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DENVER, CO - OCTOBER 30: Running back Devontae Booker #23 of the Denver Broncos rushes for a touchdown in the third quarter of the game against the San Diego Chargers at Sports Authority Field at Mile High on October 30, 2016 in Denver, Colorado. (Photo by Dustin Bradford/Getty Images)

Greetings! Over these past few weeks I’ve often wondered: “Have they missed me since I’ve been gone?” Will my strongest supporters simply move on and attach themselves to any of the other talented Razzball writers, or will they mourn me by drinking and drugging themselves for the remainder of their miserable lives, slowly killing themselves in the memory of the Lord? What I can tell you is that I’ve spent the past couple weeks in the crater of Mt. Vesuvius, smoking mass quantities of peyote and drinking absinthe by the boatload, conversing with the Elder Gods about my future and what has been foreseen. The good news, you ask? My dream of my writing career surpassing my great many thong modeling accomplishments looks like a given, but the bad news, my goodmen, oh hohoho, you mustn’t never find out for only the scurviest of bottom feeders could possibly have the wherewithal to comprehend what I must do. They’ve rarely been wrong in their predictions for my life in the past. I mean, they did predict I would finish second overall in the FantasyPros rankings a few weeks back AND they informed me that some crazy hood rat would come out the woodwork, saying I owe her 500 dollars for blowing out the back of the gal watching her home while she was out of town. This gutter ferret had the gaul to threaten me on Facebook. ME! The Lord! My judgement shall be swift and merciless, and her destiny of bobbing for worm-infested apples, surrounded by diseased swine in the dank dungeon of House Beddict. Just because I put a dime piece in the perfect flex on her cheap ass bed certainly doesn’t mean that I broke and it certainly does not mean the Lord will throw some gold coins at her to shut her hole. Peasantry.

I am Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight! Take Heed!

 

 

Players the Lord believes will grant us supremacy in Week 9: 

Colin Kaepernick – The Saints are 21st in pass defense and haven given up 4.3 YPC and 12 TDs on the ground. This is truly one of the worst defenses I’ve ever witnessed in all my days and I am guaranteeing a top ten performance from Kaep, as he’s had a bye week to fully round himself into form and get a firmer grasp of the offense. A one-armed mother of four could roll off her water bed and put up double digit fantasy points against these wanksters. 200-plus yards passing and 80-plus on the ground. Chalk it.

Josh McCown – Why would McCown be ranked so low this week by my fellow experts? Is anyone truly afraid of this overachieving Dallas defense? Have we not witnessed McCown, time and time again put up top-15 fantasy numbers on the rare occasions he doesn’t get carted to the locker room after being beaten like a pinata on dia de las muertas. This, my goodmen, will be one of those days as this Cowboys defense is now missing two of their top three defensive backs and have no pass rush to speak of. The Browns are hungry for a win and I say they shock the world. Anything is possible. ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!!!!

Devontae Booker – Oakland is giving up 4.8 yards per carry, and in what I expect to be a game controlled by Denver’s ferocious defense, this has the ingredients of a record breaking performance. Cook it up, cook it up, cook it uuuuuuuup! Join me in C-walking on your opponent’s ashes this week.

Charcandrick West – With Charles going to IR, Ware getting his dome crunched and nursing a concussion, and with Knile Davis’s face last seen on a milk carton, West is bound to touch the ball 20-plus times this weekend, meaning 100-plus total yards and a touchdown is basically a given. I wouldn’t lie to you. You remember my last post when I told you Aaron Rodgers was still the best QB in football when people were saying he fell off? I never toot my own horn but some of this stuff is beyond elementary, my dears.

Terrelle Pryor – I believe I mentioned that the Cowboys are missing two extremely important pieces of their secondary right now, and I believe I’ve had Pryor ranked higher every week than almost anyone else and he just keeps producing. Not counting that week, he was plagued with the hammy strain of course, but who’s counting…? Errrrr. Anyway, after having his hamstrings massaged with warm milk three times a day for the past couple weeks, TP for my bunghole is ready to scorch earth, MFers!

