It seems like so long ago at this point but you remember when Joseph Randle made headlines? No, no silly, not for how he played on the field. It was his shopping for a five finger discount that rose an eyebrow or two. It’s one thing to steal when you’re poor or at least an intriguing item but…underwear and cologne? Do they correlate? Are you trying to tell us something, Randle? Did someone have an accident while at the mall and couldn’t think of a better way to cover it up other than a change and a spray? Did you even wipe? Oh well, bygones. Let’s look at why we’re actually here to talk about Randle. DeMarco Murray’s hand done broked and the likelihood of him starting this week is slim to NOOOOOOOPE. Sorry, had a Lana Kane moment. Again, it may be that by Thursday, we know Randle isn’t even starting but as of right now, I want all the Randle I can handle and at $3,000, I can handle a lot. Heading into Monday Night’s game, only the Saints have given up more fantasy points to opposing RBs over the last four weeks. Yes, that does still look back on the Pats game where Jonas Gray scored 4 but the opponents since haven’t exactly been rushing juggernauts. With how good the Dallas offensive line has been all year, it’s hard to imagine them deviating from what has gotten them to 10-4 just because their lead back is out. If Randle is starting, I wouldn’t go so far as to say he’s a must play but 20+ touch opportunity at a minimum price doesn’t come along very often. Probably locked into most lineups both for cash and tourney, you are either playing with the crowd to exploit other prices or you fight against the current. I won’t hate you either way. Well, at least not about this topic. But enough talk, have at you. Here’s my red hot takes for the week 16 DK slate…

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Hrm…how am I gonna do this…*Goes and reads ‘How To Sell A Bad Idea For Dummies*. I got it! He’s cheap! Yikes, readers and readettes, we’re really digging down into the down and dirty at QB suggesting Jake Locker at $5,400 but there’s some reason for optimism here. One, it’s your money, not mine…JK. The big reason I’m staring down the barrel of Jake’s cannon arm is the matchup. The Jets have been a wreck in the secondary all year. So bad, they’ve allowed a top 15 or better finish to quarterbacks with names like Alex Smith, Teddy Bridgewater and Kyle Orton (twice). If you were looking for a sign that something’s not working, Orton hanging big weeks on you more than once in a season is a pretty good indicator. Now of course, none of this touts Locker as a great play. He’s a risk. A big one, in fact. There’s no sign nor indication that Locker will ever be a good NFL QB at this point but DFS DGAF, y’all! Boy can scramble. Let’s just pretend that he has ‘started’ 4 games this year since he was hurt half way through week 4 and has played back to back 4th quarters the last two weeks when Zach Mettenberger’s shoulder turned into ground beef. In those ‘4 starts’, Locker has averaged about 34 yards on the ground and has a rushing TD to his credit. The great thing about rushing TDs? They’re worth more than passing TDs…seriously, you play this game, why am I telling you? So Locker could net you 9 points with 30 yards rushing and a TD without doing much out of the norm for his style of play. Now let’s take that ‘could’ and tack on the bad passing defense to date by the Jets that has allowed a 29:5 TD to INT ratio and an average of 258 passing yards a game for the year. Now let’s not kid ourselves, this could easily blow up in our faces like we just got a present from Jokey Smurf so I wouldn’t get cute and play him in cash games. That said, if you’re a GPP’in, you’re lookin’ to cut corners on pricing wherever you can and this could be that one time you’ll remember the 2014 Titans fondly. Enjoy. But enough about Denzel Washington, let’s move on. Here’s my red hot takes for the week 14 DK slate…

