Charles Shows Us Oakland’s D Is Turrible

Razzball Nation!  I’m filling in for Sky this morning in the football recap, as Sky was called by Al Davis for a possible CB job opening.  That would be scary for multiple reasons!  Man Oakland was brutal.  Long live the Chiefs offense!  Jamaal Charles had a historic game (6th highest fantasy output in non-PPR since 1960), making the Raiders D look worse than some of those Raiders costumes.  The real Rocky Horror Picture Show was the pass D, as JC Superstar enlightened fantasy owners with 8 catches (on 8 targets) for 195 yards and 4 TDs.  Plus an extra 20 on the ground with a score there.  Straight video game numbers!  “RB screen, X, X, X!”  Actually that sounds like a porn title.  I’ll have to ask Tehol about that one.  Charles has been effing fantastic this year, and I think easily the fantasy MVP.  Sure you could argue Peyton Manning, but if you have JC and you’re somehow not waltzing through the playoffs than you only have yourself to blame!  Is he fantasy’s #1 pick next year?  I don’t see how you could resist.  If someone really wanted Adrian Peterson, I’d turn to them after that pick ala the 1,000-year old dude in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade and go “he chose poorly…”  While some teams had their dreams melt away, others are marching into the finals with the rest of the week 15 happenings…

Alex Smith – Got credited with 4 of his 5 TDs even though they were forward hand-offs.  I coulda had four TDs!  Well, that would be a pretty bad game against Oakland…

Rashad Jennings – Dude’s been a monster his past 6 games.  Double-digits every week in .5 or more PPR.  Is there more than one point PPR leagues?  2-point PPR?  Would be crazy.  It was good for Ray Jay owners that he still got 23 carries in a 56-31 game.  Usually it’s like 3 carries and a goose egg and a thanks but no thanks.  Did that make any sense?  Neither do the Raiders!

Julian Edelman/Danny Amendola – The Patriots passing attack yesterday should be dubbed Attack of the Clones.  I can’t tell them apart!  13/139/1 for Edels 10/131 for Dolas.  Liked them both in this game.  Of course, I don’t have ranks to back it up!  Only LSD comments…

Mike Wallace – Big games in three of the last four now.  Gets a nice and juicy @BUF for the championship week.  Weather concerns pending, you gotta love him there.

Ryan Tannehill – Three TDs in two straight, multi-TDs in three straight.  He’s just plain bullying secondaries.  Hey-o!  The Dolphins rushing attack is Incognito and disappearing faster than Martin at a fraternity hell week.  Keep the passing going!  Huge upside QB2 in multi-QB leagues for the championship.

Jordan Todman – Big game!  Big win for my LSD lead!  Bills D is terrible.  Not quite turrible, but terrible.  109 on the ground and 4 for 44 in the air.  You can run on Tennessee, so injury-riddled teams heading into the finals can hope Maurice Jones-Drew gets held out again and Todman is a playoff miracle!

Robert Woods – Best game of the year and first TD since week 4.  Nothing big for fantasy right now, but I think he’ll be an interesting sleeper next year.  Especially since Stevie Johnson is fading into yesteryear.

Houston Texans – Could not be any worse.  Even Andre Johnson couldn’t rack up junk time points…

T.Y. Hilton – Nice bounce back for 8/78.  Four straight bad weeks before this one, but the Colts are @KC next week.  That game should be a masterpiece.  Brandon Flowers got temporarily hurt yesterday, but got back in the game and should smother Hilton like sauce on ribs.

Donald Brown – Mannnn… Got injured early in this one after starting hot.  Would’ve been a big game otherwise my Spidey sense tell me.  Instead, the corpse of Trent Richardson racked up 19 carries and caught a TD on a shovel pass.  Another set of Colts to avoid next week at Arrowhead.

Matt Asiata – Carne Asiata right off the grill!  Huge game fantasy-wise… You know you’re having a better fantasy day than real-life game when your rushing average (1.7) is roughly half of your TD total (3).  30 carries for 51 yards, but fell into the endzone with the Eagles defense, yes, turrible.  It sounds like both AP and Toby Gerhart will be back next week, so Carne Asiata will just be a one-week special.

Greg Jennings – Got confused and thought he was still playing for Green Bay.  Get your team right, Greg!  Been using too much Old Spice…  11/163 with a touch in the Eagles’ embarrassing loss.  Tough matchup next week at Cincy so I’m not ready to call him a championship play.

LeSean McCoy – Let us all down.  Dude a team with Peyton and McCoy probably killed this year only to crash in the playoffs.  I bet McCoy was wishing the Metrodome roof would collapse piling some snow in there so the field would be like last week!  He actually played fine, jut the Eagles were turrible.

