Sep 18, 2016; Glendale, AZ, USA; Tampa Bay Buccaneers running back Jacquizz Rodgers (32) in action during the game against the Arizona Cardinals at University of Phoenix Stadium. The Cardinals defeat the Buccaneers 40-7. Mandatory Credit: Jerome Miron-USA TODAY Sports

Hey there, amigos. Welcome back to another fun-filled edition of By The Numbers. I’ll be your personal guide through this maze of numbers and fantasy goodness, so put on your reading glasses (pants) and join me in the quest for a title. Maybe some of you are like me – off to a not so spectacular start in your league. In the Writer’s RCL, I’m mired in a two game losing streak and stuck in 10th place. That’s not ideal, considering there’s only twelve teams. Sure, my team is 2-4, but it’s a good-looking 2-4, I can assure you. No worries, I’ll be okay. I kinda feel like Chuck Pagano each week, just making excuses for why my team sucks and pointing the finger at everyone but myself. Everything is fine, I tell myself…..EVERYTHING IS FINE. You have to have a certain level of resilience to be able to compete amidst adverse fantasy conditions. If you’re still reading this, well, welcome to the club. The first order of business is to get off the couch, put on our fanny packs and crocs and look into the mirror. Yes, we look ridiculous, but that’s besides the point. Stare right into that sucker and say “I will NOT lose my Week 7 match up.” There. Feel better? The truth is, well there is no magic pill we can take to ensure success each week. But we can take a look at the number and take advantage of the best matchup breakdowns we can find. This week I’m looking at a few gems that I think will help push me into the winner’s circle. One of my favorite plays this week is Jacquizz Rodgers and his tilt against the San Francisco 49ers rush defense. The 49ers defensive front was obliterated last week by Buffalo’s backfield, giving up a 44/312/4 line – just two week’s after yielding a 37/172/2 line to the Cardinals. They’re having a bad year, to say the least. I mean, like in a bus with Billy Bush bad. It’s ugly my friends. The 49ers are dead last in the league in rushing yards allowed (174.3) and they’ve given up 9 rushing scores so far this season. Over the past three week’s opposing RBs have averaged 34.7 points fantasy points per game, which happens to also rank last in the league. There’s a theme here if you’re paying attention. Basically, you want to be invested in the Tampa Bay rushing offense this week. If you act quick enough, he’s still available in 61% of ESPN leagues. As of Wednesday, Doug Martin was still not practicing, so there’s a good chance Rodgers will see a healthy workload Sunday.

Here’s a look at a few more of my favorite passing and rushing match ups this week:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Don Who? I’m sorry Ms. Jackson, but no one knows your son. But that’s all about to change. Eddie Lacy is expected to miss several weeks due to an ankle injury, with the possibility of being put on IR. James Starks is expected to miss four weeks after undergoing meniscus surgery. The Packers had Ty Montgomery and Randall Cobb taking snaps at running back. To show how dire the situation in Green Bay is, the Packers traded for Knile Davis, he of the career 3.3 average on 233 attempts.

So, who is Don Jackson?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2008-Green Bay Packers' Aaron Rodgers walks off the field after losing to the Atlanta Falcons 27-24. The Green Bay Packers hosted the Atlanta Falcons at Lambeau Field Sunday October 5, 2008. Steve Apps-State Journal.

Greetings! Oh how I wonder… will the Elder Gods bless me this week? Will they take the six pounds of Mexican schwag as a gift in place of my usual animal sacrifice, or will they rain piss down upon me as if they were R. Kelly (only if he had a full grown African elephant chonger) for not coming correct with some high-grade blueberry kush? Only time will tell, but what is time really anyway? Just a creative way of recording our meaningless existence on this earth as we build this fascinating technology-driven world, only for us to be eventually wiped out like the courageous dinosaurs before us, obliterated like krill being sucked up by a massive blue whale. Oh, to be young again. Building forts, playing General Chaos on Sega Genesis, catching frogs, measuring dick… And what is life now? Fantasy football?  Help me.

I am Lord Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight! Take head!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

