I hath arrived, my children! Wait, where are the doves? I told you I wanted to come back to the releasing of doves like I was on a John Woo set, Jay, and all I see are bread crumbs and a bunch of pigeons. I get it, we’re a little more low budget here than the Razzball Baseball side of things but it’s bad enough you couldn’t take the brown M&M’s out of the bowl before taking them to my trailer. And speaking of trailer, where did this rust bucket come from? Like, did you buy this off some yokel from West Virginia? Smells like someone’s been cooking meth in here…but I guess I’m already on set so enough with the complaining. Though I DO expect at least a cheese plate at this point, thank you very much. Anyways, the last time I was around these parts, I was saying my sad and tearful goodbyes as the lead writer over here but did promise I’d be back in the Fall. Well, if you can have Christmas in July, why can’t you have Fall there too, right? And while we’re on the topic, this is a shout out to my family members that always ask why I’m not coming to see you in the dead of winter. Oh, I don’t know, because you live in a snowy part of Idaho and want me to drive 9 hours during the worst time of the year to travel to do it? I can say Merry Xmas over the phone. Heck, we could even Skype if you really wanna see my scruffy mug. Next year, we’re all having Thanksgiving, Christmas & New Years over a vacation week in the middle of July. That way the only car wrecks will happen in the parking lot when Grandma tries to drive and get yet another 5th of Jack. Heart you, Grandma…but enough of this, you don’t even know what a Scott Fish Bowl is and we’re over 300 words in so lets get started. Here’s my Scott Fish Bowl team for the 2014 Fantasy Football season…Please, blog, may I have some more?
And to think…nobody thought…this would last…*awkward kiss*. It’s with a sad heart and partially destroyed liver I come to you today with this post to end all posts. Unfortunately I need to step down from being the head watchman over Razzball Football because as the kids say, ‘reality hits you hard, bro’. Not to get into crazy specifics but my wife and I are trying to sell a home, which means projects, which means time, which means my time which means here I am telling you I just can’t fathom the next few months dedicating myself to doing a good job here and on the home front. It was a difficult decision but in the end it really came down to one thing: y’all don’t put out but my wife does! Well, sometimes…when she doesn’t have a headache…or is drunk and thinks I’m Brad Pitt. I’ve had an amazing run as the lead football guy here at Razzball but the Fantasy Gods divined it so that I need to hand over the reigns to the only other man I know that has beaten Grey over on the baseball side in a baby oil wrestling match besides myself. I’m talking of none other than @Jaywrong himself, of course. I don’t think I’ve ever met a more knowledgeable, sexier Korishman in my lifetime, truth be told. Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever met another Korishman period and I haven’t ever REALLY met Jaywrong either but his snapchats with me seem legit. Why could I be attracted to Ariel as a kid but now I have to feel like a perv? Damn cartoons, ya never age! But of course, I’m getting myself off course. I’m here to give my emotional send off speech so here it is. I will still be around the Razzball world but in a limited capacity. In fact, I’ve already produced a couple of Deep League Thoughts posts for you over on the Fantasy Baseball side if you’re into that sort of thing and I will still have some kind of writing going on here as well but you may not see me until the Fall. But by then, you’ll probably already have forgotten. I will remember you, but will you still remember me? Here’s where I’d tell you not to let your life pass you by but you play fantasy sports like I do so…too late! In truth, it was a fantastic voyage into the fantasy football world and I appreciate any and all of you who were there with me for the ride and I’m sorry for those who lost your appendages. The sign clearly said keep all hands and feet inside the ride at all times, people! If you didn’t already know, or can’t already tell, I’m bad at goodbyes so lets just hug this out and be done with it…there…ok, that’s good…yup, we’re done here…seriously, I’m getting uncomfortable…someone dial 911…Please, blog, may I have some more?
Greetings and salutations, one and all. You’re here for the all important last rankings review of the 2013 Fantasy Football season. We went back through all the important ones so far like the Top 20 Quarterbacks, Top 20 Tight Ends, Top 20 Wide Receivers, Top 40 Wide Receivers, Top 20 Running Backs, and now that we’ve gone to the end of the road…still I can’t let go. How many guys out there wanted to be Michael McCary? Like, who needs to sing when you sound like a subwoofer when you talk? If the movie Private Parts taught me anything, it’s not the size of the speaker, it’s how close you stick the woofer to your tweeter. But yeah, enough innuendo, this is recap time. A time to reflect on the year that was in the hopes we can glean a bit about what year is to come so that we can repeat the same mistakes and sit depressed eating a gallon of ice cream while watching The Bachelor, crying…forever alone. Some of these names will be expected, some un and others ‘ummm…’ but over all there’s as much hope in this group as their was in the top 20 so keep your minds and hearts open y’all, cuz if you don’t I’m going to get a bone saw and a rib spreader to show you how, m’kay? But enough about my unorthodox version of the board game Operation, let’s have at it. Here’s the Top 40 Running Backs from the 2013 Fantasy Football season…Please, blog, may I have some more?
