Order. ORDER IN THE COURTROOM! The Law Firm of BenJarvus Green-Ellis, here unto and forthwith known as the plodding plaintiff, is charging Giovani Bernard – who will from henceforth be known as the electric defendant – as a younger, more versatile player with the intent of taking away the starting role of running back on the Cincinnati Bengals. This heinous crime leaves fantasy owners in a state of limbo as to who to draft for the Bengals at running back and will lead to a year of anguish for them whoever drafts either guy. How do you plead, electric defendant?Please, blog, may I have some more?
The NFL Draft is many different things for many different teams. For teams like the Jaguars, it’s a time to regroup and rebuild towards the future. For others like the 49ers, it’s a time for the rich to get richer. For teams like the Cowboys, it’s a time to make confusing picks and further alienate their fanbase. How ’bout dem Cowboys? You ever wonder if Jerry Jones just likes playing with his money but pretends he really cares? Like he goes to restaurants and orders Peking Duck then gives them $100 bills to wrap his leftovers up in then takes it outside and sets it on fire for no apparent reason? Then later announces he doesn’t understand why his leftovers tasted bad? Yeah, me too. But I start with this intro so that we can discuss the Seattle Seahawks and their drafting of Christine Michael. Now clearly anything and everything I say is pure speculation here. I have no insider information nor do I have Spidey senses, though my left arm is tingling. Signs of a possible heart attack. Thanks, WebMD! Though more than likely it’s because I passed out while reaching into a cooler full of dry ice. Yeah, that’s not possible without more serious issues but this is the internet and we lie about shizz all the time. But more to the point, Marshawn Lynch has carried a large load over the last couple of years…hehe, ‘load’. For reals, since 2011 Lynch has touched the ball 351 times. Sure, that’s not a 400 carry pace which always raises the warning flag but you have to consider the running style here. Lynch isn’t exactly someone you’d call a ‘dancer’ in the hole. They don’t call him Beast Mode for nothing as he’s not one to back down from contact and that style of running can catch up to you pretty quickly. When you factor the nagging back injury issues, this 27 year old running back might be closer to a 30 year old one in terms of tread on the tires. Of course and again, this is all pure speculation but it IS odd that the Seahawks would draft a running back of a similar build and style to Marshawn so high in the draft when the team had other spots that many thought would be addressed. Overall, this draft pick could resonate louder after this season but it’s also a sign that the Seahawks do not see Turbin as anything more than a change of pace back and that Christine Michael is the back to own if you are looking to handcuff Lynch for the 2013 Fantasy Football season…oooooooh, I’m not done yet. We’re working on a Razzball Football Glossary Term page like the Fantasy Baseball side has and we want to
steal praise your glorious minds by putting your definitions in for some much needed fantasy football funny for terms. We’re totally FUBU around here. So below are some topics of discussion and you’re free to throw ideas out there on other ones as well. We don’t discriminate but we do playa hate. Wait, what? Anyways, your input is needed, Razzball Nation so put on your thinking caps – mine looks like an upside down ice cream cone – and tickle our fancy with your input….oh, a secondary psyching? Yep! We did an off-season podcast last week if you didn’t know about the 2013 NFL Draft and some of the off season moves. We recorded it around a drum circle while @NickCapozzi and @jaywrong did interpretive dance about their affections for Jennifer Lawrence. It was haunting…but for reals, help us out below, we’d greatly appreciate it and love you forever or at least until we forget you were the one that helped us.
