I get it. I’ve seen ‘My Strange Addiction’ on Netflix. You’re like Lauren who can’t leave her furry life at home. Nope, everywhere you go, you gotta be wearing your fursona. It’s cool, it’s your thing, just don’t act like it’s not a bit weird, m’kay? We have 4 QBs to choose from here. That’s four for those whose computers can’t read digits for some reason. They say variety is the spice of life and we have as many QBs to rank as we have Spice Girls in the world. Ponder that, ponderer. I’m not gonna pretend like there’s huge discrepancies this week other than Golden Tate. If Seattle is gonna win, a wideout needs to step up and I’m saying it’ll be Tate. That’s my story there. Outside of that…eh, how ’bout them Cowboys? I don’t know what to say here, I’m at a loss. Four flipping games, people! If New England wins, Brady has a huge day. If Denver wins, the Bronco backs have huge days. Up in Seattle, it’ll most likely be a slugfest and offensively pretty blahtastic while we’re at it. It will be interesting to see Kaepernick in a playoff game in Seattle. Most other times he’s looked about as rattled as you’re ever going to see him but he’s proving to be quite the playoff quarterback in his short stint so far. This will definitely be a defining game for him one way or another. As much of a Seattle fan as I am, I can’t help but notice Wilson has underperformed quite a bit the last four to six weeks while the defense has basically carried them. That can’t happen this week if the ‘hawks want to move on because if that doesn’t change, I think San Fran makes the Super Bowl. At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised by a Broncos and 49ers Super Bowl based on current performance. Just don’t think the passing game is the same without Gronkowski for New England and really don’t think Seattle’s offense can right the ship that’s been going so wrong of late. And now that I’ve talked about nothing that has to do with rankings for about 90% of this, let’s move on. Here are the Divisional Championship rankings for the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

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So, that’s what I thought we’d see more of in the regular season. And of course I’m referring to TY Hilton’s wild, wild card weekend when he set franchise records for receptions (13), yards (224), and tied the team record of TD receptions (2) when they defeated the Chiefs at home. In fact, Hilton’s yardage is now the third best single game performance in post-season history. A list that’s headed by the amazing shmun-uh-bluh…yeah, you probably don’t know these guys. Or maybe I’m just an idiot. Probably both. But nevermind all that, let’s discuss a bit on this TY kid. I liked him coming into the season and so wish this were the TY from game one until now but you can’t rush greatness. I’m mentioning my TY love so you don’t think I’m bandwagoning here. What I AM doing is looking at how New England is going to try and match up with the little tyke. And believe me, he’s a little dude and fast as heck. All this simply means Talib is probably not covering him much during the game due to the speed discrepancy. In effect, Hilton could follow up his historic day with another one this weekend as I see Andrew Luck and company in what might amount to another shootout and plenty of passes to go around. Truthfully, I’d be surprised if there were as many fireworks in the other games. Since the playoffs really do play out like a new season – just ask the Andy Dalton who couldn’t match his great home numbers last week against what was considered a poor Chargers defense – your rankings have to reflect who you think is gonna win and how. I think the Colts and Pats are a shootout that’ll eventually turn to Brady and company. I will fully admit I’m worried about PFM and company. San Diego really tried to grind down the clock on them the last two times the teams played. First game, Rivers didn’t play well and the plan looked terrible. Next time? Rivers bordered on perfect. If you’re expecting huge numbers like you’d normally get from your Broncos, I’d err on the side of caution if I’m playing in Daily Fantasy Leagues – and I am and I’m erring – I’m probably avoiding the big price associated. In all, these rankings shouldn’t be too surprising. The good defenses are well reflected except the Panthers. The 49ers are a well-honed playoff team and I think too much jitter is gonna hit Carolina in their first go. If I can avoid owning any Panthers, I’d like to. Eh, I’m rambling at this point so I’m just gonna let’er go. Here’s the second round rankings for the playoffs for the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

