Also my hungry face.

This is it folks. We won’t go a week without some sort of football activity until the end of Super Bowl XLVIII, uh, plus some JVJLGH’s, and maybe some more LLIFJ’s. Could use more X’s. Like 80. I’m not sure what Roman numerals are or what they do, but I think that’s right. BUT OH MY GOD FOOTBALL IS BACK, and though it’s only a NFL Hall of Fame Game, which means it’ll have as much excitement as a Patriots preseason game, at this point, I’ll take anything.

Please, blog, may I have some more?


What, I told them to match my hair with my smile…

As touched upon briefly and legally (I think, you never know with touching) in the post calling Montee Ball overrated, it dawned on me that Ryan Mathews still remains underrated, and he probably shouldn’t be. Here’s the specific quote about Mathews:

“Let’s not forget about Ryan Mathews, who also had these same issues (ball security and pass protection), and it took him three seasons to emerge into last year’s career breakout. It may be an apples/oranges comparison because of the injuries Mathews suffered, probably slowing his development, but it can’t be denied that there were specific game-plan decisions from 2010-2012 based on his weaknesses. And I’m sure there was a fruit basket involved somewhere. Needs more mango if you ask me. And may I add that these years also led to the amazing discovery that Ronnie Brown was actually still alive. Who knew?”

To further elaborate on those 2010-2012 years, even a homeristic (this word exists spell check, I swear!) fan like myself couldn’t bring myself to believe in Mathews. We are, in fact, talking about a back who had more broken more collarbones than touchdowns in 2012. Which, actually, now that I think about it, is pretty impressive. Add with the previously mentioned issues of ball security and pass protection, along with the  fact that he had only one season in his career where he rushed for 1,000 yards, and missed 10 games in those three years…. well, even as one of the 57 Chargers fans (138 when the surf is low), I just couldn’t buy in at all for 2013.

Please, blog, may I have some more?


I only hold hands when I hold balls. Totally makes sense.

It has been pointed out that in my 2014 Fantasy Football Rankings, Montee Ball ranks quite lower than that of my peers. And while my first argument for this would be: gravity, bro (get it?), there are still many question marks here that prevent me from fully believing, kind of like Scientology. But less-less crazy and with more of Peyton Manning‘s forehead. And, sure, it’s easy to point out that the Broncos offense remains elite from last season’s historic run, which certainly played a large role in Knowshon Moreno‘s gaudy totals. And it should be noted, in that environment, Ball was able to average 4.7 yards-per-carry for the season (5.9 YPG in the final two months). But there are some things still holding me back. But don’t worry, I’m still the big spoon in this scenario. We can all rest easy friends.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well, if you hadn’t noticed, (which is most likely the case), we have our very own Fantasy Football Draft Kit! Yay us! (And you!) While calling it a “kit” makes it sound like some kind of Inspector Gadget wonder-tool, or, I don’t know, maybe a Trans Am A.I. with a oh-so-soothing voice that blows sh*t up because– 80’s television yo… well, it’s much more than that. It’s your one-stop destination for everything drafty (is that a word?) that originates from Razzball. You’ll find our Fantasy Football Rankings here (with an update to come next week, along with the much anticipated Half-PPR rankings). Also by next week, you’ll see our auction values and projected stats. On top of that (oh yes, there’s more, and it goes on top), it’ll be updated daily as we produce content on the overrated players, underrated players, and sleepers. Because sometimes, everyone gets sleepy. There will also be on-going team previews and comparisons between our rankings and those of our peers. And while I can’t promise our Draft Kit will have Skynet like abilities in wiping out your competition AND the entire human race with robots that have an Austrian accent… we do promise to try to keep you entertained and informed. ‘Cause that’s what we do. Word.

