol impersonation. We had a Jim Rome AND PFT Commenter name drop and this time, we only spend 25 minutes trying to end the show. In fact, I added a bonus “behind the scenes” listen of how even when we do end the show, the show just. Doesn’t. End. Ever. However, even with all of this, we find time to talk about Allen Robinson, Doug Martin, Julio Jones, Jordan Reed, other Fantasy Football playoff news… and how in the world Jeff Fisher received an extension. Spoiler Alert: We couldn’t figure it out. Enjoy the show! Now, with more bonus goodbye time where we don’t say goodbye!

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Period Rank QB RB WR TE K DST
Week 13 105 out of 131 109 12 127 77 30 2
Week 12 52 out of 130 60 44 28 119 43 8
Week 11 35 out of 133 81 24 59 33 19 77
Week 10 59 out of 133 46 40 102 104 15 40
Week 9 2 out of 133 2 20 76 14 33 18
Week 8 46 out of 134 76 13 90 65 73 33
Week 7 5 out of 138 58 2 36 30 22 56
Week 6 92 out of 137 101 60 87 63 18 55
Week 5 9 out of 138 42 32 4 112 56 12
Week 4 5 out of 141 60 15 6 49 4 62
Week 3 22 out of 139 41 18 62 21 7 32
Week 2 96 out of 139 96 116 38 107 13 8
Week 1 66 out of 138 63 73 34 116 32 23
2016 11 out of 141 44 5 18 56 13 7
3-year AVG 21 out of 122 42 28 19 47 18 34

So, instead of ignoring the obvious, I’ll go ahead and embrace it. These were pretty bad results in Week 13, I mean, we’re talking ESPN territory. It also kicked Razzball just outside the top-10 to 11th best accuracy for the year… still an amazing result when you look at the big picture, and would still be a big improvement from previous years. Regardless, last week and the next couple are when we need to do our best jobs for those of you remaining in the hunt, so I’ll be working extra hard to make sure our performance gets the results all of you need. Sounds like a perfect job for Viagra…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

At some point, we’re going to get old. Technically, some of us are already there (children of the 80’s unite!). Okay, we’re not that old, but age is probably subjective anyways. And before I give myself an existential crisis, the point I’m trying to make is that Fantasy Sports might be one of those things that don’t have a shelf life. But this season has made me question that conclusion more than usual. I mean, sure, there are things we can do to spice up the experience. Like Craigslist and sex, maybe we’d pay attention more if money is involved, thus, the evolution of money leagues. DFS is, of course, an offshoot. But with NFL’s noticeable ratings drop this year, talk of rearranging when commercials are shown (haha, dream on), the retiring of Thursday Night Football (naw, Jags vs. Titans is always a good idea!) have been some of the things discussed internally. But time is a flat circle, maaaaaaan, so I wouldn’t expect much of anything the NFL does to change. The officiating has been garbage, the penalties for celebrations is an infringement on my right to not eye-roll infinitely. And really, whatever that was on Sunday Night Football last night, which was flexed!… It’s almost as if they aren’t even trying. (Can’t quite tell if I’m talking about the NFL or the Panthers.) The Chargers lost, but I think you already knew that based on this lede, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be mopey. What’s that? Westworld won’t be back on until 2018? Okay. Time to burn this motherf*cker down!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well, this is it, the Fantasy Football playoffs are here. Not much else to say, except good luck. We’re obviously shutting down some of our content, but you don’t have to worry about me. I’m here for… uh, life probably, now that I think of it. That’s either the greatest thing ever or the worst. But it’s definitely a first-world something. But to the point, even though we’re minimizing our footprint, to be super metaphorical, the site will still provide rankings all the way to the Super Bowl, and I’ll still be around to answer any and all questions for those of you seeking that sweet-sweet championship. Speaking of which, let’s get the day started…

Rudy’s updated projections for Week 13 can be found by clicking here. And as always, my updated rankings are available after the jump!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Westworld in a nutshell…