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As my wife always said after peeing on a First Response and then finally getting visited by Aunt Flo the next day, better late than never right? Sorry to all who’re expecting this yesterday. I had what you could call a hard New Years. Hard alcohol, hard on my liver, hard to walk upright the next day, hard to not throw up…the list of everything that was hard about it would be borderline exhaustive so instead I’ll just say I hope I didn’t fail you. For those of you looking for rest of playoff rankings, I’ll be frantically working on those over the course of today, though there may not be an actual post on them. Let’s just say, work really sucks. They expect me to actually do what they want me to do and not you…how rude! You can still find me and my rankings over at the Fantasy Pros guys whom I use. For those of you looking for the weekly thang, though, I show how I’m leaning down below. When you’re only ranking this many guys, having a ‘standout’ is more like disagreeing on two or three rankings spots so again, I’m stuck talking about the Red Rocket, Andy Dalton. As the Vikings proved in week 16, Dalton can take advantage of a porous secondary especially when he’s at home. Dalton has a 20:9 TD to INT ratio at home and a 13:11 on the road so against the Chargers – the 9th worst for fantasy points against to opposing QBs this year – I don’t see how the dingy gingy can’t be a dandy one this weekend. So with that in mind, I do have Marvin Jones slipping into my top 10 as he had a 6/85 during that same week 16. And yes, I put Foles one and Brees three. Remember what I said about Dalton’s splits? Yeah, go look at Drew away from the dome. It’s definitely not the D-Brees we all think of. But I’m delaying the inevitable around here. Let’s get to week one of this great new season. Here’s the wildcard round of the weekly rankings for the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

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For most of us, Week 17 represents the first week of the off-season. Dynasty leaguers are looking forward to the rookie draft and free agency, re-drafters are already making plans for 2014 draft locations, and all is quiet on the fantasy front for the first time since July. But there are still those leagues that hold their championships in Week 17. In some years this causes chaos, as top players are resting because their teams cannot improve or hurt their playoff slot. But this year you are in luck, as pretty much every team has at least something to play for, and it appears that only KC will be resting their guys.

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Sorry everyone, I know you normally get to see my purty rankings on Thursday morning but I decided – since I’m my own boss – to give myself an all-expense paid trip to my own house for Christmas dinner and time with my family and then a round trip ticket to the liquor store for some Islay so I could put my new whiskey stones to good use. I charged it all to the business card, of course, so as to get the tax write off. Mainly the reason you didn’t see me on Thursday morning is my round trip took longer than I expected seeing as I got home and had one glass, and then two glasses, and then three glasses and then I do believe I was mambo’ing with Uncle Ernie as he was wearing his adorable fedora – or lampshade, can’t remember – in the garage to a Bruce Springsteen mixed tape he had lying around. Seriously, folks, you can mambo to anything if you put your sloshed mind to it. But all this to say, I didn’t forget you but for a little while and in the interim we were visited by little Razzball Elves like Josh Carey, Zorboss and The Guru. Forget the three wisemen, check out those three wiseasses if you ask me. I don’t wanna talk about the Jolly Saint Prick. His name speaks for itself. Pretty sure he came down my chimney and stole my dvd player and some paper plates on Xmas…nevermind all that, you’re here for rankings. So what we have here is a failure to enunciate. I’m not actually feeling up Joseph Fauria in my title; sorry to ruin that mental image for you, lady readers. No, no, no. Say ‘you’ and ‘Fauria’ together really fast. If you wanna learn, follow these guidelines. I’m saying ‘euphoria’. Don’t you get it? Are you we Todd it? Whatever, with no Pettigrew, Fauria should be able to step in and produce against the same team I told you last week would get tiki torched by Andy Dalton. Add in the element of a less than 100% Calvin Johnson and Fauria could have a huge day as he’s already a red zone favorite for Matthew Stafford. Sure it’s a bit of a risk play but it’s week 17 and if you thought week 16 was weird, you ain’t seen nothing yet. Week 17 has a way of making Donnie Darko look like a silly romantic comedy by comparison when it comes to weirdness. You got people sitting earlier than expected, people starting you didn’t think even played for the team…the list goes on. Either way, if you’re playing for your championship during it, there’s nothing else you can do but enjoy the funkiness it provides and roll with the punches. In other places of ranking rankle merit, Andre Brown is making a surprise return visit to my top 10 for RBs this week. Totally a gut call here. After the Eli interception explosion of late and the Giants’ defense clicking on all cylinders since forever and at home, I think they try to grind the clock, rely on their defense to hold and let Andre the Giant deflate the ball on the ‘skins to wind down a miserable 2013. As you can see, I have DeAngelo and Ivory up in areas where no one is expecting them either. You take your matchups and you run with them is all I can say. That’s why Coby Fleener is where he is this week as well while we’re in the ‘he points at the matchups’ section of the rankings. On the wide receiver side, I have flipped the fly white guys in New England around as I think Amendola is a better field stretcher than Julian which plays better against Buffalo’s weakness in terms of the passing game. Defensively, the Cardinals are at home with something to prove as a team that could get bounced from the playoffs for no good reason other than they play in the toughest division in the NFC…heck, NFL if you want me to be honest. Kickers were dressed up as girl scouts and dropped in the middle of the ghetto. The ones who came back with the least amount of caps in their ass made the list…and the cookie sales leader got to be number one! But enough about Tagalongs and Savannah Smiles, let’s wrap the regular season up. Here’s the week 17 rankings for 2013 Fantasy Football…

