If you’re still reading this then congratulations, you made the playoffs. Or you’re in one of those weird leagues that includes Week 17. Or you’re bored at work and can’t get enough IDP talk. But, other than that last group, if you’re here then you can’t afford to waste any time with fluff before getting to the good stuff. So let’s get right into the Week 14 IDP action…Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s been a few weeks where this has been the case but it takes a rankings week like this to be firmly reminded: the TE position seems to always start with so much promise and seemingly ends in pain for about 75% of the league. Remember when Jordan Cameron couldn’t be stopped? Remember when Jordan Reed was gonna make up for when he was? Remember when we thought Gronk would be back week 4 so we picked up Rob Housler cuz it didn’t really matter what your TE did for a few weeks? Fun times…wait no it wasn’t. TE has turned back into a cess pool and we need no firmer a reminder than Jared Cook. Cook is still 14th in total fantasy points in PPR leagues at his position. To put that number in perspective, after his week one explosion for 7/141/2 against the Cardinals he seemed like the stud we’ve all been dreaming of. Now fast forward to week 14 and that game still represents 30% of his total fantasy points production on the year. Woof. And speaking of Jordan Cameron, he’s still 4th among TEs in total fantasy points in the same setting and we all know he’s done nothing since week forever ago at this point. But with all this pain, there is a nice silver lining: you’re in the playoffs if you’re reading this so you made it through the slog and to add to your joys, there’s probably a streamable TE near you for this first week. Wanna know who I’m talking about at this point? Hint: I bolded his name a few sentences ago. Jared gets to face the same team he torched week one in the Cardinals, a team that just gave up a 5/68/2 line to Zach Ertz. You’re just gonna have to face the fact that Jared is gonna be a better play this week than most known names and I’ve ranked him accordingly. Don’t worry, you can throw him away like the used condom you accidentally stepped on barefoot this morning. You need to work on your trash can aim, bro…but if you’re sitting there with a bad matchup for your TE who’s not Gronk or Graham, Cook should be a great grab for this week. Outside of that, I also like Martellus more than others do and someone is gonna have to explain to me why the Bengals at home against the Colts isn’t a sweet matchup. Am I the only one who’s noticed how bad the Colts have been? Wins be damned, this is not a good squad and not a huge challenge for opposing defenses right now. Torrey Smith: I toldja I liked him for the playoff stretch and I put my money where my mouth is even though every one tells you that is just not hygienically sound to do. Look a little further down beyond top 10 WRs and you see some surprises. Andre Holmes? What can I say, I’m a believer. Jacoby Jones? What’s good for the Torrey Goose is good for the Dancer. Julian Edelman? They’re not putting Joe Haden on him and if they are…well, then crap that was a really bad call. Mike Glennon and Matt McGloin are hovering up near the top 12 just asking to be let in but I am the fantasy gatekeeper and say YOU SHALL NOT PASS! Still, good plays this week if you’re a Luck owner. Kickers were selectively lined up – naked and blindfolded – in an interrogation room where they were forced at gunpoint to listen to Barry Manilow. Only those who survived made the list. But enough about the kicker inquisition, let’s get this game rolling. Here’s your week 14 rankings for 2013 Fantasy Football…Please, blog, may I have some more?
