The second bi-annual London game has arrived, and along with it comes another mandatory 15 hour drinking period. (Instead of the usual 11 hour one I play for on Sundays.) You may not think there’s a difference, but just ask my liver and it’ll tell ya, there’s actually not a difference. The world is dark and full of opportunities to drink. What can I say, my liver, it drinks and knows things. Beyond the early-early morning game across the pond, not much really stands out matchup wise today. I’d love to harp on the schedule yet again, but then it’d be the seventh straight week doing so and even seven times of anything is too much for me. Except when it comes to chocolate covered pretzels. I could eat those as a meal. You may wonder why I’m talking about chocolate covered pretzels, but, I mean, do you really want me to talk about the Ravens versus the Jets or the Bucs going against the Niners? Yeah, I didn’t think so…Please, blog, may I have some more?
With the Chargers game won and done with this past Thursday, I can finally ditch my usual Sunday malaise and enjoy football as a true unbiased spectator. And what better way to do that than by watching a riveting 49ers vs. Bills game. Jesus Christ NFL. Alright, alright, you’re right, I won’t go through my often-used diatribe on how this year’s schedule looks like it needed a little bit less cocaine and probably a bit higher literary rate for those who conceived of, so let’s celebrate the good games today. All three of them. First, the Falcons have a chance to start their soul and season crushing six game losing streak against the Seahawks, the Dakboys take on the Packers and an uncharacteristically sh*tty version of Aaron Rogers at the currently unfrozen tundra. And last, and certainly least, the 1-4 Panthers take on the 1-3 Saints, in what should be a fun dumpster fire. Cam Newton should be starting, so don’t add the tires yet… but be sure to keep them on standby.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Whoo-weee folks, have we got a Sunday for you! Not depressed enough? How about the Patriots and Browns? Want to question life in the most existential way possible? Well, I’ve got the Titans and Dolphins! Are you secret misanthrope ready to break free from those commercial and societal chains? Well then, Washington and the Ravens are just for you… okay, okay, we do have a few interesting games, the mysteriously 3-1 Texans visit the even more mysterious 4-0 Vikings, the Bengals will bring as much mediocrity as they can to combat the Cowboys usual peak levels of mediocrity, and if you squint really hard, like so hard your eyes start stinging and you see as many glowing tiny white lights as a J.J. Abrams movie, the Falcons and Broncos game seems intriguing. And something else intriguing to think about, which may start your alcoholic consumption early today (my rallying call), is that if the playoffs started today, it would included the Texans, Vikings, Falcons, and Rams. Holy. Sh*t.
Be sure to check out our Start and Sits for today’s games here, along with Rudy’s updated projections (which finished 11th most accurate last week) for Week 5 by clicking here. And as always, our updated rankings are available after the jump!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Well, I’ll give Monday Night Football credit, I haven’t seen these two teams matched up against each other in a while. So there’s that. Will the MNF curse hold strong, give us either derp or a horse tranquilizer to the eyes? Well, the Giants are involved, so derp is a given, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Both these teams are riding surprising starts, a theme also echoed by ESPN, who also wrote that the Vikings hadn’t lost a game in eight months. It sounds like a lot when you realize that football just started a month ago. While the Eagles are probably the biggest surprised in the NFC East, I’d would agree that the Vikings have already blown my expectations away. They’ve beaten the Packers AND Panthers already on the arm of Sam Bradford and on the leg of not Adrian Peterson. What a weird time we live in…Please, blog, may I have some more?
Look guys, if I could make a post where it was just that GIF and nothing else, I’d do it. But that’s kind of like someone spending a few hours making you cupcakes and then just eating the frosting. Sorry mom! And trust me, this was a hard decision-making process I went through there, with all the HARF HARF Big Ben GIFs that we have uploaded and ready to go, sorta how Roethlisberger describes himself around the bathroom stall. And while it sucks that I’ve been writing about football so long that I know how to spell Roethlisberger’s last name without Googling it first, it does give some perspective on a pretty intriguing Sunday Night Football game, probably the most intrugingest of the year. On another note, I’ve been doing this long enough to make up my own words, so yeah. Both teams have a questionable loss, but are 2-1, both teams have playoff aspirations (with potential… I’m sure the Browns, actually, no, I’m sure the Colts have aspirations, just not the potential, for example), and both are expecting their star running backs to make their debut tonight. One because he’s gets injured every three weeks, and other because of the ganja. Who will make the bigger impact? Which team will come out on top, thus taking a closer step to eventually losing to the Patriots in the playoffs? How many timeouts will Andy Reid eat? Find out all the answers to these questions and more tonight!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Well, it’s that time again where we jump over the pond with our very own little franchise that couldn’t, known to some (a few) as the Jaguars. It’s almost an annual thing at this point and one has to wonder if the NFL knows how to market something properly if they want to actually grow the brand outside of the states. But hey, this time it’s all good, because the Colts are coming and I’m pretty sure that the football version of Hodor would go over quite well in London. I mean, I assume that Game of Thrones has no borders. True, they have a wall, but it’s not like the white walkers paid for it, ya know what I’m saying? After waking up way earlier than we should and adding an extra three hours of drinking time, the rest of the slate in the North American continent consists of such gems like the Titans at Texans, Browns at Washington, and the Lions at Bears. Ugh. There is an interesting Seahawks versus Jets game if you are interested in napping. And then there are the Bills and Patriots. Hey, at least you’re not going to lose to Julian Edelman as quarterback… well, I mean, unless Jimmy Garoppolo goes down again. Then, yeah… about that…Please, blog, may I have some more?