Jordy Nelson & Davantae Adams & Randall Cobb – The Colts and their 31st ranked pass defense are coming to town and the Packers have no running backs worth the fleas on bull’s dick, so guess what that means? It means A-Rod is about to go William Wallace on these peons. Let the bodies hit the floor. Let the bodies hit the floor. Let the bodies hit the floor! Everyone loves a good slaughter.

Austin Hooper – Thank the Gods, for Jacob Tamme’s fruit of the loom wearing, lame ass is injured this week, so now we get our first full look at the star rookie going against a Tampa defense giving up 275 yards per game in the air. And when it comes to playing match-ups with our fantasy tight ends, you have to love utter defensive incompetence. In the dome, this can and will get uglier than Rosie O’Donnell’s dirty underwear pile after month-long fast food binge. Sounds like something our next president, Donald Trump would say. I believe Jay has been working on his campaign so that’d be super cool if he got him on the Podcast.

Players the Lord believes will disappoint in Week 9:

Tyrod Taylor – Part of me wishes I was attending this game in my Tygod jersey, but unfortunately, I’ll be out of town for a wedding where I will be attempting to lay pipe. When I say attempting I mean most definitely dropping atom bomb “D” upon some very lucky woman/women, and when I say I wish I was attending this game, I mean that I’m glad I’m not because there is absolutely ZERO chance the Bills put up more than 10 points this week. To be factual with ya’ll, the Bills have the worst receiving core in the NFL right now, and it’s not even remotely close. I’ll wait here for a few minutes while you attempt to name an inferior group. I haven’t felt this badly for someone since both Christian Slater and Nicolas Cage were blackballed from Hollywood. Pray for the God.

Derek Carr – The Broncos have what, in my opinion, is a top-ten all-time secondary to go along with a fearsome pass rush, meaning that Carr will more than likely have his worst game of the season. Simple Simon shizz.

DeAndre Washington – This is more just a shot at all the “experts” who claimed this guy would overtake Latavius as the starting running back this year and be fantasy relevant. This is actually a game where he could be used quite a bit taking advantage of the Broncos linebackers attempting to cover him, but, still, he’s been nothing close to usable, not even when Murray missed multiple weeks. So, yeah, shout out all those guys talking out their a*s.

Frank Gore – Green Bay has the number one rushing defense in the NFL, is going to score a ton of points, and Gore is 43 years young. And there you have it.

Tyler Lockett – Another player who I think has a shot at a decent week but has been one of the larger disappointments in fantasy football this season. I remember some writer predicting 1,300 yards this season. LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO. C’mon son! Droppable in all formats.

Robert Woods – If Woods straps on a pair of nuts and plays football this Monday, he’ll still be on total lockdown by the Seahawks defensive backs. Being that he’s the only wideout on the team that could possibly be considered even slightly below average, one would have thought he’d produce the past few years with Sammy Watkins missing insane amounts of time, and one would be wrong. This former USC legend has somehow gotten worse every year in the league. It’s actually pretty impressive if you think about it. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about Robert Woods. Ever. Like, ever again.

Richard Rodgers – At one point in time we all believed Rodgers would put up numbers playing in the Packers air raid offense but, frankly, he’s simply not athletic enough to get open and Green Bay will be replacing him this next offseason. It’s almost impossible for a tight end to be this worthless in an offense of this caliber. ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE! I completely forgot about his existence until looking for a tight end I didn’t like this week. I don’t like shaming grown men in writing, but you’ve got to be realistic about these things.

 

 

Thank you for joining me for another edition of Disgrace/Delight. I am beyond ecstatic to be back and cannot wait for your usual feedback in the comment section below. Good luck to you this week and let’s chat later!