Highs and lows. Yup, that about sums it up. Both the running backs from 2013 and how I view my medicine cabinet in the bathroom. Today I’m typing on trilacridopaprylocine. The current effect is everything I’m typing looks like its in Wing Dings. I’ll keep you up to date on how the rest goes…but let’s get back to the first part of this. It wasn’t just my top 10 that got blown up by injury, ineptitude or both. There were plenty of assets that made their owners go mad given their price this year and I can promise you the result from this year is going to make me take a hard look at how I evaluate RB rankings in 2014. As the NFL slowly moves onto being a passing league moreso than a running league, having a lead back – or at least the original definition of it for fantasy – looks like its becoming a dying breed. Truthfully, there was very little value in drafting an RB high this year when we compare the peaks and the valleys and how much gold came much later in the draft. You’ve heard of the scrub QB theory, we might be well on our way to working one up for RBs in 2014. But of course that’s a topic for another time. For now, instead of looking forward let’s look at our behinds. Here’s the Top 20 Running Backs from the 2013 Fantasy Football season…Please, blog, may I have some more?
I was really tired and didn’t think I was going to be able to get through these but I’ve found my second wind and by that I mean my wife handed me what was left of her Rock Star – sugar free, of course – and now my fingers are typing so fast, I fear I might start a fire with how fast they’re going and I can’t stop at this point which is really frustrating because I have to pee and even when I put a period. I just keep going, will someone please stop this madness, I can’t feel my index fingers anymore *wife grabs fire extinguisher*. Phew, that was close. Well, now that I’m back from the ER with my hands wrapped in gauze, I’m here to recap a bit more on 2013. I already brought you the Top 20 Wide Receivers For 2013 Fantasy Football a bit a go but unlike Tight End and Quarterback, that’s really not as in depth as this position needs. Nay, I need TWO whole posts and then there’s nothing left to write about it. Until next week when I start the whole process all over again. I feel like the Fred the Baker from Dunkin Donuts sometimes. But then I think about it and say to myself ‘you guys are worth it’. Then I pause and say ‘maybe you’re worth it, let me think on it for a bit while I make the donuts’. This is a nightly thing, y’all! But enough about my baking skills, let’s throw this dough in the oven and call it good. Here are the Top 40 Wide Receivers from the 2013 Fantasy Football season…Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s a material world and I’m a material girl…wait, strike that. What I meant to say was it’s a passing league and I’m a fantasy…hrm, pig? Say it like you’re Ren, you eeedeeot! Yeah, all I’m trying to say here is it’s no surprise with how dramatically the passing side of the league has changed that the wide receivers have become an easier commodity to bank on from week to week and may create a different way to look at things moving forward in terms of how we draft. But of course, that’s not what this post is about. It’s more about finding out what rhymes with league. Seriously, google dat chit. WTF is a ‘Schmeig’? It’s not even on urban dictionary and if anything belongs on the UD, it’s Schmeig…wait, that’s not really what this post is about either. We’re here to look back at this year’s crop of wide receivers and see how the dust settled on their season. So without more ado, let’s review. Here are the Top 20 Wide Receivers from the 2013 Fantasy Football Season…Please, blog, may I have some more?
I get it. I’ve seen ‘My Strange Addiction’ on Netflix. You’re like Lauren who can’t leave her furry life at home. Nope, everywhere you go, you gotta be wearing your fursona. It’s cool, it’s your thing, just don’t act like it’s not a bit weird, m’kay? We have 4 QBs to choose from here. That’s four for those whose computers can’t read digits for some reason. They say variety is the spice of life and we have as many QBs to rank as we have Spice Girls in the world. Ponder that, ponderer. I’m not gonna pretend like there’s huge discrepancies this week other than Golden Tate. If Seattle is gonna win, a wideout needs to step up and I’m saying it’ll be Tate. That’s my story there. Outside of that…eh, how ’bout them Cowboys? I don’t know what to say here, I’m at a loss. Four flipping games, people! If New England wins, Brady has a huge day. If Denver wins, the Bronco backs have huge days. Up in Seattle, it’ll most likely be a slugfest and offensively pretty blahtastic while we’re at it. It will be interesting to see Kaepernick in a playoff game in Seattle. Most other times he’s looked about as rattled as you’re ever going to see him but he’s proving to be quite the playoff quarterback in his short stint so far. This will definitely be a defining game for him one way or another. As much of a Seattle fan as I am, I can’t help but notice Wilson has underperformed quite a bit the last four to six weeks while the defense has basically carried them. That can’t happen this week if the ‘hawks want to move on because if that doesn’t change, I think San Fran makes the Super Bowl. At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised by a Broncos and 49ers Super Bowl based on current performance. Just don’t think the passing game is the same without Gronkowski for New England and really don’t think Seattle’s offense can right the ship that’s been going so wrong of late. And now that I’ve talked about nothing that has to do with rankings for about 90% of this, let’s move on. Here are the Divisional Championship rankings for the 2013 Fantasy Football season…Please, blog, may I have some more?
