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Greetings! Loyal subjects, it brings me great honor to join you for another week where we can discuss the state of your fantasy football team while also throwing out guesses as to whom, between Christian Slater and Nicolas Cage, is packing the bigger papaya. Gotta be Cage, right? Anywhoosers, I had an absolutely stupendous time at the Seahawks game this weekend. Destroying the team that represents perennial losers like Meek Mill and the 76ers created immense joy inside of my once empty soul. However, I did stop at Buffalo Wild Wings on the way to Beddict Manor, as it’s where I met one of the friends of mine I took to the game. The food there is beyond godawful and I have absolutely no idea how this restaurant got so big. You’re telling me that no other company could create a similar sports bar (i.e. just a bunch of TVs), with EDIBLE food and waiters who aren’t high out of their minds? I haven’t been to Hooters in like five years but, oh ho-ho, that succulent meat is calling my name. Did you think I was talking about their chicken wings? That’s a negative, Ghostrider. Anyone been to Twin Peaks? There’s one close by and I’m highly intrigued. Let’s chat later about it.

I am Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight! Take Heed!

Players the Lord believes will provide in Week 12: 

Kirk Cousins – If Cousins throws for 400 yards and four tubs this Turkey day, would anyone be surprised if Captain Kirk bends Scott McCloughan over the couch and goes full Jake “the Snake” Roberts? “HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW!” Jesus, that was awkward to see. Here’s hoping that moment didn’t trigger McCloughan, who said he was an alcoholic but now drinks again. If I had five bucks for everyone ass clown who told me they “used to be an alcoholic,” I’d have like 100 bucks or something. I did tell you last week that Cousins was a top seven QB which was much higher than almost anyone else had him. Let’s ride this train for one more week, shall we?

Speaking of Cousins, have you ever had like a super-fine relative, one that gave you that old fashioned romantic feeling……where you’d do anything to bone her? I meeeeeean, is it wrong? Especially if it’s like a second cousin or something? I’m totally down for the cause. What about an Aunt, like non-blood related? Is that off limits? I need to know. Thank you for your input.

Russell Wilson – QB’s fighting over rings, QB’s wanna be the King, but, long live the chief. Officially now superior to Tom Brady, Aaron Rodgers, Cam Newton and Andrew Luck, it’s a fabulous time to be or become a Seattle Seahawks fan. We are accepting all bandwagoners and illegal aliens, for we are a liberal state, and all are welcome at Quest Field……That is if you make over six figures so that you can afford a ridiculously priced ticket to the game along with parking and food. If not, enjoy the game at Buffalo Wild Wings or as I like to call it, B-dubs!

Scott Tolzien – I’m kidding. Or am I? Tolzien showed he could get the job done when he was with Green Bay, and the Steelers secondary is more prone to being shredded than the entire Kardashain Klan’s buttholes. Wanna get weird on Thanksgiving? Throw Scotty in there.

Thomas Rawls – All signs point the Seahawks dropping a double McFourty Burger on Tampa Bay this morning. I’ll take a side of Rawls and some extra cheese with that, my good man. With the legend that was C.J. Prosise going down with what has become known as soft man’s disorder, Rawls has nobody to compete with for carries any longer. He’s now an RB1, and you would know that if you witnessed the punishing runs he was laying down in last Sunday’s game against the Eagles, which I attended. But of course.

Rashad Jennings – Just when you begin to doubt this old wind bag he’ll bounce back in a major way and trick you into thinking he’s useful again. Well, he just reeled me in again for this mouthwatering matchup against a Browns team that is so bad, the city’s biggest star, Drew Carey, wants out. Loved him on that show……….What was that called? Oh, I was thinking of John Candy. Drew Carey is horrible.

Tyler Boyd A.J. Green won’t be playing again this season, or shouldn’t anyway, leaving Boyd as the only decent receiver on the roster. Throw in the fact he’s a rookie with upside that should received 8-12 targets per game going forward, and Boyd should be the number one waiver wire target this week.

Devante Parker – Over the past two weeks this young man has received eight and ten targets, as he seems to be entrenched as Ryan Tannehill’s favorite target. Granted, Parker is softer than Roseanne’s son when it comes to playing through injury so we will need to always keep one eye cocked towards the injury report, but bruh is hella healthy right now and the 49ers secondary is thinner than giraffe D.

