Greetings!! Tis I, Tehol Beddict, and last night, in a Chantix dreaming slumber, the Elder Gods visited me and gifted me with the grandest of ideas: ROOKIES!! Who doesn’t love rookies? Always so enticing, aren’t they? Yes, yes, I know it’s strenuous to resist drafting them. even as I succumb to their alluring qualities. The fact is, rookies are predominantly a poor source of fantasy production, especially at QB and WR. Yes, children, I remember Cam Newton and Randy Moss, but those types of rookie breakouts are few and far between. Anyone else get sucked into swooping Tavon Austin last season? It huuuuuuurts! Being that it’s still preseason and all, myself and the Elders thought it wise to touch on most of the skill position players who went in the first few rounds of the 2014 draft, and that boys and girls, is just what we shall do!
We’re gonna do Disgrace/Delight a tiny bit different this week and just hit each player with a hashtag, #Disgrace, or, you guessed it, #Delight. Mind you, this tag is based upon what I feel the player will produce this season, not what I think of the overall skill set. I have a big audition tomorrow so let us begin. TAKE HEED!
Johnny Manziel – Johnny Eightball will not impact your fantasy football team in any fashion whatsoever this season. It pains me greatly to admit this, but he’s simply not fast enough to do much damage on the ground, and frankly, I’m heavily concerned for his safety. With Johnny’s off-season regiment consisting of blow and groupies (he had this playbook though), it’s not exactly difficult to foresee a challenging season ahead. Yes, he will take over the starting job at some point this season. Yes, Brian Hoyer is the Christian Slater of NFL QB’s. No, Johnny Snowball will never be a top-10 player, so unless you’re just a diehard OVO fan, stay away. Oh, did I mention the fact that Josh Gordon is suspended for the entire season, and that his number one wideout is my former “Man Crush Monday”, the man formerly known as ‘Sir’ Austin Miles? Yea, this season has ‘disgrace’ written all over it, and if you draft Manziel you deserve one of THESE across the side of your face. With all that being said………..YOLO. #Disgrace.
Blake Bortles – BB contains all the skills one could possibly ask for in their starting QB– mobility, speed, a rocket arm, and a Charmin soft touch to boot. Unfortunately for him, the Jag’s staff has supposedly decided upon sitting him for the entire season. Now, I find this ridiculously difficult to believe, and doubt it holds true especially since, you know, Chad Henne is the starting QB. Henne is so irrelevant in fantasy that he wont ever be nominated in the ‘disgrace’ section all season long, for we already expect ineptitude and peonic numbers from him. In dynasty formats, Bortles is intriguing, more so than Manziel, but for this season….I hate to do you like this Blake, but uhhhhh…….. #Disgrace.
Bishop Sankey – UW’s finest steps into an appealing situation in Cashville, TenAKey, as the plodding Shonn Greene is all that stand is his path to a monster season. Thus far it seems the Titans still plan on splitting carries between the two, but Sankey should end up with more overall touches considering he’s the far superior pass catcher. Without being blessed with the ability to see the future in it’s entirety, ’tis difficult to recommend taking Sank-Dog within the first five rounds or so, but of all the rookie running backs, he’s the only one with a legit shot at a herpes-esque type breakout. #Delight.
Carlos Hyde – I’ve read and spoken to quite a few intelligent beings who believe Hyde to be a fantasy factor this season. I totally agree, that is if you consider 500 yards and two touchdowns a factor. In my humble (not my style at all) opinion, Hyde is just a glorified handcuff, granted he’s a good one considering the Niners insist on pounding the ball all day no matter how many talented wideouts they bring in. #Disgrace.
Jeremy Hill – Hill was supposed to come in and be the fire to Gio Bernard’s ice. Or was it the ice to Bernard’s fire? Speaking of fire and ice; never get Icy Hot any where near your scrotum, cuz that don’t feel good, yo. Bernard has been a workhorse with the first team this preseason, so it’s a tad difficult to tell how much work Hill will actually receive once the games are real. It seems that the Law Firm’s time with the Bengals is at an unceremonious end, so Hill only has to split carries two ways, and that’s a good thing, ya’ll. I’m torn here as I just haven’t witnessed enough game film on Hill to wholeheartedly proclaim him a worthy flex option. Oh, ef it, he’s close enough though. #Delight.
