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True facts: I don’t believe there’s much variance this week to talk about. It’s like I ate some turkey earlier than you and passed out. Snore-o-rama up in this bish, right? It’s not very often I’m humbled into yammering about having a player like Victor Cruz up 8 in standard rankings over where everyone else has him. Reason? He’s usually backed up poor performances with pretty big games afterwards. Don’t believe me? Well you see, you’re on the internet reading this so you could probably just google it…hint, hint. It’s been a rocky year for the Salsa Dance man but I fully expect him to shine this coming Sunday. Overall, it was a hard week to rank. There are more Q’s in these than a Dairy Queen managers convention. Don’t ask. I have zero clue if that’s such a thing. Over in the world of QBs, Josh McCown drops by your top 5. He tells me to tell you hi. I guess I believe in EJ Manuel more than you while I’m at it. Nah, really just disbelieve the Falcons and their complete and utterly destructive 2013 season to date, especially on defense. At RB, Roughshod gets a top 10 nomination again and makes me wonder what he has to do to get respect at this point. Oh and Arizona is gonna give up some points to one of the Eagles TEs this week. Maybe both. But probably one…and I don’t know which one but I’m banking on Ertz if I’m making a choice to take a chance here. Defenses, it seems people are slowly becoming aware that Tampa Bay has finally shown back up. Think that Panthers vs Bucs game is gonna be a lot closer and defensively contested the whole way than people think. And finally, some quick gambling bits: Dennis Johnson could finally do what many have tried to in Texas do before and that’s sucede from the union. Marquise Goodwin and Justin Hunter are fringe WR3 players of note. Finally, I expect Colin Kaepernick to come back to Earth this Sunday. Kickers, as always, were ranked with love and care by some children we paid less than minimum wage to in a small, poorly ventilated room in a far off land. Don’t let their efforts be forgotten. And with that, let’s get this show on the road. Here’s week 13 rankings for 2013 Fantasy Football…

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Well, you finally made it. Or you kinda made it. Still a week left and anything can happen until you get that asterisk next to your team name and unlike Barry Bonds, getting that asterisk next to it is a good thing. This is gonna be a potpourri post of sorts and by that I don’t mean it’s gonna smell like the insert in a Good Housekeeping magazine. I’m gonna touch on a few strategies as best I can. Unlike other Fantasy Football machine-driven sites, I’m the hard drive, the mother brain, the encrypted file to this whole Razzball rankings game we got going on. Which also leads me down paths some would fear to tread some weeks. I have my moments of striking gold but also moments of hitting my neighbor’s sewage pipe so let’s not freak too much the funk out if you disagree with my musings. But this is a DST post to end all DST posts so let’s not dawdle about. Here’s some playoff strategies for your playoff run for 2013 Fantasy Football…

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I guess this is the part of the review where I open with being impressed, right? Where I shine the light on the best player in the game and point out his virtues and then back it up with the stat line for proof. But the thing is, I don’t think I have it in me to misrepresent the facts. You see, tonight the cake was a lie. Sure, the end line for Colin Kaepernick looked nice: 15/24 for 235 and 3 passing TDs to go with 20 yards rushing. If that were on my team, I wouldn’t turn it down at all. Heck, I’d marry that end line even if it were my half-sister…sorry, lost in a few leagues this week. My desperation levels for a win knows no bounds sometimes. Take that Blue Lagoon! I just one-upped you in nastiness. And when did Brooke Shields become a man? I was not privy to this change…nevertheless, all we’re talking about is stats when we look at that Kaep end line. What we don’t talk about is game flow, defensive game plan and the quick response. The first three drives by SF took a total of 4 minutes, 22 seconds and showed how the ‘skins planned to attack SF. They told the 49ers they were gonna sell out on the run and make Kaepernick pass for the win. But when you give up as much on the ground as Washington does fantasy wise – 2nd most according to ESPN heading into Monday – and you’re still one of the worst against the pass (5th worst against opposing QBs), you’ve got to draw a line in the sand somewhere and say what you’re going to target in a game. And pretty much, the ‘skins dictated that if the 49ers were going to beat them, they’d have to do it through the air by stacking the box and Kaep said ‘thank you for this opportunity’. In reality, this game was no less mistake-laden than other Colin performances have been this year, it was simply masked by an inferior opponent and game flow so now, everyone is going to be talking about Kaep bicep kisses for a week. Well, consider me not one of them. I still think Kaep can be great but I’ve seen a timid and unsure Colin one too many times this year when the first read doesn’t go his way. Consider this a warning, Kaep owners: Washington is the worst at seemingly everything on defense and yet they decided to let Kaep try and beat them. Not something that would make me confident moving forward. In other news from MNF for 2013 Fantasy Football…

