Fantasy Football Advice

Maurice Jones-Drew had another huge game, but fell down at the one instead of running it in. No, he wasn’t drunk, at least I don’t think.  The Jags were down at the time so it seems like a questionable call, but hey, I don’t care about the real football, I needed those points!  MJD apologized to fantasy players and to himself, since he owns himself in his league, but this kind of fantasy play is uncalled for from MoJo.

Ronnie Brown: He had a TD and over 100 total yards before he went down with an ankle injury.  He thinks it isn’t that bad, but we have to wait for the physicians to do their thing.  He has a short turn around before playing Thursday night so even if he isn’t hurt badly I doubt he’ll play then.  Burn some incense and sacrifice a Harry Carson rookie card to the Fantasy Gods so he only misses the one game. If you have Ricky Williams, burn something else.

Michael Turner: The Burner had his ankle torched.  We have to wait on more word, but he also looks like he could at least be out a week or two.  Jason Snelling will be a good pickup if Turner is out for an extended period.

Justin Forsett: He totaled 149 yards and a touchdown with Julius Jones breaking a rib early in the game.  He is a must pickup even if Jones comes back in a couple weeks.  It’s hard not to see Forsett getting a lot more touches from here on out.  Sadly he plays Minnesota next week, but still.  If you are in a deep league you should also give Louis Rankin a shot.  He looked stout, quick, and fast on the touches he had.

Brian Westbrook: He suffered his second concussion this season in Sunday’s game.  This wasn’t just some twist of fate that he had this happen again. If we see him back on the field this season I will be surprised.  Lesean McCoy will take over for Westbrook, but who knows if the Eagles will remember how to even run the ball.

Darius Heyward-Bay: He dropped, juggled, and caused an interception as the Raiders were moving down for a possible winning score.  He no longer is just worthless, he is actively losing games in a worthless manner.

Beanie Wells: The guy is just too good to keep down for long.  Tim Hightower works well in the AZ system, but they are going to have to change the system because Wells needs to be in there.  He had 2 touchdowns and 117 total yards.  Buy high!

Jason Avant: 156 yards! Pick him up! Pick him up! Wait, on second thought, don’t.

Jamaal Charles: Finally! I talked to Haley right before the game and implored him to give the ball to Charles.  He said, “Suck it Doc!” I was a little upset, but I knew my man Charles would just go ahead and take control and give Haley no choice! Well, I hoped, and he did.

Cedric Benson: He left the game with a hip flexor, but out of all the running back injuries this weekend his seems to be the least worrisome.  I could see grabbing Bernard Scott, but I wouldn’t waste a waiver claim on him unless news gets worse.

Sidney Rice: The guy has sold his soul to Lord Favre and could be the last piece that will bring about Favrageddon!

Pierre Thomas/Reggie Bush/Mike Bell: This three-headed turd is not making me happy.  Reggie had a nice game when it looked like PT Loser was the main man coming into a cake walk against the Rams.  I still think Thomas is the man for the rest of the year, but you can’t discount Bush as an erratic impact player.

Ladell Betts: He was supposed to be hurt and share the rock with Rock, but instead he ran for 126 yards and a TD against what’s supposed to be a good defense.  He’s gone from your free agent pools, but he made a strong case to be started even in tough matchups.

Calvin Johnson: He had a workman like performance for an elite wide receiver.  It was nice to see.  Eight receptions for 84 yards is a step in the right direction.  I think you’ll be glad you own him down the stretch.

Terrell Owens: He had a decent game, but was going all TO on everything.  He wants out of Buffalo before the blizzards hit.

Marques Colston: Another down game.  He will turn it around.  Grab him from the sweaty palmed Colston owner.

Donnie Avery: 2 touchdowns and 67 yards ain’t too shabby. He’s on a bad team, but he is by far the Rams’ best receiver and as long as he stays healthy he’ll get end zone looks. I would only use him in three wide receiver leagues though.

Bill Belichick: Peyton Manning’s bitch.

Lance Long: Matt Cassel likes Lance Long a lot. When the words Wes and Welker are whispered while weighing in on Lance Long’s longevity in this league it’s worth looking up from your lineup and placing him in your ppr league, and in your all porn name league.

Brian Westbrook: Andy Reid is positive that Westbrook will play.  McCoy and Westy will rotate like they have been this year so you can’t expect huge numbers, but San Diego is weak against the run.  I could see playing both, but I would play Westy over McCoy.