Sammy Watkins — I have not witnessed such a peculiar rib injury since witnessing Peter North go deeper than the Mariana Trench on the underage Traci Lords. Not the way you wanna start off a rookie-of-the-year campaign, I can tell you that much. E.J. Manuel hasn’t warranted any praise thus far, though I will say the young man has talent and I believe he shall get the pigskin into the hands of this talented wideout as often as possible. This is one of the tougher calls, as the Bills have some other established wideouts as well, as some talented running backs, so I’d limit Mr. Waaaaaatkins at about 800 yards and 6 TDs. Hardly a horrific year, so if you believe those numbers attainable, go ahead and click that ‘draft player’ button. I won’t be, but that’s just me. I’ll just be minding my business and sipping this tea. #Delight.
Mike Evans – Now this dude is intriguing! With the talented V-Jax on the opposite side and rookie ASJ working the middle of the field, Evans should be able surpass expectations and be a viable fantasy option from the jump. I drafted Evans in the 10nth round in one league, and he’ll be my 4th or 5th receiver, coming with big time breakout potential. Big Mike won’t ever be exiting the field, barring injury of course, and the potential for double digit touchdowns is there. This one’s easy. #Delight.
Odell Beckham – Ughhhhhh, this is NOT the way one wants to begin their NFL career, as Becks has been injured for the entire preseason. Beckham is nowhere near anyone’s fantasy radar as of this moment, and I believe that to be justified. With similarly built Victor Cruz already in place, one of my favorite breakout candidates, Rueben Randle, and even Jerrel Jernigan, it’s laborious to think about where Beckham fits into the equation. I was as big a Beckham fan as anyone, as I hyped him up his entire final season of college, but this may be a wasted season. I’m holding out hope he can contribute at some point this season, but at this point, there’s nary a point in selecting him in your draft. #Disgrace.
Brandin Cooks – C-Cooks has slipped a tad in my rankings due to the fact Colston looks 10 times better now than he did all of last season and Jimmy Graham is a demigod, meaning he’s the son of an Elder God and a mortal woman. With that being said, there are more than enough balls thrown around in New Orleans, so I could foresee Cookie getting 70 plus receptions and 5 tubs. I’ve drafted him in a few spots, possibly a little too high, but he should be very effective in PPR leagues. Easy call here. #Delight.
Kelvin Benjamin – It’s all about the Benjamins baby! WOW, I’ve been shocked on how productive Benji has looked thus far and given the lack of talent anywhere else on this Carolina receiving core. I’m not expecting fairly big numbers from this man who was so obviously and specifically created by the Elder Gods to dominate red zones. This kid had major bust potential coming into the draft, but I’m ready to disregard all of those thoughts as of now, and I mean right now! I’m not suggesting you draft Benjamin in the 5th or 6th round or anything but the upside for double digit touchdowns and higher than expected yardage is right there in front of you. TAKE IT! IT’s YOURS! #Delight.
Marqise Lee – My man, Marqise! I love this young man like the adopted African American brother I always wished I had, for he’s always been an NFL star in waiting in my book. Unfortunately, Lee was drafted by the Jags, and they have Chad Henne manning the QB spot in what has been the most boring offense in the NFL. Or is it? Fortunately, Lee was drafted by the Jaguars, where he’s immediately been implemented as the go-to receiver in the offense with Cecil Shorts being injured? Well, Shorts is back and I don’t expect the Jags to get too crazy with the play calling but Lee will most definitely surprise. I’d sneak him onto your roster with a later pick, as there’s number 3 upside there, especially in PPR leagues. Somehow, mortals have forgotten that this man was once heralded as the possible number one overall draft choice before an injury plagued his junior season where he had one of the worst QB season’s I’ve ever witnessed. Seriously, dudes and duddettes, Lee has the talent to be an absolute star in the NFL. To put this in movie star terms, this year would be Lee’s Risky Business, an exciting beginning to what should be a long and prosperous career. Cruiiiiiiiiiiiise. #Delight. P.S. Don’t EVER forget This Tom Cruise character.
Jordan Matthews — This 6’3″ man beast seemingly fits in perfectly with the high flying Eagles offense. With DeSean Jackson moving on to the Washington Football Team, there’s a void in the Eagles offense. I happen to believe Maclin will have a huge season, but Matthews could end up pushing Riley Cooper in two-man sets, and even if doesn’t, should see enough time to be deserving of a desperation play in fantasy leagues. The consistenty will not be there, but the talent is. This shall certainly be interesting going forward, but we have no way of knowing what his play count will be, so I’m a bit hesitant. For now, I’ll have to say #Disgrace.
Paul Richardson — No need to wast precious verbal ammo on this guy. Wait till next year. #Disgrace.
Davante Adams — Boykin was superb last season in his role, so I don’t foresee Adams overtaking him anytime soon. However, if anyone of the Packers top-3 receivers go down, you’ll want to snatch this hog immediately. Yeah, I too crave the bacon. #Disgrace.
