Too much turkey, too much relaxation. It’s the only thing I can think of when examining why Sunday was so flat in terms of fantasy dominance among the teams. Were there good statlines? Sure. Were there good games to watch? Yeah, the Ravens vs the Chargers was a great one and even Seattle in Miami was enjoyable, especially when they had a live Buffalo Wildwings commercial in the 3rd quarter. But there were no fantasy heroes in the early games and plenty of fantasy points went to guys you didn’t even know existed. There’s a guy named ‘A. McCoy’ in the box score for the Seahawks. He caught a touchdown pass and had two receptions over all. Do you know who he is? Yeah, didn’t think so. Unless you play in a 20 team 10 flex league, there were plenty of fantasy points going to ‘that one guy’ and ‘you know, the guy with the mullet’ on Sunday. Charles Clay was your top scoring TE heading into Sunday Night Football and the top 4 QBs in terms of fantasy production were still from Thursday’s games. Not that it’s a bad thing. but it kind of describes the Sunday we fantasy players were treated to. So when you look to see how much your team scored, prepare to be a little let down. Unless most of your guys played on Thursday. Then you probably already won your week. In other fantasy football news about guys most of you didn’t own…
T.Y. Hilton – Like A Night In Paris, Hilton had a couple of TDs but sucked besides that unless you’re in a return yardage league with only 3 receptions and 33 yards. Of course, he also made Ed Hochuli say buttocks so I’m still happy he was out there. Personally, I’ll blame Andrew Luck even though no one else wants to talk bad about him. Should’ve had a huge fantasy day, instead gave his owners good but not great numbers and another 1:1 TD to INT ratio. He’s now at 13:13 on the year and yet he’s all I hear about when the Colts win. Luck will eventually run out here, owners.
Andy Dalton – Ok, I told you I was no Nostradamus so obviously my yardage call of 300 was wrong. But come on, how was anyone to know BenJarvus Green-Ellis would bust not one but two big run plays to get them into scoring territory. Nothing to take away from the Law Firm but today really confirmed how bad the Raiders are this year. Oh and you’re welcome. The Red Rocket still reigned supreme.
Jacquizz Rodgers/Knowshon Moreno – Did I call it or did I call it? Ok, I said to pick them up for week 13 now but if you followed my lead you had those numbers on your bench at least and no one else got them. With 79 total yards on 12 touches and a TD for Rodgers and 111 total yards for Knowshon as he got the surprise start, even I’m looking forward to my week 14 picks.
Russell Wilson– Had a good day against a very weak secondary with 224 passing yards and two touchdowns, chucking in 38 rushing yards to boot. If you were to ask me which QB I’d want more ROS between Luck and Wilson, I’d have to say Wilson. No I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unstable. There’s a difference and my doctor told me so.
Chad Henne – Last week was not a mirage: 261 passing yards and 2 touchdowns to go with an early INT. He also – like so many other QBs – has a mustache right now and yet not a handlebar one amongst them. Opportunity missed there. Oh and each TD went to the fantasy relevant WRs in Jacksonville as Cecil Shorts went for 105 on 4 receptions and Justin Blackmon did his best Boldin impersonation with 12 rushing yards to go with 62 receiving on 5 receptions. I said I didn’t believe in Blackmon last week because he has to play hard every week to be successful. Well he’s now played hard two straight weeks. My stance on him has softened a bit but he’s still on very thin ice with me.
Julio Jones – A week after coming up gimpy and pulling himself from the game, Jones dropped 147 yards and a touchdown on 6 receptions both leading two of my teams to what looks to be a victory while burying me in another. There needs to be a Razzball term for that. It’s like the fantasy equivalent of a ‘shocker’. Matt Ryan only had 1 TD despite over 360 total yards on the day as the game dictated some goal line carries for Turner and Rodgers. Can’t predict that, can’t hate on it either. Well, I’ll always hate on Turner but that’s for another post.
Mohamed Sanu – Mohamed my friend now has at least 1 touchdown in three straight weeks after 34 total yards and two scores today. Yet I don’t trust telling you to pick him up unless it’s a really deep league because something tells me next week he’ll do nothing and Andrew Hawkins will go off. The angle of the Bengal is directly proportional to the heat on A.J. Green if you get my drift.