Vance McDonald – Kaepernick has to throw to someone as Torrey Smith has gone the way of the Dodo bird, riding off into the sunset in a Maybach bursting at the seams with dump-truck booty having strippers. His work in San Francisco seems done. Vance Romance is just getting started. Once an enormous bust, this behemoth now looks like a possible top 10 tight end, talent wise.

 

Players the Lord believes will go limp in Week 12: 

Tyrod Taylor – I hate to do this to my boy, but now the Bills are down ANOTHER receiver, as Robert Woods has a knee issue. Right when he was FINALLY coming on too! Ain’t that bout a B, ya’ll? Anyway, every other time I’ve placed Tygod in this section, he’s made me look the fool, as he’s shocked the world along with myself and the Elder Gods. But, really, should I surprised? Should anyone be surprised when this guy balls out? Look, just because I discovered him and predicted his success before ANYONE else, doesn’t mean I’m any more connected to his career outcome than you are……But, truly, still not one person ever gave me credit for predicting exactly what has happened with this guy. I feel like I’m taking crazy pills. Or that could just be the Percocet.

Andy Dalton – I have a feeling big Red will exceed our expectations somewhat, but, let’s not kid ourselves here, aaaahkay? With Green going down, he’s now lost his top THREE wide receivers from last season and now Bernard is done as well. It’s going to be a serious issue this week if Jimmy Smith is back and frankly, I feel bad for dude. Not really, but if I had human emotions, I imagine I would.

Isaiah Crowell – When’s last time he did anything? Does the internet go back that far? I told anyone that would listen to sell this man early as we knew how the season would unfold. Hopefully some of you were able to unload because otherwise he’s just sat in either your flex spot or bench, festering like an axe-wound you suffered in the lower back after your wife caught you flogging the dolphin to bestiality videos. The run-stuffing Giants are coming to town. Stay away.

Jerick McKinnon – This guy has been a steaming pile of Rhino dung wrapped in hot garbage thus far and I expect nothing different this Thanksgiving. I’m just hoping I don’t blow chunks in witnessing what I know will be another disgraceful performance, in a long line of disgraceful performances. I did predict that he would score a long TD on a television show I do, but, I was high as a kite in Denver, and I’m not taking that back. There’s not a snowball’s chance in hell I’m starting this fraud on the day we celebrate stealing this land from it’s rightful owners. You’ve got to be realistic about these things.

Dontrelle Inman – It was cute while it lasted, but Inman seems to serve zero purpose anymore. He started with a spark but now he’s just garbage. Move on.

Corey Coleman Josh McCown is back in! Unfortunately, unlike last year, Josh McCown is no longer a competent NFL thrower. And Coleman hasn’t been the same since coming back from injury, meaning that I’d rather go down on a menstruating Rosie O’Donnell than start Coleman in fantasy this week.

Hunter Henry – What have you done for me lately, dick? TD last week? I don’t count two yard scores when it’s your only grab of the game. Talk to me when you beat out the hobbled, 49 year-old Antonio Gates. I have no time for lames.

 

 

Thank you for joining me for another flaming hot edition of Disgrace/Delight. Speaking of delights, there’s absolutely nothing I enjoy more than responding to your comments in the section below….Other than maybe tossing salad with hot fudge and whip cream, but still, I enjoy it a great deal. Here’s to you having a wonderful Thanksgiving and weekend to follow. Praise the Lord.

  1. Ralph Lifshitz

    Ralph Lifshitz says:
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    Is it true you had more than a mouthful of Doug Moore’s nuts?

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Ralph Lifshitz: Doug Moore’s nuts are size of raisins that have sat in the blazing hot sun for a month. that peasant’s name isn’t spoken here in the comment section. he is cursed scum

  2. Alf says:
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    What do you expect out of Fat Rob Kelley in 2017? I can keep him for next to nothing but I’ve been offered Thomas Rawls, who would help in the playoffs but I probably wouldn’t keep.

    Is this a good swap or should I ask for more?

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Alf: Ummm, i would take Rawls without a question. You cant keep Rawls tho? I guess that would be downside. Kelly could have similar production for rest of year and you could keep him. I’d probably go that route

    • The Harrow says:
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      @Alf: dude isn’t close to as fat as lacy. “weight loss” or no.

