Welcome back for another strategy session, where you and I sit down, group our intellect together, and prepare to discuss fantasy football ad nauseum… and then promptly get distracted by RedTube. So pretty much every other Monday. (Well, for me, at least.) We already have a Beginners Guide to Fantasy Football, for those of you who had no idea fantasy football existed… I’m sure there are dozens of you. DOZENS! But now that we have the “101” stuff out of the way, we arrive at the “do’s and don’ts” of a draft. As what should be pretty self explanatory, there are things that you should do and things that you should not do. Crazy stuff, I know. Granted, these are based on my own experiences within the fantasy football landscape, so take them for what you will. Which frankly, should be lots. Because it’s free. Free stuff is always good. Unless it’s crayfish in your pants. That’s something that’s free, mysterious, titillating, and scary all at the same time. Much like my lovemaking.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Well, if you hadn’t noticed, (which is most likely the case), we have our very own Fantasy Football Draft Kit! Yay us! (And you!) While calling it a “kit” makes it sound like some kind of Inspector Gadget wonder-tool, or, I don’t know, a Trans Am that has an artificial intelligence with an oh-so-soothing voice that blows sh*t up, because: 80’s television yo… well, it’s much more than that. It’s your one-stop destination for everything drafty (is that a word?) that originates from Razzball. You’ll find our Fantasy Football Rankings here, and in the not too distant future, you’ll see our auction values and projected stats. On top of that (oh yes, there’s more, and it goes on top), it’ll be updated daily as we produce content on the overrated players, underrated players, and sleepers all the way up to the start of the season. Because sometimes, everyone gets sleepy. There will also be ongoing team previews and comparisons between our rankings and those of our peers. And while I can’t promise our Draft Kit will have Skynet like abilities in wiping out your competition AND the entire human race with robots that have an Austrian accent… we do promise to try to keep you entertained and informed. Because that’s what we do. Word.
So allow me to introduce the Razzball 2015 Fantasy Football Draft Kit…Please, blog, may I have some more?
What this picture presupposes is, maybe it should be?
Welcome to what could be called the first installment of our 2015 Draft Strategy. This journey will help prepare you for Draft day, and will likely also be filled with an assortment of snacks ranging from TWIX® candy bars and FUNYUNS®, basically what I like to call breakfast. And don’t tell me why they’re written all in caps. That’s their official “name”, so I can only assume that we are meant to shout it out every time, which, now that I think of it, seems totally natural. Q: “What are you hungry for?” A: “TWIX MOTHER F*CKER!” See what I mean? Regardless, this opening salvo of strategic knowledge (everything sounds better when weaponized) is focused for those of you who have no idea what fantasy football is or what it does. A Beginners Guide to Fantasy Football, if you will. And listen, don’t be afraid of being the noob, that’s not a derogatory title for me. It can be derogatory, but for those who do use it as a negative descriptor, just remember, they were noobs once too. We all have to start somewhere, and yes, that means you. Which is probably your mom’s basement. And if that’s the case, you’ve completed half the journey, some would say.
So, you want to play fantasy football? Well, what are you waiting for? Let’s go!Please, blog, may I have some more?
And thus, we now close down the rankings portion of the preseason. (But don’t worried, the rankings will be updated every week until the beginning of the season.) It’s been a long and enduring process, but one that didn’t involve any Ryan Mathews drama, so I proclaim this a resounding success. Unfortunately, the format in which we’re used to consuming these rankings as pretty little embeded tables from FantasyPros isn’t available to us, as they don’t provide the tools to publish our Half-PPR Rankings to any site. We also don’t have the Back to the Future hoverboards, so I’m willing to overlook this technological oversight. But just as long as we are consuming, can we at least try to make an edible version of these rankings? With bacon? Bacon rankings bro, think about it… Anyhow, it’s a shame we don’t get the pretty presentation here, as I prefer the Half-PPR format the most. I just feel the format balances the best of two worlds, much like your mom’s shirt. Wow. That was next level right there. Let’s just wrap this up and go to the rankings…Please, blog, may I have some more?