Donald Brown: He’s practiced all week and will resume vulturing Addai’s carries.  Until Brown clearly gains the edge on Addai you can’t really start him except in deep leagues and now Addai becomes harder to start because of Brown.  It’s kind of like an Algebra equation that equates to both Addai and Brown owners getting pissed.

Jamal Lewis: He’s been limited in practice due to cantankerous oldness.  He’ll play on Monday night. Great Monday night tilt huh?  Watching the Browns is akin to watching 3 hours of the Jeff Dunham Show.

Roddy White: He’s been limited in practice all week, but is still getting out there.  Not really sure what limited is supposed to mean.  When Roddy practices is it like a limited edition coin you see for sale at 2 am or is it like going to the limited to buy some clothes for your teenage daughter and learning that you do have suicidal tendencies?  Any way you look at it, Roddy is listed as questionable and will probably play. He has a tough matchup, but he’s pretty much an every week starter if he can get to the field on his own.

Chaz Schillens: The deep sleeper is finally going to play, but sadly he gets Jamarcus Russell as his quarterback.  Maybe if Russell is trying to throw it to Miller, Schillens will have a shot at catching the ball.  Any way you crack it, Oakland receivers are on fantasy death row.

Anquan Boldin: He looks to be healthy and going up against a suspect Seahawks’ defense at home. Start ‘em if you got ‘em.

Darren McFadden: He’s back this week and gets a horrible Chiefs defense at home.  What does this mean?  Well, I’m not sure.  He probably won’t get the start and if he comes in and runs a couple no-gainers we may not see him again, but if he comes in and rips off a decent run we could see him a lot.  Is this clear enough for you?! I have him in a deep league and am throwing him out there.  I can’t say I’m overflowing with optimism though.

Clinton Portis: There is speculation that Portis could be out for a goodly portion of the season.  Yes, it’s a word.  There’s even a chance they might sit him down for the duration.  That’s purely speculation on the part of Washington sports writers and if he gets healthy I’m sure he’ll get back in there, but they will be very careful with him and I could easily see him sitting for 3-4 weeks. The Redskins don’t have a very good schedule (or a non-racist name) and Ladell Betts is a little banged up so there doesn’t look like any clear winners right now.  If you are in a huge league and need a warm body at RB you can grab Rock Cartwright, and he will be a good addition to your all porn name team.

Kenny Britt: He’s got some home run capabilities and Justin Gage has a broken back so Britt will be in there, but against the Bills secondary.  I’m not going crazy and picking him up, but if you have room he has a nice matchup against Houston next week. Oh, and Gage should be back in about three weeks.  Broken backs aren’t all their cracked up to be nowadays.

Terrell Owens: He hurt his hip while sleeping on his couch.  He’s a game time decision, but even against a poor Miami secondary he’s barely a #3 wide receiver in deep leagues. Yeah, and he hurt his hip, while sleeping on his couch.

DeAngelo Williams: He was seen walking without a limp for whatever that’s worth. I don’t know, maybe a buck fifty.  He’ll be a game time decision, but his matchup is too good not to sit at your computer refreshing the Razzball comments over and over until we post if he’ll play or not.  Oh, and if he goes, start him.  And if he doesn’t play you have to get Stewart in there.  I’m imploring you!

Derrick Ward: He didn’t practice on Friday and is questionable with a knee injury.  I had a little hope for him after he showed some chemistry with Josh Freeman in the passing game, but he can’t seem to stay healthy.  Cadillac actually has looked pretty good and seems to be running hard so if Ward doesn’t go I’d feel comfortable starting Caddy.

Bernard Berrian: He is still hurting even after the bye week.  That isn’t a great sign.  I’m thinking this won’t be the best weekend at Bernie’s.

The Chiefs only gave Jamaal Charles 9 touches when they should have given him 99.  Haley gave too many looks to Smith and Savage which just seems ignorant.  Smith was just activated and Savage hasn’t done anything.  Charles has shown he can run in the NFL so hey, I’ve got a good idea, let’s just give these other schmohawks a chance to ruin any chance for the offense to get in a rhythm. What happens from here depends on what the plan is for LJ.  Time to sit and wait.  And fume.

Clinton Portis was knocked unconscious early in the game which gave Ladell Betts the chance to get some work and be productive with nearly 100 total yards and a touchdown.  There is a good chance that they will hold Portis out next week against Denver as well as Jim Zorn and Doug Williams may also come out of retirement.  Pick up Ladell Betts if you need a running back that might see more than 15 touches.