  3. the imp says:
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    The fates have removed Gio from my team and taken him to another realm. May he be more blessed there than he was on my team.
    For the moment his spot is being used to roster a 2nd QB (I now have Eli and Winston in a platoon), but I also have an extra WR (Meredith is my WR5 behind Hilton, Edelman, Crabtree, and JMatthews) that I could drop to pick up a 4th RB (to backup DavidJ, McCoy, and JStew).
    Given that I will play David J every week until the wheels fall off….
    1. Would Andre Ellington be an RB2 or RB3 in PPR in the event the wheels fall off?
    2. Would you rather roster Ellington, Meredith, or a scrubby RB3 like Duke Johnson or Bilal Powell on my team?

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @the imp: IMP!!! a tragedy of epic proportions. Tales will be sung of this horrid day. Ellington would be an RB2 in ppr if Johnson goes down. a few years back Ellington was a 2nd or 3rd round fantasy pick! we thought that highly of him! I feel bad for him now . Id rather keep Ellington and Meredith over Duke or Powell tho those last two guys will obvi get you more immediate points than Ellington so maybe it’s worth a flier on the DUke

      • the imp says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Thanks for the reply. I manged to confuse (again…one thousand pardons). I can only keep one: Ellington OR Meredith. Which of the two would you hold? I’m leaning Ellington out of paranoia even though Meredith is rosterable in our league.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @the imp: totally works for me. No issue there

  4. Drop Ryan Mathews and pick-up Wendell Smallwood?

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @madden_curser: If you’re desperate for an RB and Mathews is ruled out, absolutely! whats your RB sitch, Broseph?

      • @Tehol Beddict: Le’Veon Bell, Spencer Ware, Devontae Booker, Kapri Bibbs & Ryan Mathews. I already had Matt Jones & Christine Michael loose their spots. I handcuffed Booker with Bibbs. Now I wonder if I should snatch Smallwood because he is supplanting Ryan Mathews. Not that I need him this week. Cheers to your Thanksgiving. I hope the Lions win a drumstick tomorrow.

        • Tehol Beddict

          Tehol Beddict says:
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          @madden_curser: niiiiiice, you’re stacked up and racked up. Yea, grab him why not. id consider dropping Bibbs for him but it’s really not going to matter. Ryan Mathews can never be trusted to play anyway

  5. William Trill Cauley-Stein says:
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    Tehol! I hope you are ready to feast this week. Mind helping me set my line up? I am in a ten team .5 PPR league. I really need some advice at RB, WR, TE and my flex. I really appreciate it!

    QB1-Tannehill OR Dak?
    RB1- D. Murrary OR Rawls OR L. Miller OR Hill Or J. White or Ajayi?
    RB2- White? Ajayi? Rawls? L. Miller? Hill? D. Murray?
    WR1- R. Matthews? J. Crowder? D. Parker?
    WR2- Crowder? Parker? Matthews?
    TE- Kelce or Rudolph?
    F- ?
    D- PIT
    K- Hopkins

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @William Trill Cauley-Stein: get out that cranberry shizz cuz im saucin. Of course I dont mind!

      QB-Dak
      RB1- Ajayi
      RB2- Rawls
      Wr1- Crowder
      Wr2- Parker
      TE- Kelce
      F- Lamar Miller

  6. Happyharry says:
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    Great Work Tehol…12 Team, PPR. What two RB’s would you start?
    J.Hill @ Bal.
    Forte vs NE
    R.Kelly @ Dal.
    Thanks!

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Happyharry: Harold! thank you, sir. I’d go Kellz and Forte. LOOOOOOVE Hill but Baltimore run d is off the meat wagon

  7. Bobby says:
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    Hey man! Happy thanksgiving

    .5 ppr league trade deadline is tomorrow
    Based on my WRs (we start 3) would you look to package sanders + moncrief or sanders + Shepard or moncrief + Shepard? I’d be looking at one solid WR

    My WRs Dez Bryant, Baldwin, sanders, Hopkins, moncrief, Shepard,

    IR: Watkins

    If you recomend packaging those two which WR should I aim for via trades?

    I have CJ Fiedorowicz & Rudolph which one do you like ROS?

    Thanks & have a great holiday

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Bobby: Bobby Fliiiiizaaaay! Happy Thanksgiving to you. what are you having?I

      I like CJ rest of season which is hard for me to say considering I cant stand Osweiller. He’s just more consistent due to Vikings ridiculous underuse of Rudolph. Id package whichever of the two gets you the best return as Im not attached to any of those dudes. I’d try and hang on to Sanders if possible but if he’s necessary to dump then do so. who is out there? Doug Baldwin could be looking at a big run here. but maybe a Jordy Nelson who could get going big. can try for all the big dogs as well obviously. Let me know and happy holidays !