Free at last, free at last, thank gawd almighty we are free at last! Razzball has <3′ed this man for a while and we kept saying to ourselves and anyone else who would listen, If only he were given the chance to be a starter somewhere.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Alright, it’s time to do your best Home Alone impression everyone so go grab your dad or your grandad’s aftershave and slap it on. Even though it’s early, the New York Jets are stating that Mike Goodson is the favorite to be the starting running back for them in 2013. And now here’s where you do your best Joe Pesci impersonation as that news sets your head on fire. But watch your language there, this post is rated PG! Ok, it’s not I’m just sh!ttin ya, curse away. There needs to be an R-rated version of Home Alone just to hear Pesci drop the F-bomb. Isn’t it odd looking back over his career to see all these foul-mouthed gangsters and then to have some kid beat the living crud out of him and only to hear him say ‘shoot’ and ‘gee willickers’? Maybe he just hadn’t had his Snickers on set, we know how people aren’t themselves when they’re hungry. But more to the point, something tells me Pesci and his cronies would like this move by the Jets. Yes, in my world all American-Italians love Gang Green. Heck, even Grey Albright does and he doesn’t know a damn thing about football.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The news hit my twitterfeed like there was a cure for cancer. Arizona trades for Carson Palmer! Finally, Larry Fitzgerald has a real quarterback throwing to him! It’ll be just like old times for Fitzy! And this is much longer than twitter will ever allow for one tweet! It must’ve been broken up over like 5! And I can’t stop using exclamation points!!!…!!! It’s true, the Cardinals finally got their man in Carson to do away with the 3-headed dreck of Stanton, Hoyer and Skelton for the season and it’s also true that Carson will most likely be successful in his stint in the desert. But let’s do like your mother did when you said you’d grow up to marry a Super Model and create a sock that never loses its elasticity: lower your expectations. It’s true that Carson is an upgrade over all those guys – and even Kevin Kolb who’s now with the Bills – but the upgrade that’s still needed hasn’t truly happened. Unless you think being a quarterback in Arizona is linked to the world’s oldest profession, you realize a QB can’t do their job while lying on their back. The Cardinals had either the worst or at least bottom 5 among offensive lines in the NFL last year according to most metrics. Don’t worry, Americans, you don’t have to understand the metric system to get how bad these stats are. The Cardinals line gave up the fourth most sacks (49), had the lowest ‘adjusted line yards’ mark at 2.92 and the team as a whole averaged 3.4 yards per carry on the ground. Those stats are like a surgeon performing a transplant: disheartening. However, the good thing we can say here is the Raiders line was not leaps and bounds better so there’s hope for a reasonable season to come from Carson and from his receiving crew. Just don’t go crazy with the twitter love and exclamation points about it. In other 2013 fantasy football news…Please, blog, may I have some more?
Sing it with me! His name was Kevin/He was a Cardinal/He had a 6 year 60 mil deal and then played 15 games in 2 years…and on and on and so forth. What, you thought you’d get the full song outta me? BUY THE ALBUM! Kids these days with their Napsters and their Limewire. You could buy the single if you prefer for .99 cents or the deluxe $1.99 one that has an image of me signing a fan’s boobs. I didn’t realize I had such a male following but when you dress to impress, you get to sign flesh. But back to the moral of the story here: don’t sign man boobs when a camera is near by. And for another moral to a story that’s more relevant to the topic at hand, while NCAA fans were getting treated to a Shocker for the first time this weekend, the Buffalo Bills were signing Kevin Kolb to a 2 year deal on Saturday worth a very incentive-laden $13 million. Now here’s where I’m about to zig where a million people are zagging and no I’m not talking about those poor Gonzaga fans out there: I like this move. I’m prepared for the hate, bring it snitches! Here’s what we know about Kolb. We know that he was – for the most part – unsuccessful in his stint in Arizona. However, we also know that no QB was successful in Arizona over the last two years and a majority of this can be put on the offensive line which ranked by many metrics either dead last or in the bottom five for O-Lines in the NFL. Hard to be good with the ball from your backside unless you’re an escort and Kolb is no different. But let’s get back to that ‘for the most part’ statement I said earlier. After stepping in for John Skelton late in week 1, Kolb produced the line of 1,169 passing yards, 8 touchdowns and 3 interceptions and led the Cardinals to a 4-2 start. In essence, he played 5 games before getting hurt against the Bills. Extrapolate those stats across, say, 15 games and you have 24 touchdowns, 9 interceptions and over 3,500 passing yards. Those stats would’ve put him as a top 20 QB for fantasy, possibly a top 15. Now I’m not saying to go buck-wild crazy for Kevin at this point. We still have a draft coming up and it’s very possible the Bills draft Nassib to reunite Marrone with his ‘Cuse QB but Kolb is in a better situation in Buffalo. If he’s the starter for 2013, he’s very worthy of a roster spot in 2QB or 1QB/1QB flex leagues and one to keep your eye on for this year. Sound crazy? Well Ryan Fitzpatrick has been a top 20 QB for the last two straight years behind a solid line with decent skill-position players surrounding him. I do believe that as your floor is exciting enough considering he’ll probably go nowhere near the top 20 QBs come draft day. And with that, here’s a look at some other news going on from this weekend for 2013 fantasy football…Please, blog, may I have some more?
Well, this one is gonna be short and sweet. Well maybe not sweet. Might actually be dry. But things can be dry and sweet at the same time, though, right? Think raisins and dates here. So let’s whip out the food dehydrator, make some dried mango slices and see how this new rule is going to affect our 2013 fantasy football season…Please, blog, may I have some more?