As stated in the Standard Top-200 Overall Rankings, this is not a mock draft, nor are theses rankings based on 2014 stats. This is a list of guys I like. Maybe I have a crush on them, and to be honest, I wouldn’t mind going on a date with them. Because what’s this life for if people aren’t buying you dinner? Trust me, it’s worth nothing. And yes, there will be things you like about the things I like. There will be things you dislike about the things I like. And there will me saying ‘things’ too much. In retrospect, the word ‘like’ shows up a bit too much as well. And there will déjà vu from the Standard Top-200 lede, because of the modern wonder known as copy and paste, but hey, you can’t win them all. But you can win some. And you might lose some. No clue where I’m going at this point. ALL THE DIGRESSION. So yeah…Please, blog, may I have some more?
One could argue that no other position is affected most by PPR than the running back position. My response would be, why are we arguing bro? I agree with you! While wide receiver and tight end rankings are obviously affected by receptions, running backs are still the cream of the crop when it comes to the fantasy draft. And the PPR curveball (baseball metaphor in a football post? Dangerous AND exciting… like my love-making) certainly sends massive tidal waves that would surely kill some dinosaurs. But only if said tidal wave was caused by an asteroid hitting Earth. And if the tidal wave was actually a tsunami. And if it was 230 million years ago. But that’s besides the point, but not really, because President Reagan cut taxes like a velociraptor, so we know they existed recently. Science! But yeah. What were we talking about again?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Tehol finally came back from his vacation in
Cleveland Canada, and was ready to pick apart my rankings. Along with discussing all the running backs and receivers and their rankings, Tehol and I also touched on the situation in Minnesota and pondered about Victor Cruz and last season’s injury. There was also five minutes where we talked about Donald Brown that I’d like back. And as is usual, we went over the latest episode of True Detective (1:22:00), which is really starting to blow up. In a good way. Things can blow up in good ways… Not really, but you get what I’m saying. At the very least, I think we all agree with Ani. (Sorta NSFW… maybe. It’s on the boarders.) As a bonus, we also talk a little bit about the new Suicide Squad and Dawn of Justice trailers. Enjoy!
Welcome to the second part of receiver rankings, where we here at Razzball put the PP in PPR. Wait, what? As stated in the standard receiver rankings, I find this position the hardest, though your mom never complains. ICE BURN. Just the sheer volume of names combined with the fact that your standard roster size requires at least three to four of them, well, you now know what’s going on in my general vicinity. And if you’re that close, WATCH OUT, for you will
like love the cut of this jib. Because I guess it’s 40’s throwback vernacular Tuesday. Puts on fedora, winks, begins to swing dance. So let’s go ahead and begin the great quest to put our PP in PPR (there’s gotta be a better way to say that) and get to the rankings… (wearing pants is optional, but frowned upon in this establishment.)
As stated in the 2015 Tight Ends Rankings for leagues that use standard scoring, or “O.G. scoring”, as we Tupac fans like to call it, I stated that we were now getting to the meat and potatoes of the fantasy rankings, because I was hungry. Then again, I’m always hungry. Mostly for alcohol, but, you know, protein and starch… I got room for ya. Regardless, that statement is false now, as the rankings are starting to wind down, but I thought it was a great sentiment to bring back up, you know, because of my hungry thing. THE HUNGRINESS. Apparently also called: raging alcoholism. So yeah, here are the tight end rankings for PPR leagues. And while everything I addressed for standard leagues still generally applies here, you’ll definitely see some movement of players, based on their value from receptions or the lack thereof…Please, blog, may I have some more?
We have finally arrived, and all I can say is, man, I gotta go to the bathroom. Crazy long trip, this was. That was my Yoda-typing. It about, you must think. Okay, I’m going to stop, it just looks like I’m having a stroke. Anyhow, look at this long journey we’ve been on together, and finally, we have arrived at the pinnacle moment where all the blood, sweat, and tears (aka– my last relationship), have accumulated to bring you not just 10, not just 50, not just 100, nope, that’s right… we’ve brought you 200 names ranked in the order of who I want on my fantasy team this upcoming season. Remember, this is not a mock draft, nor are they rankings based on 2014 stats. This is a list of guys I like. Maybe I have a crush on them, and to be honest, I wouldn’t mind going on a date with them. Because what’s this life for if people aren’t buying you dinner? Trust me, it’s worth nothing. And yes, there will be things you like about the things I like. There will be things you dislike about the things I like. And there will me saying ‘things’ too much. But that’s okay. Because we can all agree on this: Jamarcus Russell was terrible at football. But not at eating. Good for him.Please, blog, may I have some more?