I apologize for my absence the last two weeks. I had some major final exams and they kicked me in the ass. I am a better human after finishing it however; I have not seen natural light from the sun in 20 days. The doctor told me I had to wear sunglasses at all times until yesterday; the worst experience to be forced to look like a hipster. Story time! This guy from Greece, let’s call him Pat, bought a five-step ladder in Canada and had it sent to him in Greece. Because he is smart, he fell of the small ladder and subsequently sued the manufacturer and the store that sold it to him because he felt it had two defects: defective material and no warning labels. Experts deemed the ladder perfectly made and the judge told Pat that because an adult of average intelligence would know how to handle himself on said ladder there is no need for warning signs. In addition to this there are glue stains where the warning signs were, so also ripped them off. This man was then given criminal time and had to pay punitive damages. Fraud = bad. Don’t be this guy.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So, you are missing the fantasy playoffs this year. I apologize for the injuries your team had this season. I apologize you lost weeks because you benched players that outperformed your starters. I apologize for you scoring the 2nd or 3rd most points that week, but you played the #1 point performer. Now you are probably sad, angry, and frustrated or unhappy that you are not going to have bragging rights over your opponents. I assure you it could be worse. I read a case in my business law class Monday and I would like to share it with you. This Canadian man, we’ll call him Julius, bought two lottery tickets at 8:59 PM on day 1. As of 9pm, the tickets you buy are for the next days lottery. One printed at 8:59PM and 45 seconds, the other at 9:00PM and 7 seconds. Julius’s 2nd ticket had the winning numbers for day 1 and he tried to redeem his ticket, but was denied by the clerk stating the ticket, at 9:00 and 7 seconds was for day 2. Now Julius obviously fought this and argued he bought the ticket the previous day at 8:59, but was consistently refused. The highest court in Canada also refused him and now Julius is sad, angry, frustrated, and unhappy. Folks, it can always get worse. Now for all of you happy and fortunate beings that are still fighting for a playoff spot, let us talk football!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Boys and Girls, I’m finishing business school and I thought it was going to be incredibly hard to go out and find job opportunities in the real world. I enjoy waking up at 10:30 AM every day to eat a bowl of cereal and then trudge over to class, then head home watch Netflix or play video games, get a workout in, then maybe some lady time. I’m enjoying the life right now, but it is coming to an end. My generation of young adults hears that the job market is small and that we’re all going to be hobos or living with our families for a good portion of our life until we all have Phd’s, win the lottery, or  sue someone or a company because they screwed up big time. To my surprise, I have had four firms this past week ask me to come in for interviews. I even woke up today with a voicemail and E-mail asking me to come in tomorrow to talk business. I do not want to leave my current 10:30 AM wake ups, but my prospects of not being homeless and doing lots of drugs are really looking up. Thanksgiving day Football will have already been finished when my post goes live, so I apologize for that, but I can’t help but enjoy all these companies calling me and asking to learn about what I can provide them…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Why can’t we all just be friends? Random terror attacks all over the world is bad news. My neighbors, a family I had grown up with since I was 10 years old, were actually in Paris when the attack struck. Not fun times. Yesterday at a soccer game between Netherlands and Germany they had to suspend the game due to a potential terror attack. Freakin’ scumbags. I challenge y’all to a fantasy football duel, courtesy of draftkings, to settle this once and for all. There is a new Prime Minister of Canada, Justin Trudeau, in case you guys were wondering. Apparently he is one of the most beautiful world leaders ever to grace this earth. I would like to see him face Tehol 1 on 1 down the runway, who can create the better Blue Steel. Picture that scenario in your heads right now. Do it. Now that you’ve had to change your pants, let’s talk some football.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I struggled to pick the team I wanted to talk about today. On one hand, I want to offer you nice exciting players that will do well going forwards, maybe some forgotten players; on the other hand I also want to give you struggling teams that have players to avoid that are generally high marquee guys, so that you don’t overvalue them and fall flat on your face. So I’ve decided to find a team that has both to offer you the best of both worlds! Side note: Celine Dion is performing six live shows in Quebec, Canada if anyone is interested. She is far better than other Canadian artists such as the rude and socially unacceptable Justin Bieber or the narcissistic, selfish, and lackluster Drake. Tehol’s favorite, Tyrod Taylor came back last week and had an average performance that left my team just 10 points shy of a win. Ef you Tehol. Sorry, I didn’t mean it, I love you.