DeSean Jackson – Nice time for the biggest game on the year.  He’s been a stud.  Top-10 WR next year?  I think he might just be…

Victor Cruz – Sprained his knee and got a concussion, which sounds like it will end his season.  Fantasy owners are thinking his season had already been done all year…

Timothy Wright – After ebbing with back-to-back TDs, he flowed with under 20 yards in the next three of four weeks, now ebbing again with TDs in the last 2.  The Rams are playing great D at home, so I don’t love him as your championship contending TE.

Brandon Marshall/Alshon Jeffery – Best WR duo in the NFL.  Denver still gets the best trio award, but man, secondaries are gettin’ torn up!

Joe Haden – Got hurt and could miss next week.  Of course, the Browns play the Jets next week, so there is virtually no impact there.  Who would Haden even be on?  Jeremy Kerley?  Plaxico Burress?  Wayne Chrebet???!?!!?

Josh Gordon – Oh man did that last minute TD save owners!  The best WR in the league who’s name doesn’t start with “Mega” is probably the WR most responsible for fantasy glory given his discount.

Edwin Baker – Literally never heard of this guy who went 8 rushes for 38 and a score.  Sounds like he’s a British stage actor.  “Sir Baker’s Macbeth was mesmerizing!”  Yeah, you obviously want nothing to do with Browns RBs.

Kirk Cousins – Got a good matchup, we know he’s decent, played well.  381 yards and three touches.  Really ruined my Pierre Garcon sit call though… Probably my worst pick on the week.  Next week, the Skins get the historically bad Cowboys defense.  Obviously you love Garcon, but I think Cousins is a top-10 start at QB.

Cam Newton – Long live my Panthers!  Was a gutty game, but I think everyone knew we were winning.  Late in the 2nd quarter it looked like a hard tackle got his feet tangled up and hurt something, but he played just as good in the 2nd half and should be fine.

Sheldon Richardson – Who played the DT at RB this week?  Anyone?!  I haven’t played IDP in years, does he get the points in those formats?  If anything, Jets fans should be pumped they’re pulling a Fridge goal-line offense.

Justin Hunter/Damian Williams – Got scratched for violating team rules.  I’m guessing they were Riding Dirty.  As opposed to the Pats WR combo who are White and Nerdy.  Gave Michael Preston some run and he got two TDs.  The Red Zone announcer guy was gettin’ off hard that Preston went to some college called Heidelberg.  Sounds like a Meth kingpin college…

Kendall Wright – An effin’ beast.  I love Kendall Wright.  The Price is Wright!  The Wright Stuff!  Some other right pun!

Delaine Walker – Nice pick from me!  8/53/1.  Ryan Fitzpatrick loves his Walker…  Hah I guess FItz isn’t that old, but he seems like it with that beard!

Rashard Mendenhall – Another big pick!  LSD was tasty yesterday.  Mendy has been solid lately, but it all ends next week at Seattle…

Larry Fitzgerald – Listen, I understand having a receiver out there on the “hands team” on on-side kicks, but do teams learn nothing when starters get hurt on Special Teams?  Rob Gronkowski and that broken arm, ummmm I feel like there’s many more but I’m blanking, and now Fitz with a bad concussion.  Fitz owners have to be irate right now if they’re gonna miss him for the finals…

Eddie Lacy – Is the man.  I wish I had a Lacy JC backfield.  I would be a millionaire.

Matt Flynn – Pretty much anyone can look like an MVP against the Cowboys.  Sheesh Dallas D!  4 TDs in the surprise win.  Keeps the door open on the Aaron Rodgers watch.  Oh man, if Rodgers comes back this week and wins anyone a championship, he would be an American hero.  Well, he sorta already is.  Well maybe not, I should double check that…

Dez Bryant – 17 targets.  The Packers D didn’t stop the Cowboys, Dallas’ play-calling did.  11/153 and a touchdown that never should’ve been allowed.  Bryant pretty much caught through the defender.  He contorted his body like the liquid metal Terminator to get around him.

Zac Stacy – Had this one way wrong.  The Saints are ridiculous.  They just can’t do anything on the road.  Most disparaging home/road team I’ve ever seen.  The Rams more-or-less blew em out and the Saints have lost to the Jets on the road.  The Jets!  133 and a touch plus 10 through the air, and a decent matchup against the Bucs this week.  If you’ve been playing him, you ride him to the finals.

A.J. Green – 18 targets to outdo Dez.  But ended with only 9/93.  Blame it on the ginger!

BenJarvus Green-Ellis – Got disbarred.  Brutal game, but with the Bengals down big early, makes sense he was barely on the field for 4 total yards.

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