So allow me to introduce the Razzball 2014 Fantasy Football Draft Kit

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome back for another strategy session, where you and I sit down, group our intellect together, and prepare to discuss fantasy football ad nauseum, and then promptly get distracted by Pornhub.com. So pretty much every other Tuesday, for me at least. We already have a Beginners Guide to Fantasy Football for those of you who had no idea fantasy football existed… I’m sure there are dozens of you. DOZENS! But now that we have the “101” stuff out of the way, now we arrive at the do’s and don’ts of a draft. As what should be pretty self explanatory, there are things that you should do, and things that you should not do. Crazy stuff, I know. Granted, these are based on my own practices and experiences, so take them for what you will. Which, frankly, should be lots. Because it’s free. Free stuff is always good. Unless it’s crayfish in your pants. That’s something that’s free, mysterious, titillating, and scary all at the same time.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So, wouldn’t it be cool if you could take on some of your favorite contributors and all of the Razzball readers and commentators in one huge free fantasy football league? IT WOULD BE COOL YO. That’s why we made this possible. And why it was in all caps. Welcome to the 2014 Fantasy Football RCL. Where all of the Razzballers get to hang out, talk some football, and compete against each other in the game we all love. While we can’t create a 500 person league as of yet, since the technology has yet to be invented, what we can do is create multiple 12-person leagues and pit them all against each other. If you don’t like that, well, you can be the one to wait for the future to come. So enjoy those dragons with lasers. Who wear black leather. Blasting Daft Punk. ENJOY IT. However, if you are not such a timey prude, join us for some fantasy football funnage. Totally a word. So I present to you– the 2014 RCL Fantasy Football Season, with prizes!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We are approaching the beginning of the Fantasy Football season. There are Fantasy Football Rankings everywhere, the Draft Strategy series has begun, we’re going over the sleepers, the overrated, the underrated, and everything is falling into place except for one big thing (that’s what she said). That’s right, your team name remains the one true mystery that must be solved. Be the Sherlock of your league. Don’t be the Dr. Watson. I mean, be a doctor, that seems like an admirable profession that pays well. More like– don’t be the Watson part. Actually, being Watson isn’t that bad, since you get to star in a plethora of Lord of the Ring movies with a guy who wears spandex and ping pong balls as a living. So, actually, you can be both those guys AND have an amazing team name. That’s what I’m trying to say. I think. Anyhow, allow me to introduce the Razzball Fantasy Football Team Name Generator.

Find me after the jump for some examples our generator has produced, or post some of your favorites!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Ray Lewis, Ray Rice

The Ray’s gonna Ray, amiright?

Razzball is usually known for humorous, pun-filled titles that tickle you in all the right places. And at first glance, you may have gone “Jay, where’s the funny brah?”, so I should state for the record that the title actually is a joke. Announced by the league yesterday afternoon, Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice has been suspended for the first two games of the 2014 season for violating the NFL’s personal conduct policy following his off-season arrest for domestic violence (from Rice’s altercation with then-fiancée Janay Palmer at an Atlantic City hotel in February, full story here). When the news broke on this in February, I had some thoughts on the matter, and since I try to use my brain at least a few times a day (no promises), I have even more thoughts following yesterday’s news. ALL THE THOUGHTS.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

NFL: Tennessee Titans-OTA

“Could somebody hold one of my balls?”

Last season, Kendall Wright had 94 receptions for 1,079 yards with 2 touchdowns. Yes, you read that correctly. Just two. That is not Kendall Wright, rather, it’s Kendall Wrong. Bold pun strategy there, I know. Simply magical. Now that I got that out of my system, you should know there are quite a few reasons why Wright is underrated. He’s a 5’10” receiver, which translates into a smaller target in terms of the red zone, and his yards after the catch potential has been limited. Add in the fact that the Titan’s quarterback position is questionable, on the surface, you have a  guy that only has 6 career touchdowns spanning 26 games with a mediocre supporting cast. Yes, even after telling you all of that, you still need to buy. Why, may you ask? And you probably should, seeing as how I specifically tailored the rest of this post based on that assumption. Then again, I’m basically having a conversation with myself pretending that you are asking me something when the lack of time-travel and telepathy specifically does not allow this…

Please, blog, may I have some more?


Pfft, what is that? Just a four-pack? I got a six-pack son, and mine are drinkable. ADVANTAGE ME.

There’s a whole lotta talking going on about Tre Mason and his eventual coup against Zac Stacy. While this tandem has held some of the pre-season fantasy football spotlight since the NFL draft, I think we should be more concerned about a coup in St. Louis. What are the global economic ramifications here from this shift in power? And will this historic event cause an intrinsic shift in the geopolitical system that St. Louis is not at all part of? What about the Ozarks in general? Are they no longer going to be highlands full of abandoned El Caminos? I have no idea, but I will say that Zac Stacy’s impending doom seems to be blown way out of proportion lately. But not by me. Totally not. I mean, there are an average of 258 coup’s a minute. (Note: I’m not good with numbers.)

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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