Pittsburgh Steelers tight end Ladarius Green (80) warms up before an NFL football game against the New England Patriots in Pittsburgh, Sunday, Oct. 23, 2016. (AP Photo/Gene J. Puskar)

For the last fourteen weeks or so I have proven that even a team that looks like absolute hot garbage on paper can prove the old adage true, never judge a book by its cover. That’s easy to say with the benefit of hindsight. It’s not like I’m predicting who these players will be a week in advance. I would, but I can’t seem to find my copy of Gray’s Sports Almanac. Each week I have tried to pick the players for the upcoming week, but if I said it was an easy task, I’d clearly be lying. Many weeks I have gotten a player or two correct, but my low batting average is nothing to write home about. George Brett? Tony Gwynn? Wade Boggs? More like the Mendoza Line for me!

If you are still reading this post that most likely means you have made the playoffs. Congratulations. But you are a long way from hoisting that championship trophy. And if you’ve made the playoffs, it is even more unlikely that you are going to be looking for under owned players that “might” have a good week. At this point you need high floor players.

If you have not made the playoffs and just enjoy reading my banter, rock on!

However, in the spirit of this post I’d still like to present to you last week’s crop of crapshoots…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

zod

Being that the kind people at Razzball have given me a soapbox, if you will, to share with you all the thoughts that swim within my head, I thought I’d take advantage of said opportunity to rant. If you can bear with me for a few sentences I promise to return to regularly scheduled programming and, as I do on a weekly basis, tender my slightly above average fantasy football advice. And when I say “average” I really mean “mediocre”. And when I say “mediocre” what I REALLY mean is “fvcking awesome”. Okay, so perhaps I’m reaching for the proverbial stars, but why not. After all, I could probably give you crap advice and many of you would still be happy. Stealing a quote from Negan, I could be inclined to say “I just slid my d*ck down your throat and you thanked me”. But that’s not how I roll.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

r_kelly_public_announcement_honey_love

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and with that I’d like to take this opportunity to tell you all the things for which I am NOT thankful. Considering how long this list could potentially be, I’ve decided to limit its scope to fantasy football related content. There’s only one thing I would be thankful for, and that’s a championship. Everything else is just background noise. Here’s my list.

After deciding to go with A.J. Green last week in most of my DFS lineups, he promptly left game after his team’s second offensive play ending the day with zero points.

When three of my four running backs all have the same bye week. Yes, one could easily say “poor planning”, but sometimes sh*t just happens. Right?

I guess I can just lump Adrian Peterson and Jamaal Charles in the same sentence. There are reports, however, of AP making a mid-December return. Might not hurt to stash him if you have the room. I’d probably grab Wendell Smallwood instead.

Cam Newton, Todd Gurley and DeAndre Hopkins. Can you imagine having drafted all three of these guys. You might have been on top of the world walking away from your draft. Little did you know that you had just ordered a triple sh!t sandwich and it was going to taste as bad as its name leads you to believe it will taste. Triply sh*tty!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

r150806_576x324_16-9

Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat. The monotony of repetition quickly bores me. For the last ten weeks I have been writing the same post. Different players, same game. Well today I’m saying f-ck it and I’m zigging when I normally zag. They’ve sent in a run play, but I’m calling an audible and throwing the ball down field. If I’m putting my cards on the table, the last four times I’ve done this I’ve thrown three incomplete passes and an interception.

For those that are actually looking for my weekly waiver wire lineup of misfits, I’d hate to disappoint. These guys combined for 177.94 points. I was going to say that they combined for 206.24 points and see if any of you actually bothered to check my math. I’m betting that no one would have caught on.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Ladies and gentleman, America has played its Trump card. Just goes to show you just how much this country dislikes Hillary Clinton. They were willing to elect a man with no political experience over one with a lifetime. Good riddance Killary, and congratulations President Trump. You know what they say, every dog has its day. Well, here are my dogs. Speaking of dogs, has anyone gone to or plan to attend a Temple of the Dog show? If so, I’m jealous. While this might not be the best lineup I have presented, 172 points should be more than enough to bring home a win.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

