Hello everybody and welcome to “Drape Impost”, Razzball’s weekly in-depth look at international tax policy for home décor. Let’s take a look at Norway, who charge an exorbitant 18% on imported tapestries… *answers call from Jay* I’ve been informed that this will actually be another Deep Impact article, and also that “Drape Impost” will be a podcast series on NPR this fall. Slight change to go over for those of you who have been reading regularly: I will no longer be limiting the “Start” section for running backs to less than 10% ownership in the interest of covering players who are actually worth starting. For running back starts, we’ll increase the population to look at low-owned guys who are more likely to already be on deep rosters but are unlikely to be every week plays. I’m figuring it out as I go, folks, and I will still cover backs under 10% ownership in the “Stash Target” section for all you players who are scouring the wire for adds. For those of you who haven’t been reading, you should try reading some time. It doesn’t even have to be about football, expand your horizons friends. Well, expand them after checking out these names, of course.Please, blog, may I have some more?
All the season-long projections you could ever want. A kick-ass DFS lineup optimizer and projections for DraftKings, FanDuel, and Yahoo!.
One playoff week down, two more to go. Are you guys as excited as I am… for Christmas! I lost every playoff match-up except one, so I’m not feeling football right now. By the way, speaking of Christmas, I just got back from my daughter’s Christmas, I mean “Holiday” program. I never thought it was possible, but they found a way to take the cute out of Christmas… again. Seriously, it was the most pretentious ball of blah that was only topped by last year’s snooze-fest that featured the “In A Gadda Da Vida” of Christmas songs. Sorry, I had to get that off my chest. But really though, it was worst than taking an elite running back in the first round this year. Oh wait, I either took Antonio Brown or ODB in the first round of every draft (one league was a shameful auto draft). As I did last week, I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that we are still writing five days a week on the baseball side, and with January Grey right around the corner, you need to get over there where the party literally never stops. The daily words of wisdom by Grey and people talking about their keepers and dynasty leagues keeps enough buttons open on the blouse that any real fantasy baseball fan must take a peek. Don’t forget, we should be launching the RCL’s over there in February. Now that I got that out of the way, let’s get to the ranks and where you can see your name in hyper link!Please, blog, may I have some more?
So I’m back up in the game
Running things to keep my swing
Letting all the people know
That I’m back to run the show
The return of the
Mack Me! I actually don’t really run anything here, hell not even in my own house, but in my car, I’m the boss! We all need theme music when we walk in a room, I would like to say mine is “Return of the Mack”, but I ain’t that cool. It would probably be more like this jam. Okay, that is a cool jam too, but the title says a lot about me. Speaking of jams, has anyone heard the new Logic album? It’s not as good as his last album, but has some damn good cuts on it like this one. What’s that? You never heard his last album? Well here is my favorite cut. If this is all too much for you, or you need me to rewind even further back, and maybe you are a fan of 90’s era rap, then check this one out. *counts hyper-links* Okay, I think I have reached my “Jay hates all my hyperlinks” threshold. Speaking of Jay, how ’bout them Chargers. Low blow jack-a**. Yes, that is me talking to myself but my other personality doesn’t see it that way. Sorry, Jay, better luck next year! Wait, I’m here to do an update. Let’s get to it… I know you all like that I talk about you.
Well, if you’ve followed me at all the past few years, (in violation of that restraining order, mind you), you know that I love throwing out some bold predictions to spicen things up a bit. Because maybe I’m cooking while playing fantasy football. Who doesn’t? You’re the weird one. Regardless, there is some tidying up to do when it comes to how my predictions for the past season turned out, and I’m here to pay my amends, eat my crow, and to provide a wonderful face for being really really bold, and quite possibly italic. (See what I did there?) Did I get everything wrong? Hopefully not. In fact, I might have gotten all of them right…Who knows? (I do.) And seeing as how one of them involves Ryan Mathews, you’d have to think that getting all of them right was not possible. You’d be correct with that assumption. So I’ll be preparing my crow, with as much salt as possible, while we figure out how everything went down…Please, blog, may I have some more?
Well, not really, and the real winners (prize winners) will be revealed after the jump, but I just want to send a shout out to everyone involved, including all the Razzball contributors who hosted a league, to all of you Razzball readers who hosted a league, and, of course, to all of you Razzballers who joined and played in our leagues. The Commentator leagues are a unique feature that I personally love to be involved with. I think it brings the community together, and sure, yeah, while you’re trying to destroy each other with Aaron Rodgers and Jeremy Hill, I’d still like to think we’re doing it out of love and togetherness (is that a word?). And in 2014, we had a record-breaking 40 leagues consisting of 480 fantasy owners. I look forward to building on that number next year (while also improving our content covering these leagues), and look forward to bigger and better prizes as well. In the mean time, let us recognize the 2014 Razzball Commentator League Prize Winners…Please, blog, may I have some more?