Or something like that. With Fantasy Football playoffs just starting, the Unbreakable MB and Jen go over the recent and infuriating/sad Gronk news, Jameis Winston and Colin Kaepernick, and a little bit on the Packers running back situation. The verdict: Mike McCarthy is an idiot. We also go over tight end drafting (there’s an easy joke here somewhere) and provide a small glimpse of the Razzball Writer’s League, which has been largely forgotten (or ignored) by yours truly. Probably because Zach is in first place. Then we tackle Westworld’s season thus far (at 31:35) and go into stuff that involve spoilers, which the unwanted revelation of will never happen here wihtout warning, folks. Except when those whales with lasers came out a couple weeks back. What a twist! However, I am willing to allow non-spoiler GIFs like the one above, which is a national treasure. And also probably my own inner-monologue when editing Tehol’s posts…

Here’s the newest episode of the newly renamed Razzcast!

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Period Rank QB RB WR TE K DST
Week 12 52 out of 130 60 44 28 119 43 8
Week 11 35 out of 133 81 24 59 33 19 77
Week 10 59 out of 133 46 40 102 104 15 40
Week 9 2 out of 133 2 20 76 14 33 18
Week 8 46 out of 134 76 13 90 65 73 33
Week 7 5 out of 138 58 2 36 30 22 56
Week 6 92 out of 137 101 60 87 63 18 55
Week 5 9 out of 138 42 32 4 112 56 12
Week 4 5 out of 141 60 15 6 49 4 62
Week 3 22 out of 139 41 18 62 21 7 32
Week 2 96 out of 139 96 116 38 107 13 8
Week 1 66 out of 138 63 73 34 116 32 23
2016 7 out of 141 31 5 11 55 10 11
3-year AVG 20 out of 122 37 28 17 47 17 35

Another week, another okay-ish result, but overall, Razzball is still holding strong in the top-10 for the season. This is the first week of Fantasy Football playoffs for many of us, so I know we’re all 98% excited, 2% scared. Or maybe it’s more… it could be 98% scared and 2% excited. Actually, you know, I just quoted Armageddon, so I think we can just quickly move along to the rankings and pretend none of this ever happened…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

While the Chargers fan in me wanted this Sunday Night Football game to be a lazy Father’s Day gift (a tie!), the football fan in me just wanted to do a bit of scouting on Tony Romo’s new team next season. But it was hard to do either with the most boring first half of a football game in the history of the NFL, since last Thursday. Though drinking games usually help, instead, to match the theme of this weekend, I went with an eating game. If a first down happened, I ate turkey, and if not, ham. Worked out pretty well, I have to say. And don’t get me wrong, there were some positives last night. Al Michaels’ continued sabbatical is one. (Kinda like February in Palm West, because it’s all about an old man drying out.) There was… okay, so there was one positive. Which really wasn’t a positive at all with Cris Collinsworth trying to speak with Roger Goodell’s balls in his mouth. Just remember, the NFL flexed this game because they honestly thought that it would be more entertaining than the Jets and Patriots. Which would have been futile anyways, unless they happened to flex Westworld instead…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So this is it my friends, quite possibly the last fantasy regular season week we’ll spend together… until we all do this again next year. And seeing as how we are celebrating the holidays with relatives who know about as much as brining a turkey (want to know why the turkey is so dry? Because you need to brine it folks…) as they do politics, football is a nice recompense. Well, that along with copious amounts of alcohol. But in that spirit, I’d like to thank all my contributors and staff writers, because without you, this place would just be all Jay all the time. And if you guy’s know anything, you never go full Jay. So in no particular order, special thanks to Tehol Beddict, Alex Lee, Matt Bowe, Zach, Dominic Hall, Mike Honcho, Stan Son, Mike Maher, malamoney, Matt Hayes, Lance, and Rudy Gamble, who handles so many things on the back-end (that’s what she said) of the site. And I’d also, while I’m at it, thank you, the readers and community. Obviously, without all of you, we wouldn’t be here… I mean, Tehol would be here, but if Tehol writes of his love for Andre Ellington and no one reads it, did it really happen?

Be sure to check out our Start and Sits for today’s games here, along with Rudy’s updated projections for Week 12 by clicking here. Tehol’s rankings can be found here. And as always, my updated rankings are available after the jump!

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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