iggle

With the Panthers and Broncos Super Bowl 50 rematch in the books thanks to Graham Ganope doing his best impersonation of Blair Walsh, or, you know, the O.G.: Billy Cundiff, the first Sunday of Football has finally arrived! And what a plethora of choices to choose from in the morning portion of today’s schedule… so many historic matchups, so many engrossing storylines… we have the Packers visiting the Jaguars… uh, err. Okay, never mind with that one. We have the Bills taking on the Ravens. Uhhhh no. Hmm. Bears at Texans? Eh… Okay, okay, we have the Browns at the Eagles! Actually, what the f*ck? Oh, wait everyone, I found an interdivisional game with a storyline to boot… the Buccaneers take on the Falcons! Sh*t, that’s from the NFC South, the NFL’s very own dumpster fire. Vikings at Titans? Seriously? Bengals at Jets… Raiders at Saints… Chargers at Chiefs? Okay, honestly, what is going on here? Yeah, excuse me, NFL scheduler? Yeah, you should probably drive over to my house so I can promptly punch you in the ear. Sigh. It’s like they know that we haven’t had any real football for the last 20 years and they are getting rid of all these terrible games in the first week. I’d respect the strategy if I wasn’t stuck watching the execution. Welp, might as well check out the Browns and Eagles, that seems like a game that could reach derp level ten in no time… or cause profound alcohol consumption. Seems good.

Oh, before we get to our updated rankings and all of your lineup questions, if you missed it, Rudy released the Pigskinator (which can be accessed from our Menu above or by clicking here). These tools provide you with in-season weekly projections that you can use on a game-by-game basis. In addition, we also unveiled a brand new Daily Fantasy Bot that’ll help you win some of that cash monies, if you’re into that sort of thing. I mean, it’s money, so you could say I’m a fan. Check these out, as they are completely free to use for the next four weeks!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Riverboat Ron

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Sorry, drinking has already started because today is the day. Today is the day football starts! Yeah, I know that you know, but I wanted you to know that I know because I now know that you know. And that’s when my computer exploded. Regardless, not only does the debut of football bring us, you know, football, I also get to debut my beloved Live Game Day Threads. A place where we can hang out, enjoy some memes, discuss the games in front of us, and hopefully learn something. Like in this case, what a Siemian is and what it can do. To be honest, I could tell you better what it could do if one of those vowels were dropped. Like, any of them. But yes, if the GIF above or the just stated close-but-not-so-close sexual innuendo didn’t give it away (or even the title!), our first game of the year features two teams that have a long and storied rivalry dating back to… uh, well, one game. But, to be fair, that game was the Super Bowl (50, or as the Romans would say “L”), a game in which the Broncos defense carried Peyton Manning to another title so he could retire knowing he had one more ring than Tavaris Jackson. It’s important to have goals folks. And while I’m amazed that the NFC South was able to produce a team that actually knew what it was doing last year, an entire offseason has passed since these two franchises met. Will there be a different outcome? Well, unless they’ve figure out how to stop Von Miller, I doubt it… but to be fair, if I still have a Cam Newton combined with the return of Kelvin Benjamin led by the distinguished gentleman known as Riverboat Ro, alln going against a quarterback I hadn’t heard about until a week ago, I’d say your chances to win are preeeetty gooood. Sorry, I’m at the elongated vowels stage of alcohol poisoning…

Our Week 1 Rankings can be found here!

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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