Well, this year’s Super Bowl certainly wasn’t last years, that’s for sure. Obvious statement is obvious. Overall, it was actually a better game that I thought the NFL was capable of, but I guess I should have known better. I mean, the NFL is so disturbingly horrid at everything except for the actual game of football, they’d be hard pressed to provide anything less than a spectacle for what is the biggest sporting event in the United States. Not counting last year’s Super Bowl catastrophe of course, but that’s more Peyton’s fault for actually thinking his January’s have changed. And so we had to witness Tom Brady and Bill Belichick win their fourth Super Bowl trophy, which, by proxy, also means we’ll have to deal with a New England fan base that will no doubt rub our noses in their own pretentious self-flagellation for a good amount of time. So pretty much like any other year… Regardless, the Seahawks almost pulled off their second Super Bowl win in a row, a feat in of itself, and were essentially one yard away from doing it. While that may not seem like a consellation prize, I can say that my Chargers were a few more yards away… and some change. Yeah… change. So here’s to another season gone, we hardly knew ye, yadda-yadda-yadda, Joe Flacco is too elite, etc and Andy Reid just called a timeout. Good times friends, good times indeed…Please, blog, may I have some more?
The long wait is over friends. Yes, we had plenty of time to talk ad nauseum about deflated balls, and truth be told, I’m quite relieved despite having a bounty of “ball” jokes being lined up so nicely for the last two weeks. I’ve come to realize that I can make d*ck and balls (and fart, if needed) jokes all day long, I don’t need the 24/7 news cycle and Super Bowl click-bait on “deflate-ghazi” to do this. What a revelation! You’d think it was a revelation of some sorts to some people that the amount of collective time spent on balls, deflated or otherwise, really does show how competent the NFL is with issues that no one should really give a sh*t about. If only Ray Rice punched a deflated ball, something could be gleaned from this! Other highlights during this wait included Marshawn Lynch just barely avoiding fines by doing the very least on Media Day, and Richard Sherman contemplating what to do if his child is born later today. Yet barely any mention of Aaron Hernandez’s murder trial. Priorities people. Priorities. But hey, in the end, football is back for what is essentially the biggest sports event of the year, so sit back, enjoy whatever fried foods and alcohol is in front of you, and if we’re lucky, this game will be marginally more entertaining than last year’s. So hopefully past the midway point of the first quarter…Please, blog, may I have some more?
So here we are, continuing our weird no-man’s land period for fantasy football news and analysis. We’re not quite far enough into the off-season to start reviewing what just happened in 2014, and we still have one more week until the Super Bowl, so we find ourselves in this sort of weird zone, like I am with your mom. But as we get closer to Super Bowl Sunday, we might finally reach the end of the “deflate-gate”, or seeing as how ending anything “gate” seems a bit dated, we could even call it “deflate-ghazi” for a modern touch. That being said, we do get some reprieve for the first Sunday without real football this season, and that’s football where no one tries or cares, and everyone misses going to Hawaii, and where Michael Irvin gets to have a team to, I assume, help feed yet another coke binge. Also, it appears that this year, there wasthe added bonus of making it NFL’s own petri dish of experimental football where there were narrower uprights, four two-minute warnings, and no kickoffs whatsoever. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Pro Bowl. These players represent the very best of the league, that is, after you rule out the players who are injured, the players who simply didn’t want to go, and the players who are going to the Super Bowl. So yeah. We have Andy Dalton and John Kuhn. WOOOOOOOO.Please, blog, may I have some more?
So, after taking a few days to wait for the dust cloud of Championship Sunday to clear, we now have our Super Bowl teams; the Seattle Seahawks and New England Patriots. And of course it wouldn’t be a Patriots appearance without the inevitable “something-gate” taking place (this time, deflate-gate, which sounds like a sexual maneuver by Gronk), but I doubt this type of thing comes as a surprise. Even if it did, I doubt it was the reason the Colts lost by 98 points and couldn’t tackle. But don’t worry folks, we have two weeks for the media to fill in empty space, and while a Packers/Patriots match-up might have provided a bonanza of narratives, the Packers made sure to try as hard as they possibly could to make sure that it didn’t happen. So here we are. The Seahawks and Patriots is, at least on paper, an intriguing match-up. True, the same could be said of last year’s game, but here’s hoping for a Super Bowl that’s at least entertaining till half-time…Please, blog, may I have some more?
2014 In-Season Accuracy: 58.10% (31st out of 125 Experts, 60.70% Highest, 50.60% Lowest).
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And now, your Championship Sunday Rankings and Picks…Please, blog, may I have some more?