keenum

Wow, did I just give the lede to Case Keenum? Based on points, the dude is barely a top twenty fantasy quarterback. On the season he has just seven touchdown passes in six games. I think Matt Ryan had six in one game. Ok, I know he didn’t, but some weeks it feels like he did. In his six games Keenum has thrown six completions to the opposing team. For those not as quick as others, that is what laymen would call an interception. It really seems that I am making a case against Keenum here, and the truth is, I am. I wouldn’t own him anywhere. I’d own Ryan Tannehill over Keenum. I’d probably own Ryan Fitzcraptrick over Keenum. Ok, maybe that’s not true, but you get the point. However, this post isn’t necessarily about who I’d own for the season. Instead, what I try to do here each week is to assemble a lineup using players sitting on the majority of waiver wires that would beat just about any lineup put in its path. Here’s this week’s selections. Or is it last week’s?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Welcome back, my loyal Horde. We are almost at the halfway point in the season and up until now, things have been pretty busy. Speaking of busy, wow, what an eventful week it has been this past week, right?. It seems that my Black Widow Curse was out in full force in Week 6 and I lost quite a few people, including my starting quarterback. Sorry Ben, nothing personal but at least now you know what it feels like to fall victim to something more powerful than you. Kind of like the co-eds you…oh, wait, I’m going to take the high road here (fill in the blanks if you will). I have to admit, by far, this is one of the worst Fantasy Football seasons I have ever been a part of, if not the worst. I can’t seem to pull a win out of anywhere (and believe me, I’ve tried). My booms are busts and my busts are busts. I am just heaving with such ample bust(s) (in more ways than one) that it’s a wonder that I can get anything done. Oh, the pains of loving something that completely abuses you every week and doesn’t love you back. Now I know how the men I have dated feel. But, it is what it is, and like some women, I am hoping to stay in this thing long enough to change things for the better, but we all know how that works out. I’m going to keep trying though. Not just for me, you see, but for all of you, my loving and trusting horde. Without you, I am still pretty amazing, but you give me some purpose. So, without further ado, let’s see what I can do to satisfy your weekly craving for me by giving you Hit it or Quit it, Week 7.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Ahh, it’s that refreshing time of year when the scorching heat is finally dying down, and the weather is turning cold enough to completely forget about the summer. With the middle of the season approaching, the fantasy outlook, like the weather, is rapidly changing.  Sure you may have had one of the best teams in the league when Eric Decker and DeAngelo Williams were still producing, but those days are gone and their positions have been filled. This is true for many of the players you drafted, whether they were once putting up great numbers or not, and it’s about time to adapt to the changes. Get ready to trust in players you never thought you would, in this week’s Beyond the Numbers.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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What’s good amigos? Don’t be startled. The door was unlocked so I let myself in. Calm down. Let’s be friends. Here, let me loosen the zip ties and we’ll start with a proper introduction. I’m Honcho, the bearer of good tidings. I’m here to bless you with only the best passing and rushing match ups of the week. Obviously if you own Le’Veon Bell and Tom Brady you’re playing them. They won’t be mentioned below. Deal with it, bro. So anyway, bring your green hat because we’re going streaking! This is such a bittersweet time of the season. I mean, we’re nearly half way through the regular portion of the fantasy schedule and the air is starting to have a chill to it here in the Midwest. That means a variety of things, but most importantly – football season is in full swing. Is there anything better than throwing on your favorite jersey or sweatshirt and gathering around a roaring Galaxy Note 7 to roast some marshmallows with your closest friends? Yeah, that’s the best. Just you and your closest acquaintances debating who gets to dress up as Ken Bone for this years Halloween party. Sounds hot right? Thought so. You know what else is hot right now? Phoenix. They’re prepping for the return of their beloved quarterback and it will be a glorious reunion. You see, Carson Palmer cleared the concussion protocol earlier this week and he’s ready to wreak havoc on the Jets’ and their porous pass defense. As Donald Trump would so eloquently put it: “The Cardinals are going to win – they’re going to win so big on Monday night.” Most of you might be hesitant to believe this, due to the slow start Palmer has produced thus far. But fear not as the Jets have allowed 302.4 passing yards per game this season, that’s good for second worst in the league. The fact that Darrelle Revis is still very questionable for this contest should have you inflating your Bruce Arians blow-up dolls to the legal limit. New York has surrendered 12 passing scores through their first five games while generating just two interceptions. That’s not ideal. What’s worse, they’re allowing opposing QBs an average of 25.8 fantasy points per game since Week 3 along with 13.4 points given up to tight ends. Both rank as second worst in the NFL. Sounds like a date in the desert Monday night. I’ll pick you up at 8:37 PM EST.

Here’s a look at my favorite passing and rushing match ups for Week 6:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Depending on your league, there should be some very enticing options on the waiver wire at the wide receiver position this week. Many of you will be debating the merits of scooping up Cameron Meredith. If this article comes out after your waiver wire process, then you can check to see if you missed out on the next big thing or drown in your tears with buyer’s remorse.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

sammie

I don’t like to brag, but this lineup I’m about to present scored me 209.9 points last week. In the Razzball Writer’s League, which is obviously the best league in the RCL, the highest score was 152 points. The team with the most points on the season has 631.08 points in five weeks. Hopefully that puts a 209.9 point week into perspective. The best part about this lineup is that not one of these players is owned in more than fifty percent of leagues. That means you likely could have dropped your entire team last week and picked up this squad and CRUSHED your opponent’s hopes and dreams. I certainly am not recommending dropping your whole team, but the purpose of this weekly post is to show you that there is plenty of weekly potential sitting on your waiver wire…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

christine-michael-ap

Greetings! Oh ye followers of the Lord, I humbly summon you to partake in a birthday celebration fit for… fit for… well, a Lord. Tis my birthday on Thursday, and myself and the Lord’s keeper (Jay-Wrong) will be guzzling absinthe by the gallon while we watch Lord Grey Albright and Ralph Lifshitz joust to the death. I must mention the fact that Lord Grey is our liege Lord and his death can simply not be allowed. Therefore, Prospector Ralph must take one for the team. He will be deeply missed, and by deeply I mean that I will piss on his ashes and move his wench into my private quarters for a few months and add his children to my service staff. Spotted d*ck and rhinoceros steak sandwiches will be served for all of those interested in joining. Jay and I are both turning 25 this year [Jay’s Note: Haha.], and though we’ve accomplished so many tremendous things in our lives thus far, I see an even brighter future upon the horizon. Our partnership has become stronger than that of Siegfried and Roy as we continue to master fantasy football together as one. Let’s just pray neither of us is mauled by a Tiger. [Jay’s Note: Amen brotha…]

I am Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight. Take heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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