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Let me begin by thanking all of you for reading this drivel I produce on a weekly basis. Hopefully you’ve found it helpful, informative, and most of all, put my suggestions here to good use.  Throughout the season so many handcuffs have found their way into starting roles and excelled. Some on a one week fill in, but others took the job and ran with it. We salute you graduated handcuffs. Thanks for making the draft meaningless. Just kidding, but seriously who would you rather have right now, Jimmy Graham or Justin Forsett? LeSean McCoy or Jeremy Hill? You don’t need to answer, the right choice is obvious. It just goes to show how increasingly viable the handcuff stash option is. The beginning of next year pundits, peers, and perts will be lined up by the dozen to tell you handcuffs are a waste of roster spot. To them I say this: if you make a costly investment in a running back, does it really hurt to buy an insurance policy? You would on a car, house, or collection of Star Wars commemorative plates. Right? What you don’t own any Star Wars commemorative plates? More of a Star Trek guy eh? What? You don’t own any commemorative plates! What do you eat your hot pockets on?

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After a disaster of a suggestion last week in Marion Grice, I’m looking to a couple of familiar names and faces this week. Both Andre Williams and Latavius Murray have been featured here before and will be again today. When it comes to handcuffs you sort of hit a point where there are only so many usable options left. Though I suppose Kerwynn Williams’ breakout does fly in the face of that previous statement. The point is we know the players now, and if you’re digging through handcuffs it’s because you need to use them for playoff match ups. So good luck with that! To wrap this up it’s been a great year, and the constant game of musical chairs amongst the starters at the running back position have kept me mighty busy. Hopefully my advice led you to a few victories this season, good luck in the playoffs!

Note: Don’t forget to come visit me on the new Razzball Fantasy Soccer home everyday of the week. Smokey and I have leagues registering now. If you’re not familiar with the format, NBD, relax, you got us. Smokey and I are giving you the best Fantasy Premier League coverage out there. If you haven’t tried fantasy EPL, you’re missing out. So sign up and use us as your guide.

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Can I tell you that due to the title of this post, I get some of the kinkiest followers on Twitter? Let’s just say I didn’t realize the “handcuff market” was so vast and expansive. Because these people are following me and supporting my efforts here, I feel it only necessary to give them a shout out. To all the weird fetish sites that obviously have never read a word of my writing, thanks for the follow and keep up the good work!

Now onto business, lots of handcuffs to discuss due to some evolving situations in Phoenix, Cleveland, Minnesota, and New Orleans…

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Good afternoon my fellow Razzballers! Hopefully you’re slowly recovering from your tryptophan and gravy hangovers, and weren’t trampled in the wee hours of the morning by overzealous Black Friday shoppers. I spent the day watching football and stuffing my face with as much deliciousness as humanly possible. Well, that and writing posts chock full of fantasy goodies for all of my loyal readers here and on the Soccer site (shameless plug!). BTW our RCL’s over on Razzball Soccer kick-off tomorrow so join up now!…..Now back to our regularly scheduled post…. We have five more weeks left in the season and it’s already been a banner year for handcuffs. So much so that I actually thanked the Turkey Gods for making this post so easy to write from week to week. Now if I could only talk those same Gods into opening up some playing time for Devonta Freeman. But one thing at a time Ralph, one thing at a time.

As we always do at this time let’s take a look at a couple of handcuffs rapidly approaching fantasy relevancy.

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With the fantasy football gods feasting on the blood, bones, and ligaments of running backs almost weekly, how did Ahmad Bradshaw make it this long? Bradshaw is so injury prone, Jordan Reed pities the Colts rusher. It seems like just when you begin to trust Bradshaw, he always gets hurt. Well, at least we had several weeks this season where he was trusted and startable. We should be thankful for that. I wonder at this point if we’ve seen the last of him. He’s 29 and seems to have broken nearly every bone in his body in the past three seasons. Too bad, I always felt he had one of the better skill sets when it came to being an effective rusher and receiver. Ahmad Bradshaw, we here at the Handcuff Report salute you for your many years of service as a handcuff. Stay fuzzy sweet prince…

Note: Don’t forget to come visit me on the new Razzball Fantasy Soccer home everyday of the week. Smokey and I have leagues registering now. If you’re not familiar with the format, NBD, relax, you got us. Smokey and I are giving you the best Fantasy Premier League coverage out there. If you haven’t tried fantasy EPL, you’re missing out. So sign up and use us as your guide.

