Greetings! I’d like to start by informing you that my doctor prescribed me Wellbutrin, which is a mild anti-depressant, but can also help with A.D.D. (which I have in the worst way). I don’t believe in taking adderall, as it’s just another form of meth, and your boy is stimulant free (other than herbal viagra). I’ve only been taking it for two weeks thus far, but it’s totally changed my life and in multiple ways at that. Not only am I more focused than ever, as I wrote this post in record time (yes, I wrote this part last), but I’ve reached the type of mental zone that I’ve only once witnessed before, and that was Bradley Cooper in Limitless. Not only do these magic blue pills make me feel better about leaving the world of modeling to become a fantasy sports writer, but I’m not busting nuts like the Steamboat Geyser. I kid you not, this shizz is incredible!  I can’t lie to ya, I’m feelin myself like Mac Dre right now, and I pray to the Elders I never lose this feeling, for I fully believe, at this moment, that I can take on the entire world and become the most famous fantasy sports writer that ever lived… Until I crash anyway, then I’ll be back in the gutter, begging sloppy drunk chicks to take me home for a hot bath and a TV dinner. I’ll let you be the judge, but, uhhhh, watch the video after the jump to see how I feel right now.

I am Tehol Beddict and this Start ‘Em, Sit ‘Em! TAKE HEED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My rankings have been updated and can be found here.

Join Jay and your fellow readers in a special Razzball-only Contest! Buy-in is just $5.00 and the top-12 finishers in a 55-team league are all part of the prize pool! Sign up here!

Want to win a Razzball T-Shirt? Try out our new Fantasy Football Team Name Generator and post your favorite below in the comment section. We’ll select a random winner next Thursday!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings! There ain’t no rest for the wicked, so I must push forward even while desiring nothing more than a hot bubble bath and a 500th viewing of the Paris Hilton sex tape. It’s a been a long day, a long week for that matter, as the Seattle Seahawks crumbled in the fourth quarter like Nicolas Cage the last time he auditioned in front of Scorsese. Now they travel to face their former archrival, the San Francisco 49ers, and the Elder Gods have been sending me signs all week that the final result will send me into the sort of life-altering tailspin that I read about in James Frey’s biography, A Million Little Pieces. You know, the one that turned out to be completely made up after he melted the hearts of Americans everywhere, letting us know that however screwed up we were, that we could overcome any obstacles in our path? Oh powerful Elders, I ask you here and now to bless me with a team I can get behind. Something to believe in to carry me through the unbearable tortures that life bestows upon us! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?

I am Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight! Take heed!

Join Jay and your fellow readers in a special Razzball-only Contest! Buy-in is just $5.00 and the top-12 finishers in a 55-team league are all part of the prize pool! Sign up here!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings! What an exceptional birthday week I just received! I’d like to start by thanking the Elder Gods with continuing to bless me with great health (physically, anyways), and I’d like to thank the big boss Jay(Wrong), for giving me a day off to fully soak in the reality that I am no longer flexible enough to shave my own ass. Yoga it is! What a wonderful place to meet open-minded women! Anyways, I’m a year older, a year wiser, and a WHOLE LOT better at projecting NFL players’s production… hopefully… maybe… okay, so probably not, but I can still have an awesome time trying! Big daddy needs to hit the gym, so let’s get to players I like and dislike this week, aaaaahkay?

I am Tehol Beddict and this is Start Em’, Sit Em’! Take heed!

Join Jay and your fellow Razzball readers in a special Razzball only Contest! Buy-in is just $5.00 and the top-12 finishers in a 55-team league are all part of the prize pool! Sign up here!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings! What a splendid treat it is to fill in for my esteemed editor and boss, Jay (Wrong) the Elder blessed! Let us pray that he’s not too hung over to properly edit the gibberish I tend to submit. [Jay’s Note: Let us pray indeed…] Let us ALSO pray that sweet Jay blacked out well before that Chargers game ended, for, as you know, Jay is a die-hard Chargers fan, an animal rights activist, and, did I mention, it was his birthday? It huuuuuuuuurts! Who would have thought that after a good hour or so of Steelers fans calling for Landry Jones on Twitter, that Ron Mexico would rise like the Phoenix and proverbially neuter whatever fans the Chargers have left. At least San Diego-ens will still have some super solid Mexican food  and whatever is left of the upcoming fire-sale of the Padres roster to look forward to when they move the Chargers to Los Angeles. It’s important to always look on the bright side, even when things look bleaker than Christian Slater’s acting career, and for the 2-3 Chargers, that is very much the case.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Homies, I’m home! Greetings! I come to you live from Kathmandu, at a retreat where other Elder God chosen worshipers come to participate in peyote smoking, animal sacrifice, and some other mind-stimulating activities I’m not at liberty to discuss. Living at this elevation has really helped me clear my head of all negative thoughts and distractions, and if the Elders are correct, this will be the greatest weekend of my Fantasy Football predicting life. Thus far, we’ve discussed “fear of failure” and “radical acceptance”, and all of a sudden, things have become so clear for me; Razzball will go on to become the largest fantasy sports site on the planet and I will ride around our world’s largest cities on an elephant while women throw themselves at my well manicured feet. You’ve got to be realistic about these things.

I am Tehol Beddict and this is Start ‘Em and Sit ‘Em! Take heed!