You know, I always look forward to watching the Bengals in primetime, if only to see which team shows up. The “regular season” version which has a dynamic offense that moves the ball both on the ground and vertically mixed with a potent and aggressive defense… or the “playoffs” version which is everything that the regular season version is, but the opposite and a heaping side of derp. Yes, true, we do find the “playoff” version lurking around at times during the regular season, but since they are at home and against the Dolphins, I’m probably not holding my breath. And while you could point out that the Dolphins are coming off a huge emotional win in Week 3, I would simply remind you that it was against the Browns…Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m pretty sure I could compare tonight’s Monday Night Football game to that of the first Presidential debate pretty closely, but I get kinda stuck at who plays the part of Donald Trump. Like, I think the obvious choice would be Sean Peyton, but then we’d have to inject his skin with Cheetos to get the correct pigment. Hey, if you’re going to do an analogy, you gotta go 100%. But since this is a day where football actually will finish second to something other than it’s own news, I don’t mind going ahead and just talking about the matchup tonight that features two dumpster fires. I’m actually talking about football this time guys. Yes, the eternal battle between two floundering NFC South teams not named the Panthers is on full display tonight as we get to see the idea of defense be dismissed and scorned like the silly idea that it is to both these teams. Generally, I’d usually pick the home team between the two, so the Saints get my vote (see what I did there?), but I think the real debate (did it again, red hot fire they call me folks) is how many points the teams score total. I’m guessing in the thousands, but you’re right, that number sounds a bit too conservative. (WOOOO. Trifecta baby!)Please, blog, may I have some more?
I talked about this on the pod a little bit, but when you look at this game, you really wonder why the hell it’s in prime time. Sure, several months ago, this might have looked good on paper… maybe? I don’t blame Jay Cutler as much as Bears fans do, Alshon Jeffery is a lot of star power… but there’s not much else there that your general football fan might recognize. And the Cowboys? Yeah, they usually anchor any prime time game with Bryant, Romo, and Witten… yeah, the match-up would have made some sense if you squinted really hard… but boy, now that we’re here… Wow. Jay Cutler is doubtful for the game, leaving us in the derpiest of all time periods: “Hoyer Time”. Jeremy Langford is not who we thought he was, and even over on the Cowboys side, Tony Romo is out (for his career, if we care about his future aspects to live the rest of his life in a healthy fashion), leaving something called Dak in charger. Ezekial Elliot is suffering from some rookie over-hype (made of phrase, I’m sure), and Jason Garrett is still head coach. I’m sorry, why are we watching this game tonight?Please, blog, may I have some more?
For some reason this week, there’s a somewhat-crowded slate of games… I’m not sure on the science of this, the when, the how, the meaning of it all (in terms of scheduling, not life), but I’ll take as many games in the afternoon as I can until the bye weeks hit. And today, we’ve got five selections to choose from… Rams at Buccaneers, 49ers at Seahawks, Jets at Chiefs, Chargers at Colts, and the Steelers at Eagles. Okay, now that I’ve listed them, maybe I take it back… wanting that many games, what was I thinking? I could honestly do without four of these, and not even my Chargers bias can keep them in this small group of watchable, including, and definitely limited to the Steelers and Eagles. A tale of where two teams will go, the Steelers have a chance to go 3-0 with the impending return of Le’Veon Bell, making them seem like a potential playoff team. The Eagles? This is probably a “show me” game, in that the hype of Carson Wentz tries to prove itself for real. Then again, if that doesn’t interest you, I’m pretty sure there will be a good case to make the over/under for the Chargers-Colts game at 100. 100.5 if you’re into that who decimal point thing…Please, blog, may I have some more?