It was an odd year for a position that was so high scoring, truth be told. Health played a huge factor in how guys ended the season, rankings-wise, both their own health and the players who they were throwing to. Like my Physics teacher once told me ‘it all matters’! Or was it ‘it’s all matter’…I got a ‘D’, ok. Not like it would’ve helped me writing for a Fantasy Football site, of course. Why strive to be the best at everything when you can be at least average at one thing, that’s what I always say. In 1QB leagues, you could’ve cobbled together a string of guys and put up top 10 numbers but let’s not kid ourselves: it ain’t that easy, hindsight is always 20/20 and we all know how nice it is to plug a QB into your starting lineup week 1 and forget about it until their bye week. It’s a good feeling that few got to experience this year and for those who did, I hope you enjoyed it…you dirty bastards. But enough of bashing my readership, here goes. Let’s take a look back at the top 20 quarterbacks from the 2013 Fantasy Football season…Please, blog, may I have some more?
So, that’s what I thought we’d see more of in the regular season. And of course I’m referring to TY Hilton’s wild, wild card weekend when he set franchise records for receptions (13), yards (224), and tied the team record of TD receptions (2) when they defeated the Chiefs at home. In fact, Hilton’s yardage is now the third best single game performance in post-season history. A list that’s headed by the amazing shmun-uh-bluh…yeah, you probably don’t know these guys. Or maybe I’m just an idiot. Probably both. But nevermind all that, let’s discuss a bit on this TY kid. I liked him coming into the season and so wish this were the TY from game one until now but you can’t rush greatness. I’m mentioning my TY love so you don’t think I’m bandwagoning here. What I AM doing is looking at how New England is going to try and match up with the little tyke. And believe me, he’s a little dude and fast as heck. All this simply means Talib is probably not covering him much during the game due to the speed discrepancy. In effect, Hilton could follow up his historic day with another one this weekend as I see Andrew Luck and company in what might amount to another shootout and plenty of passes to go around. Truthfully, I’d be surprised if there were as many fireworks in the other games. Since the playoffs really do play out like a new season – just ask the Andy Dalton who couldn’t match his great home numbers last week against what was considered a poor Chargers defense – your rankings have to reflect who you think is gonna win and how. I think the Colts and Pats are a shootout that’ll eventually turn to Brady and company. I will fully admit I’m worried about PFM and company. San Diego really tried to grind down the clock on them the last two times the teams played. First game, Rivers didn’t play well and the plan looked terrible. Next time? Rivers bordered on perfect. If you’re expecting huge numbers like you’d normally get from your Broncos, I’d err on the side of caution if I’m playing in Daily Fantasy Leagues – and I am and I’m erring – I’m probably avoiding the big price associated. In all, these rankings shouldn’t be too surprising. The good defenses are well reflected except the Panthers. The 49ers are a well-honed playoff team and I think too much jitter is gonna hit Carolina in their first go. If I can avoid owning any Panthers, I’d like to. Eh, I’m rambling at this point so I’m just gonna let’er go. Here’s the second round rankings for the playoffs for the 2013 Fantasy Football season…Please, blog, may I have some more?
What a mess. This position has officially become Highlander because there really can be only one. You know exactly which one, don’t even bother asking. Writing this list is gonna make me hate Tight Ends more than any man should. It wasn’t even a Tale of Two Cities because even at the best of times, it was the worst of times. For all the promise of talent, I’m not certain many lived up to it. Don’t make me even talk about Zach Sudfeld…but I’m already depressing you and we haven’t even started. If there was ever a position to stream moving forward, TE would be the place. Though I haven’t done the numbers, I’d bet there were way more ‘out of nowhere’ top 10 TE finishes in 2013 than at any other skill or QB position. It’s all about matchups save for a few of these guys so my stance of not overspending on TE still stands, but hopefully I get myself roped into the right late rounder in 2014. Ugh, let’s just get this over with. Here’s the Top 20 Tight Ends from the 2013 Fantasy Football season…Please, blog, may I have some more?