      • Bobby says:
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        @Tehol Beddict:

        Thanks man! Having turkey , home made cranberry sauce , stuffing in muffin cups , corn casserole with spicy peppers, of course some good drinks to go with them too

        FYI here’s my team

        QB matt Ryan (Dak Prescott on bench)

        RBs David Johnson, Melvin Gordon, Jeremy hill, Smallwood, andre Ellington &a Kenneth farrow

        My WRs are mentioned above but I’ll show again they are Dez, Baldwin, sanders, moncrief, Sterling Shepard, Deandre Hopkins.

        My TEs are CJ Fiedorowicz, Rudolph

        We start 3 WRs

        We start 2 RBs

        But we also have a flex slot (RB/WR/or TE)

        WRs I’m thinking of targeting let me know what you think; Allen Robinson, Crabtree, davante Adams.

        Or instead of looking at WR would you look to send moncrief + Shepard for Greg Olsen?

        • Bobby says:
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          @Bobby:

          If I don’t swing a trade before tomorrow’s deadline here’s the available WRs

          Michael Floyd, marqise lee, lafell, sharpe , JJ Nelson , Taylor Gabriel, DGB, Cruz, Malcolm Mitchell, ted ginn

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Bobby: love what ur working with here. Yes make that trade if possible. You’re be beyond stacked! Have a great thanksgiving

  8. Scott says:
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    You were Tyrod when Tyrod wasn’t cool. I listened last year and reaped the rewards by drafting my QB in the last round. Yeah, I dominated.

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Scott: Scottie too hottie . YEAH!

  9. Scott says:
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    I dropped Jerick for Asiata in my 16-teamer and haven’t looked back. Word!

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Scott: I respek that hella

  10. Jurickson BROfar says:
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    Lorddddddddddd,

    We need to discuss the man named Crowder. He’s like the DJ Kahled of fantasy. All he does is win and no one understands why or how. He’s had one ehh, one turd and every other game has been wr2+. Does Dallas really shut him down or will Kirk all of a sudden stop throwing to his 1b (Reed is 1a)?

    Thanks for all that you do, but I’m playing Crowder over Marshall and Pryor no matter what ros.

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Jurickson BROfar: MAJOR KEY, BRO!!!!!! i dont think Dallas shuts him down at all. I say he scores for 6th consecutive week or whatever it is. I’m all in witcha brother

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Jason Morgan: hahahah, i had a different title and he edited to this. ill see if he will change back

    • Jay

      Jay says:
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      @Jason Morgan: It’s not like it’s a famous reference or something…

      • Tehol Beddict

        Tehol Beddict says:
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        @Jay: LMFAOO

  11. Andrew says:
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    In a 2 point per 10 receiving yards ppr league which RB should I drop to claim Rawls or Kelley? This move is all about the upcoming playoff weeks.
    Hyde, Martin, Murray, D. Lewis, or Ware.
    Leaning towards claiming Rawls and dropping Lewis.

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Andrew: which Murray? Latavius or DeMarco. but yes drop Lewis either way for Rawls. and do so right now

  12. Mike says:
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    Would you utilize the services of Douglas Martin (V SEA) or Terrell Pryor (V NYG) in flex this weekend?

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Mike: Neither are great matchups but Giants have given up decent numbers to opposing wideouts so I’ll lean my boy Pryor! Dougie fresh doesn’t want this work

      • Mike says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: thanks! Forgot to ask, moncrief or Marshall? I lean Marshall

        • Tehol Beddict

          Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Mike: Marshall, no questioin

  13. Bob Wetlands says:
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    Hey Tehol… Start Jordan howard or Jeremy Hill 1/2 ppr??

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Mike: Marshall, no questioin @Bob Wetlands: Man this is tough one but since Bengals have Ravens and extremely tough run d i will go with Howard. very tough call tho

  14. Nightpandas says:
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    Hey man,

    .5ppr flex Rishard Matthews or JStew?

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Nightpandas: ughhhh tough one considering stewart has been so bad but I’ll still lean his way

  15. Braun Weasleys says:
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    Hey Tehol! Long time no talk

    The waiver wire is getting good now with 5 teams fighting for the last 3 playoff spots. I have clinched already and am looking to make pickups to help in the playoffs now.
    Winston, Jeffrey and ty Montgomery were dropped in our 12 team ppr league.
    I have Taylor at qb and am loving winstons schedule so I will try to use my number 2 waiver on him and keep Taylor still. Do you think I should try to for Jeff or ty as well? Who do you like better for week 14-16?

