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In a move that’s sure not to make people forget that Ray Rice uppercut (what normal-sized people would refer just simply as ‘punched’) his wife and could only carry her a few yards (just like a football, how cute!), the Ravens reached a five-year deal worth $32 million with tight end Dennis Pitta. In a news conference later today, the deal will be officially announced, which I’m sure beats having a news conference about having an alleged wife-beater on your team. HAHA get it? Ehh…

“Dennis creates a number of mismatch problems for defenses… He makes it tough on them, and because of that, he really helps out our wide receivers. Opponents have to always pay attention to where he lines up and where his routes take him. Dennis is also a big target with very good hands, and his presence in the red zone is very important to us.” – Ozzie Newsome, Ravens GM

IS IT? Sure, I guess when he’s on the field, everything Ozzie Newsome said is spot on. And at the prime ole’ age of 28, we should expect some big things from him going into the 2014 season. While some (almost everyone) agrees that Joe Flacco is actually not an elite quarter back (HERESY), I can, with a lot of gusto and a hint of lilac, say that he is, at the very least, an elite check-down artist. And that benefits Pitta greatly. In 2012, Pitta had 61 catches of 669 receiving yards and seven touchdowns. I would label that production ‘spiffy’ on a scale of Monte Kiffin to Mike Zimmer. But, again, it comes back to his durability. In 2013, he only played in four games (starting just one) due to a pre-season hip injury.

Specifically, for fantasy, he’s probably going to be around my TE top-10 as of this moment. I like that Joe Flacco needs a short-read security blanket at all times, and since Ray Rice is wondering why Darren Sharper showed up while his fiancĂ©e was unconscious, Dennis Pitta is that blanket. In PPR/half-PPR leagues, I’d give him extra credit. In fact, when you do some magic known as ‘math’ and pro-rate his 2013 numbers over a full season, they come out to 80 receptions, 676 yards and four touchdowns. Which sounds very Pitta. But, again, he has to play those 16 games. Granted, he didn’t miss any games in 2011 and 2012, so I guess the final verdict is, we’ll see?

Seahawks prefer beans instead of Rice…

Would have been perfect if they actually signed a player named beans. Or maybe potatoes, if you want starch. Which you probably don’t. Stick with protein’s yo. Rice had obviously not lived up to his contract, mostly due to injuries, and was also a constant tease for many fantasy rosters. Well, as much as a hobbled and concust bench-guy can tease.  It’ll be interesting to see where he ends up, only to see how fast the hype machine gets fired up again.

Iggles Riley Maclin’ everyone in sight…

Makes total sense. No it doesn’t. Riley Cooper and Jeremy Maclin are now set to line-up, once again, next to DeSean Jackson to form your Eagles 2014 starting wide receiver core, after the former signed a five-year deal and the latter signed a one-year deal this past week.

“Jeremy is an ideal player for our scheme with his combination of size, speed, strength and route-running ability, in addition to his dynamic play-making talent.” -Howie Roseman, Eagles GM

Yeah, I could get on-board with that statement. Probably forgotten since missing the entire 2013 season after tearing his knee apart, it wasn’t that long ago that he caught 70 passes for 964 yards and 10 touchdowns under Andy Reid. Okay, yeah, that was 2010… four years is sort of a long time. And you never want to be under Andy Reid. But… I still would want him on my roster. In 2012 and 2011, his line went something like 65 receptions, 850 receiving yards, and a half-dozen touchdowns. In fact, if healthy, I might want him more than Honkey U alum Riley Cooper. If you believe in the ‘Yards Per Route Run’ metric (dividing receiving yards by the number of pass routes a receiver runs), Cooper only averaged 1.59 yards. That was 47th out of 94 receivers. Also, it’s my opinion that he has trouble integrating passes and should definitely not hold brown objects any longer than necessary. And while many still consider Riley Cooper a ‘X-factor’ for 2014, I just see Cooper as more of an American History X-factor. So that’s where I’m at.

Yup.