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Damn these Broncos keep me busy. It seems they’re in a 5 alarm Running Back crisis every three weeks. I’m of course talking about Ronnie Hillman‘s recent foot injury that will likely keep him out for the next two to three weeks. Over the last four games, Hillman had been a savior for Montee Ball owners, like myself. He’s actually been the 9th best Running Back in RCL’s over that time, and that includes last week’s 6 carry game. If we removed week 10 and replaced it with week 6 it would be even higher. Unfortunately it was short lived due to the aforementioned injury.

We now turn to C.J. Anderson and begrudgingly Ball in some cases. Anderson blew up last week gaining 163 total yards and a TD on 17 total touches. He’s also been touted as the team’s “Best Running Back” by Mike Klis of the Denver Post. Outside of one game against the Raiders and the endorsement of a beat writer, there’s not a lot to draw from. He’s had just over 20 career carries and gets mentioned on deep league watch lists from time to time. Will Anderson stick as the starter in what’s been called a “Hot Hand Situation” by coach John Fox? That’s a question I can’t answer. But I do know this, Monte Ball’s never had hot hands, ever. In fact I’m pretty sure even wearing fleece mittens in a sauna he still has chilly paws. Doesn’t mean he won’t find a way to suck value away from Anderson though. Ball has a way of ruining everything, in fact I heard he gave Hillman a hug only moments before his injury last Sunday. Starting to make sense now, right? Yes, Ball is a nuisance and we’d all be better off without him for a long time. Then again, maybe this is his shot for redemption. His chance to provide weeks of value going into the playoffs. Maybe winning over the hearts and minds of the Fantasy Football Collective. Wow, the Fantasy Football Collective sounds like a non-profit organization aimed at saving under maintained fantasy teams. They would all wear button up knit sweaters, and have dumpy bodies, with awkwardly groomed facial hair. Then again these fearless guys and gals are doing the lord’s work, so maybe I should cut them some slack. Oh sorry about my A.D.D there, back to Ball, so maybe this is his shot at redemption, and maybe I shouldn’t be so quick to dismiss him for flavor of the week Anderson. This is a former 1st round pick from 2013, which is only a year ago. One that was highly decorated in college, being voted an All-American in back to back years at Wisconsin. His career YPC isn’t horrible either at 4.2, though that’s heavily supported by last year’s 4.7. He’s got a real shot to do something if Anderson slips up. So the question remain the same with Ball, “will he finally step up and take the job he’s been handed so many times?” I guess the next few weeks will tell us.

Note: Don’t forget to come visit me on the new Razzball Fantasy Soccer home everyday of the week. Smokey and I have leagues registering now. If you’re not familiar with the format, NBD, relax, you got us. Smokey and I are giving you the best Fantasy Premier League coverage out there. If you haven’t tried fantasy EPL, you’re missing out. So sign upand use us as your guide.

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Over the past few weeks we’ve had handcuffs breakout as temporary starters (Jeremy Hill), handcuffs keep the seat warm (Bobby Rainey), handcuffs to handcuffs become starters (Boobie Dixon), and practice squad players become viable fuzzy handcuffs (Jonas Gray). It’s a crazy mixed up world this handcuffing game, but us real hustlerz stay on our grind. Snatching your handcuffs, before you can get mine. It’s the way to championships and riches, we brought you Justin Forsett, Chris Ivory, and Denard (Robinson) Snitches! Liffy Out! Sorry for the random freestyle, but I needed to put you up on game. Lifshitz is so street that I have hood passes witout expiration dates. That’s another story for a never time..Yes, I meant to type never, because I’m not telling you….nan-never-ever. You want to fight?? That was street right? Hay-Zeus I’m rhyming again, oops. On to the handcuffs!

Note: Don’t forget to come visit me on the new Razzball Fantasy Soccer home everyday of the week. Smokey and I have leagues registering now. If you’re not familiar with the format, NBD, relax, you got us. Smokey and I are giving you the best Fantasy Premier League coverage out there. If you haven’t tried fantasy EPL, you’re missing out. So sign up and use us as your guide.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I planned on writing this post about how no one knows who their starting running backs are anymore. How they’re a bunch of no names. Problem is, I’ve been writing about that for two months. No one is safe from the Runningbacklypse. The long and the short: it’s not a fresh angle. Then again, it does seem like I’m on a blind date with a different running back each week. Some weeks it goes well (Jerick McKinnon, Jonas Gray, Ronnie Hillman, Branden Oliver) other weeks…not so much (Brandon Bolden, Bishop Sankey, Lorenzo Taliaferro, Panthers of unknown origin). Anyone remember the show Blind Date? I always loved it when the kids got together. Especially after starting at a Tae Kwon Do lesson, followed by a trip to the candy shop, followed by a trip to Sea World, followed by dinner. And if the ladies were really into the guy, sometimes they’d stay over… scandalous! What does this have to do with running backs? Yeah… nothing. Well we have a few more blind dates to set you up on this week. So click that button below and meet this week’s eligible bachelors

Note: Don’t forget to come visit me on the new Razzball Fantasy Soccer home everyday of the week. Smokey and I are Hustling like Rick Ross, and giving you the best fantasy Premier League coverage out there. If you haven’t tried fantasy EPL, you’re missing out. So sign up and use us as your guide.