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’ve had a previous openings about injuries but man was last week bad. We saw top performers go down: Lev’eon Bell, Keenan Allen, Steve Smith and Arian Foster among others. We also saw some top names come back, Dez Bryant for example. Even bigger, we saw a ton of defensive players get hurt too. I’m thankful my mom never let me play tackle football growing up, that’s some good parenting right there. Canadian momma thrust me into the vibrant game of curling to keep my need for high intense sport satisfied but without the likelihood of me getting a hockey puck or helmet to the head. Football is a nasty sport when you have some of the world’s best athletes and strongest humans running full speed try to hit each other. With all that said, it’s hell of a lot of fun to watch and cheer on random individual players each week. FOOTBALL!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Razzball squire back reporting for duty! In many cases, I would be appalled by the nickname “squire”. I think to myself no one is as great as me! NO ONE. Then I took a look at Tehol’s jawline and general being and… then I realized I had to change my pants. My new jeans then spoke to me and told me “learn from this man and better yourself”. Then I looked at the RCL writers standings and my pants were suddenly no longer dirty. I am ahead of God himself. Bless…

Last week we took a look at the Cardinals offense. Carson Palmer looked fantastic again. He had it all going. Short, medium, and long routes. I’m still sad this is not how Peyton Manning is playing. John Brown looks like he is slowly taking the lead role and stealing Palmer’s heart away from Larry Fitzgerald. It makes me sad because I have no shares in Brown as I was able to steal Larry in the late rounds in many leagues. When it comes to debating whether to start Amendola or Fitz, I instantly get sad. Chris Johnson is clearly the lead back moving forward until he craps the bed, gets injured or fumbles one too many times. Avoid the rest but I would be ok with trying to acquire Ellington at a discount to handcuff CJ2K.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I am BACK! I apologize for my absence last week, as I had some personal issues come up. PLEASE FORGIVE ME. Tehol would. Man, the Cardinals looked so good then they go ahead and lose to the Rams and Roethlisberger-less steelers. I was hoping they could give the Packers a run; lets face it, the Falcons and Panthers are pretenders. They are the Broncos of the NFC. I see the Pats, Bengals, Packers, and healthy Steelers as the only real contendersn. The Cards and Seahawks always have a sneaky chance if they can get it right. Today we’ll talking about the Cardinals offense! I’m sure you could have guessed that. But first, let’s look at how extremely accurate I was at predicting the Post Ben injury Steelers…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We are starting to get more parity between teams. My 8-8 dream is dead. #$*%. I’ll get over it. Injuries are the most frustrating part of football. Every second play, someone gets hurt and I cringe and cry for them. I myself was destined for stardom as a Division 1 basketball player. At age 17, I subsequently destroyed both my ankles and was just a fraction of what I once was. I feel for Tony Romo, Drew Brees, Kelvin Benjamin, Jordy Nelson and others. I especially felt for Big Ben after watching his leg get caved in versus the Rams this past weekend. It slowly had me heartbroken for Antonio Brown owners, but felt happiness for Le’Veon Bell owners. Today we talk about the outlook of the next 4-6 weeks for Pittsburgh Steelers offense sans Ben Roethlisberger.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Peyton Manning Red Forehead

Well, I’m confused. This past weekend’s outcome were just weird. Some trash won, other garbage teams looked average; I don’t know what to make of this anymore. Everyone to 8-8! Well c’mon Max you dumb mofo, tell me something that’s not making me dumber. Well okay, okay, I shall drop some knowledge on you: The AFC East and NFC West look like the best divisions, by a long margin, in the NFL this year. The AFC South and NFC EAST look like my cat’s turds. Who goes into the weekend wanting to see a Blake Bortles vs. Ryan Mallet game? Maybe a Kirk Cousins vs. Sam Bradford match-up interests you? The only team that looks like they can be really dominant this year are the Cardinals. The Bills are resembling Jekyll and Hyde, while the Broncos look hella confused about their identity. This is the weirdest season I’ve been a part of in my lifetime.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Page 1 of 212