It seems like the more we see of Greg Jennings in the media, the less news there actually is about him concerning football. Last year his owners got to see his believe in your smellf campaign more than they got to see him on the football field as he only played in 8 games in 2012. It was like the exact oppostite of Bader-Meinhoff Syndrome (real thing) as his owners started a Go F@#$ Your Smellf campaign (not a real thing) in protest of his absence. Then at the start of free agency and even leading up to it, Greg Jennings talking on ESPN was more commonplace than Greg Jennings actually signing as it took until most of the rumored suitors had moved on with another player before he ‘picked’ the Vikings for a 5 year deal. Honestly, this was a desperation play on both sides that could benefit the fantasy community quite handsomely. You see, for all the issues with how bad Ponder was last year – and yes make no mistake he was bad and not in a Michael Jackson sort of way – he still produced a top ten caliber wide out before Percy Harvin got hurt and then moved on to the double entendre ‘Evergreen State’ this off-season. There’s no reason to think Jennings can’t still hold value without Aaron Rodgers at the helm. Of course, there IS a question of whether or not he can stay healthy enough to produce as he’s only played 21 games in the last two seasons. In a way too early way to evaluate things, Jennings is looking like a 6th round pick right now and the 27th wide receiver off the board and this is before many mocks have happened with the new locale for him. Something tells me Greg is going to keep slipping which should create a reasonable value when considering volume being a factor. Before losing Harvin to injury, 36% of Ponder’s completions went to Percy. To put that in perspective, of Stafford’s 435 completions, 25% went to Calvin Johnson. Being a big fish in a little pond is a huge boon to fantasy value even if the pond is covered in algae and has the local sewage run-off going into it. If Jennings can stay healthy, he’s going to reward his owners with a WR2 season for a fraction of the cost. Sleeper potential is high here.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Though most of the rumors had SJax becoming a cheesehead for most of Wednesday, it was the Falcons that landed Steven Jackson on a three year deal Thursday which lead me to relive all the great acts from the dirty south. Somehow despite having Outkast available I went with Ludacris which is…well its ludicrous but it’s happened and now we must move on from it. The writing had been on the wall for most of the 2012 season that the Rams wouldn’t be bringing Steven back so for him to land on the Falcons is a blessing for many in the fantasy world. Firstly, SJax himself gets a major boost as Atlanta was an offensive juggernaut in 2012, finishing in the top 5 in total yards last year and 7th in PPG, leaving a Rams team that finished 23rd and 25th, respectively. Factor in that his predecessor Michael Turner averaged 3.6 yards per carry and still finished as a top 20 fantasy running back in 2012 and the ceiling for Steven Jackson just got a lot higher. Like we’re talking vaulted ceilings and you’ll need an extension for your sticky buddy to clean up all the uh…joy that you’ll release if you get to draft him this year. You see, Turner was burned out last season. In three of his five seasons with the Falcons, Turner had 300 or more carries with one of those seasons being only 11 games after carrying the ball 376 times in 2008. Though it’s not the same kind of concern that goes along with Arian Foster and his 400 touches, 300+ carries is a heavy burden to bear. I mention all these things because even with a terrible burnout year, Turner still scored 11 total touchdowns. That’s 1 more than SJax has scored in the last 2 years combined. I can tell you’re blinking rapidly with surprise and shock at that so I’ll give you a moment to let it settle in. Good, now I’ll tell you that SJax has only scored 10 or more touchdowns twice in his career and the last time it happened was in 2006. Hello, you still there? Crap, someone call a paramedic I think we lost one! When you factor in Jackson’s versatility – Turner only has 70 career receptions compared to Jackson averaging 49 in a 16 game season for his career – the fantasy world will be his for the taking and yours as well if you take him. I might be wrong but I think we get some vintage SJax in 2013.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Well there were rumors of it and inklings and rumors of said inklings but it finally happened. On Wednesday, Reggie Bush signed with the Detroit Lions on a 4 year deal which sets in motion some fantasy commotion of major implications. Firstly, getting the former Kim Kardashian ass caddy is going to make waves in Detroit which is funny because he just moved from South Beach to do it. At least I think that’s funny. *Checking* no, it’s decidedly not but what is funny is Bush’s new teammate Mikel LeShoure eating a bag of weed before the officers could find his stash. Maybe they should trade him to Denver or Seattle now…well anywho, I’m not here to talk about Mikel. At least not yet. In getting Reggie, the Lions grabbed a great Jahvid Best replacement. You know, the running back who was probably the starter had concussions not taken his career from him. Why do we like this and by this I mean the Bush signing and not the concussion? Because in 22 games as a Lion, Best caught 85 passes which is a 62 catch pace for a 16 game season. When you consider Detroit has attempted the most passes of any team the last two years, the passing volume for great things is going to be there for Bush to be fairly Sprolesy. Overall, he probably will cede some touches to both Mikel and Joique Bell, there’s enough to go around for him to stay a solid RB2 in PPR leagues. And of course, Reggie’s exit from Miami along with the Mike Wallace signing should increase the stock of Lamar Miller dramatically. Sounds like I have some game film to watch and a post to write, yes? Yup and yup but we’re not here for that right now so let’s take a look at more moves from day two of the NFL free agent market for 2013 fantasy football…Please, blog, may I have some more?