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Muah! That’s the sound I expect to hear from you when you start Kirk Cousins this week. I fully expect your lips to be on the computer screen on Sunday giving your DraftKings lineup a big smackaroo because of the numbers he’ll bestow upon you. Just don’t slip your computer the tongue. I’ve heard about the sites you frequent, your computer is probably more diseased than a red light district at this point. It doesn’t take a genius to realize the Eagles and their secondary can be attacked. Heck, I think we all know this will be a full-blown offensive array by Philly and those Washington guys are gonna need to keep pace. Unlike the blowout Cincy got going early which negated Dalton’s upside, I don’t think there’ll be either team getting a chance to rest on their laurels this week.  Sure, Washington might rely on their RBs heavily to slow the pace of the game down.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s been tried before to keep the Eagles offense off the field.  Just don’t think Cousins will be afforded this opportunity and for that reason alone he’s worth it, nevermind the fact that he is only $7,300 for the week.  Cheap chance at a 300 yard passing day, friends; take advantage.  But enough about your cheapness, let’s get on with the slate.  Here’s some other hot takes on week 3 DraftKings…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 team league of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It lets us know that you care!

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Andy Dalton
So week one is done and in the books. We now know what every player and team will do every week from here on out. You don’t even need me to give my input on this week, to be honest. Go look back at those first few games, extrapolate and boom: profit. If only the world worked that way. I mean, John Kuhn gonna have a 16 TD year, right? Right…well there is one thing I think we can hang our hat on from year to year: my penis. I’m sorry, that was lewd. And kind of painful. You didn’t tell me it was a beer helmet with two full tallboys! No, what we can hang our hats on are stats: specifically home/road splits. And with that, we’re here to discuss Andy Dalton, aka the Red Rocket. What, you’ve never heard of someone calling him the Red Rocket? Clearly you read nothing of what I wrote last year, then. It’s alright, I didn’t either so all is forgiven. Dalton’s splits over the last couple of years have shown he’s a vastly better play at home than on the road. Looking specifically at last year, he had a 20:9 TD to INT ratio compared with a 13:11 line on the road as well as a +17.5 QB rating swing when enjoying the Cincy confines. Of course, splits only tell half the tale. Who is he facing, you ask? The Atlanta Failcons. You see it? See what I did there? Now Atlanta isn’t the same team as last year so pointing out they gave up the 4th most fantasy points to opposing QBs last year isn’t saying much. But they did give up half of the mark of the beast to Drew Brees last weekend with 333 passing yards and I don’t see a reason to think they’ll slow down Dalton this weekend. Welcome to Gingernnati, snitches! I’m all over this red head this week like Hermione Granger on Ronald Weasley. The fact that he’s priced outside of the top 10 QBs on DraftKings at $7,500 is quite baffling to me to say the least but I’m not gonna complain. With that, let’s move on. Here are Razzball’s picks for the week 2 slate for DraftKings 2014 Fantasy Football season…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 team league of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It lets us know that you care!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings all. I’m here for the first of many DraftKings posts. And by ‘many’ I mean ‘once a week for 17 weeks’. Sounds daunting, I know. Wanna know what’s even more daunting? Trying to write this up two weeks in advance. Yes, you’re talking to August Sky when you comment on here. Well, it will really be September Sky in the comments but he’s commenting for August Sky from here. Do you know how hard it is to be split personalities based on months in the same post? The United States of Tara got nuthin on me! And why am I writing so far into the past you ask? Well, I have a few reasons…32 of’um to be exact. You see, I’m on the final leg of the #32in32in32 tour with Nick Capozzi starting on the 30th of August. That’s in Chicago and here’s me pointing at the spot on that sweet Razzball tour bus where Chicago is just in case regular maps confuse you. I won’t be home until after the first game of the year so I’m thinking ahead and getting the goods to you in a reasonable amount of time, ya dig? So apologies in advance if my info seems more dated than my cultural references. I’m doing my best! But now that we have that covered, let’s go even further into the past. Here’s my Pump & Primer post from earlier this August. It’s a great stop for those of you who are wondering just what the heck this DraftKings business is. BTW, you’ll notice I keep giving you a hyperlink for DraftKings…see I did it again! That’s your ticket to the $100,000 play action tournament care of Razzball if you’re a first time DK’er. And by clicking on that link and signing up through us, you let DK know that we sent you which lets them know we like them. It’s like Valentine’s Day and we’re secret DK admirers and you’re the box of chocolates we’re sending with a note attached saying ‘I wanna make sweet, sweet love to you down by the fire on a polar bearskin rug’. So it’s a win, win situation. Minus the staples you got from the attached note. Sorry about that, we’ll use tape next time. But you’ve already got a DK account, you say, but want something tempting from this post? Well how about Razzball’s 20 Team Week 1 DK Challenge? I reserved my seat back in August, where have you been? But of course, now that we’ve covered the pimping, let’s get to the playing and namely, playing against a bad defense. You see, the Cowboys were easily one of the worst defenses last year. I know, I know, don’t hang your hat on last year’s stats. But what did the Cowboys do to improve? By getting rid of DeMarcus Ware? Last time I checked, losing your best defensive player doesn’t improve your squad. This team is a mess and Jerry Jones is out there doing bathroom selfies in lewd ways to try and forget that he owns it. Speaking of owning, that’s what Colin Kaepernick will do come Sunday. Though I’m not the biggest Kaep guy for the year, I do think this matchup is for him to go hog-wild in given the set up. Colin finishing the day with 30+ points wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest and he’s not even priced in the top five QBs for the day. By the end of the day, Colin will have you saying ‘Oh Kaep-tain, my Kaep-tain, our fearful trip is done, The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won’. And not to get all sappy on you but yes, that’s my Robin Williams shout out. Gonna miss you, Mork. Now on with the week one picks for DraftKings contests for 2014 Fantasy Football…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings Earthlings, I have decided to descend from the heavens to give unto you the secrets of the DraftKings life. And by ‘descend’ I mean ‘go down a flight of stairs’ and by ‘from the heavens’, I mean from the second floor of my house. It’s hot up there right now! I’ll just type this down on the coolest floor of the house, thank you very much. If you’re not familiar with the baseball side of Razzball, well you’re probably just a football junkie through and through. I’m fine with that. But I did do a similar write up this year for the MLB side of this Daily Fantasy Sports universe so if you by chance did read the Primer and the Pumped editions, you might see some cross over. Yes, I might even be copying and pasting whole paragraphs. But you can’t plagiarize yourself, can you? Who would object? You won’t see me hauling myself to the principle’s office by my own ear…unless it leads to YouTube hits, of course. I’m all about the cash money! The point being is that though the sports are different, the similarities are still there in terms of knowledge base. Since this will be for people who aren’t familiar with DraftKings or the idea of Daily Fantasy, I want to do a quick reach out in the intro to those who are here for just the important parts. First important part: sign up for DraftKings through that link there. First time depositors get a free entry into the week 1, $100K Play Action Tournament. If you already have an account, well send your friends on over to sign up through us as well. The second important part is DK will be the lead article Wednesday Mornings throughout the season so tune in for the fun. Thirdly, if you’d like to know what got my motor running about DraftKings and how to get the strategy down, @BalesFootball has a fantastic e-book series available on Amazon called ‘Fantasy Football For Smart People’. I strongly suggest it even if you’re a seasoned veteran in the Daily Fantasy biz. And with that, I’m spent! Let’s get down to the getting down and cover some ins and outs of the DraftKings world for 2014 Fantasy Football…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s here.  Finally.  The Finale.  The big tamale.  The Carne Asiata.