Doug Martin – I don’t care he doesn’t like his nickname, Muscle Hamster sticks for me. Not an impressive yardage day with only 63 total yards but the two touchdowns on tough short yardage plays near the goal line. You could almost say he muscled it in like a hamster. See Doug? Still makes sense. Martin Scores-Easy my tookus.
C.J. Spiller – Still can’t see the ball inside the 5. Fred Jackson‘s return meant he had all the opportunities to get stuffed at the goal line. Oh and I’m officially requesting a name change to Fitzcraptrick for the Bills QB. Cake matchup but he serves pickles and tang to his owners and owners of Bills players in general. Go back to Harvard, you still need some learnin, boy!
Reggie Bush/Daniel Thomas – Both scored and yet both are hard to own/suffer through with their current splits unless you’re desperate. Every time these two are productive, they make me think there needs to be another entry for ‘Accidental Dolphin’ at Urban Dictionary.
Matt Forte/Michael Bush – Uh oh. Forte not only fumbled and started ceding touches to Bush he also hurt his ankle. One of the few guys I don’t mind handcuffing when drafting him. Oh wait, I never draft Forte for this very reason. And just for fun…necro-post!
Chris Givens – Pulled in 115 yards and a touchdown on 5 receptions as Cardinals are who we thought they were. Steven Jackson also got in on the action for 139 rushing yards against an Arizona defense slowly slipping into obscurity. Back to Chris, he didn’t play last week due to the always popular, always vague ‘conduct detrimental to the team’ issue. I always wonder what it is. Did he put M-80’s in the locker room toilets? Did he tear the tags off of all the mattresses? The world may never know. What we do know is that Chris is good for a score on any Givens Sunday.
Chris Wells – I started LaRod Stephens-Howling in one league because I really had no choice. Needless to say, LSH has me SMH and saying FML and there will be a larger rush for Beanies on your FA market then there were back during the 90’s craze. I’d say LSH ribs had a lot more to do with the 17 carries for Beanie then it says about Beanie himself as he only had 48 yards with them. Of course, he had 2 touchdowns so everyone and their Uncle will want to pick him up next week if he was for some crazy reason left out on the FA pool. Oh and the Ryan Lindley era is somehow worse than the John Skelton one. I didn’t know that was possible but at least it was more entertaining. I’ll take two pick-6’s and 4 INT overall any day compared to a Skelton 3 and out. Snoooooooze.
Cleveland Browns D/ST – Turned in a fantasy-relevant performance as they forced the Steelers to turn the ball over 8 times and only gave up 8 total points while forcing 8 fumbles. I’m really just trying to mess with people who obsess over the #8. Somehow, all 4 Pittsburgh RBs managed a fumble apiece with Emmanuel Sanders throwing in his own to boot. Charlie Batch threw in 3 INT to round out the TO party. They play the Raiders in Oakland next week if you’re interested but I suggest you just relish what you got in the Dog Pound and move on if you had them.
Torrey Smith – Baltimore finally figured out he was good at catching the ball even when it’s not thrown 30 yards first. Finished his day with 144 yards on 7 receptions. He had 7 receptions total his last three games prior to today. Yeah, nothing about this Sunday made sense.
Kyle Rudolph – Had a fine fantasy performance against the Bears – 5 for 55 yards and a touchdown – before leaving with concussion-like symptoms. I don’t think I can count on my two hands how many guys got pulled out due to concussion-like symptoms on Sunday. Partially because there were so many and partially because I can’t count. I mean, what comes after middle finger?
Colin Kaepernick – Had a sink or swim game against a defense that has been solid over the last few weeks, despite what the numbers tell you. Overall, he was decent with roughly 260 total yards and a ground/air TD combo to go with a pick that I won’t entirely blame him for. I think it was enough for this Kaepernick-us to dislodge Alex Smith from the center of the San Francisco offense for good and perhaps sending him to another galaxy entirely…namely Kansas City. Seriously, can you picture it? He’s the perfect fit. I mean, he already knows how to stall an offense, what’s more to learn about the KC playbook for QBs? Player of note that I’m not gonna wait to tell you about: Mario Manningham. Started the game as the target for Colin and finished with a 5 for 69 line. If you’re hurting at WR, you could do worse. Ok, maybe you could do better too but I know I could’ve used him Sunday.