When the off-season began for the Eagles, it was clear that times would be changing. How much things would change was merely the question. Would they overhaul the roster? Would they resign Vick? Would their defensive ineptitude come close to improving? Well, to answer those questions, no, yes, and no. When I originally saw the signing of Chip Kelly, I was surprised by how many people assumed that Vick would be the starter in Philly. Too many people assume that Chip’s offense is solely built for a running quarterback when the truth was nowhere near that. Chip’s offense relies on his QB to be quick. Quick on his reads, that is. So when people heard that there was actually a camp battle for starting QB, many assumed it was just the media hyping things to make drama. Normally, I’d side with the hype-train side of the argument but there was definitely a case for Nick Foles to become the starter in Philly. For all intents and purposes, I saw Foles as the future for the Eagles barring any major trades or draft picks heading into 2014 so to see him step up against a strong defense in the Bucs and dismantle them – going 22/31 for 296 and 3 passing touchdowns to go with one on the ground – you could say I wasn’t overly surprised. Ok, I was surprised he scored THAT much but still the fact remains that Foles is quality QB and Chip knows how to handle one of those. It’s gonna be hard to tell how this whole scenario plays out given that Vick was named the starter heading into the year but has been very erratic in terms of how he’s run the offense so far. Don’t be surprised if Vick’s hamstring ‘isn’t quite ready’ next week so the Eagles can see what they have in this young Philly. In other news from week 6 of the 2013 Fantasy Football season…
Josh Gordon – Even with the Fantasy Weedenwhacker at QB, Gordon managed a solid end line, especially in PPR leagues (7/126). Meanwhile, J. Cameron’s day (5/64) was underwhelming but this was my sole concern with Brandon taking back over: the studs in this Browns passing game start playing Highlander. There can be only one.
Joseph Fauria – Megatron was gimpy all day, leaving Stafford with trying to find who to throw to in the red zone. He found him. After 3/34/3, it looks like Joseph’s got something Fauria, deep leaguers.
Cam Newton – Cam’s been pretty maligned by the fantasy community all year. I don’t know why, he’s doing what he’s done to you in the past and yet you keep drafting him. He’s an up and down player and after a 242/3 to go with 30/1 on the ground, he’s clearly on the up side of down with his owners. I still like him moving forward but I have a hard time believing he’s ever going to be the reliable guy that you all thought you drafted…and you still owe me an explanation why for.
Jamaal Charles – The Chiefs keep winning and Charles keeps seeing plenty of touches. Coincidence? I think not. Only time you should be concerned about Jamaal’s numbers is when the Chiefs are playing from behind late. Until then, enjoy your weekly 100+ total yards and TD a week. Sometimes he’ll even splurge and go for 2 touchdowns like he did this week. Hope you’re breaking bread with JC Superstar this year.
Kansas City Chiefs Defense – Hoo…that’s all I can say. Hope you picked them up by week 2 or 3 like I did in most leagues this year. But don’t worry, I started the Browns in a few this week so I’m not completely awesome #humblebrag
Matt Schaub – Left the game with an injury to which his home crowd CHEERED. That’s uncalled for, Houston. His backup TJ Yates came into the game and threw a pick-6 in the red zone. That’s karma, Houston. They say everything’s bigger in Texas. Given how huge of a mess this team is, I can’t argue.
Timothy Wright – Now I get it on two levels. Wright probably doesn’t put up these numbers – 7/91 – if 1) Mike Williams is playing and 2) the Bucs aren’t facing one of the worst defenses. But to all of this I say ‘I’m starting Sean McGrath in some leagues. Leave me alone, I need hope’. Kinda, sorta interested in deep-ish/desperate-ish leagues.
Vincent Jackson – Well, it was a battle of ineptitude in TB today. The tug-o-war of whether a bad offense could take advantage of an inept defense. Ask VJax owners how it went – 9/114/2 – and they’ll say it went just fine. I even streamed Glennon in one of those daily draft thingies for fun. Yup, Eagles defense stinks.
DeSean Jackson – Just trying to get all the Jacksons out of the way for the day. DeSean went for 6/64/2 while Cooper went up and caught a few for 4/120/1. If Foles stays around, I think DJax’s numbers stabilize.