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When previewing matchups on DraftKings, it gets a little too easy to be lazy. Just roster the guys with the green OPRK, avoid the guys with it in red and maybe kinda/sorta glance at the neutral white guys. BTW, neutral white guys should be the name of the political party in Switzerland. You’re free to use it, Swiss Mrs. out there…but more to the point, I have a little secret for you. Come closer so I can whisper it into your ear. No, closer…EVERYONE CAN BE RUN ON! Sorry, felt the yelling would smack you from complacent analysis. Not like it hurt your ears, you’ve been listening to Rise Against at top volume with your ear buds jammed into your head. PS, don’t do that. Both listen to them and jack the volume up. Both are bad for you. Now where were we…oh yeah, anyone can be run on. When looking at Seattle’s rush defense, you have to allow for caveats. Yes, their numbers suggest running on them isn’t a good thing. They’ve only allowed 3.5 yards per carry on the year, a stat which is 4th best on the year. They’ve also only allowed 1036 rushing yards, good for 5th best. But I have two stat lines for you to debunk this mindset: 29/115/1 and 20/159/2. The first stat line is DeMarco Murray from week 6 in Seattle and the second one is Jamaal Charles from week 11 in KC. The rest of the lead backs Seattle has faced this year? A litany of circumstantial meh. Alfred Morris without RG3 under center in week 5? Trash. Darren McFadden at home in week 9? C’mon, man. Andre Williams in week 10? Dumpster fire. In fact, Seattle gave up 18/85/1 to Tre Mason and 16/79 to Jonathan Stewart this year too but if you asked anyone if Seattle is a stout run defense and they’ll say ‘yes’m’. Well, maybe not ‘yes’m’ unless you talk with a lot of people from the south. But that doesn’t tell you much about why you should start LeSean McCoy, of course so lets get Shady for a minute. First, let’s talk price tag: $6,400. If he’s your RB1 this week, that’s prettay, prettay nice. Secondly, he averages 22 touches a game on the season. That’s nice floor. Thirdly that’s also a fourthly and possibly a fifthly, he’s scored a touchdown and/or had over 100 yards from scrimmage in 6 of his last 7 games and three of his four touchdowns this season have come in the last four games. Don’t be throwing no shade at Shady this week, friends. But enough about that, let’s talk about another that. Here’s my red hot takes on the week 14 DK slate…

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If you don’t remember from last week, and since most people don’t remember what they had for breakfast I wouldn’t be surprised, we discussed that paying down at QB makes sense unless under extreme circumstances if you are using the rule of 5. If you don’t remember but wish you did, well, here. The concept revolves directly around how much can you reasonably expect from your QB vs a skill position. Now, Drew Brees scored over 32 this last week. At 8.2K, that was probably the best return you could’ve expected and was close to 4x value. But the second best? Eli Manning with over 27 at 5.8K. Sure, you lost 5 points but you gained 2.4K to spend on skill positions. Skill positions that could score you 39.4 points (Odell Beckham) or 36.7 (Demaryius Thomas). It’s that wiggle room you want to create from QB by playing matchups so you can pay up at the skill positions most weeks. Wanna know who gives me that wiggle this week? Alex Smith. Not that kind of wiggle. Gross. Don’t look at his season stats to weigh his $6,200 price tag. Instead, look back on weeks where KC had to throw to keep in the game. I can already tell you you’re not looking in the right place. That’s his 2014 game log. You’ll find nothing there. Go back nearly a full year to week 12 of 2013 and you’ll see a healthy line against the Broncos where he threw for 293 yards, 2 TDs and ran for 46 yards. Sure, doesn’t sound that exciting but it’s roughly 24 points and gives you the chance to pair with…oh, I’m getting ahead of myself so you’ll just have to read on. Here’s my red hot takes for the week 13 DK slate…

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Follow me, if you will, into the minds of the casual DraftKings player. Casual player sees Kyle Orton and how badly he played on Thursday Night Football. Casual player is disgusted by this. Casual player is even more disgusted by Kyle’s neck beard. Casual player is never playing Orton in any fantasy situation, ever. Well, sorry casuals but that’s how you lose: by saying never. That’s the great thing about this here game we play. It’s daily, not seasonal. You don’t have to own Kyle the entire year, you just have to own him for the right matchup and when the price is right, you’re even better off. Now I’m gonna discuss a bit of strategy. It’s a general way of processing or viewing your salaries over there on the DK. Take those salaries and divide them by 1,000. That should give you some kind of decimal point. For Kyle this week because he’s $5,400, that number would be 5.6. Now take that decimal number and multiply it by 5. For Orton, that gives you (5.6*5=) 28. Casual players don’t do this which is why casual players let a start at home against an opponent who’ve given up the most fantasy points per game to opposing QBs on the year slide by. To date, the Jets have given up 25 passing touchdowns to only 3 INT. Oh and the last time Orton faced them? He collected 4 of those TDs and zero of those INT, finishing with 26.12 DK points. Now I’m not making the promise he’ll do that again but here’s a little dirty DK secret. Those top tier QBs? Yeah, they’re priced about 9K most weeks. So for example, Aaron Rodgers is 9,900 this week. That’s nice. So for him to really reach a good value for you in a tourney, you either need (9.9*5=) 49.5 points from him – his highest point output this year is 39.6 – or you need to find values around him at much lower price tags that will go off. Trust me, I’ve been there and it’s hard to do. It’s much simpler to aim for a lower priced QB with a good matchup most weeks. It’s just too hard to find that blend and be that handicapped at the skill positions most weeks to warrant such a thing. I know, I know, none of this says Orton’s any good but was Austin Davis when he threw for 375 against the Eagles? Yeah, not so much. If given the opportunity to pay down at QB, most weeks follow Nike’s mantra and just do it. All this to say, if you can’t tell, I’m strictly calling Orton a GPP only play this week. Heck, he could get pulled at halftime after the kiss of death vote of confidence on Monday. But it’s hard to imagine that happening so I’ll be rolling with him plenty. But enough about neck beards, let’s get on with this. Here are my red hot takes for the week 12 DK slate…