True facts: I don’t believe there’s much variance this week to talk about. It’s like I ate some turkey earlier than you and passed out. Snore-o-rama up in this bish, right? It’s not very often I’m humbled into yammering about having a player like Victor Cruz up 8 in standard rankings over where everyone else has him. Reason? He’s usually backed up poor performances with pretty big games afterwards. Don’t believe me? Well you see, you’re on the internet reading this so you could probably just google it…hint, hint. It’s been a rocky year for the Salsa Dance man but I fully expect him to shine this coming Sunday. Overall, it was a hard week to rank. There are more Q’s in these than a Dairy Queen managers convention. Don’t ask. I have zero clue if that’s such a thing. Over in the world of QBs, Josh McCown drops by your top 5. He tells me to tell you hi. I guess I believe in EJ Manuel more than you while I’m at it. Nah, really just disbelieve the Falcons and their complete and utterly destructive 2013 season to date, especially on defense. At RB, Roughshod gets a top 10 nomination again and makes me wonder what he has to do to get respect at this point. Oh and Arizona is gonna give up some points to one of the Eagles TEs this week. Maybe both. But probably one…and I don’t know which one but I’m banking on Ertz if I’m making a choice to take a chance here. Defenses, it seems people are slowly becoming aware that Tampa Bay has finally shown back up. Think that Panthers vs Bucs game is gonna be a lot closer and defensively contested the whole way than people think. And finally, some quick gambling bits: Dennis Johnson could finally do what many have tried to in Texas do before and that’s sucede from the union. Marquise Goodwin and Justin Hunter are fringe WR3 players of note. Finally, I expect Colin Kaepernick to come back to Earth this Sunday. Kickers, as always, were ranked with love and care by some children we paid less than minimum wage to in a small, poorly ventilated room in a far off land. Don’t let their efforts be forgotten. And with that, let’s get this show on the road. Here’s week 13 rankings for 2013 Fantasy Football…Please, blog, may I have some more?
As we enter the final week of the fantasy regular season, there are three types of teams out there. First, the teams that have been eliminated. You can still play spoiler and ruin your friend’s year, but unless there is a weekly points prize, you don’t have much to play for.Please, blog, may I have some more?
After Week 10, everyone was all “Vincent Rey this” and “Vincent Rey that,” and “Did you hear that Vincent Rey is the new IDP sheriff Cincinnati with Maualuga hurt?” Well Week 11 showed that you can shoot the sheriff, but you cannot kill the deputy. The deputy in this case is Vontaze Burfict, who had an all-world performance against the Browns with 15 tackles and a forced fumble, which he then recovered and took to the house. Burfict’s big Week 11 pushed him above Kiko Alonso to the top spot among all IDPs this season. There was some thought preseason that Burfict’s 2012 was a fluke, and Cincy’s bizarre fascination with Rey Maualuga would prevent Burfict from putting up true LB1 numbers, but those thoughts have been firmly put to rest.
Alas, Burfict is on a bye this week, but out of sight doesn’t mean out of mind. It might be more difficult now, but if Burfict’s owner needs LB stats this week, and your team has already clinched the playoffs, make an offer on the idle LB and see what happens. If you’re in an especially shallow league and Burfict’s owner dropped him due to the bye, make room on your bench for the man who I recently, like 200 words ago, nicknamed “The Deputy.”
Here are some other IDP happenings as we head into Week 12:
Alas, Burfict is on a bye this week, but out of sight doesn’t mean out of mind. It might be more difficult now, but if Burfict’s owner needs LB stats this week, and your team has already clinched the playoffs, make an offer on the idle LB and see what happens. If you’re in an especially shallow league and Burfict’s owner dropped him due to the bye, make room on your bench for the man who I recently, like 200 words ago, nicknamed “The Deputy.”Please, blog, may I have some more?