oh-henry

Alternate titles for today’s post included “Trick or Tyreek” in honor of Halloween, “Crowder? I Hardly Know Her” (used below), and “The Triple Lutz“. As you can see I chose neither of them. Once again I seem to have managed to stitch together a starting lineup, using waiver wire material, that would have beaten just about any team in your league or any other. You know the old saying “don’t judge a book by its cover”? Well, don’t do that. Unless you’ve actually read the book. The theme of this weeks seems to be players taking advantage of an opportunity given to them because another player was injured.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

dm_161023_dm_fantasy_spin_wk7

For those that didn’t follow, today’s title was meant to be read in your best cheerleader shouting voice. Go ahead, give it a try. Nice job. Each week I pull out the duct tape and attempt to scrap together a lineup using players sitting on the waiver wire that would not only compete with the best teams in fantasy leagues, but also beat them. This week I had my work cut out for me as there were a lot of high scoring teams. In one of my RCL’s thomas’s Rad Team scored 189.08 points. In another, Heisenberg Empire scores 184.06. Those, my friends, are a sh!t ton of points. First place in the Razzball Writer’s League (me) is averaging 128 points per week. So like I said, I had my work cut out for me this week. But rest assured, there’s no lineup I can’t conquer. I present to you a 203.7 point week 7 lineup comprised mostly of players considered duds.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

keenum

Wow, did I just give the lede to Case Keenum? Based on points, the dude is barely a top twenty fantasy quarterback. On the season he has just seven touchdown passes in six games. I think Matt Ryan had six in one game. Ok, I know he didn’t, but some weeks it feels like he did. In his six games Keenum has thrown six completions to the opposing team. For those not as quick as others, that is what laymen would call an interception. It really seems that I am making a case against Keenum here, and the truth is, I am. I wouldn’t own him anywhere. I’d own Ryan Tannehill over Keenum. I’d probably own Ryan Fitzcraptrick over Keenum. Ok, maybe that’s not true, but you get the point. However, this post isn’t necessarily about who I’d own for the season. Instead, what I try to do here each week is to assemble a lineup using players sitting on the majority of waiver wires that would beat just about any lineup put in its path. Here’s this week’s selections. Or is it last week’s?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

sammie

I don’t like to brag, but this lineup I’m about to present scored me 209.9 points last week. In the Razzball Writer’s League, which is obviously the best league in the RCL, the highest score was 152 points. The team with the most points on the season has 631.08 points in five weeks. Hopefully that puts a 209.9 point week into perspective. The best part about this lineup is that not one of these players is owned in more than fifty percent of leagues. That means you likely could have dropped your entire team last week and picked up this squad and CRUSHED your opponent’s hopes and dreams. I certainly am not recommending dropping your whole team, but the purpose of this weekly post is to show you that there is plenty of weekly potential sitting on your waiver wire…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Chicago Bears quarterback Brian Hoyer (2) runs to the field as players are introduced before an NFL football game between the Chicago Bears and the Detroit Lions, Sunday, Oct. 2, 2016, in Chicago. (AP Photo/Nam Y. Huh) ORG XMIT: CXB1

Last week Brian Hoyer would have made this list had Trevor Siemian not had such a strong outing. This week Hoyer would not be denied, finishing as a top ten QB in week 4. He was no Matt Ryan, but he did throw for 302 yards and two touchdowns. That’s a whole two more yard than Julio Jones had receiving. As a matter of fact, Jones had more yards than all but five quarterbacks. I think HBO just inked a deal for a new show called Game of Jones. Julio Jones, Matt Jones, Jacoby Jones, Chipper Jones and James Earl Jones all battle it out for the right to have their way with one of Lolo Jones, Rashida Jones or Catherine Zeta Jones. My money’s on Darth Vader. Although I think Indiana Jones could at least make it entertaining. For those wondering, this will be a much better show than Keeping Up With The Joneses.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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