Cody Latimer — University of Indiana’s finest landed in the best spot. Denver, home of Peyton Manning and the most powerful offense in the NFL.when they’re not playing the Seahawks anyway. As with the aforementioned Adams, Latimer will be swooped immediately if Sanders of Thomas misses any time whatsoever, much like the situation with your wife’s/husband’s friends you oh so desperately want to bang. You’re just going to have to restrain yourself until an injury occurs. #Disgrace.
Eric Ebron — I fully expect Ebron to have a couple solid performances, but with Calvin, the man who banged Russell Wilson’s one true love, the combination of Reggie Bush and Bell at RB, along with Pettigrew and Joseph Fauria already existing at the TE spot, I find it hard to believe Ebron will be a top-10 tight end. I fully expect Stafford to have a gargantuan season, but there’s only so many balls to go around (thats what she said). Again this is no disrespect to the player, but I gotta go #Disgrace.
Austin Seferian-Jenkins — The Big Dog!! ASJ is the unquestioned number one tight end option in Tampa right now, and I expect a big year. Jenkins will end up being a superior tight end to Ebron when all is said and done, as the Bucs did well to grab him in the 2nd round. It’s very rare that another man can arouse me sexually, but every time I see ASJ steamroll an opposing defender, I reach for my Galaxy Note 3, call the surest thing in my contacts, and proceed to give her the kind of Rodgering I’d imagine ASJ gives to his conglomerate of jersey chasers. Just writing about it is getting me all worked up. Mmm, mmmm, mmmmm. Do yo thang, ASJ. #Delight.
Jace Amaro — Being that Amaro comes from a spread offense, where he almost exclusively lined up in the slot, many figured he would struggle in the more conventional (boring) Jets offense, and he certainly has done just that. Amaro will put up better numbers than prognosticators are projecting, simply because there aren’t many other options for 2nd year QB Geno Smith to throw to. If you’re tight end is injured, on a bye, or you’re just playing the match-ups, I’m totally fine with you sticking in Amaro. Much like Nicolas Cage with some of his hairstyles, I could very well live to regret this buuuuuuuut……#Delight…given the circumstances.
G-Unit EP: The Beauty of Independence — Those of you who follow me on Twitter know that I’m a total G-Unit groupie, as their music has forever changed my life. Without their presence in the rap game, the Elder Gods would have guided me on the normal Caucasian route, with hardcore rap music just being a period in my life I looked back upon begrudgingly as I moved onto to the kind of music most of my white friends listen to like Dave Matthews Band and Better Than Ezra (are they still a band?). Satellite was the jam though, I can’t lie.
If you were unaware, which you no doubt are, The Elder Gods sent down one of their very own sons, The PLK (Punch Line King), AKA Lloyd Banks, to distribute many of the greatest lines in the history of rap music. Banks will never blow up to the extent of a Lil’ Wayne or a Drake, but the Elder Gods care not for fame and fortune. Banko has his disciples and they do what they can to carry on the message that Banks is top five, dead or alive.
One of my all time beloved rappers, Young Buck, also rejoined Tha Unit after being banished for some problems back in 2009, and I for one feel blessed to have him back. I can’t forget my main man, Tony Yayo, one of great characters in rap history, who is back where he belongs, dropping memorable lines each time he sets foot in the booth.
I ride or die with these guys and refuse to listen to any music from anyone they beef with. Back in the 90’s, the public would never accept Rick Ross (Officer Ricky) being a correctional officer, lying about it, and telling stories about being some huge drug dealer doing felonious capers. It’s an utter disgrace that this slob has become a multimillionaire of pure fraudulism. 50 Cent and every member of G-Unit’s background stories are so real, and their music, when they are in the zone that is, is so powerful, I can’t help but respect it. After 12 years or so it seems, for me at least that it’s still The Gods’ Plan that 50 cent is the Future.
Deez Nuts -- Sports Nuts Radio is now live every week here in Seattle, WA. It’s a one hour sports program that me and my man, T-Reyn, co-host. It can be live streamed through klay1180.com at 1:00 PM Pacific Standard time, and I will be archiving each episode on our own personal website. Tune in so that you may WITNESS!!!
Well now, that was fun, wasn’t it?! I’m already frothing at the mouth for next week, or maybe that’s just the alka seltzer I just downed which I so sorely required after going down on a chick during her “cycle.” Ughh. Moving on. If you don’t already do so, I’d suggest following me on Twitter at @Beddict143, that is, only if you like mind blowing entertainment. As per usual I will respond to all of your comments and questions below in a timely manner. Yes, even those of you who choose to bash me will receive a response. Oh, how I cherish those. I’m rambling. Only SEVEN more days until MY Seahawks kick off the NFL season! Until we meet again.