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How much do I love a cheap QB? Let me count the ways…hrm, let’s not. I have about $6,300 worth of words built up here and I don’t think even with as long winded as I am I could get this all done by Wednesday morning. There are some things I typically appreciate over on DraftKings. One of these things is easily bye weeks. Not sure what the algorithm is that DK uses but for some reason it seems to spit guys coming off buy weeks out much cheaper than they should be. Unless they’re a Patriot and no I’m not referring to Mel Gibson’s American version of Braveheart there (we’ll get to that later…the football stuff not Mel Gibson, sugar tits). In the end, bye weeks tend to underprice guys. Is it a ‘what have you done for me lately’ thing? Is it a glitch in the Matrix? Did someone simply divide by zero? Who knows. All I know is that Tampa Bay is Tampa Bad, giving up the third most passing TDs and allow a 68% completion rate to them on the year. With Robert Griffin III at home and coming off a bye with a reasonable week in his back pocket from week 9 (250/1/1 with 34 rushing yards), I could see him having a strong week 11. Passing for 300 with 2 to 3 TDs wouldn’t be out of the question in my book, although game flow will largely dictate that as they’re a full touchdown favorite this week. The likelihood of him going nuts is pretty minimal so I’d simply say he’s a nice cash game play unless he helps you build a monster GPP roster for the week. Deploy as needed. But enough RG3, let’s get on with what else there is to see. Here’s my red hot takes for the week 11 DK slate…

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After a knock down, drag out battle with the ‘hawks, everyone thought ‘hey, Cam Newton at home against New Orleans, a team with a weak secondary? He should destroy’um!’ In the famous last words to twitter…WELP. Yeah, there have been very few ‘wow’ type plays from Cam over the last couple of weeks. You could say he’s gone from ‘Cam wow’ to ‘sham wow’ but that would be such a blatant abuse of the pun world just to sneak in a Vince remix, I’d like to think I’m above that. What? Who put that link there! I’m appalled! But since it’s there already there…I mean, why remove it now, you know? In reality, nothing new has happened for Cam to make me excited about him this week vs what he dealt with last week. He’s still getting a great set up for a potential big game against an Eagles secondary that ranks near the bottom in most fantasy categories for points against when it comes to opposing QBs. Well, I would say the main difference is that it’s not on Thursday Night…yeah, I am one of those guys who still thinks TNF sometimes gives us more WTF than the regular Sunday/Monday tilt. It changes the dynamics of prep, of healing, of approach in general. Some teams are good at it, some ain’t. We’ll put Cam and company under the ‘can’t’ for this argument. After the week and a half off leading up to this Sunday, I think Newton and crew come out swinging. The best part is, the Panthers defense is still a mess so the game should stay competitive and give Cam a shot at that elusive 300/100 double bonus dip we all want and love. Of course, if he can just pass for 300 and rush for 50 and add 3 TDs in there, we’ll all be happy, right? Right. So now that we’ve got that opening settled let’s start working towards a closing. Here’s my hot takes for the week 10 DK slate…