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Normally a big game from someone comes early in the day and I circle it, pin it on my 100 %recycled cork board and dictate the rest of my post in pieces here and there throughout but I’m not gonna lie: the Broncos vs Pats game I had circled. I just knew the name would come out of this game. I mean, we had all those stars and great storylines. Wes Welker returning to face his former team. Amendola living up to the hype of trying to replace Wes in New England. Peyton Manning doing his best nihilist impersonation. Gisele rushing onto the field and Tonya Harding’ing Welker also came to mind. But instead, out of all the storylines this game brought to life, it was really center stage for a guy who’s been under-appreciated for what he has meant to his team, been called out on twitter and in general gets no respect. I’m of course talking about Knowshon Moreno, the much maligned starting RB for the Broncos whose emergence started last year when Willis went down with an injury and rolled into this year while all the pundits said Montee Ball would be the star in Denver. And yet, through it all Moreno has put up some very solid fantasy numbers on the year. But I’m taking this second to point out a different part that’s just as important; what he means to his team. Moreno ‘gets it’ and Peyton knows it. He trusts him. When Moreno is out there, Manning knows he’s got a guy who knows the play and will be ready to block if the play changes and where he needs to be to make the team successful. Of course, twitter has been cruel to him but it’s also shed some light here and there as well. And despite the massive fantasy day, tallying 224 rushing yards on 37 carries to go with a TD, Moreno left the stadium in a walking boot and on crutches. I’m pointing all of this out to say it’s not just Moreno owners who should be worried about this injury as it could affect the offense as a whole if he misses significant time. You think I’m being melodramatic up in here? Think back on all those fumbles by Peyton on huge sacks. Guess who was in to pass block? Mmm-hmmm. He’s real football important and because of that his fake football persona is relevant. Montee Ball started the collapse for the Broncos in the second half with a fumble and has had pass pro issues. Ronnie Hillman has been in the inactive dog house since his fumble fiasco at the goal line in the Colts loss. CJ Anderson? Odd if they wanted him involved why they haven’t given him many reps since the Hill demotion. All this to say, Broncos thought it was cold Sunday Night. We might be finding out how warm it is when he’s away. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know…in other news from week 12 of the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

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So here I am, cruising along with my fantasy year with Jimmy Graham a pick in one of my friends leagues. Then the whole foot issue comes up and my response is ‘O-M-G’ and I’m like ‘I’m a grown-ass man…why am I saying OMG?’ These are all important questions to evaluate as we dip into the psyche of a man who told you to SELL Graham not long ago. To be fair, Tehol and I discussed at length – read: he and I tweeted at each other and I asked ‘Is this bad?’ and he was like ‘bro, it’s bad’ and I was like ‘thanks, brah, you’re right’ and he was all ‘like totes no probs, breh’ and I was all like ‘this is terrible dialogue to post on a website’ and he was all like ‘true, bruh’ – so we felt we had this subject covered. To be fair, Graham has been much more hit/miss than many of his owners would’ve expected given the start. He was the cream of the crop at TE before the injury, how could the injury not affect that? That was a rhetorical question, of course, but thank you for the response. After catching 5 catches for 100 yards, scoring a TD and Shaquille O’Neal’ing a goal post, I think we have our answer. Graham is ‘Godzilla’ to us western folk and ‘Godjira’ to the East. You can’t stop him, you can only hope to contain him until his foot falls off. I 100% own that my sell call could’ve been wrong but remember, we still have 4 more weeks until the season is over; if his reduced workload caused you any fantasy playoff heartache, feel free to cry into my abundant bosom. Ok, my bosom isn’t that abundant, leave me go, weeping one. Anywho, I’m sure you’re gonna ask: what do we do with Graham ROS? Well, sell windows have most likely come and gone so that’s no longer an option. Add/drop…who’s dropping Graham and adding fluff? Not me. So your only hope is you start him all week, every week until it pans out right. He hasn’t been terrible since the injury, just frustrating compared to previous numbers. Only so much control can be contributed to this little world we live in for fantasy and sometimes, little jackwads like myself come along and tell you how to do things and find I’m wrong. In other news from TNF from week 12 of the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