  1. Jurickson BROfar says:
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    Lord Tehol,

    How do we trust thy Brandon Marshall this week? He did nothing but drop another red zone target last week vs the worse than squalor Browns. His elite god like wr ranking is meddling. Please help me end this quarrel with you.

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Jurickson BROfar: Brosephine!!!! You are absolutely correct here, sir. It was an oversight as I was trying to meet a deadline. However, there is a solid chance he has a little revenge game on the squad he spent the worst years of his career. He’s looked very good at times this year so there’s always a chance he goes off but he belongs in the 8-15 range this week. i will adjust accordingly. Thank you for your input. It is appreciated and in this case needed.

      • Jurickson BROfar says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Thanks elderly one.

        Next time your loins need milk, I will bring one of my own cows.

  2. SunnyB says:
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    If Ty Montgomery was healthy, where would he rank on the half pt ppr list roughly? You have him at WR 38 but I assume that’s b/c of the health concern? GB cut Knile Davis so they must think Ty is a go.. Thanks.

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @SunnyB: Yep, if he’s a full go he could have a solid outing. but I think if T.Y. is out for Colts, Packers are going to kill Colts, giving Packers no reason to give any carries to Monty other than early and give the work to the bum ass practice squad dude they called up. I’m getting quite hypothetical and we obviously have no way of really knowing but my guess is that he doesn’t have the greatest game but I’ll bump him up a bit when know he’s full go. Thanks for reading, Sunny B!

  3. Zandy says:
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    Roster don Jackson or barber?

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Zandy: Ughhhhhhhhh, gross! Zandy you old sailor you! I’m gonna lean Barber here but I’ve been wrong before. Jackson has decent shot at a game just because I think the Packers are gonna get in that ass like a crusty thong, so he might get hella garbage time carries but Barber is more upside in my not always humble opinion

  4. Zandy says:
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    Also Torrey Smith…. Please elaborate…. Haha

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Zandy: The Saints defense BRUH!!!! I got Kaepernick in the top 5. Torrey got to catch a bomb, right????? or should I fall back and drop him in my rankings before I’m ethered online?

  5. William Hung says:
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    Look at that ranking for Kap! Someone beat me to Dak so now I need a Plan B for Stafford. I guess I gotta roll Kap

  6. MJP says:
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    Do I trade A.Robinson for C.Michaels?

    Yahoo Half-PPR 12 Team

    Normally I don’t think I would, but Robinson is on my bench every week and Jennings is a rough RB2. That being said, Michaels hasn’t been on fire and the rest of the SEA schedule is brutal…

    Current Team:
    QB: Andrew Luck
    WR: Antonio Brown
    WR: Odell Beckham Jr.
    WR: Mike Evans
    
RB: Le’Veon Bell
    RB: Rashad Jennings
    TE: Gary Barnidge
    )
K: Stephen Gostkowski
    
DEF: Arizona
    ———
    BN: Allen Robinson
    BN: Travis Benjamin
    BN: Jerick McKinnon
    BN: Mike Gillislee
    BN: Minnesota

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @MJP: we do get Rawls back at some point tho and Michael hasn’t been THAT great. That’s the only part I’m concerned with. I think u could maybe still do better? Hopefully McKinnon comes back.

      Wow. Looked again and u loaded at receiver. U can do whatever u want and Imma like it!!

  7. Chisoxx_22 says:
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    2 qb league, 3wr, 2 flex, ppr. I am 3-5 and not out of it yet. I have fleener at te and he’s killing me, z. Miller is available as well as CJ fridoz on the waiver wire. But should i trade for either olsen or eifert? The guy has olsen, pitta and eifert so I could get one with a wr. My wr are brown, Bryant, moncrief, m. Jones, edelman and Crowder? Your thoughts? Thanks and great write up.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Chisoxx_22: had a great chat with someone about fridoz and he’s a nice player and Miller is def superior to FLEENER so make that move but yea if u can get eifert or Olsen for Edelman go head and do that my man!!! Thanks for stopping in!

