Football is one of those fantasy sports where people always hate players they have been previously burned by.  I can count numerous times that I have been burned, seen the player on waivers and looked at him as an option that I would most likely pass on.  For me, that person as of late has been Joique Bell.  That was until I saw how he was being developed into the Cooter offensive system in Detroit.  The Cooter system sounds like some new down in the valley porn organization that does snuff films with deli meats.  Alas, it is not, and you can stop the google search there.  The deal with the Lions offense is that they need to go from this to that.  Now, this to that isn’t something that can just happen, it takes time.  Time Fantasy Football owners don’t really have when it comes down to the season being only 3-4 week longer (playoffs start different in leagues). So why should you invest a look at the Detroit RB situation and why is it something that may behoove you to re-invest some of that burned love toward one of the most commonly passed over options?

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This week, you will be getting a little family lovin’.  It’s basically a fantasy kind of lovin’ that has a family tree with no branches.  So with Week 10 here already and the options to cover every week becoming harder and harder to nail, I figured I would lean to a position that I haven’t covered yet during the year.  The quarterback position this week has two studs on bye and one that just fell down and broke his crown.  So we are looking for the fill-in of the week for the signal callers… enter Kirk Cousins.  For the week that you Philip Rivers, Matt Ryan and to some level Andrew Luck owners have a void, he can be a nice fantasy pick-me-up for a nice home tilt against the Saints.  Yeah, those same Saints that have been a fantasy goldmine the past several weeks.  So we all know why you came, and unfortunately we are all out of the lovely shrimp ring and gourmet cheese plate, so why not stick around for some intimate family fantasy lessons of life and love?

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What the heck just happened.  Smooth sailing on the ship of the S.S. Fantasy, and then, we hit the large iceberg known as the “injury”.  From a fellow owner of the some of the guys injured, like most of you, survival mode is kicking into high gear.  The news about Keenan Allen is particularly troubling, because I completely bought into Allen, drinking the Kool-aid preseason and basically owning him everywhere.  I even own him in the two-team league that I share with my mom.  Yeah it’s sad, but we share a league, but draft six teams a piece.  The winner gets a sundae at the local ice cream shop with unlimited toppings.  The league is fun, but not accepting new applicants!  So back to the land of Whale’s Vaginas and who in Sam hell will benefit from the pass happy attack of the Bolts.  The names are fairly well bantered around fantasy circles: Stevie Johnson and  Malcolm Floyd are the main beneficiaries of the unfortunate-ness that is the kidney injury to Keenan.  So what you are asking yourself is who to grab, who will be the main beneficiary and basically what the hell do you do with the void that is a WR2 that you now (and me) have.  Well, the good news is that in the sum of several 100 words, the answer or for lack of a phrase, the non-answer will pronounce itself like a lighthouse set in the middle of Iowa.  So hang out, get relaxed, and put on some comfy pants for the next 2-7 minutes, depending on reading level and we can talk this out in a group format.

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As many of us know by sifting through the waiver wire (and many of us not being Gronk owners), the troublesome times of being a “1-B” tight end owner have become very apparent.  For soothe!  The streaming tight end Acropolis of Justice has arrived and peered it’s shallow head.  Alas, it is Sir Eric of Ebron riding on his trusty steed of Cooter.  It’s funny I wrote that without any implications of it being sexually charged in any manner, and when I reread it out loud in front of my church choir, it elicited several “lord have mercies!” and a few “oh my’s!”  It’s Fantasy Football, fellow church pundits.  There is no sexual being in the house of Jay(Wrong), because the path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by pass-catching tight ends. And you will know my name is the Lord when I strike my YAC on thee.  So I am glad that religiousness is all omnipresent up in here, because last week instead of getting Wilson’d, I should have Nae-Nae’d and said Conley… my bad.  Alex Smith is the Judas of fantasy quarterbacks, and my coin said tails to his Conley heads.  I will atone thee this week with the bye week and future tight end love through my tagging of Eric Ebron as the salvation of the usually blah-flotilla known as the fantasy TE.  Intrigued?  Of course you are, I just used 3-4 hidden quotes directly from the bible in that first paragraph.  Seek further for the divinity of knowledge within!

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So, I always take on the week’s views of who I think you should roster that not everyone else is noticing, or really not paying attention to.  The funniest thing is that my posts, for the past four weeks, which start on Wednesday and then echo to the following week, have been right on. Whatever it’s “on”, well, it can be whatever you so desire.  They have been so on that I will say that I am a pioneer of sorts, minus the Sacajawea guide and the talks of irrational bowel syndrome from eating undetermined berries.  I am normally not one to gloat or blow my own anything, but I just wanted to point out that the people who aren’t reading my post on a weekly basis are basically running to the wire the following week because the guy I told them to pick up just huffed and puffed and blew there fantasy world down.  So this week, we are praying on the sick, the weak, the dizzy, and that is in the land of the best steaks I have ever encountered, Kansas City.  This is where my home slice, Albert Wilson and beneficiary of this week’s highlight if, and that’s an if, Jeremy Maclin is still concussed. If that’s the case, Wilson will play a prominent role for the Chiefs this week against the Steelers.