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It’s hard to believe that the season kicked off a full 4 months ago, but here we are: Championship Week. I’ll be back with some rankings next week for you crazy kids with 17-week schedules, but for the majority of the free world this is it. I’m sad to say that I did not reach the finals in any of my five leagues. As much as I love IDPs, unfortunately there is an offensive side of the ball as well, and I did a miserable job drafting and setting my offensive lineups this year.

But enough of about me, you’re here for some IDP cheer just in time for the holidays. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: When making turkey chili, always cook for one hour less than directed. Wait, wrong piece of advice. Let’s try again: In the fantasy playoffs, don’t get cute, start your studs. Joe Mays and someone called Dekoda Watson each put up huge days last week, but you’re not starting them over the guys that got you here.

With that in mind, here are my top players at each position for Championship Week:

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Oh week 16, why do you come along and always make things weird? It’s championship week, could you f’ing not? The Fantasy Football season was trending along just fine, thank you very much, and you come in to a crowded room where everyone is dancing and fart as loudly as you could without even so much as a hint of being embarrassed. Miley Cyrus comes in like a Wrecking Ball, you just come in like William Hung. So of course in a week like this, I just have to rank Andy Dalton in a spot that makes me feel ridiculously odd but what can I say? You know the old addage: red on the head like a dick on a Dalton…or maybe not. IDK, you know I hate this guy but I try not to let my emotions get in the way when the sitch fits and this one fits like a Christina Hendricks top: it covers everything but definitely leaves you wanting to see a bit more. I think I’m mixing my analogies now so let’s just say why we like Andy now, shall we? First, he’s a different type of ginger at home with a 14:5 TD to INT ratio and almost a 20 point swing in QB rating. What makes this matchup all the bestier is the team they’re playing: the Vikings or as I like to call them ‘the second worst defense against opposing QBs behind Dallas’. That’s really hard to fit on a jersey, though, so we’ll just call that their nickname. There’s no reason Dalton shouldn’t put up top 5 numbers this week in my opinion. In other rankings ranklings, wanna know what else the Vikings can’t defend? Yeah, opposing running backs…oh heck who are we kidding, they can’t defend anything. The Illusionist GOB should have a field day, especially in PPR formats as Minnesota gives up 6 receptions a game to opposing backs. Consider BJGE a nice flex option by default while we’re at it. Meanwhile, Jordan Toddman is asking for a High Five. In other news, Greg Little…wow. Again, Championship Week, you’re making it weird. At Tight End…c’mon fellow rankers! Ertz gets a prime matchup and he usually takes advantage when they’re presented. May not be a huge day but a red zone target and about 40 yards total and we’re good for TE. My sweet Carolina defense call? The Saints just had their mardi gras beads handed to them on the road by the Rams. NOLA isn’t the same away from the dome and I think the Panthers pounce at home for a division lead. And regarding Jacksonville: when others Jig, I Jaguar. Kickers were selected by sending them to the mall for last minute christmas shopping on a Saturday. Only those who came back to retell their sad tale were chosen. But enough about the joy of the season, let’s talk shop. Here’s the rankings for week 16 of the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