  8. Frosty the Bro Man says:
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    Hey man!
    It’s waiver wire Wednesday!

    .5 ppr I added Bibbs off waivers this AM, hang onto Bibbs or drop for either these alf Morris, ty Montgomery (RB/WR) he will clear waivers tomorrow, buck Allen, Rainey, Damien Williams, farrow/mccluster (I own Gordon), dujuan Harris, Mike Davis, don Jackson (no Knile Davis), smallwood, or bishop Sankey who’s now on KC. Just a depth move/maybe lottery ticket?

    Thanks man!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frosty the Bro Man: Montgomery is only playable one and that’s when he’s at running back. Considering her got hurt the only time he’s played RB I doubt his usage will be that high but he has some short term value

  9. Ralph Lifshitz

    Ralph Lifshitz says:
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    You’re like herpes, just when I think you’re gone you show up again.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Ralph Lifshitz: and we both ruined ur life

  10. Chad says:
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    Drop Jacquizz for Rashad? Or hold?

    Drop Parker or Tate for T. Smith?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Chad: rashad Jennings? Sure why not. Jacquizz may not have a ton of impact going forward as injury seems multiple weeks. I’d grab Tate for sure!! Torrey this week but Tate needs to be owned

  11. omar says:
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    12 team 1pt PPR. Thinking about making this offer.

    Give
    A-Rob
    Ajayi
    Gillislee

    Get
    Dez
    Mark Ingram

    Rationale: Currently 7-1, and trying to line up roster for the playoff run. Don’t trust Bortles, and A-Rob’s playoff schedule is brutal, while Dez’s is very favorable. Like the recent usage from Ajayi, but I’ve been stashing Dion Lewis and would like to plug him in my RB2 spot for the stretch run. Throwing in Gillislie because the trade partner owns McCoy.

    Current Roster:
    QB – Big Ben
    WR – A-Rob
    WR – Nuk
    RB – Lamar Miller
    RB – Ajayi
    TE – Gronk
    Flx – Diggs
    Bn – Eifert
    Bn – Dion Lewis
    Bn – Gillislie
    Bn – R Kelley
    Bn – Tyrell Williams
    Bn – Mariota

    Thoughts?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @omar: I like the trade but u best hope Ingram comes back into favor cuz Lewis is unknown right now. Scheduling is so important tho as you mentioned so sure, why not

  12. Eric says:
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    Get back on Twitter ASAP. It’s not the same without you!

    ErictheBody

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Eric: THE BODY!!!! I miss you. I miss you all!

  13. JimmyJackJames says:
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    Lord, the night is dark and full of terrors.

    Got two for you, half PPR league:

    ROS: Eli or Dak
    McKinnon or Starks

    Thanks!

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @JimmyJackJames: That it is, James. That it is! Dak and Starks. If Starks comes back healthy he could be top 15 back. I grow bored of giving McKinnon chances year after year. He doesn’t have the testicular fortitude to make it in this world.

  14. John says:
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    I was offered a trade in a standard scoring league:

    I give:
    Matt Forte
    Donte Moncrief

    I get:
    Devantae Booker
    Demaryius Thomas

    My other rb’s are: David Johnson, S Ware, and T Rawls
    My other wr’s are: OBJ, Jordy Nelson, Jordan Matthews, and Will Fuller

    I think it’s a good trade for me but I wanted to see what you think. What are your thoughts? Thanks

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @John: Absolutely. You can’t pull this trigger fast enough, my goodman! GET ON IT!

  15. William Hung says:
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    Tehol – when are you talking to the doc for your podcast? Interested to get his thoughts on if Ty Montgomery is going to play this week

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @William Hung: It’s in the comment section below. I’m not sure if he spoke on Monty or not. He recorded his part after me this week so find out below!

      • William Hung says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Damn no love for Ty – looks like it’ll be a GTD

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @William Hung: yes sir !!!

