afc-south

Despite being the urinal puck of the NFL last season, the AFC South is overflowing with fantasy goodness for 2016. Jump into my fantasy van (Hint: It has no windows) and I’ll guide you through the land of elite wide receivers and shiny new quarterbacks. Allow Honcho – your new and most favorite fantasy football bestie to help you navigate the numerous story lines that make up one of the most fantasy rich divisions in football. Can Andrew Luck keep his spleen in one piece this season? Will Blake Bortles remember he’s Blake Bortles or will he continue his ascent up the QB ladder? Can Marcus Mariota deliver through the air? If so, who will he throw to? Finally, is $72 million enough to convince you that Brock Osweiler actually knows what he’s doing? The suspense is too much! Let’s get started. As always, we’ll review the teams in order of predicted finish.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I don't have enough spam, give me the Razzball email newsletter!

unnamed

It’s a bird. It’s a plane. It’s malamoney’s fantasy football rankings. The best thing about rankings and projections is that no one ever calls you out for having absolutely sh!tty projections. It’s not until months later when the season is over that projections can really be evaluated for efficiency, and by that time who really give a flying [fill in the blank]. Not to mention, who’s actually going to take the time to do so.

Here is my process for generating projections. Step one. Develop a random number generator. Step two. Generate hundreds of random numbers. Step three. Publish projections. Okay, so that’s not exactly how I get from point A to point B. Truth be told, I wouldn’t be surprised if there were some sources out there that did.

First I calculate my own set of player projections. Next I download between five and ten other sets of projections. Finally I take all of the projections, including my own, and run them through a program I’ve written that averages all of the projections together. I considered dropping the high and the low scores, but that just seemed a little counterintuitive. Besides, it’s not like I’m judging figure skating over here. The biggest pain in the ass is dealing with all the various spellings of the same name. Odell Beckham Jr. versus just Odell Beckham. Steve Smith Sr. versus just Steve Smith. T.Y. Hilton (with the dots) versus Ty Hilton. And how about Le’Veon Bell (with the apostrophe) versus LeVeon Bell. When the dust finally settles and I’ve lined up all the edges, I have my projections.

If you are interested in my positional rankings based on projected points, please take a look at my last post, The Adventure of Bidding. If you are just too damn lazy to click a link, I will summarize…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

nfc-north-logos-800

Welcome back to our division previews here at Razzball.  Today we are going to dive deeper into the NFC North than Mac Miller into Ariana Grande.  By the end of this article we will be more worthy to be kings of the North than Jon Snow himself.  Speaking of awesome shows, I’ve been watching Oz for the first time and I’m about halfway through the 2nd season. Does the narrator in the wheelchair ever go away? Please somebody tell me I don’t have to go through 5 seasons of this.

Well anyways, this division has pretty average talent all the way around besides some outliers which we will get into.  Just a heads up, if you’re looking for tight end takes, you clicked on the wrong division preview.  There’s nothing to see here if you’re looking for top 10 guys.  As always we will go in order of most fantasy relevant offenses…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Zelda_II_The_Adventure_of_Link

Good news folks, Razzball has renewed my contract for a third season! While I’d love to say that I am to Razzball what Game of Thrones is to HBO, or The Walking Dead is to AMC, it simply would not be true. I’m more like Silicon Valley and Better Call Saul. But hey, that’s something right? Speaking of The Walking Dead, is it too early to start the “who does Negan kill” conversation? Just let it be Glen and let’s be done with it. Ok, back to me. As excited as I’m sure you all are to the prospect of me spending another year spewing nonsense intermingled with football advice, I’m twice as excited to be back. However, I’d like to make a minor request. Good or bad, I’d appreciate you leaving me a comment after reading my posts. If after reading something I’ve written you instantly wish you had the previous six minutes back, then please say so. If taking a dump is more enjoyable than listening to my advice, then tell me about your dump. Got it? Good.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

02_AFC-NorthReport_news

What’s up fans of American Football!? It’s your good buddy Honcho back to walk you through the AFC North. Yuck. That was my first reaction when I was assigned this division. I mean, can you think of four teams that deserve each other more than this group of franchise swapping,  Super Bowl gloating, bad chili pushing tough-guy wannabees? Yeah, me either. This division is tough to love. I mean truly it is. But I’m here to give you the tour so let’s proceed.

Our first objective is to identify the participants. Let’s start with the Cleveland Browns. Okay, cool. So you’re feeling good about the NBA season, but guess what LeBron’s not under center…..And that’s probably a bad thing. They hired a baseball analytics specialist to ruin –  errrrr I mean run things. The Dodgers thought so little of him they ran him out-of-town. What could possibly go wrong? So here’s the thing…I think they’re on the right track, accumulating draft picks and athletes – but this isn’t the year. Heading south, but still staying in Ohio we find the Cincinnati Bengals who have a better than average team, but just can’t win a playoff game. They’ll give it another shot this season and will probably challenge the Steelers for the top spot in the division. Speaking of the Steelers….Is there a more insufferable fan base in football? I’ve been to Pittsburgh more than a few times and you know what? Every Steelers’ fan looks the same. How is that possible? The jorts say it’s summer, the tucked in jersey says it’s football season, but the waistline says you gave up a long time ago. Ha! Just kidding Pittsburgh, I love your city! Mostly due to Primanti Brothers but hey, gotta start somewhere, right? This year you’re the team to beat in the North. Don’t mess this up. Finally we have the Ravens. Flacco’s back. That’s good. They signed Trent Richardson and then proceeded to release him shortly after. He didn’t even stick around to try Ray-Ray’s famous “Deer-Antler” spray. That was rude. Anyway, the Ravens are staring 8-8 right in the face, but if any team can luck box their way into the playoffs it’s this bunch.