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I think I’ve finally done it. I’ve done gone and lost my mind up in this. It’s week 12 and I’m telling you that Joe Flacco – yes that Joe Flacco – is a top ten QB this week. Man, I’m going so against the grain. How against the grain are you, Sky? I’m so against the grain right now, my wood shop teacher just retroactively expelled me for a week. *Crickets* Standup routine…yeah, I’m still working on it. But here’s the scenario: as boring as Flacco can be – and is and will forever be – oil and water don’t mix and by that I mean…hold on a minute *grabs flask and fills with water and oil*. See? Ok, science class is out for the day. Back to fantasy football. I don’t know if you noticed last weeks Jets vs Bills game – and unless you’re a huge fan of either, you probably didn’t – but EJ Manuel performed what would be described as a ‘vertical pass’ many a time and found himself to be very successful doing it. The big thing about that? His top receiving threats of Wood and Stevie J weren’t in. He was chucking to Goodwin and Graham who, though decent, are still young and, well, they ain’t the #1 and #2 on that team. So the Jets gave up a combined 155 yards to these two last week and it propelled EJ into the top 12 for QBs in scoring. And so enter the Flacco. Baltimore was successful last year with their running game but also with taking long shots down the field. For as much as I rag on Flacco, he does have a strong arm and he does throw an accurate deep ball. The cool thing about that? Jets gave up at least three passing plays that cleared 30 yards, two of them clearing 40. For all the good the Jets rushing defense has been, their passing defense has been equally bad. So with that in mind, Jacoby Jones gets a bit of a bump for the week and I think Flacco has a strong chance at a 250~275 yard passing day and 2 or 3 TDs. In other points of dissent, Ryan Mathews now has 10 or more points in four of his last 5 for standard scoring and faces a KC defense that for as strong as it is, can be run on. Since KC’s offense isn’t exactly an offensive juggernaut, there’s plenty of time for Mathews to get in his carries and pursue his 4th 100 yard game on the year (3 in his last 5). Oh and no AP in the top 5? Yeah, could come back to bite me but there were so many great matchups this week for above average RBs. It was hard to say any of the guys I put ahead of him don’t have a great chance to outshine him. Just note Andre Brown was my breaking point Even my insanity has its limits. Meanwhile, Kenny Stills with a 40 yard bomb and a TD in your WR3 spot sounds about right to me. Cotchery? Well, Antonio is gonna be Haden his stay in Cleveland and either he or Sanders is gonna have himself a fine day. If Sanders can’t go, Cotchery will probably steal his spot in the WR rankings…and your heart. And in Miami, if He-Man doesn’t score at least a TD with 60 or 70 yards, I will have to protest. Defensively, there’s a pile of interesting ones out there. Riaders? Decent against the run, they’re at home and Ryan Fitzpatrick is the Titans starting QB. Could be an under the radar top 10 play this week. Rams I just couldn’t let linger outside the top 10 after their showing in Indy and coming off a bye while playing at home. Could get an electric crowd and a big scoring day from them. This week I made 28 paper footballs and had my wife kick field goals on the table. Inside each, there was a name of a kicker. If she missed, those kickers didn’t make the top 10 and had to try again. Then we ate hot pockets and went to bed. Still a better love story than Twilight. Wait, what? Ok, that’s a wrap. Good luck to you this week, bad luck to your opponents and game on. Here’s the week 12 rankings for 2013 Fantasy Football…

