Unfortunately, or fortunately, I’m too old and married to have ever used Tinder. I hear the younger guys in my office quite often comparing conquests and potential… ummmm partners. Working at a company with a bunch of 20-something males, the topic comes up with some regularity. I like to think it’s sort of like the wavier wire for skanks, male and female alike. No worries peeps, ain’t no shame in being a super hoe! This is a judgement free zone, well unless you’re this guy. Then I ‘m judging the heck out of you. Anyway, much like the wavier wire you take to Tinder to fill a void missing from your life. You might be looking for a one night stand or a one week plug-in. [Jay’s Note: Isn’t that a type of air freshener? That’s a type of air freshener…] Maybe a potential suitor flashes a little skin to get your mind racing with possibilities. The same way a player buried on the depth chart can come in and flash a little potential. We’re all looking for something new, shiny, and better than what we have. With this in mind randy fantasy owners took to the wavier wire Monday and Tuesday looking for that potential stud running back to make their dreams come true. I just hope for you Tinder-roni’s that your potential hook-ups offer more than this week’s hot pickup Justin Forsett.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I found it fitting to quote the Doors classic “The End” to signal the finale to our FFB season. If your championship is next week then I feel sorry for you because your commish is really bad at his/her job and deserves all the condemnation that is coming to them. Now back to this whole “The End” thing, this is it for me, next week is my awards show, which reminds me that I need to grab my tuxedo T-Shirt from the dry cleaners, and all we have are the real life playoffs. *makes hip thrusting motions at monitor* My Broncos are in, what about your teams? Now is the time to show all your “skills” and hopefully the people you choose will play all four quarters, get their projections +, and they don’t suffer some game ending injury that makes you look terrible at fantasy because when your guys get hurt it’s all your fault. How stupid must we be to play a guy that gets hurt, didn’t you get the crystal ball that came in the box of Captain Crunch. We need to keep a few things in perspective, play smart but not over think ourselves, look at the floor vs. the ceiling if it’s close and keep a box of tissues with us at all times on Sunday. The best thing about this week is we have no TNF, which IMO, is the worst thing the NFL has done since allowing this jackass back in the league. Oh wait, that’s right, they have no integrity…or soul, they can play god with fines for questionable hits and suspend people for smoking some weed but this a**hole gets to play every week? WTF is wrong with this picture?….besides that dudes hair. Hey look it’s a fantasy paragraph below, let’s check it out. Actually two paragraphs down are fantasy sports, the next one is fantasy becoming reality, go ahead Kid A, insert your snark now.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Knile Davis is getting some real love from Andy Reid these days. Maybe it was all those layers he had to work through? Maybe it’s because the Chiefs are a lock for the playoffs? I don’t really care, it’s here and it’s real. Reid acknowledges that Knile needs more touches and after last weeks audition I would have a hard time arguing against that. Our valiant leader Sky wrote about Knile already once this week, so at least we know that I really know how to suck up to the boss. Great job Sky! Looking good in that new mock turtle neck! The Chiefs offense is like small ball in baseball, mostly because Smith can’t throw farther than 20 yards, or so it appears, and like to pound it out and dump passes to the closest guy in a red and white jersey. I know I might be exaggerating a little here, but I have my reasons…Whiskey. If Knile gets his shot this week, and I’m 99% sure we see 15 touches from Knile, then what we got here might be a winner. The Broncos lost to the Chargers so the door is open and I think the Chiefs come out and knock the crap out of the Raiders. This leads to Davis getting those touches as they run it out against the Raiders and also evaluate a weapon that has been under utilized. Like Sky said, he’s a flex play this week in PPR formats and is probably in a better UPSIDE position than those with a better floor. Next week is the more ideal, but I could see him getting some run.
You might not be in the championship and you might be playing for pride….you always should play for pride. Regardless of where you are, players are still good to stash and use. Here’s a few others that might make some week 15, 16 and 17 play.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Did you see that? Did you like what I did there? I used Payoff instead of Playoff as a means to be PUNy. *squeezes horn* Yeah, I’m not very funny, the baby’s mama said most people laugh at me instead of with me. Funny I never got that til I met Sky a couple months back. I’m also not very happy right now. I have missed the playoffs almost everywhere, have tried kicking out the stool about a half dozen times and have also drank enough tequila to get the city of Guadalajara drunk. But hey, my therapist says I need to be more optimistic, so I fired him. Why be happy for myself when I can instead be happy for all 12 of you and hopefully help you to playoff gold. My only way to a championship is by living vicariously through my 12 readers. I love you 11 guys and Prezzi. So here’s what were doing here. I’m giving you names to stash, like I did two weeks ago, in the hope they get some play in week 16 or 17 because their teams (real life) are playoff bound and don’t want to injure the starter or are auditioning for next years production of football. To see my last list click here
Here’s how it works:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Oh how injuries make a man cry, no not the hurt guy, this guy….ME! I’m a Bronco fan, been one since Elway was still at Stanford. My uncle has been a season ticket holder since the team was born in 1960 and my dad went to their first game ever, an exhibition over summer vacation as a teenager. I cry because Montee Ball scares the crap out of me. He could finish the day with 90 yards, 2 TD’s and 3 fumbles….OK, I’m over reacting. He only has three fumbles on the season and the first two were in September, but as they say, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression” He’s been getting some playing time lately so we have a baseline to go with. Over the last 4 games he’s averaged 4 YPC, scored 3 TD’s on the ground and caught 6 balls. Dive deeper into that, he had two of those scores vs. the Chiefs in week 11 and we can reasonably expect 1TD and at least 65 yards and 4 catches against them this week. If Moreno is out, Ball’s a flex play in my book, if your league doesn’t have a flex spot then I suggest going on to your league message board and direct your commissioners over here so we can set them straight. We here at Razzball have no problem spreading the good word for proper format.