Chris Chambers: He caused some buzz in the 4th quarter by grabbing two TD passes.  Could this be the start of something special? If “special” means one hit wonder, then yes. You can pick him up because he is the #2 receiver now, but I wouldn’t waste a high priority on him.

Alex Smith: He looked okay at times and horrible most of the time. He threw 46 passes which means Singletary has some weird deluded confidence in him.  I want to throw him back into the scrap heap of busted #1 picks, but I’m going to stick it out for now.  And when I say stick it out, well, you know.

Brandon Pettigrew: He has the skills to be a consistent tight end, but is still a rookie and has a rookie QB.  He’s worth gambling on if you are playing Russian roulette with tight ends anyway, but don’t get all giddy over his 7 receptions, 70 yards and a TD against the Seahawks.

Vernon Davis: The bust has gone and busted out into a huge fantasy tight end.  10 catches for 102 yards is starting to look near to normal for VD. I don’t see Alex Smith getting benched anytime soon so be glad you have Davis.  If someone wants to sell high on him and you need a TE, take them up on it.

LenDale White: He may have lost weight, but seems a lot heavier because of all that dead weight.  Dump him in the free agency pool.

DeAngelo Williams: He’s just too fast and too good and now John Fox is finally running like he means it.  Delhomme is just too bad and too not good that they need to keep the ball on the ground to have a chance.  Be glad you have Williams.

Julius Jones: He’s not very good, but he’ll do something once in a while.  He’s on pace for over 1,000 yards.  Justin Forsett is the third down back, but Jones is still getting the majority of the touches.  He is what we thought he was.  No need to crown his ass.

Marques Colston: He had some drops and Meachem and Henderson got most of the numbers.  Colston is still the only safe play out of the Saints’ wide receivers week to week.  If someone is worried about this game, take Colston away from them because they don’t deserve him.

Calvin Johnson: Megatron is still a top 5 wide receiver talent, but if you own him you aren’t thinking that right now! Stafford needs to at least get the ball close to him so he can make his other worldly catches.  I’m still buying no matter how long it’s been since he has shown he can be fantasy relevant!

LaDainian Tomlinson: It’s been said over and over, LT is done.  He is still getting looks which gives him some value, but at this point Julius Jones is outplaying him.

Anquan Boldin: He was inactive while the Cardinals humiliated the Bears and was none too happy about it.  He called out his coach for not being man enough to tell him beforehand.  I don’t think any of that really matters though.  The Cardinals have the easiest schedule against the pass for the rest of the season so this is a perfect time to go after Boldin.  He probably could have played, but now with a week off he should be able to go and give you good numbers going forward.

Lance Long: He had 8 receptions for 74 yards against the Jags.  If the Chiefs stick with this pass first mentality and use Charles ala Westbrook, we could see Long being useful out of the slot in ppr leagues. Oh, and his name is Lance Long, which is cool.

Josh Freeman: He only completed 14 passes, but made them count with 3 of them going for touchdowns in beating what should have been the better Packer team.  Freeman looked like a live body out there, but he’s not going to be worth a start anytime soon because he is just too erratic.

Carson Palmer: He didn’t have a huge fantasy game, but he looked good.  He has a decent playoff schedule and probably could be had a little cheaper than your top tier QB’s.  I’d target him if you’re running Ryan or someone even more schmoful out there.

Ronnie Brown: Two down games for Brown while Williams grabs TD’s may give you a shot at trading for him. I know it seems like RB is getting all his toys taken away from him, but I think Sparano is going to correct that trend.  Brown is the best player on their team and it is obvious when watching him run.

Greg Olsen: He probably won’t catch three touchdowns in a game for the rest of his career. The Bears were getting embarrassed and were throwing it often.  Even Earl Bennett had 90+ yards.  See if you can sell high on Olsen.

Steve Slaton and Ryan Moats: If you own either you can’t be very happy with Sunday’s results.  Moats was the “feature” back while Slaton got the 3rd down looks.  Slaton got into the end zone and didn’t fumble while Moats got in the end zone and did, but that didn’t seem to change much.  They are both going to be spot flex starts at best until one of them asserts himself.

Beanie Wells: 13 carries for 70 yards in a backup role once again to Hightower.  Remember his schedule and his ability.  All signs point to him not sucking the second half of the season.