I think I’ve finally done it. I’ve done gone and lost my mind up in this. It’s week 12 and I’m telling you that Joe Flacco – yes that Joe Flacco – is a top ten QB this week. Man, I’m going so against the grain. How against the grain are you, Sky? I’m so against the grain right now, my wood shop teacher just retroactively expelled me for a week. *Crickets* Standup routine…yeah, I’m still working on it. But here’s the scenario: as boring as Flacco can be – and is and will forever be – oil and water don’t mix and by that I mean…hold on a minute *grabs flask and fills with water and oil*. See? Ok, science class is out for the day. Back to fantasy football. I don’t know if you noticed last weeks Jets vs Bills game – and unless you’re a huge fan of either, you probably didn’t – but EJ Manuel performed what would be described as a ‘vertical pass’ many a time and found himself to be very successful doing it. The big thing about that? His top receiving threats of Wood and Stevie J weren’t in. He was chucking to Goodwin and Graham who, though decent, are still young and, well, they ain’t the #1 and #2 on that team. So the Jets gave up a combined 155 yards to these two last week and it propelled EJ into the top 12 for QBs in scoring. And so enter the Flacco. Baltimore was successful last year with their running game but also with taking long shots down the field. For as much as I rag on Flacco, he does have a strong arm and he does throw an accurate deep ball. The cool thing about that? Jets gave up at least three passing plays that cleared 30 yards, two of them clearing 40. For all the good the Jets rushing defense has been, their passing defense has been equally bad. So with that in mind, Jacoby Jones gets a bit of a bump for the week and I think Flacco has a strong chance at a 250~275 yard passing day and 2 or 3 TDs. In other points of dissent, Ryan Mathews now has 10 or more points in four of his last 5 for standard scoring and faces a KC defense that for as strong as it is, can be run on. Since KC’s offense isn’t exactly an offensive juggernaut, there’s plenty of time for Mathews to get in his carries and pursue his 4th 100 yard game on the year (3 in his last 5). Oh and no AP in the top 5? Yeah, could come back to bite me but there were so many great matchups this week for above average RBs. It was hard to say any of the guys I put ahead of him don’t have a great chance to outshine him. Just note Andre Brown was my breaking point Even my insanity has its limits. Meanwhile, Kenny Stills with a 40 yard bomb and a TD in your WR3 spot sounds about right to me. Cotchery? Well, Antonio is gonna be Haden his stay in Cleveland and either he or Sanders is gonna have himself a fine day. If Sanders can’t go, Cotchery will probably steal his spot in the WR rankings…and your heart. And in Miami, if He-Man doesn’t score at least a TD with 60 or 70 yards, I will have to protest. Defensively, there’s a pile of interesting ones out there. Riaders? Decent against the run, they’re at home and Ryan Fitzpatrick is the Titans starting QB. Could be an under the radar top 10 play this week. Rams I just couldn’t let linger outside the top 10 after their showing in Indy and coming off a bye while playing at home. Could get an electric crowd and a big scoring day from them. This week I made 28 paper footballs and had my wife kick field goals on the table. Inside each, there was a name of a kicker. If she missed, those kickers didn’t make the top 10 and had to try again. Then we ate hot pockets and went to bed. Still a better love story than Twilight. Wait, what? Ok, that’s a wrap. Good luck to you this week, bad luck to your opponents and game on. Here’s the week 12 rankings for 2013 Fantasy Football…Please, blog, may I have some more?
As we enter the home stretch of the regular season, there are no more surprises. Any sleeper who is going to break out (Robert Quinn, Kiko Alonso, Barry Church), has already made the leap. Any veteran who is going to lose a step (Justin Smith, London Fletcher, Yeremiah Bell), has already disappointed. At this point in the season there are no surprises, and, barring injury, most players are who they are.
Here are some notable performances or possible one-week wonders from Week 10 that are worth looking at for the final three weeks of the regular season:Please, blog, may I have some more?
When the cat’s away, the mouse will play. Or so they say. By the way, I make things out of clay by the bay. Ok, I don’t but I may…yeah, I don’t know where this is going either. And to be fair, DMC owners don’t really either but the writing’s on the wall. Since it’s happening in Oakland, I think it’s fair to call it graffiti. McFadden is slowly losing his job, one terrible carry at the time and the man stepping in to replace him is doing his best to prove that’s the right way to go. Since taking over, Rashad Jennings has performed extremely well. In what effectively equates to 1 and 3/4ths start, Jennings has gained 190 yards on the ground on 35 carries, good for a 5.4 YPC average. And on the receiving side, no biggie. Just 9 receptions for 93 yards. So in effect, he’s averaging 14 fantasy points a week in standard and is on an offense with a dinged up starting QB that’s gonna need to feed their main man to just stay afloat week to week. I like the odds of a good week from that even if the Texans defense has been somewhat stingy against the run of late. Outside of Roughshod, I’m loving on Ryan Mathews as a top 10 back again. Crazy to think the kid who now has only been surging upward in the fantasy world gets to face the team 3rd worst against the rush and is slung down into the limbo that is flex world. Needless to say, I don’t concur. Outside of that, a few moves that might be my own. I like Ryan Fitzpatrick against the Colts. Indy’s a bit of a team in disarray that needs a coaching enema and I think Tennessee gets to drive that point home tonight. There’s also a bit of Justin Hunter love this week in the same vein. Don’t know who Hunter is? He’s a Tennessee WR. It’s ok, nobody knows one. He and Kendall Wright I see having strong weeks. Marcedes Lewis. Strictly a matchup call. I’m sure Henne will botch it but it doesn’t mean I’m not obliged to look stupid cuz of the stats. And as The Guru would say, it’s DST bizarro week. Lions at number 5? Saints at 6? What is this madness? Kickers were dreamed up while on a Peyote trip in the desert. There’s nothing more scary than seeing Randy Bullock’s face while tripping balls. But enough about my crazy, naked Wednesday night, let’s get on with it. Here’s the 2013 Fantasy Football rankings for week 11…Please, blog, may I have some more?