    • Braun Weasleys says:
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      @Braun Weasleys:
      Qb: Taylor
      Wr: montcreif
      Wr: sanders
      Rb: bell
      Rb: booker
      TE: walker
      Flex: gurley
      Ben: g Tate
      Ben: Watkins
      Ben: lafell
      Ben: Richard

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Braun Weasleys: Def grab Jeffrey as he will be back after first round. And yes, grab winston. Taylor is in trouble with ZERO weapons. Winston a better play every week probably

  16. m1chael says:
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    Hey Tehol,

    Mind helping me pick my Flex? 0.5 PPR 14 team
    Devante P
    Michael T
    Corey C
    Dion L

    My other WR/RB
    Jordy
    Jordan M
    EZ-E
    Latavius M

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @m1chael: I’m going Parker here buddy! he’s on a role.put that bitch in the microwave

  17. Jack says:
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    1. Flex – Howard, Martin, or Cobb
    2. WR2 – Crabtree, E. Rogers, or T. Boyd
    Both 1 pt. ppr leagues.
    Thanks!

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Jack: tough call I like Cobb upside this week. Howard is safest pcil

      2. Crabtree has a great matchup tho i was tempted to say Boyd haha

      • Jack says:
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        Much appreciated. Devante Parker is available. Would you go with him over Crabtree and Boyd?

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Jack: even tougher but yes! He’s hot. Little riskier tho but I would

  18. Chucky says:
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    Sitting which one, 2 QB 6 TD, Siemen, Tyrod or Winston? Bilal> Booker in what’s shaping up to be a NE blowout? JJ, Floyd, Gabriel, Coates or Mitchell? Just one WR thanks and enjoy the bird.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Chucky: hate to say it but I’m probably sitting tyrod if none of his receivers playing. If u want to play him then sit siemien

  19. Joeot93 says:
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    Theo Riddick or Cole Beasley in my flex spot for a PPR league

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Joeot93: oh man that’s tough. I’m tempted to go Riddick here, even against that nasty Vikes defense. Hmmmmmm yea I’m gonna stick with it

  20. MiggY CaT says:
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    .5 PPR

    Lost Diggs and Moncrief way too risky for me….

    Go w/ Thielen, Boyd or Watkins?

    Steelers or Bills D?

    Thx!

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @MiggY CaT: Man, I would go Boyd there and Steelers d probably worth the upside altho im starting Bills in my main league

  21. Johnc says:
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    Gio and AJ go down putting me in a bind this week. Of these dubious wideouts, who you picking this week in standard 12 team league?

    Thielen, Boyd, Sharpe (Ugh, hard to type that…miss you AJ)

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Johnc: very tough call. i’m dealing with same exact situation. I have BOyd ranked the highest and am starting him and Sharpe…….Thielen is available but im taking the risk and starting Patterson. Thielen much safer option tho. I’m fine with starting him but I’m going Boyd with gun to my head

  22. Johnc says:
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    I benched Theilen too happily. Lots of check downs. Vikes blow. Went Sharpe.

    Bell and Brown carrying me tonight again. Need just a few points from Sharpe and Edelman. Thanks.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Johnc: yep. i got sneaky last second and tried to put in Patterson hahaha. oh well. I had Cousins and Browns so should be good to go. ur the man now, dog

  23. Nick says:
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    Hey tehol…so I have Boyd or Snead this week. Jay and most other experts would go snead. Give me your defense for Boyd. Thank you sir!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Nick: Well, the Saints can hit Thomas or Cooks now as Snead is third option. Boyd should be number one receiver option for Bengals and they’re desperate for a win and playing a team that’s great against the run. I’m gambling on Boyd here. He led all receivers in targets when Green went down and is only wideout on team with upside. should see a ton of work. If Jimmy Smith plays I’m a tad more hesitant but I’m still playing him,

  24. For an Armenianless vacation come to Akron says:
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    any drug addict that’s gone to rehab knows those cells hardly ever change across the rest of your life, so once an addict (to whatever) always one. really, most any half-smart person who’s not been to rehab would know this about themselves anyway.

    are those twin peaks restaurants themed or just the same name?

  25. For an Armenianless vacation come to Akron says:
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    the only fears with the family member sex stuff is the inbreeding, so just make sure you don’t have kids.

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