Randall Cobb – Never want to see one of your top receivers on the sidelines with crutches. James Jones also got banged up in this game. Right now, word is that neither injury is serious but I can count the bumps on my third nipple the amount of times I played pickup basketball the next week after walking around on crutches. Hint: I don’t have a third nipple. I’m guessing at least Cobb misses time, making Boykin a possible intriguing pickup.
Arian Foster – How do you gain 197 total yards (4/57 through the air) and not score? Houston, we really do have a problem.
Giovani Bernard – We’ve been talking about GOB most of the year. After telling you to BUY after week 1 and then having J-FOH Off-Rhyme Rap at you about him, we hope you got in. After 100 total yards to go with 6 receptions and a touchdown I think it’s safe to say it’s not a magic trick, people!
Eddie Lacy – He beasted today. I’m just stepping forward and noting that after saying I didn’t think he’d hold the starting job after a return from injury but after 120 yards on the ground against a tough Ravens rushing defense, I can’t deny I feel like wearing something a little Lacy now…but mainly because I lost a bet. Where’s my lipstick? This shade’s not my color!
Zac Stacy – It was a good day with 90 total yards. I’m sure his owners are a tad disappointed given the scoreboard but it’s good to see your investment produce.
AJ Green – A lot of people have been trying to sell AJ this year. I can understand a little bit, I guess, it hasn’t been the smoothest of years for Green. But after 6/103/1, I hope the ‘I just got offered a Greg Jennings and a sculpture of a naked Terry Bradshaw made out of butter for AJ…should I take it?’ comments come to an end.
Chris Ogbonnaya – Leave it to Weeden to make the Ogre look like a star. Seven receptions, a touchdown and 85 total yards later and he’s a top 20 RB on the day. Hey Houston, you want Weeden? Clearly you’re unimpressed with what you’ve got already…
Reggie Bush – He’s pushing to be a top 5 back on the year if he stays healthy. After 17/78 on the ground and 5/57/1 through the air, he’s giving it his best to make it. We call that kind of effort the Bush push around here.
Knowshon Moreno – When some schmo starts to cry, cuz Montee Ball was his guy…that’sa Moreno! Given the conversation was sparked by me having SJax as a stud this year, I don’t see this as me picking on anyone here. Moreso, I’m just pointing out that we don’t know what the hell we’re talking about. Wait, who said that?!? Right now, a guy who might’ve gone undrafted in a few leagues is putting up RB6 or maybe even RB5 numbers so far on the year. To give you the exact numbers would require me to do calculations. I gave up after trying to carry the 3 touchdowns and divide by awesome. Sorry.
Maurice Jones-Drew – Welcome to the 2013 Fantasy Football season. Now get the hell off my team before you trick me into starting you on a weekly basis!
Michael Hoomanawanui – Read that out loud while you’re at work. I’m guessing three in ten offices will think you’re having a seizure. Had some big catches today to keep drives alive for Brady and company. Gronk…pffft, who needs’um! Ok, I only brought Michael up so I can say ‘More Who Man? than a Hooman‘. Alright, self-serving blurb over.
Thad Lewis – Came off the practice squad to throw 2 touchdowns and run for 1 against one of the tougher defenses in the league. And yet Blaine Gabbert had the starting job until week 6 in Jacksonville. Philosophical question for you. What’s the sound of no one clapping? Answer: EverBank Field.
Andre Ellington – Well, we’ve been waiting for the coming out party and maybe it’s arrived. Against a renewed defense in the 49ers, Ellington tallied over 80 total yards and a TD on the day. Andre may not be a Giant – and if you ask David Wilson, that’s a good thing – but he is crafty. Consider him on the bubble for joining GOB’s ‘Alliance Of Magicians’.
Danny Amendola – The year of Breaking Dan continues. This time he left the game in the 3rd with what we could assume to be a concussion. But don’t worry, before that he gave all of his owners 2 targets and 1 total yard. Honey, why does it say ‘all hurt and no play makes Sky not a ‘dola boy’ all over the house in what I can assume is blood? Clearly my wife doesn’t understand how important keeping notes for next year is.
Peyton Manning – Was outscored by Brandon Weeden today. Just in case you’re wondering why your matchup is tighter than normal. If you’re losing, it’s probably because you’re Scott Pianowski and playing me and I have Moreno. I’m 1-4 in that league. What are you doing losing to a poor schlub like me, Scott?
