Well here we are; week 17, the last coup de grace for a few of you, and for others, the Holy Grail of eternal survival and a suicide championship belt. For many of us (me included), the year ended early with a bucket full of shame. Again, how in the world has Arizona gone from a strong contender early on to the weakest of pretenders later on? For some of you, the loss came in the middle of the season, raising your hopes just enough to curse your losing choice for a few weeks thereafter. And for another select few, the season has boiled down to these last two weeks, creating stress levels beyond the reading ability of the stress test machine. No matter what category you fall in, all we can hope for is that we don’t need too much therapy and rehabilitation at season’s end. However, as always, it’s been a fun ride on the rollercoaster that is the National Football League.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Eliminate The Suicide
What do Kevin Kolb, Brandon Weeden, Charlie Batch, Nick Foles, and Ryan Lindley have in common? They are all signs that the apocalypse is coming. I kid, I kid. They have all sent me defeats in the 2012 NFL season. Just goes to show you that this game we call American Football is one wild and wacky creation. I have yet to start my Christmas shopping, so to avoid buying everyone very personal gift cards, I will do my best to be short yet sweet with my week 16 selections.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
How in the world did Tampa Bay lose to Philadelphia? Really, How? Charlie Batch and Nick Foles have given me back-to-back losses. Throw in an improbably Arizona win in week two and my three losses have come from some dreadful quarterback play. I thought the quarterback position was supposed to be one of great importance, skill and leadership? I guess sometimes – three to be exact – all it takes is somebody with two arms, a helmet, and a confused look on their face to get the job done. Time to exact some revenge on these three thorns in my side.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Now that’s more like it. Even though I got burnt by Charlie Batch last week, it was nice to see some upsets peer through the scoreboard in week 13. I guess it wasn’t nice to see if you had selected San Francisco, Baltimore, Chicago or Carolina. In the first two of those games, the team projected to win lost to an intense division rival. I fell for the trap last week as I felt the Steelers with Batch as quarterback trumped the fact that the Ravens were playing their division foe. Rules are rules for a reason, so don’t go trying to rule on new rulings and become a ruler.
Teams Already Used – Houston, New England, Chicago, Green Bay, San Francisco, Atlanta, Minnesota, San Diego, Seattle, Pittsburgh, Dallas, Cincinnati, Baltimore
Tampa Bay, My Week 14 Pick – Even though they fell short in the second half last week in Denver, Tampa Bay still has a shot to make a post season run. The season has turned from a marathon to a sprint for the Buccaneers and they must get off the block with a win this week. They start out in an early heat versus some unsuspecting challengers. The Eagles are primed to make some big changes in the off season and will just do their best to cross the finish line without falling flat on their face. Bryce Brown and Co.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
You know when you wake up in the morning, sleep walk to your washroom mirror in a fog, trying to brush your teeth and wash your face, when you suddenly realize ‘when did my hair get so long’? You try and think when your last visit to the salon was. A month ago? Six weeks? You don’t remember. Then you say to yourself, ‘I need to stop drinking at the saloon and take care of my body and appearance more’. That’s what it feels like when it comes to suicide pools this season. When was the last meaningful week where underdogs upset and took out a bunch of people in your pool? Week six is the answer. I know, I don’t know whether to stop drinking or drink some more. Time to put that game of Liar’s Dice on hold, get back to rolling the dice, and making some picks in week 13 of your suicide pools.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
If week 11 in the NFL had one name assigned to it, it would be Houdini. The smoke and mirrors used by Houston, Dallas, Tampa Bay, and Atlanta to magically pull victories out of strait jackets is nothing short of miraculous. The top suicide picks all managed to inch out wins in dramatically late fashion: Matt Ryan throws five interceptions yet the Falcons fly passed the Cardinals for the win in the fourth quarter; the Texans become the first team in NFL history to win while scoring twice in overtime; the Buccaneers squeeze out a victory in overtime after a last second touchdown and two point conversion to send the game into said overtime; and the Cowboys, well, were luckier than a rabbit’s foot tripping over a four leaf clover. What could have been the end to many suicide pools now becomes a tighter and more desperate fight to the finish of last man or woman standing.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
My experiment working from the road was a success. All three picks came to fruition and the potential upset pick ended up losing. Four for four from the road. As long as no physical activity is required, then road work feels just like home: food, shelter, booze water, and WiFi all available on the road as basic necessities for someone writing about football.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
We always say that travelling on the road is tough for sports teams: the travel part stinks; your routine is irregular; the hotel isn’t home; you are not used to the climate; the stadiums’ visiting locker room doesn’t have the amenities you are accustomed to; and you’re stuck in a van with three other guys driving 5000 kilometres in 12 days. Do we really understand how it feels to work on the road? The scientist in me wanted to experiment, so I set sail with three other scientists, packed in a grand and luxurious spaceship, out to experience a foreign and unpredictable world, ready to test the visitors’ conundrum out. Road Trip! I hope my picks from the road turn out to be just fine. My back hurts.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
We’ve all heard these motivational and life quotes: lead by example; never tug on Superman’s cape; always take home teams.I did the opposite of all of the above (Trent Richardson is Superman). I’ve been preaching home teams since the day I could gamble on football, and what do I go and do? Not lead by example and take a road team. Even though the Chargers only lost 7-6, and they easily could have won the game, this is why you never, almost ever, take road teams. Things – and by things I mean negative things like turnovers, weather, sacks, coaching decisions, bounces, and a whole plethora of other things – tend to always happen more often than not to road teams. It’s science. Good thing we have a whole slew of other motivational quotes to fall back on like: learn from your mistakes;if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again; always buy two pairs of Air Force Ones. And to compound last week’s loss even more, I chose a losing road team during a week when roadies went 8-6. I need a road trip…
Teams Already Used – Houston, New England, Chicago, Green Bay, San Francisco, Atlanta, Minnesota, San Diego
Seattle, My Week 9 Pick -Back to taking a solid home team, and there is no better place to start then the team who plays in CenturyLink Field. I don’t think Christian Ponder will cause the Seahawk defense any trouble as they have already defeated the likes of Tony Romo, Tom Brady, and Aaron Rodgers on their home soil. The sound level during games at CenturyLink Field was measured at a high of 112 dB, which is just below the noise created by a jet plane, and just above the buzz of a chainsaw. Anything over an 85 dB rating can potentially cause noise induced hearing loss. I think the NFL needs to forget concussions created by DB’s taking headshots and start to focus their attention towards high dB levels, and its damaging effect on the 50,000 spectators in attendance. There’s a bigger problem out there people. But, until they do, I’m taking the Seahawks to tone down the Vikings.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
You know when you check your lottery ticket in the morning, and you start comparing each drawn number to your selected numerals, and the first few numbers hit right on; your heart starts beating at a faster pace, then you end up getting five out of seven correct and you think even though you didn’t hit the jackpot,a couple of thousand is still a good victory, only to be disappointed when you really won only a hundo, and you start to curse the gaming commission by words ending in ers and oles? Yeah, that was like week seven in the NFL with respect to suicide pools. It could have been a million dollar week if only the Jets didn’t give the game away to the freaking Patriots. So close, yet so far. Only 2% of people – most of them residing in the wonderful town of Buffalo – lost last week in suicide pools. You know when you are driving to work and you are so close to beating your record travel time (because who doesn’t time their commute) that you hope the traffic officer sitting in the control room, who watches you every morning, gets distracted by a drop of jelly from his donut onto his shirt, preventing him from hitting the red button on the last set of lights, allowing you to achieve your best lap to work yet?
Please, blog, may I have some more?