Before I get started talking IDPs for this week, it’s time to put you all at ease. I’m sure many of you spent your entire week tirelessly coming up with nicknames for Robert Quinn and Chris Long, as I suggested last week. But it turns out that they beat us to the punch. Though no announcers ever mention it, the two dominant pass-rushers in St. Louis have nicknamed themselves Black Thunder and White Lightning, and together they are Thunderstorm. I love this for too many reasons. First, it sounds like an ice cream flavor, and the Rams should immediately capitalize on that in their concession stands. Second, and most importantly, it pays homage to one of my favorite sports movies, Major League 2. Tell me you don’t get chills when you see this scene. Chuck Sheen and Randy Quaid at their best if you ask me.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m scaring myself at this point. I used to take some wild swings at these rankings. Am I getting old and boring like the rest of these fantasy experts? I don’t shave my ear nor nose hair yet. I don’t put it on AM radio yet. Nor do I enjoy reading the newspaper in the morning. Ok *Pinches self* I’m still me and I still like being wild and spontaneous. But my rankings tell me I’m seeing things the way others do. Sure, there’s a few plus 5 or 6 and minus 5 or 6 but none of those wild 10+ swings. I’m gonna need to hit the bars hard tonight, get rejected by some hot chicks and punched out by some young punks to prove I’m still young and alive to myself now…oh well, no different than a typical Thursday I guess. But enough about my counseling session for next week, let’s look at this mess of rankings. Jay Cutler is probably my biggest swing in my rankings this week as clearly I think he’ll return strong if he returns at all. Just to clarify, if McCown is the starter, maybe he moves down to 11th or maybe 12th but last week proved he can play this game so the movement is minimal. Besides that, I find myself believing in MJD more than I probably should this week but can you blame me? Titans D loves to give up rushing yards. They hand them out like dealers hand out free molly pops at raves and his recent weeks have given hope there’s still value in the Oompa Loompa. Conversely, Gore loses some steam in my book with the Panthers in town. Sure it’s a home game but that doesn’t make Carolina pushover. In wide receiver country, Pierre Garcon creeps up to #2 against a Vikings secondary that failed medical school: apply pressure if you wanna stop the bleeding, y’all! Meanwhile in D/ST country, Oakland stays high for me despite the thrashing they took from the Eagles last week. Why you ask? Giants I answer. Wanna know why they call it the Big Apple? Because they’re good for a lot of big TOs. Kickers? Sure, let’s talk about kickers. I called a psychic hotline and they told me the order of which the kickers would go this week but I had to read between the lines. First they told me they were getting a strong George Wendt vibration which clearly stood for the Bears kicker. Then they said they could hear a Volker Bertelmann composition playing which clearly stood for Hauschka. Then they told me they were hearing ‘Cat Scratch Fever’ obviously meant Nugent. I don’t know, I think I nailed it this week. Best first 3 minutes free, each additional minute $1.95 apiece I’ve ever spent of my life. Yeah, I don’t believe it either but still, it’s a better theory to roll with than most. But enough about a position we don’t care about, let’s clear the air. Here’s my rankings for week 10 for the 2013 Fantasy Football…Please, blog, may I have some more?