Vernon Davis – Did you know that 90% of Koalas have Chlamydia? I don’t know where I’m going with that other than it’s an STD and a VD can be an STD. And in STD scoring, you had a VD breakout today with 8/180/2. Now you know two important things: Vernon is awesome and stay away from Koala Bears at your local petting zoo. You’re welcome.
Stevan Ridley – Well, that finally happened: 20/96/2 to go with 1/14 through the air. One of the hardest things to do is hold onto a guy with only one year of good play under his belt. If you did so with Stevan this year, you’ve finally been rewarded. Oh wait, you probably just rewarded your bench. Yeah, you’re hating life right now.
Larry Fitzgerald – Well, I removed him from my rankings when I heard rumors he’d actually sit today out. So of course after I gave him faith over the last few weeks that he’d play well through it all, he goes off this week. See, Ridley owners? We’re not much different, you and I.
Jimmy Graham – CGI. Breasts in Hollywood. A Graham fantasy line that starts and ends with the number zero. *Carnac opens letter*. Things that are unreal and amazing to look at. Meanwhile, Kenny Stills does this week what I thought he’d do last week when I started him. I hate you, Kenny.
Justin Blackmon – With Cecil on the sidelines early with a shoulder injury, Justin went for 14/190 as Henne targeted guys like Clay Harbor in the Red Zone. The only thing holding Justin Blackmon back at this point is being a Jaguar.
Marshawn Lynch – Certain fears in life I don’t understand. Spiders. Sharks. Carrot Top…ok, I get Carrot Top. But Lynch went way lower in drafts than he should’ve. I got him in the 19th of an experts league. One PPR be damned, that’s silly. After a 165 total yards (4/78 through the air) and 2 TDs, it’s time to taste Skittles’ sweetness. Yeah, don’t click that at work. You’ve been warned. You might not even wanna click it ever if you like Skittles.
Sunday Night Football – Well, that lazy, drunk, good for nothing JayWrong crapped out on me at the last minute. And by ‘last minute’ I mean he told me in advance he wouldn’t be able to do it and by ‘crapped out’ I mean it’s his birthday this weekend and I’m sure he’s finding an even deeper level of alcohol poisoning to celebrate than he does on his regular go at these. I’m saying all this to let you know I’ve got you covered for SNF and to go wish @JayWrong a Happy Birthday after he kicked it Old School like Will Ferrell in the streets. And in SNF tradition, I’m shirts up for Mardi Gras beads drunk over here. You’ve been warned.
Robert Griffin, III – I tacked on the triple ‘I’ because he finally played up to RG3 type numbers. After 77 rushing yards on the night, we might be seeing the re-makings of what made Griffin the fantasy stud he was last year. He looked good, ran good, smelled good…I have a smart TV, I’m not that creepy. It’s a smellovision. Ok, the turnovers were a bit much but I’ll be glad if the fantasy name ‘RGKnee’ goes away. If I have to throw some criticism at him it would be about his uh…throws. Yeah, he was errant quite a few times tonight. We’re talking Bob Uecker errant here. That said, the legs might be coming back which means I’m officially interested.
Terrance Williams – Another touchdown, this time with Miles Austin in the lineup. That said, only 2 receptions and 27 yards to go along with it. Still worried about targets with Williams but if he keeps making the catches and plays he’s been making, those worries will take care of themselves.
Alfred Morris – There were a lot of concerns coming into this week about Morris’ ribs. I had only heard it was a mild issue so I said he was an ok start. After a touchdown and 81 rushing yards, I’m gonna have to say The Butler’s fine.
Tony Romo – Ok, I get it now. Tony plays to the level of competition. Given the secondary woes in Washington, you’d think Tony’s end line would’ve been about double what it was. I think we can mark this one as a ‘moral victory’ too.
DeMarco Murray – Thankfully gave his fantasy owners a TD before leaving with a knee issue. Murray – much like DMC – seemed like a wildcard to stay upright all year coming into the season. As always, never a question of talent with Murray but a question of health history. Anything making fun of his injuries would be off-DeMarco by me so I’ll abstain.
Podcast – There’s not one this week. Apparently the Canadians were saved by Native Americans too and have their own day to celebrate it, too. A likely story, Nick…regardless, Monday’s gonna just be little ‘ole me for this week. I heard you in the back complaining! Anyways, next week we’ll be back to normal. Or whatever constitutes as normal on a site that calls itself Razzball.