Chad Ochocinco: He tried to bribe the ref with a dollar.  I’m thinking his meds need to be upped.

The rumors of Michael Turner’s death have been greatly exaggerated.  Last night he looked like he took Marshawn Lynch’s beast mode and Spike Jonzed it onto the big screen.  He’s still what he is; a big, fast, straight ahead runner who will blow a crease up into a thousand pieces.

Matt Ryan: I mentioned that his schedule was getting tough and that you should trade him, well, it’s probably too late now. He’s not going to have games like this every week from here on out, but it will be hard for him to lead your team to a championship.  Oh, and the Saints will get you turnovers! You heard it here, um, last.

Steve Slaton: Kubiak says that all three running backs will play.  He told Slaton to keep his chin up because they’ll need him.  I told Kubiak to keep his chin up because I want it exposed for when I give him a sucker punch and then run away.  Kubiak will play whoever he thinks will win him the game; selfish bastard. (more…)

We are on the cusp of week 7. Before we know it the Colts will be 14-0 and we’ll be talking about if they should sit Manning or go for an undefeated season and blah friggin blah.  I don’t want to be there yet! I want to stay in the heart of the season forever! I know it won’t happen, but that idea of cutting down preseason and adding a couple games to regular season sounds ok with me.  Anyway, I’ll complain about the season being too short later as well, so be prepared!  Here are a few thoughts before this weekends matchups:

Jerricho Cotchery: The Cotch Rocket is still hurting and won’t play in Oakland.  I still feel like Cotchery can be a useful fantasy player and the fact that they are resting him instead of throwing him out there to reinjure his hamstring is good for his owners.

Michael Crabtree: Isaac Bruce and Josh Morgan will split time equally with Crabtree. There really is no need to start him this week. If you need a bye week filler think Mike Wallace or Morley Safer.

Anquan Boldin: Boldin is a game-time decision, which isn’t good since his game time comes around later than most other game times. If you have Steve Breaston and Quan, and are sitting one of them, I wouldn’t worry about it, but otherwise get to worryin’ or get to losin’.

Anthony Gonzalez: The toast of Preseason Razzball Town should start to practice next week. I’ve held him because I am just that crazy. He will probably take Garcon’s place and Collie will still see work out of the slot. I would drop Garcon as soon as AGonz comes back, but hang onto Collie until he breaks his leash and heads off into the sunset.

Percy Harvin: He reinjured his shoulder during last week’s game and is questionable for this week’s.  With Sidney Rice getting a lot of special attention from Old Man Favre I don’t see Harvin doing much if he plays at all. If I owned Harvin I’d hope he would sit out this week and take the extra time to change his last name to Farvin.

Clinton Portis: He has yet to practice this week, but I’m not sure he has practiced at all this season.  The man has like 4 broken bones and the Bird Flu.  They will wheel him out and line him up and he’ll get your team some yards and may fall into the endzone, but don’t expect much.

Chad Ochocinco: Eight five does not need the ability to say shizz to the world at any moment it pops into his addled mind.  Unfortunately Twitter has give him this ability.  Each week there is a “story” about what eight five tweeted and I can’t repeat what it was this week since I didn’t pay enough attention, but I can assure you it was nothing important.  But no matter how irrelevant his voice is, his legs and hands are relevant on the football field. He is a solid #2.  And I mean that.

Miles Austin: With Roy Williams not 100% I think Austin will break the curse of one and done wide receivers we’ve seen this season.  Will he gain 250 yards again?  I know I’m going to shock you when I say this, but, no.  But that doesn’t mean he won’t get his targets and Atlanta’s pass D is hurting, especially with Williams out.

Jonathan Stewart: The Daily Show finally stopped showing crappy reruns and gave us a good episode. He has been gimpy this week, but his matchup is too favorable to sit him. The Panthers are going to run and run and then have someone in the stands draw up some more running plays when they run out so they can run some more.

Ahman Green: He signed with his old team and is already injured. He must have hurt his hand while signing. Or maybe when the owner slapped him on the back to congratulate him his shoulder dislocated.

Ryan Grant: It’s been reported that the Packers were trying hard to trade for a running back before the deadline since Ryan Grant looks like a slug on valium. But instead they got Green. This doesn’t bode well for Grant. He could have a decent game against the pitiful Browns’ run D and then you should stick him with a hook and toss him into the trade waters.