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Out here on the fields. He fights for his meals. He puts his back into his living. And then he gets wasted! And says something really dumb that you probably shouldn’t click on while at work. Deadspin, ya couldn’t censor the word in your title? What the Eff…see? You can get the point across without actually saying it. Neverthewho! It seems that our media darling Riley Cooper has torn the fantasyniks asunder. One side of the camp will tell you he’s been extremely lucky with the production he’s had since week 6. I mean, he’s only averaging 6 targets per game during that span. Want a little perspective on how low that is? Well, over the last 4 weeks, he’s outscored Demaryius Thomas (10.75 TPG), Pierre Garcon (10.5 TPG) and AJ Green (11.5 TPG). So somehow, he’s squeezing similar or better production from 40%-45% less targets. REGRESSION ALERT! Right? Well, maybe not so fast. You see, chemistry is a crazy thing between QB and receiver. This Foles to Cooper love affair could be spotted last year as the season wound down and has carried into this year. It’s not just that Foles likes throwing to Cooper because he’s a great receiver – I don’t think he is – or because he’s especially fast – he’s not – but because he trusts him. Trust goes a long way in those relationships. I have no doubt Foles and Cooper would excel at a marriage retreat with trust exercises. Catch me Coop I’m falling into your loving arms! That’s Foles. He calls him Coop, trust me. All this to say, Foles is willing to throw dangerous passes Riley’s way because he knows he’ll fight for them. Plus Cooper has this going for him: he’s not the best receiver on his own team. But, but Sky…you said to buy him…why would I not want the best receiver on the team? That’s the great thing about Riley and his situation. He doesn’t have to be to get results. DeSean pulls the toughest corner more often than not, the ground game threat usually keeps the safety playing up tight and Cooper is left by his lonesome to do some damage against the second best coverage player on the team. And because this topic is getting ridiculously long, I’d like to finish with a few notes. Consider this the lightening round portion of your reading info-tainment. Since becoming a starter, Foles is averaging 26.4 attempts per game. Remember when we all said ‘these stats can’t be sustained because of low target totals’? Well, Cooper has been 22.7% of Foles’ targets during that span. Perspective? Aforementioned DT has been 22.7% of Peyton’s all year. Yup, for as explosive as the Eagles offense has been for the year, many forget they’re a run-first team and Foles hasn’t had to attempt many passes to garner the success he’s had. Oh and Cooper’s last game was regression? FUGGEDABAHDIT. Dropped a would be 40+ yard bomb of a touchdown and got dropped at the one inch line for another TD opportunity. Cooper is as real as he needs to be, just had a ‘bad’ game and is on bye. BuyBuy O’Riley indeed. In other buy/sell news for 2013 Fantasy Football…

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Football is a funny sport, especially for a team that rarely gets to be in the spotlight. The last time I remember seeing Cam Newton under the watchful eye of prime time, it was Thursday Night Football, week 3 and it was the 2012 season. Heading into the game, the Panthers were 1-1 and were fresh off a win over a division rival – the New Orleans Saints – and were riding high. It was Cam’s second season in the league and people were expecting great things from the young man. And then September 20th happened and the good times left the building. Cam and company left their home turf after a humiliating loss at the hands of the Giants. After a 36-7 loss, a lot of people – both fantasy enthusiasts and real – began to question Supermans superpowers. Was the guy that looked like he was pouting on the sidelines under his towel really a leader? Was the guy who just threw 3 interceptions really the person that was gonna bring Carolina back to prominence? And so on and so forth and the rest of the season played out and people forgave but never forgot the towel-covered Cam. He was a childish athlete who’d never learn how to play within the game, they said. An egotistical prat who lacked the ability to guide a team to victory, they chattered. And for most of 2012, the people were right. But some light must’ve popped on at the end of 2012 as they went on to win 5 of their last 6. Sure, the Panthers finished 7-9 but there were flashes of the team we saw on Monday last year. We were just too blinded by Cam hatred to see. And of that Cam hatred? Well, to help his team go to 8-3 on the 2013 season, Newton finished with 209 passing yards and 3 passing TDs while leading his team in rushing on the night with 62. Yeah, but you ain’t talking fantasy, Sky, this is all about real football. No one cares. Well you SHOULD care, imaginary reader. This team is fighting for the playoffs. It has motivation and incentive down the stretch to actually win their division and a supercharged Cam can be a Superman Cam at any moment and tonight he definitely was that. Cam looked better than he has in a while in the passing game. I don’t know if it was his receivers stepping up or him playing at another level – I’ll defer towards the former but that’s cuz Cam’s been pretty damn good all year, y’all – but there’s reason for JB to be pointing at the back of that jersey tonight. Cam is legit. Panthers are legit. And now I have to write about other guys and I’m completely spent. In other news from week 11 MNF for the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