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C.J. Spiller can’t catch a break man. Is there anyone else in the NFL as unlucky as Spiller? He’s like the Charlie Brown of professional football. When everyone else is getting chocolate bars and quarters on Halloween, C.J. is getting rocks. (Sad Trombone.) I’d like to tell you that I feel your pain, but I don’t. I avoided Spiller in drafts the way vegans avoid bacon. Which is the primary reason I don’t trust vegans, but anywho! Spiller is more than likely done for the foreseeable future and maybe the season. He was IR’ed with a designation to return, but his chances of returning from a separated shoulder are pretty slim. Just to make things that much more complicated, Fred Jackson decided to get hurt too, it’s a twofer! So now desperate fantasy owners are once again hitting the wavier wire to chase a third stringer promoted to the starting role. Enter Bryce Brown and Anthony Dixon.

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In what has become a seemingly weekly occurrence the most interesting handcuff in the land happens to be playing in the Thursday Night Game. I think this happens just to spite me. It’s as if the Football Gods force injuries and ineffectiveness on starters the week before they play on the thirstiest of all days. This week’s example of my curse is, of course, former (?) third stringer Brandon Bolden. The man who I had pegged to be taking over the Stevan Ridley “Big Back” role in New England. I figured if Bolden failed, then James White was probably next in line. But of course Bill Belichick did the most Belichickian thing ever and activated Jonas Gray from the practice squad, gave him a few carries, and leaned heavy on Shane Vereen. It looks like Bolden is more valuable to the Pats as a special teamer than a runner, and I have no idea what James White‘s issue is. I was shocked that he was inactive and you have to figure he’s deep in Belichick’s doghouse at this point. It’s really surprising considering how good he looked in pre-season and camp. The only ownable back in this scenario is Vereen.

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I’d like to begin this week’s installment of the handcuff report by apologizing profusely for ignoring Andre Williams last week. I seriously considered mentioning Williams value as a keeper, but ROS considered him nothing more than a deep bench stash or handcuff for Rashad Jennings. I had him buried down in the Duct Tape tier, with the Stepfan Taylor‘s and Ka’Deem Carey‘s of the world. Zoinks! Imagine a world of Stepfan’s and Ka’Deem’s! Oh snap, there is such a place? It’s my Duct Tape Handcuff tier! It exists in my mind, and it’s a shiny silver world where everything can be fixed with a couple inches of the good stuff. Jeez I went off topic real quick, back to Andre Williams. I knew that Rashad Jennings was quickly approaching his highest usage numbers of his career, and I knew that Jennings had some injuries during his time in Jacksonville. I chose to ignore it. Just as I chose to dismiss Williams’ 15 carry, 66 yard, TD breakout against Washington. I thought it was nothing more than some meaningless garbage time magic. After all, Jennings had been getting almost all the usage in the Giants offense. Before the Week 4 blowout, Williams had seen two games of 6 carries, and one game of 8 carries with four looks in the passing game. There was no reason to pay him much mind, and those touting him as a good stash were working off nothing more than a hunch that Rough Shod would break down.

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I’m pinching myself right now, because I’m pretty sure we went an entire week without a running back of note getting injured, arrested, or abducted by Martians. BTW, always remember to capitalize Martians, because they are a specific type of being. Don’t be rude, show our brothers and sisters in universal existence the respect they deserve. Anywho, here we are in week 5 and things are starting to make more sense. Well everything except this coon skin cap I’m wearing. That makes no sense. As Jay mentioned in his rest of season rankings on Wednesday, we have enough of a sample size to make educated decisions as to what players have gained or lost value compared to their preseason expectations. For example, after another inactive status last week, I can say with some confidence that Bernard Pierce is droppable. Unfortunately, due to the flux and general injury risk of running backs, it’s tough to gauge who’ll be useful for more than a week or two at a time. This is why handcuffing has become an increasingly effective strategy for savvy players out there looking to keep the points coming from their running back position. With this in mind, today’s focus will be less on handcuffs with immediate value and more on handcuffs with great potential for rest of season and dynasty leagues.

Please, blog, may I have some more?