My rankings have been updated and can be found here.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings! I hope you’re all enjoying that missed call from the Seahawks Monday Night Football game as much as I am. I’ve been witnessing a great deal of Seahawks hate across the nation on Twitter and it pains me. It pains me a great deal. What’s not to like about the Seahawks? Their defense from top to bottom is honest to the Gods one of the greatest assemblages of talent in the history of the NFL. They have a cool (kind of) young quarterback in Russell Wilson who makes multiple jaw-dropping plays every single week… and Beastmode… EFFING BEASTMODE! If I wasn’t from Seattle, I would still be enamored with this squad, but maybe I just like cooler sh*t than you do, or maybe I’m just more of a man/woman (?) than you. Either way, I will drink the tears of sadness from the hundreds of thousands of downtrodden Bengals fans once we go in there and beat the brakes off em next Sunday. It has been written. [Jay’s Note: Uh, two teams are tied for dead last in the NFL in offensive touchdowns with just five. One is the 49ers. Want to guess who the other team is?]

I am Tehol Beddict, and this is Disgrace/Delight! Take Heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Please Note: Most lineups in most formats, including Daily Fantasy, will lock at 9:30 AM EDT (6:30 AM PDT) tomorrow because of the London game. Don’t forget to set your lineups accordingly!

Greetings! What an exhilarating Thursday Night Football game! Exhilarating if you enjoy watching dumpster fires or binge watching beastiality videos. Sometimes the Elder Gods like to remind us that their more meaningful things one can do with their time other than watch football games. Are you, like me, obsessed with all things NFL? Do you bail out on your significant other or turn down invitations to try exciting new things, simply because you can’t stand the thought of missing out on a single play? Sometimes it’s nice to take a breather, get out of the house and enjoy not being tortured by fantasy football for a few hours. I’d like to challenge those of you that are suffering from the same addiction as myself, to get out and at least take a walk to clear your head and think about some positive changes you can make in your life. Like, for example, stop saving money for your children’s college funds, and instead, send that money to me so that I may continue funding my quest to become world famous. I have Paypal. Cool? Cool, let’s talk about some players I like and dislike, shall we?

I am Tehol Beddict and this is, Start Em’, Sit Em’! Take heed!

My rankings have been updated for Sunday’s game and can be found here.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings! What a time to be alive! We’ve all been allowed to witness the glorious gift of the Elder Gods, Tyrod Taylor, make gizzards out of three opposing secondaries. This young legend was COMPLETELY left out of a certain ESPN analyst’s weekly quarterback rankings last week, and I for one believe he deserves to be fired for committing such a despicable act of disgracefulness. After Blake Bortles treated their secondary like a porta-potty the previous week, any respectable man would have to assume Tygod would drop a double-dose of feces on those peasants. I feel like I’m taking crazy pills! What are people not seeing?! This stallion has every skill-set imaginable and should only improve from here on out. I’m a TAD concerned with Taylor not having Watkins and McCoy in the arsenal this week against the Giants, but I believe he’ll make up for that just by taking off and running a lot more. By the way, the Giants are DEAD LAST in the NFL in pass yards given up. Suck that in for a second. Oooohweeee, the Rodfather is a top-5 option this week at QB and a must-own in all formats. If you wanna keep hating, I’ll grant you a front row seat into my induction into the “writers wing” of the NFL Hall of Fame (as long as Jay continues editing my work).

I am Tehol Beddict and this is, Disgrace/Delight! Take heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings! Again… ughhhhh, I’m exhausted after competing in a First Tee golf tournament yesterday, but the show must go on. I can hardly walk, for my body feels like I just performed at five straight bachelorette parties. Ahh, the grand old days. If only middle-aged woman still paid me to rub my bulging package in their frothing grills for a few hours of ego-boosting excitement. A slipped disc and an opportunity at Razzball took it all away from me, but I’ll never forget those special woman. They showed me the meaning of true joy. The meaning of real pleasure. Getting paid extra to boink a few of them was just an added bonus. And now, I bring that joy to a few of you, the JPP handful of you, who actually read my posts in full. YOU have given me a reason to live, and for that, I thank you. Sure, serving more cream pies than the Cheesecake Factory has it’s benefits, but giving the rod a break for a few years and dusting off my keyboard has done me a world of good.

Oh, it’s still football season? Here’s who I like in Week 3. I am Tehol Beddict and this is Start ’em/ Sit ’em! Take Heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings! I’ve just now pulled myself out of the filthy pit of wretchedness that losses from MY Seattle Seahawks and MY Buffalo Bills placed me in. Well, them and the mass quantities of drugs and alcohol partnered with 12,000 calories of ribs, cupcakes, and peach cobbler I made for myself and all my guests on Sunday. Say one thing for Tehol Beddict, he’s a binger. Anyways, speaking of wretched pits of despair, I’m curious to know how Philadelphia Eagles fans are feeling at this moment in time. Prized free agent running back DeMarco Murray has been useless thanks to an offensive line being treated like Donald Trump, if he were to show his face at a “Mexican Lives Matter” rally. Sam Bradford resembles a teenage girl in shoulder pads and I feel like it’s just a matter of time before he goes down like a Kardashian at a Grammy’s after-party. And big-money free agent Byron Maxwell has been toasted so many times thus far, I believe he’d need to hold the opposition catchless for the remainder of the season in order to receive a positive grade from all the professional scouts out there. Chip Kelly is still looking for “his precious”, a quarterback that can flourish in his system (preferably an agile one), and it doesn’t seem like he’s going to discover it anytime soon being that they’re going up against Darrelle Revis and that vastly improved Jets secondary in Week 3. Maybe some wizard-protected Hobbit is boguarding the secret treasure that Kelly has seemingly lost in 2015, but unless he’s able to see invisible beings, he just may be out of luck. Maybe a couple extra kale smoothies will fix everything, but this has the look of a total dumpster fire. FIRE EVERYONE!

I am Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight! Take heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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