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I swear, players with names like this were made for Razzball. Do you know how many puns I’m gonna squeeze out of this down the stretch with him? Trust me, you don’t even know. But more to the point, we here have been all over this guy this week. This isn’t an ‘I toldja so’ but I do hope you all listened to the Razzball Podcast on Tuesday when I said you should pick up Chris Rainey. Then I hope you read the first comment on the Podcast post where I clarified who I was talking about. Anyone out there picking up the 5th string RB for the Steelers…mea culpa. Hopefully you read my BUY column on the following day and made sure it was Bobby Rainey. Sure, I didn’t tell you to start him but Tampa Bay said Leonard was starting. And clearly Tampa Bay never lies…wait, what? Neverthewho! Finally, as if we didn’t treat you like a baby seal enough, we clubbed you over the head on Friday with J-FOH making Rainey the lead in The Handcuff Report. All this to say, unless you were in a coma for the last week, we got you in early on this gem. And if you’re reading us first after coming out of a coma, thank you! Now you should really put life in perspective if we’re the first thing you think of upon waking from something like that. But now that we’re done slapping each other on the ass for the good call over here, let’s get to the numbers: Rainey carried the load in Tampa with 30 carries for 163 yards and 2 TDs on the ground while chipping in 2 for 4 through the air and another score. Yes, that’s three TDs from a guy who’s 23% owned as of mid-day Sunday which probably means he was owned under 10% prior to games starting. Seriously guys, put it at automatic waivers when Sundays start. Cheaters! But more about Bobby: that boy ain’t right…to opposing defenses. There was a lot of concern about his size holding him back from being a lead RB but all I have to say to that is Warrick Dunn. Bobby (5-8, 212) and Warrick (5-9, 180) have a little in common in that area. Everyone wants to pick on the little guy back there but little doesn’t mean these guys can’t carry the load when presented. Looking forward, Rainey had a nice matchup against a Falcons team that has given up plenty on the ground to fantasy backs on the year so I’m not going to anoint him straight away. I’d like to see a little adversity before I do that but I do think if you nabbed him, you’ve got a mid-tier RB2 right now with explosive upside and the potential to make up for all the RB heartache you’ve no doubt suffered to date. Here’s to Rainey making you into the Reigning champion this year. See? We got this for days, people. In other news from Sunday of week 11 for 2013 Fantasy Football…

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Let’s face it, the Colts have had a pretty rough year at the running back position to date. After throwing down some cash on Ahmad Bradshaw to be their lead back in the off-season, Bradshaw only plays in three games and doesn’t even register fifty total touches before going down for the rest of the season with a major, career-threatening injury. His backup? Well that would be none other than Vick Ballard who went down after game one of the season with a torn ACL. And as we know, the Colts got bold and traded for T-Rich and well…yeah, we all know how well that’s going. But underneath the inconsistency and frustration, a man has been playing lights out with limited touches and even less fanfare for Indy. Well, until Thursday Night Football that is. Donald Brown has been the supposed backup or third stringer in the Colts offense since game one of the season but most likely bought himself a bit more playing time rolling forward after his 14 carries for 80 yards and 2 touchdowns while chipping in 14 on a catch. Many forget Brown himself was a first round pick out of Connecticut in 2009 but it’s for good reason: he’s performed nowhere near this level his entire career. The hesitant DB we all know from the past seems to have vanished and a confident, quick bursting Donald has emerged. Despite the Colts offensive line woes, DB has averaged 5.9 yards per carry this season and looks to get a few more touches moving forward after tonight’s performance. After all the off-season movement that has led to wasted money and draft picks, Donald can finally drag Irsay into the board room and utter those infamous words: you’re fired. In other news from TNF for 2013 Fantasy Football…