Last week our resident freestyler never showed up for his return performance. Egotistical rappers! I forgot to put out his bowl of green M&M’s and 6 blunts in the green room. I’m sensing a theme with him. Get out of your camper down by the river and show up Prezzi.
I hope everyone had a memorable Thanksgiving, good or bad, Please share your stories of heavy drinking, fights, delicious food and any small fires or ER trips.Please, blog, may I have some more?
This might be old news or you might have been on a staycation and turned off all your electronic devices for the last week, but damn, why did the Colts trade for T-Rich? Donald Brown looked really good last week and being that he is averaging 5.9 YPC to T-Rich’s 2.8 you would think he would be the starter and the trade bust would be the waterboy. Oh wait a minute, wrong boy, not the waterboy, the piss boy. I know what you are all thinking, why talk about a guy that is the obvious add when we all know better than to play T-Rich? Because we here at razzball like to beat a dead horse till it’s all glue and dog food….and we still get lots of should I play T-Rich questions. Drop his ass like your internet date dropped you when she went to “the bathroom” and never came back. Last week and part of this week it was all raining Rainey up in here after that suspenseful build up and amazing delivery by the guy who got CUT by the Browns back in October. The Browns should’ve had Donald Brown thrown into the deal. Could you imagine the merch sales of the Brown Browns jersey?
The season is winding down, playoffs are a few hangovers away and Sky is starting to lose it. We need to stay sharp and start going with our best players, study our schedules weeks ahead, and maybe grab some handcuffs in case a stud gets shut down, injured or demoted. I’m not saying to go grab Gerhart in case AP gets hurt but I would stash Bryce Brown, Robert Turbin, Christian Michael, Montee Ball, Dennis Johnson, Bernard Pierce, and Kendall Hunter….oh what the hell, grab Gerhart if you’re really feeling an AP injury is coming. Before you all go WTF J-FOH, I’m not saying to drop someone usable, but if you have 6 WR’s and you are only going to play 3 or 4 of them, and the 6th guy won’t hurt you on someone else’s team then yeah go grab a stash. Rid yourself of your back up kickers and 3rd team defense. You want to be ahead of the game and think about situations that may occur in the last 2 weeks of the season. Most especially if your championship week is the last week of the season. By the way, I think that is the dumbest thing ever and damn all commishes that make the championship week the last week of the year. I can hear it now, ” Hey, I have Peyton, and he’s only playing a couple series this week and I need to start either EJ Manuel or Geno Smith for my championship matchup” I don’t want to see that and will only answer questions like that with really stupid questions. Be smart FFB’s and start stashing good upside guys that MIGHT get some PT. This also goes for WR’s. Lastly, I was really disappointed we had zero hecklers for Prezzi’s freestyles in football bash last weekend. I invite him back again to lay it down like an underground MC in an abandoned warehouse.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Why did I pick up Bobby Rainey, the guy who was waived by the Cleveland Browns back in October? This move makes me feel dirty, not pigpen dirty, but the I just picked up a hooker in an alley dirty. Maybe I should go back to the beginning. *wavy lines wavy lines wavy lines* I drafted Doug Martin in the hopes he would lead me to championship glory. He’s PPR gold and that’s all I play, standard makes me fall asleep from boredom. But nope, that was an unwise selection. Hey I listened to Sky and I was so pissed at him that I hopped on a little plane, flew to where he lives, got drunk and told him off. What can I say, I really think my insults are better in person. OK, now I grab Mike James who drops 158 on the Seahawks and makes me think that maybe I scored some pure lottery type luck. Nope, that’s strike two on your hopes and dreams. Now what do I do, Tampa is cursed, they lost their QB who woke up one day and said “I suck”, a bunch of them got MRSA, their coach is a dick, and now Brian Leonard is the lead back. Wait!….What? Bobby Rainey looked so good on Monday night, “well Jack he was playing the weak rush D of the Dolphins”, that is true diligent commenter. But Really? I know what I’ll do, I’ll grab both and beat the devil at his own game. Damn, this shizz is making me depressed. Rainey has the upside here. If you don’t already own him I would grab him. Bucs are showing signs of life and I think every current and former Browns running back is better than T-Rich. Yup, I would drop T-Rich for Rainey. If you’re going to go for it then I would go grab Rainey and hopefully the curse of the Bucs is over and they all play really well ROS.