  16. Welcome back my kindred spirit. Now why don’t you include this new Off The Record episode you returned for, featuring your new crush Brandon Marianne Lee, and Emory Hunt.

    https://youtu.be/z4POnn-9LCk

    An all new Off The Record, with guests Brandon Marianne Lee and Emory Hunt. Lots covered, including Ajayi, Ertz, White, Hill, Fiedorowicz, Gore, and more. Hope you’ll check it out! #FantasyFootball

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Andy Singleton: Hopefully everyone will watch it. If you could get it to me earlier I could alwasy embed it in my posts and will ask Jay right now if he will do it for me. Unfortunately we record same day I have to write hahah

  17. Pete says:
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    How much would you bid for west in a 12 team PPR redraft with $55 left of $100?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Pete: depends on how desperate you are for a win this week since Ware will be back soon I’m guessing

  18. RonnieMatt says:
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    Who’s a better stash in a ppr, Starks or Dion Lewis? I am more inclined for the better lottery tickets for a big hit as my RBs right now are pretty good already

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @RonnieMatt: I would still say Starks. Could be top 15 back. Doubtful for Lewis

  19. Josh says:
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    I must’ve missed the boat on why you left twitter…what gives?
    Also,

    Trade Ware and Snead
    For Cooks and McKinnon?

    I already have McCoy, D.Martin and C.West. So if I did this trade, I’d at least have West and McKinnon to start before those guys get back from their boo boos.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Josh: Buddy!!! thanks for finding me on here. I may be back soon! tough call on this one. Ware has been such a hog that I’m hesitant to push it through. who do you have at receiver? you would be upgrading a bit at wideout here but I’m not sure it’s the way to go…. let me see your receivers first.

      • Josh says:
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        @Tehol Beddict:

        So this guy sent me a different offer where I’d get Gurley and Cooks for Ware, C. West and Snead.

        I accepted it almost right away. He must’ve been high on rhino horn boner pills when he sent it.

        I’d be happy to see come back to the twittermosphere. it’s been too quiet and less offensive than usual…

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Josh: oh wow! Now that was a must. Beautiful work. I should be back soon. I miss it

      • Josh says:
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        @Tehol Beddict:

        Here’s my team though as of tonight

        Brees
        Gurley
        McCoy
        Cooper
        Cooks
        Gronk
        Edelman

        Bench:
        Doug Martin
        Adams & Montgomery
        Gillispee
        Tate…etc

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Josh: LOADED like a bake potato at Ruth Crisp!!!

  20. Rondo says:
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    Who you rather own for the rest of the season – Prosise or Hightower?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Rondo: Hightower. Prosise will never really be startable. Hightower could ride this out for a bit

  21. Braun Weasleys says:
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    Not feeling ty Montgomery Tehol? Got offered him for golden Tate in a ppr league

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Braun Weasleys: naaaaah, stick with Tate. Packers RB will be back and take all the carries.

  22. Sano Chance in Hell says:
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    A few add/drop questions:

    PPR, 10 team league – who’s a better stash: Dion Lewis or Corey Coleman?

    PPR, only 3 bench spots, I’m sitting Brady and Eifert this week and I have Ty Montgomery and Donte Moncrief. I can start one of them and otherwise would need to drop the other for a TE. Leaning towards dropping Moncrief (on bye next week, so less likely to be added by another needy team) and starting Montgomery – alternative is to start no TE and stash them both. Thoughts?

    .5 PPR, 16 team league – if Hyde sits, would you prefer to start Kenneth Dixon or Dujuan Harris?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Sano Chance in Hell: absolutely no need to not start tight end and hold both in 10 team. Starks will be back soon. I prefer Coleman depending on ur depth at RB. I’m fine with dumping moncrief but I’d rather start him this week than monty

  23. Clint says:
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    What’s up Lord? Have I been Twitter blocked, sir, or are more nepharious factions at play? You seemed to have disappeared from there rather suddenly? Hope it wasn’t something I said.

Comments are closed.