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When the cat’s away, the mouse will play. Or so they say. By the way, I make things out of clay by the bay. Ok, I don’t but I may…yeah, I don’t know where this is going either. And to be fair, DMC owners don’t really either but the writing’s on the wall. Since it’s happening in Oakland, I think it’s fair to call it graffiti. McFadden is slowly losing his job, one terrible carry at the time and the man stepping in to replace him is doing his best to prove that’s the right way to go. Since taking over, Rashad Jennings has performed extremely well. In what effectively equates to 1 and 3/4ths start, Jennings has gained 190 yards on the ground on 35 carries, good for a 5.4 YPC average. And on the receiving side, no biggie. Just 9 receptions for 93 yards. So in effect, he’s averaging 14 fantasy points a week in standard and is on an offense with a dinged up starting QB that’s gonna need to feed their main man to just stay afloat week to week. I like the odds of a good week from that even if the Texans defense has been somewhat stingy against the run of late. Outside of Roughshod, I’m loving on Ryan Mathews as a top 10 back again. Crazy to think the kid who now has only been surging upward in the fantasy world gets to face the team 3rd worst against the rush and is slung down into the limbo that is flex world. Needless to say, I don’t concur. Outside of that, a few moves that might be my own. I like Ryan Fitzpatrick against the Colts. Indy’s a bit of a team in disarray that needs a coaching enema and I think Tennessee gets to drive that point home tonight. There’s also a bit of Justin Hunter love this week in the same vein. Don’t know who Hunter is? He’s a Tennessee WR. It’s ok, nobody knows one. He and Kendall Wright I see having strong weeks. Marcedes Lewis. Strictly a matchup call. I’m sure Henne will botch it but it doesn’t mean I’m not obliged to look stupid cuz of the stats. And as The Guru would say, it’s DST bizarro week. Lions at number 5? Saints at 6? What is this madness? Kickers were dreamed up while on a Peyote trip in the desert. There’s nothing more scary than seeing Randy Bullock’s face while tripping balls. But enough about my crazy, naked Wednesday night, let’s get on with it. Here’s the 2013 Fantasy Football rankings for week 11…

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I’m gonna take you back. Way, way back into the distant past…woah, too far! You’re wearing white flared pants and a white fitted imprinted jacket? And you’ve slicked your hair back…ok, ok, I get it. I’m quoting a disco song and you’re doing your best Travolta impersonation. Next time would you let me finish? You’ve made both of us look silly…well, mostly you but still, back to the point. What I was saying before I was rudely interrupted by your Saturday Night Fever was let’s go back into the distant past of August 2013. Can you picture it? Summer was still around but we knew football was right around the corner and you were planning for your drafts. Everyone knew Megatron was the belle of the wide receiver ball but who was gonna be the second best behind him? Would it be Brandon Marshall? Some said yes. AJ Green? Possibly. Well, many selected Dez Bryant as the #2 receiver according to rankings. And because you’re gonna ask, here. I had him as 4th best but in a tier of 3 other peers. How’s THAT for hedging. In either case, things haven’t been going so well for the highly touted Dez of late. Against a creampuff matchup with the Vikings, Dez totaled a measly 6 for 64 in week 9 and followed it up with an even worse 1/44 in week 10. And to top it all off? He’s gonna drop a goose egg this weekend on his owners. Mark. It. Down…yeah, he’s on bye. Notice how ‘bye week’ sounds a lot like ‘buy week’? Mmm-hmmm. Scuffling and on an offense that’s not been grooving of late and now on a bye, owners might forget why they spent that high of a price tag on him and let him slip for a bit less than he’s worth. VJax for Dez you say? Sure, I’ll sell. Jordy for Dez? Yeah, I’m in. All this to say, he’s had a few clunkers and hasn’t gone on a tear like he did last year to finish the season but who knows? Maybe he’s got a monster 6 week stretch ahead of him after the bye. At worst, he’s a top end product that’s produced bottom shelf results. If you can get him for less than he’s worth, it’s worth it. In other buy/sell news for 2013 Fantasy Football…

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