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Let’s just have another article about the waiver wire dandies that are the Kansas City Chiefs running back situation, seems original!  The Google hit limit has been exceeded by fantasy writers who aren’t really breaking anything new to the news story that is the demise of J.C. and the rise of West and Davis.  Be creative man, that’s why Lego kits are more fun when you go rogue and build a space blimp instead of a firetruck as per your purchase.  Instead of pursuing more dirt to throw onto the fantasy run game abyss in K.C., I am going flip it and reverse it and instead pick on their defense this week that takes on the Minnesota Vikings.  Because there is nothing like spitting on the grave of fantasy-dom then kicking their butts on both sides of the ball.  So this week, I am turning my black light away from it’s normal duty of inspecting the geography of hotel rooms and pointing it at Stefon Diggs.  At first glance, and after numerous minutes of research I have come to the conclusion that he is not related to the Damon Wayons character fro the The Last Boy Scout.  I was made aware of this by him being a fake made up character in a movie and Stefon being an actual WR asset for you this week.  Open Pandora’s box and continue down the fantasy worm whole known as my imagination…

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Put your helmets on (this is for your safety).  I don’t need to actually wear one, becuase helmets are for squares and homeless roller-bladers.  It is making a comeback amongst the less fortunate. Don’t believe me?  Go use the interwebs.  Everytime I use the term “poppin'”, the addicted side of my personality jumps to the forefront of who… what… where.  For nonsensical terms and since it’s football season, lets keep it civil and discuss some footie.  Last week went fairly well for my prediction, as a matter of fact, the week before that went just as nice.  One day I will have a flock of basement-dwelling social media bangers asking me roster questions. This week is all about a team that some have written off as a fantasy blah so far through four weeks.  I am talking about the Saints, and the player that I am hyping this week is Willie Snead. The Saints travel to the land of fantasy brotherly love when it comes to the wide-out position.  Wanna hear more about Fast Willie and how the Eagles are going to get exposed… again?

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When at the bottom, where else is there to go but up?  Well, I guess for the quitters, you can just wallow for a bit, which basically in one sentence just summed up the Cleveland Browns football team.  One look at the team and it’s obvious why they want Johnny Manziel at the helm.  Because he looks sorta good, but not McCown bad.  So it’s like dollar store loving in the 216.  Since we already established that the quarterback situation is an awful boxed lunch of fantasy uselessness, lets move onto a position that may be helpful for you.  One look at the Browns running back game and it’s pretty awful, but awful is where I come in point a finger and say: Hey, wait a minute!  It may look ugly now, but take a deeper look at the plight of the Browns foot patrol.  It’s supposedly led by Isiah Crowell.  Totally exciting right?  Well feast your eyes this week on someone different, Duke Johnson.  The rookie RB will be a fantasy sneak-a-saurus this week, and I am here to be your crossing guard in the game of life, where life is all about fantasy.

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To the dismay of everyone reading, this I will not be talking about weird things or books about how everyone poops.  Protip: Everyone does though.  This week’s spotlight will be on the guy who I think isn’t getting the love because he is overshadowed on his own team by a return-league and PPR darling… this guy is Rishard Matthews.  He isn’t the primary receiving option on the Dolphins, that label is for Jarvis Landry, but Rishard don’t care.  He does what he wants, spells it anyway he damn well chooses, and goes about being a target monster for an offense that is finding it harder by foot and better by air.  Call Paul Revere, the Dolphins are one if by air and two if by air.   So find your favorite seat for three to four minutes, drop a comment to yell at me for absolutely sucking the last two weeks, and listen to what I am going to spit at you about the secondary receiving option in the land where swimming mammals reside.

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Everyone likes running back depth, Jay likes it [Jay’s Note: Can confirm, I do like it.], Tehol loves it smothered in onions and soy sauce.  You get the point, everyone needs it, wants it, covets it.  How about owning someone who is getting glanced over this week because in some situations there is a better waiver wire add on the same team.  Crazy to think about, even better to rationalize. So when all the stat heads and waiver jockeys scour the waiver wire and grab the Titans RB1 in Bishop Sankey (if he isn’t owned, of course), turn your gaze to Terrance West.  The Brown outcast, who, guess what?  Gets the Browns this week.  It’s like a made-for-TV movie on the Hallmark channel starring Jaleel White as Terrance West and Malcolm Jamal Warner as Sankey.  It’s called Running Titans and it’s playing this week on Sunday only in select fields… okay, okay, it’s on one field, and it’s in Cleveland.  So who wants to buy in on some revenge game lovin’? That was rhetorical…

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