So, with all that said the fantasy relevant information awaits. Per usual, I’ll list the teams in order of predicted finish. Here we go!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Tony-Romo-Jay-Cutler

Welcome to one of our last strategy sessions of the preseason (I think it’s our last. Besides comparing our rankings with those of ESPN, Yahoo, and CBS… which isn’t really strategy as it is, “haha, look how funny they are at ranking things type of post”). This is probably the biggest draft week (and weekend) in Fantasy Football, and I’m sure there are plenty out there who either play in formats that either start two quarterbacks, or change their touchdown point value from four to six. And in that regard, I bring you a post that should kill two birds with one stone, because ef birds, but also look guys at my profound ability to both have amazing geometric awareness and mind-bending arm dexterity to actually kill a living animal that can fly by bouncing a stone off of both of them!

Want to take on Razzball writers and contributors in the great game of Fantasy Football? For Prizes? OH MY GOD YES. Where do you sign up? Great question! (Even though you didn’t technically ask. I mean, you might have, but I couldn’t hear you…) You can join here!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

nfc-south-logos-800

Let’s continue our division previews on the side of the NFC. We will go with my personal favorite division, the NFC South. You might be asking why is the NFC South my favorite division? You might also be asking why would anyone care what my favorite division is? Good question but I’ll tell you anyways. I’m a die-hard Tampa Bay Buccaneers fan.

My childhood as a football fan was pretty awesome. Tony Dungy was pimping the division (NFC Central or whatever it was called at the time) with a bad ass defense including John Lynch, Ronde Barber, Derrick Brooks, and the always classy Warren Sapp. Warrick Dunn and Mike Alstott did most if not all of the productive work on offense. All they needed was a touchdown and a couple field goals to win each game so that was fine. When Jon Gruden was hired in 2002 the Bucs moved to the newly established NFC South, won the first title in the division’s history and Tampa’s first ever Super Bowl. Fast forward 14 years, Tampa has only won the division twice since that year, and haven’t made the playoffs since 2007. I might as well be a Browns fan at this point. Anyways let’s get it, we’ll start with the most high powered offense of last season.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

hi-res-cec8ea43f89bf755afc71c6c99933601_crop_north

Let me take you back to the 2010 preseason. Fantasy football buzz was building for Houston Texans running back Arian Foster. The buzz started in the offseason because Foster had put together a pretty good (but short) stretch late in 2009. The buzz reached its peak after he carried the ball 18 times for over 100 yards against the Cowboys in the 3rd preseason game. I didn’t care that much about the gaudy yardage total (though it doesn’t hurt!), it was the usage that caught my eye. He looked like a feature back in the making. Despite this he was still a relatively late pick, RB 24, with an ADP (average draft position) of 54 overall. So he was a high priority target of mine that year because presumed feature backs that come cheap are a very rare and a very good thing. And for the chance to acquire a feature back that late in the draft we should be more than willing to accept the slightly greater risk that comes with a player that has “never done it before”.  I mean Arian Foster’s 2010 situation would be kind of like if Ezekiel Elliott was going in the 5th round.  No brainer, right?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

AFC-WEST

So wait… You mean to tell me that we’re only a few weeks away from real, live concussion filled NFL action? Where did the time go? Anyway, for those of you not familiar with my work, which would include everyone not in my immediate family, I’m Mike Honcho and I’m usually pontificating on baseball this time of the year. However, it’s hard to say no to the persuasive ways of Unbreakable MB and Jay Wrong. They’re like the Razzball version of “Brazilian security guards” at a gas station at 6 A.M. – You just can’t say no! So here I am, ready to tell you how the AFC West will unfold in 2016. How will Denver cope without America’s favorite “Non-PED using” quarterback? Can Derek Carr take the next step and lead the Raiders to the postseason? Did Andy Reid serve his 15 hours of community service for habitual clock-management violations? Finally, can Phillip Rivers generate enough excitement for the dozens of Chargers fans in San Diego? Theses questions and more (well, not much more) will be answered below. I’ll list the teams in order of predicted finish and give you a few helpful nuggets to help you navigate the choppy waters of fantasy draft season. Join me, won’t you?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

NFCWEst

Some of the pros in this industry put out division previews, and over here at Razzball, we are no different. I will try and hit as many player names as possible that are relevant to your upcoming drafts. This is my first article for this site and I’m excited to be here. Let me tell you a little bit about myself… Sorry to go into so much detail. Sometimes I can’t stop babbling.

We are going to start with the NFC West and without going into a ton of detail before we get into individual teams, the West is chalked full of running back talent, but probably the weakest as far as wide receivers go. As far as rankings go, this is a mixed bag in terms of quarterback, and the tight end pool is pretty shallow too. We will go ahead and start with the team that I think will have the most fantasy relevance in this division…

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Page 1 of 212