Hard Targets: Calvin Goes Big Johnson on the Opposition

Does anyone remember those obnoxious “Big Johson” shirts? You know, the ones that featured classic slogans like “Close your eyes and stick it in,” “Rode em! Rammed em! Wrecked em!” and my personal favorite “Cocked, pumped, and ready to blow.” I assumed incorrectly that they halted production, and was rocked hard when I witnessed their […]

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Hard Targets: Denarius Wants Moore Blood

by: LT Murray IV

So, last week I promised a 90210 flavored post. My female readers have gone as far as to offer me fellatio to get this done and trust me, I’m working on it. Then again, offers such as fellatio, sometimes aren’t’ enough. Just look at Josh Hartnett for instance: His agent has been offering to suck […]

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Hard Targets: Cecil Ain’t No Short Short Man

October 25, 2012 | 2012 Fantasy Football, Hard Targets | 52 Comments

by: LT Murray IV

In stature he may be, but the kid has the endowment to go deeper than Mandingo off three thirty bombs of cialis. The ineptness of Justin Blackmon, who was taken 5th overall in this year’s draft, is sickening, and let’s be real; Did we really expect free agent signee Laurent Robinson, to come close to […]

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Hard Targets: Austin is Miles Away From Brothel Sponsorship

October 18, 2012 | 2012 Fantasy Football, Hard Targets | 35 Comments

by: LT Murray IV

Every so often, something so astounding occurs, that is changes the world forever. I was surfing ESPN today and I viewed a word that I’ve never witnessed on any sports site: Brothel. So it turns out that a semi-pro soccer team has turned to a few local whore houses for sponsorship and after digesting this […]

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Hard Targets: Chris “Micro” Johnson Comes Up Limp Yet Again

October 11, 2012 | 2012 Fantasy Football, Hard Targets | 23 Comments

by: LT Murray IV

Right out the gate, please allow me to apologize for the Jerome Simpson hype. I’d heard nothing but great things out of the Vikings camp from my inside sources and he looked fantastic in his first contest back from suspension. I obviously had no clue the man had spina bifida. Trust me, it hurts me […]

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Hard Targets: Jeremy “Bad Mitts” Maclin Trails in the Polls

October 4, 2012 | 2012 Fantasy Football, Hard Targets | 67 Comments

by: LT Murray IV

Watching the presidential debate got me to thinking if I’d be good in politics. My heart says yes. The numerous Brett Favre and Greg Odenish pics out there of me are telling me no. When I say numerous, I mean enough to have my own porn site. But if me being President would interfere with […]

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Hard Targets: Is Britt-ish Rule on the Horizon?

September 27, 2012 | 2012 Fantasy Football, Hard Targets | 29 Comments

by: LT Murray IV

Very early Wednesday morning, I journeyed down to Starbucks to get my usual Venti-quad-skinny-ice-vanilla latte and two protein bistro boxes. I seriously can’t live without them. Anyway, you could imagine my excitement when I pulled into a full-on police and convict showdown. Guns drawn and all that! Not just the usual handguns, but I sighted […]

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Hard Targets: Cardioversion for your Hartline

September 20, 2012 | 2012 Fantasy Football, Hard Targets | 57 Comments

by: LT Murray IV

Is there anything better then NFL football? Well, maybe NFL football with NFL referees, but hey, it’s not stopping me from watching. How has this sport not caught on worldwide? Truly befuddling. But who cares about any other countries? This is America baby. We don’t do Royal families (though the Kardashians are close). We don’t […]

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Hard Targets: Waxing About Wayne’ing

September 13, 2012 | 2012 Fantasy Football | 37 Comments

by: LT Murray IV

Wow, what an opening weekend! Fantasy football just got wilder then Richard Gere on a weekend getaway at a gerbil farm. Of course I’m not referring to the outcomes of the REAL football games, as there were not big time shockers there, other then RG3 leading “the Skins” over the Saints. I’m referring to the […]

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DirecTV Even MJD

August 28, 2012 | 2012 Fantasy Football, 2012 Fantasy Football Draft | 25 Comments

by: LT Murray IV

A fantasy football player’s dream! No I’m not talking about me chit chatting live, face to face about my friend and former high school teammate Reggie Williams, with the legendary, hall of fame bound, round mound of touchdown, Maurice Jones-Drew. I’m talking about DirecTV’s new system that allows you to plug your players into the […]

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Author: LT Murray IV

Read some of LT Murray IV's 106 posts

Hard Targets: Calvin Goes Big Johnson on the Opposition

Hard Targets: Denarius Wants Moore Blood

Hard Targets: Cecil Ain’t No Short Short Man

Hard Targets: Austin is Miles Away From Brothel Sponsorship

Hard Targets: Chris “Micro” Johnson Comes Up Limp Yet Again

Hard Targets: Jeremy “Bad Mitts” Maclin Trails in the Polls

Hard Targets: Is Britt-ish Rule on the Horizon?

Hard Targets: Cardioversion for your Hartline

Hard Targets: Waxing About Wayne’ing

DirecTV Even MJD