Again, not exactly breaking news… I’m still waiting for Michael Vick to sign so I can finally dust off my notebook full of dog abuse jokes. Which is sitting right next to my Nazi Pun’s notebook, if you were wondering. Did Nazi that coming. This post is now outside Mein Kampfort zone. That’s just a taste. I have plenty more to commit complete and total SEO suicide, just you wait and see.

Anyhow, guess what? The Denver Broncos have double-downed (POKER AND FOOTBALL DOUBLE PUN ALERT) on Montee Ball and C.J. Anderson, allowing Knowshon Moreno to become a free agent. What say you Knowshon Moreno?

If that was what he did during the National Anthem, you gotta wonder what the hell he did on 9/11…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

In a move that’s sure not to make people forget that Ray Rice uppercut (what normal-sized people would refer just simply as ‘punched’) his wife and could only carry her a few yards (just like a football, how cute!), the Ravens reached a five-year deal worth $32 million with tight end Dennis Pitta. In a news conference later today, the deal will be officially announced, which I’m sure beats having a news conference about having an alleged wife-beater on your team. HAHA get it? Ehh…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

That’s right folks. The anticipation has been mind boggling. MIND. BOGGLING. To be totally honest, I’m not quite famlier with what the Combine is or what it does. Just a few months ago, I thought it was a part in F/A 18 Hornet Fighter Jet. Why? Because it’s a jet. That can shoot missiles. Makes thing’s go boom… ya know, the stuff that matters. But to my surprise, and disappointment, I found out that the combine has nothing to do with M61A1 20-millimeter gun pew-pews. In fact, here’s where my research led me:

“The NFL Scouting Combine is a week-long showcase occurring every February at Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis, Indiana, where college football players perform physical and mental tests in front of National Football League coaches, general managers, and scouts.”

Well, that certainly set me straight. And while I may not know much about the Combine, we’ve dedicated our Dynasty Contributor, Josh O., to the subject-matter, providing you the lowdown, fantasy-wise, on the Combine. Good content does exist this time of year! Unlike Manti Te’o’s girlfriend. Which, actually, doesn’t exist any years. Fascinating…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Technically, this is where the weekly round-up would go, but there’s only one big news story going on right now besides NFL Combine stuff. And guess what? We got some Combine stuff for you planned all next week. So there’s just Ray Rice. And if you haven’t heard what’s going on with Ray Rice, you’d be surprised to know that, in this day and age, where women empowerment is at an all time high, where, just several years ago, Hilary Clinton lost an election to now President Obama, that domestic abuse still goes on. From what the news reports have stated, apparently Ray Rice hit (uppercut) his fiancée unconscious. He immediately ran for no gain, and then fell down after the first security guard touched him. (They say ‘uppercut’, but honestly, isn’t any punch from Rice considered an uppercut?)

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well, we had another exciting week in fantasy football. HAHAHA. Yeah… so… how about those Olympics? The football off-season actually has been pretty eventful and full of storylines now just a few weeks in. We’re going to have our first openly-gay football player next season. Awesome. Incognito and Martin got into a Twitter slap-fight. Good times. Ed Reed had $50k stolen out of his car. That’s totally not shady. John Elway aka Secretariat got extended for three more years, but more importantly, was officially given the title of GM. When asked if he would be okay with a two-year extension, reports were that John Elway said “Neigh!”. I wonder though, will he get is pay-raise in chaff and carrots? Anyhow, I guess the roundabout route I’m taking here is to let you know there’s plenty to talk about. Making it relevant to fantasy football, well, now that’s the hard part.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Folks, what a crazy week we had. There was this little thing called, err. Wait a minute, my mind just went blank. Like, totally, wow. You know what I’m talking about… you know, that thing that was on this past Sunday? Had this guy with the big forehead running all over the place. Pigskin being thrown about in the air. Yeah, in fact, that forehead dude was throwing that pigskin to the players that were wearing different colors. Su–Suu— Sweater Bowl? Yeah, that’s totally it. That little thing called Sweater Bowl… that was on Sunday. And it had a dude with a big forehead. Then… afterwards? Nothing. Absolutely nothing whatsoever. And that’s what we have to look forward to for, um, about 210 days. Boy, that sounds really depressing. That’s 5,040 hours. I am now officially turning ‘drowning in my sorrows’ mode to the ‘on’ position. Luckily, my sorrow tastes a lot like bourbon. Anyhow, the point is, misery loves company. So be sure to take some time during your Friday to commiserate with me as we go over the weekly off-season news. Because, there is nothing more meaningful in life than sweaters. And football. And maybe sweater vests. NAW, but I had you goin’ there Bob Costas, didn’t I?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well, this is it, the day we’ve all been waiting for. And yes, the Fantasy Football season has long since ended, and there are no more points to be had, no more injuries to deal with, no more lineups to set. Most importantly, we are that much more removed from having anything to do with C.J. Spiller. And, well, if you are still playing Fantasy Football, congratulations, you are the most inventive person I know. OR, you are suffering from schizophrenia. Regardless, you might be wondering what’s going on here. Why is there a post here on a Sunday? And that, my friends, is a very fantastic question.

We’ll be starting a new trend where I will throw-up (#ChuckStrong) a post on game day, that will serve as a sorta ‘base-of-operations’ for the morning and afternoon slate of games, including Sunday Night Football. And, as a bonus, I’ll be hanging out with all you fine folks in the comment section. Why? Why not? We’re here to talk football, and more specifically, fantasy football, amiright? I AM RIGHT. So this will be one of the new toys for the upcoming 2014 season, and we’re going to call it ‘Sunday Razznic’. Because Razzball is awesome. And Picnic’s are awesome. Because sammiches. And not to worry! There will be Monday Razznic’s and Thursday Razznic’s, to fill all of your Fantasy Football needs. So let’s start this picnic off the best way we can, and that’s with this year’s Super Bowl. Or Superb Owl, as some have called it. Or, you know, Su Perbo Wl, which no one, has in fact, called it. Yet…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

http://i.imgur.com/hjpN6kC.gif

A different kind of dirty Sanchez…

Folks, we are beginning something special here.

Not that we didn’t already have something special. If you know Sky, you know he is special. We are just going to be doing a different kind of special. If you didn’t read Sky’s transitional piece, which was something akin to a 1500-character love poem to me, well, check it out. SPOILER ALERT! It’s not a love poem. It’s an apology for ranking Doug Martin numero uno for the 2013 season. Haha, just kidding. It’s not that either. And don’t ever let anyone tell you that’s the reason that I’m here and not Sky. Because that’s totally not the reason. Maybe. The truth is, life happens. If the infamous #buttfumble didn’t show us that, nothing ever will. Theme tie-in alert!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Good tidings everyone and welcome, once again, to this quickly/drunkenly-typed post of one handsome man’s observations of Sunday Night Football. Wait, wait, wait. You’re telling me it’s time to watch Josh Freeman again already? Oh wait, he’s out with a concussion. Nice. So instead we get… Christian Ponder? Sigh.

the drinking game I played

Take a sip of PBR in a wine glass…

…whenever Mike McCarthy called a totally worthless run play.

…every time Christian Ponder completely whiffed on an open man.

…whenever Christian Ponder looked totally confused about life.

…every time Cris Collinsworth gushed over BJ Raji.

Chug a wine glass full of PBR…

…every time Mason Crosby shanked a kick.

…whenever I felt like it, because Christian Ponder, bro.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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