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Tonight, we answer the question to why Mike Tolbert is relevant. How does anyone in Carolina notice when his name isn’t Newton, not the cookie, the quarterback. Why do Americans love their football so much and politicans so little, tell me your thoughts at #idiots rule. Why does this only sound good in my own head when I do this in a Steven Colbert voice? Maybe it’s the 6 beers and three glasses of scotch I’ve had. I don’t know, you can watch the real Colbert Report if your are already tired of this. In the spirit of the Colbert Report we will do the Word about Mr. Tolbert. He’s scored 3 on the ground and 2 through the air this year. All of those TD’s came in victories for the Panthers. Like any owner of the most relevant fullback in football, we hope Señor Rivera sees this too and decides to give him a chance to score every week because Tolbert +TD = VICTORY….for them and you. He’s a great bye week filler and will be someone to watch for match ups every week. I think the risk is similar to Danny Woodhead earlier in the year when we were unsure whether to start him or not for fear of touches. With the Panthers on a roll, I would go big, literally and send Tolbert out there if you have the need. He faces the Falcons this week who are competing with the Texans for biggest disappointment of the year award.Please, blog, may I have some more?
After my road trip deep into the woods of the Pacific Northwest to meet and pass Razzball Football initiation with our leader Sky, I have returned a new man with no recollection of last Saturday. I woke up Sunday, naked and alone, sometime in the early evening to find Roy Helu had scored three touchdowns in the Redskins big win over the Bears. Am I still drugged up? Is this all a dream? Why are my pants cut into chaps? Like almost everyone else on earth, except maybe this guy, who would of thought Roy Helu would score as many rushing TD’s in one game that CJ Spiller, Arian Foster and Doug Martin have combined for this season. Yeah, F**K YOU FIRST ROUND RUNNING BACKS! It’s ok everyone, Helu is just really lucky because of one game, but it is hard to imagine that he goes back to nothingness considering the Skins only two wins came in games where he found the endzone. Wait!…What? Yup, that is correct 12 readers of my “list”. In the Skins only two victories of the season Helu found the endzone four times. He has averaged 4.2 YPC on the year and averages 10.9 yards per reception. That looks good enough to me Shanahanigans. PLAY HELU MORE! WE NEED MORE HELU! RETIRE YOU CRAZY BASTARD! WHY AM I YELLING AT MY COMPUTER WHILE I WRITE THIS! Sorry for the yelling 12 readers, I drafted Trent Richardson everywhere and if I keep punching my computer I won’t be able to bring this drivel to you every Friday. I would grab Helu everywhere, no not there Prezzii, and either use him or stash him. Because of the unpredictability of his coach I won’t make him a fuzzy cuff til I see more. Before moving on I must share this beautiful artistic piece about the ownership of the Redskins.Please, blog, may I have some more?
For those of you that had week 6 in your DeMarco Murray injury pool then enjoy your winnings and for those of you that had Joseph Randle stashed I call bullshizz. What’s that diligent razzball commenter, “hey J, you had Lance Dunbar listed as the handcuff the last 4 weeks”. I know and who would of thunk the guy with ZERO touches all season would be the guy to replace the guy. I’m not here to get all googly eyed over Randle even though Randle is the word of the week right now in fantasy football. First, you have the knee injury to Randall Cobb, who I always thought was this guy, and then you have Rueben Randle, the very relevant the last two weeks WR from the Giants who likes to battle with David Wilson on Twitter. Now Joseph Randle doesn’t really add to the sexy mix like the other two, but he is the starter this week and may be needed as a bye week stand in. If you don’t need him then I wouldn’t drop anyone worthy to stash him. Last week vs. the Skins he managed only 1.4 YPC for a total of 17 yards on 11 carries with a long of 14 yards. That means he averaged 0.3 yards for the other 10 carries, that’s a little less than a foot per carry against one of the worst run defenses. He did catch two balls out of the backfield and considering he is playing the Eagles this week might be good for 8-10 points and maybe more in a PPR league. Everyone on the list below him is droppable to stream, and we might see a different Randle this week compared to last when he gets all week to prepare and mentally get ready to be the main ball carrier. But again, I wouldn’t put my stock too high. Sorry readers this post will be a little short this week for I am going on a trip to see our leader Sky and have a lot of things to handle before I leave town. I also want to wish our Razzball icon on the baseball side a happy bachelor party weekend, may it turn out as exciting as this one. I will be available throughout the weekend for Q&A and via Twitter for those that prefer that route…..damn I went link crazy this week!Please, blog, may I have some more?