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Ugh, do I have to, Fantasy Gods?  Why must you torture me so?  What did I ever do to you to deserve this?  You touch yourself inappropriately when you think no one is watching.  Ummm, Fantasy Gods care about that?  You’re ruling over a bunch of nerds, what else are we supposed to do?  ‘Check out my fantasy team’ isn’t exactly something you post on Tinder.  Neverthewho!  Eli Manning.  Ugh…I mean, he plays football so there’s that.  Just doesn’t play it well most weeks…so there’s that too.  Then again, he’s coming off a bye and should hopefully be ready and prepared to take on a secondary that got completely wrecked both on the scoreboard and in terms of injuries on week 8…but of course Rashad Jennings might not be back this week and it’s clear the Giants need him…ooph, this is tough.  Eli is gonna throw for 350 and 4 TDs or he’s gonna end with 175, 2 picks and give you Manning face.  There’s really no in between with this guy so for me he’s going to be a GPP only go and even at that, only do it if everyone and their mother says ‘I won’t play Eli this week’ for the contrarian goodness.  Wow, what an inspiring opening!  I think there is more hedging here than even a yard worker could provide.  Clearly it’s time to move on so let’s.  Here’s some other hot takes for the week 9 DK slate…

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If you know anything about me, or at least have read more than a few articles, you’ll know that I have a few movies in my referential lexicon that I lean on heavily. Number will will probably always be Anchorman. I mean, seriously, within 17 weeks of fantasy football, San Diego gets referenced at least 17 times. How could you NOT go with the German definition when presented the opportunity? Rhetorical. Sixty percent of the time you do it…every time. So let that bring us to the present where I am yet again quoting a movie but this one might be before your time. I don’t know how young you are. Based on some of your texting-based understanding of the human language, I’m guessing at least 30% of you are of the ‘Y’ generation. Don’t worry, I can still understand what you’re saying even if you don’t use punctuation and end sentences with ‘LOL’ and don’t worry part two, I ain’t mad atcha nor am I picking on you. If there were ever a request for Samuel Johnson truncated, you’d have nailed it. Thankfully, my movie reference isn’t THAT old. Nah, I’m just looking back at The Neverending Story. I don’t know if it’s on Netflix. Damn, now that I say that I HOPE it’s on Netflix. FALCOR! But more to the point, Marshawn Lynch was one of the bigger disappointments for DK players last week but I’m here to tell you, dammit it wasn’t his fault! He had a TD called back and for what it’s worth, the Rams played a very good game, which limited his grind down yardage as he finished with a miserable 2.9 ypc and ended with a defeating 9.1 DK points on the day. Not quite what people signed up for when paying $7,100. Oddly, his price point hasn’t changed this week. Given he’s facing the Panthers – a team that is giving up 5,29 ypc to opposing runners – staying the course with Marshawn makes a lot of sense. Marshawn should be a good get for both cash and GPP given his price and him coming off a frustrating week 7. But that’s so last week, let’s talk about this week. Here are my hot takes for this week’s DK slate…

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So it was an odd week to be a Seahawks fan and a rooter for the underdog turned belle of the ball Cowboys. My emotions were – much like the shirts of someone going 80’s chic – torn but in reality, it was just a good game plan by the Cowboys and a really disjointed one for Pete Carroll and company. You said ‘joint’. Good grief, Washingtonians, really? THAT’s all you got outta that? Moving along, let’s look a bit into the troubled world of the Seattle offense for a moment, shall we? Truthfully, it’s funny to think of them as troubled. I’d like to say more ‘directionless’ than troubled. But good teams have bad games. Let them pass and move along and take advantage of the cheap offers they create in the DK world. Looking at Percy Harvin, it’s hard to explain how he’s not seeing the ball more. He’s the most dynamic offensive player Seattle has but has been targeted 26 times in five games. That’s a pace of 83 targets on the year. To put that in perspective, Emmanuel Sanders is on pace for 153 and he’s not even the primary target in Denver. I think Seattle comes out embarrassed, hungry and angry against the Rams and I think Harvin will do a good amount of damage…as long as the refs don’t call all the TDs back this time. #NeverForget. In all, at $4,100 he makes for a nice low priced option with huge upside that leaves you room to spend up elsewhere as needed. So with that, let’s move on. Here’s some more hot takes for the week 7 DK slate for 2014 Fantasy Football…

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