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One common mistake that all fantasy owners, not just IDP owners, make is to overrate strong performances in the playoffs. On the offensive side of the ball, guys like Josh McCown and Marques Colston had huge weeks, but that doesn’t mean that you’re starting them in the semi-finals over Matt Stafford and DeSean Jackson. The same thing applies on the defensive side of the ball. Matchups determine a lot about IDP stats, and as we saw last week, weather can mean a lot as well.

Here are some guys who put up big numbers in Week 14, and whether I think they can do it again in Week 15:

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I can’t fight it anymore. I know everyone tells you never to let others influence how you think and feel but it’s so hard to this week. I mean, I recommended the Oakland Raiders last week on defense. How stupid could I be? I’ve got to right the ship. I gotta become one with the other rankers and just give in, right? There’s no hope trying to play outside the box, all outside box playing is futile. I should just jump off the fantasy rankings bridge with everyone else…nah, I’m just joking. But I had you going for a minute, right? I’m one of the best written actors of my generation, or so I’ve been told. You should see me type Hamlet! I’ve been compared to Kenneth Branagh in that regards. In fact, I’m hoping for my first Golden Globe nomination this year once they create a category for me. I’ve already picked out my suit. I wonder if people will be able to tell I borrowed it from my dad…eh, let’s not talk about my eventual rise to fame. It bores me. Better yet, let’s talk about Pierre Thomas and his great matchup against the Rams. To be honest, I’m a bit surprised I’m one of the few this high on him. Do these other ‘perts not know the Rams are ranked near the bottom in terms of fantasy points allowed to opposing running backs? That was rhetorical. Of course they know but they’re probably too busy paying attentio to how unproductive he’s been of late. It happens but to be fair, when PT has been given a good matchup he has produced. Sure, he’s not likely to put up 200+ yards any time soon but about 120 total yards and a TD are well within reach for the PT Bruiser this week and I like his chances he grabs those reigns and rides into fantasy glory. In other areas to trumpet on, we’ve got quite a few rankings wrinkles this week. Steven Jackson? Sometimes the matchups make the man and given he’s performed well of late, it’s hard to deny him a top 10 RB finish. Same goes for Ryan Mathews who has sneakily been a top 10 play over the last 4 weeks in PPR leagues but he’s out there singing Black Eyed Peas to us. Folks, where is the love? Besides these guys, further down the road we have Mendenhall getting a mega-bump along with the Ogre and Donald Brown to wrap up my top 20 RBs and I also gave Ellington a nudge. This IS still the same Titans team that can’t stop the run, right? At wide out, I’m finally treating Dez like what he has been: good but not great. And while I’m at it, I gave Hilton and Patterson a little WR2 love bite due to matchups and explosiveabiltiy. No need to google that, it’s totally a word. At TE, I gotta say: it Ertz so good. On the DST front, Tampa Bay…woah. I know, I know, San Fran isn’t the Buffalo Bills. But Tampa Bay isn’t 0-8 Tampa Bay anymore and for very good reasons and are playing at home. Kickers? Just my niece and I playing a game of Hungry Hippos where the marbles have kicker names on them. The ones I got were in, the ones she got were out. But enough about Delta Burke winning me Josh Scobee, let’s get on with it. Here’s the rankings for week 15 of the 2013 Fantasy Football season…

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If you’re still reading this then congratulations, you made the playoffs. Or you’re in one of those weird leagues that includes Week 17. Or you’re bored at work and can’t get enough IDP talk. But, other than that last group, if you’re here then you can’t afford to waste any time with fluff before getting to the good stuff. So let’s get right into the Week 14 IDP action…

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