The ginormous 2013 Fantasy Football Millionaire Grand Final is this weekend, where the overall winner is going to win a million bucks.  A thousand thousands.  A million… ones…  Imagine making it rain that much, Pacman!  In a futile attempt all year, I unfortunately did not win a satellite ticket into the tourney, so I’m playing in a cheapy and not in line for the million.  But hopefully you have enough to enter the contest or have won any of the several satellites to get in there.  And if a member of Razzball Nation becomes a millionaire, maybe you buy me a couple crown and cokes?  Yup, I’m gonna be “one of those” if you’re a winner!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Ohhhh man, the playoffs have started and that means we’re only one week out from the huge MILLIONAIRE GRAND FINAL (!!) which is week 16 (not 17! which it used to be…) on December 22nd.  Christmas comes early this year!  I’m still without a ticket that I’m trying to pick up for $2, but I’m out there again, trying to nab my ticket in the $2 Qualifier.  There are of course all sorts of other satellite qualifiers you can hop into, but you need to hurry as the finale is only one week out!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

DraftKings is back!  And after a week where I indeed followed Nick’s advice in playing Josh Gordon, I had a really solid outing but still not the top spot in my normal $2 Fantasy Millionaire Qualifier.  I still need my ticket!  Week 17 is only three weeks away now, with the WEEK 17 MILLIONAIRE FINALE less than a month out.  I need my fantasy sports Christmas Bonus!  I need to buy myself a treadmill with all this holiday eating… I’m feeling like Willis McGahee out there!  Damn, so many Browns references… Next we’ll start talking Tim Couch!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I hate you Chris Ogbonnaya!  Hate you so much.  Chris O-Bones was a hot pickup as a cheap RB for the PPR upside, but nooooooo…. Luckily with daily leagues, you can wipe the slate, officially never pick a guy again, and move on from your former tribulations.

We’re quickly approaching only a few weeks left until the WEEK 17 MILLIONAIRE FINALE, and I’m still eagerly trying to get my ticket on the cheap – so I’m rockin’ out in the $2 Fantasy Millionaire qualifier for Sunday’s games.  After feeling extremely confident last week and losing in a few other contests, I’m only sticking to the one lineup this time.  O-Bones be damned!  And if you’re jones-ing for DraftKings while watching on Turkey Day, there’s all sorts of contests just for the Thursday games to hop into.  So DraftKings it up and enjoy the Holiday!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

DraftKings is back baby!  And we’re one week closer to that HUGE WEEK 17 MILLIONAIRE FINALE, and while I’m still struggling in my attempts to win my ticket on the cheap, I’m slowly improving.  Last week I was 234/862 and with another 233 players worth of improvement, a ticket is mine!  I’m sticking with the $2 Fantasy Millionaire Qualifier to try and win the Ticket with just a few peanuts.  That said, I’m feeling better about my roster than any other week, so I might branch out into some other contests for a nice payday.  Bring it in the Millionaire Qualifier, Razzball Nation!

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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