I found it fitting to quote the Doors classic “The End” to signal the finale to our FFB season. If your championship is next week then I feel sorry for you because your commish is really bad at his/her job and deserves all the condemnation that is coming to them. Now back to this whole “The End” thing, this is it for me, next week is my awards show, which reminds me that I need to grab my tuxedo T-Shirt from the dry cleaners, and all we have are the real life playoffs. *makes hip thrusting motions at monitor* My Broncos are in, what about your teams? Now is the time to show all your “skills” and hopefully the people you choose will play all four quarters, get their projections +, and they don’t suffer some game ending injury that makes you look terrible at fantasy because when your guys get hurt it’s all your fault. How stupid must we be to play a guy that gets hurt, didn’t you get the crystal ball that came in the box of Captain Crunch? We need to keep a few things in perspective, play smart but not over think ourselves, look at the floor vs. the ceiling if it’s close and keep a box of tissues with us at all times on Sunday. The best thing about this week is we have no TNF, which IMO, is the worst thing the NFL has done since allowing this jackass back in the league. Oh wait, that’s right, they have no integrity…or soul, they can play god with fines for questionable hits and suspend people for smoking some weed but this a**hole gets to play every week? WTF is wrong with this picture?….besides that dudes hair. Hey look it’s a fantasy paragraph below, let’s check it out. Actually two paragraphs down are fantasy sports, the next one is fantasy becoming reality, go ahead Kid A, insert your snark now.
Before I continue to the weird scenes inside the goldmine I have to gloat about the best three-way man date I had with our fearless leader SKY and the Grand Poobah of them all Mr. Grey Albright. It’s like hanging with Eric B and Rakim or Eazy-E and Dr. Dre or Captain and Tennille if that’s where your mind imagines nirvana. As some of my readers know, I have already spent time with Sky, but having him with Grey is like when they put the stones together in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. They might have gone to the Playboy mansion the next day but I’m ok with it (I’m not) I got to spend time and kiss ass to ensure my job security. Oh and if you don’t play baseball, get your ass over there and start following Grey and sign up for an RCL this year. If you already play then still get your ass over there and start prepping yo’s! I will be writing the Closer Report and Bullpen Report this year and if you like my drivel then come on over, we won’t bite…
Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
Knile Davis – Last week we liked Knile Davis because the Chiefs were suppose to blow out the Raiders and we would assume we would get 2 quarters from Charles and 2 from Davis. Well that was a big NOPE! Andy Reid, that master of awesome and the winner of the most looks like a walrus contest, pulled out his smart guy hat and left Charles in for three quarters so he can run up his totals for god knows what reason. Yeah, it made no sense and makes it clear now why he got the boot in Philly. He can get them to the dance but can’t seal the deal later in the backseat. That was then this is now, we need to move forward and keep our learning caps on nice and tight because in real life coaches can F**K you in these closing weeks with how they manage their rosters. Oh, and I would be cautious with Davis this week, playing him could be against menial advice.
Desperately in need…of some…stranger’s hand
In a…desperate land….
Ben Jarvis Green Ellis – He is still owned in 62% of leagues, which if my math is correct means he’s available in 48% of leagues? Nope, that’s not a typo or bad math, my high school football coach always told us to give %110 anytime we are on the field, and with this being about as close as most of you will ever get to the field then I say let’s give it %110. That has nothing to do with math, and really guys, this is football, not baseball where math and one of those graphing calculator doohickees is needed. If he’s there I would heavily consider him a flex play. After that weird game last week where the Steelers scored 21 in the 1st quarter and the Bengals abandoned the run, I think it’s safe to look at the law firm again. They play Minnesota who sucks all over the defensive side of the ball allowing the 7th most points to RB. Here’s the rub, no Prezzi, I’m not giving you that kind of rub, the Bengals should build a lead and then protect GOB and let the law firm pound it out to run out the clock. If you are scarce on plays then go ahead and insert the man with the longest name in the league deep into your roster.
Jordan Todman – He had a nice game last week, rushed for over 100 yards (109), averages 4.4 YPC, caught 4 balls on 8 targets. I liked it a lot, I even wonder if MJD is capable of that anymore? Word on the street is MJD is questionable with a good chance of not playing. If this is the case then I would absolutely plug Todman into my line-up and play him in the hopes one day you can tell your grandnerds about the time you won your Fantasy Football Championship with this nobody named Todman, a back up on a bad team that got hot at the end with a matchup more delicious than this tasty looking treat. If MJD is a no show then Todman is a yes thank you please!
The killer awoke before dawn, he put his boots on
He took a face from the ancient gallery
And he walked on down the hall
Matt Asiata – our resident turban wearer has already said to CRAM Mr. Asiata this week and I will have to agree with him. The rest of the Vikings backfield should play so if you have any thoughts of getting another cheap three then you are dead wrong. Even if by chance he does play because AP and Toby can’t go he’s still a no go. They play the Bengals and he won’t do squat against them.
Edwin Baker – He falls into the group that contains Mr. Asiata. He looked good last week and if he gets some play he goes against a tough run D. The Browns claim they want to give him a look to see what they have and if that’s the case you still don’t want to play him this week. If you are playing in the championship next week then he’s a maybe, but to know how I really feel about week 17 championship games then please read above or a few of my past posts. If you are in a real bad spot this week and your only options are RB’s on the Cardinals, Saints, or any back not named Vereen on New England then I would take a chance on Baker. Marcel Reece made the Jets look foolish a few weeks ago. Could happen again, but I wouldn’t count on it.
C’mon baby, take a chance with us
And meet me at the back of the blue bus
Montee Ball – Here’s my PPR shocker special. I like Mr. Ball, he has been getting better and is developing into the guy the Broncos hoped he would be when they drafted him last spring. He’s looked solid of late and is building towards a breakout. I think if it’s going to happen, it’s going to be this week. Over the last 4 weeks, excluding last weeks 3 carry for -1 yards, he has averaged 6.6 YPC on 33 carries. In those 4 games he has caught 12 balls out of the backfield. I could see 12-15 carries for 60+ yards and a TD with 3-4 catches for 45 yards this week with a lot more possible. The Broncos could get up big early and let Montee go all wrecking ball on the Texans. If you are in a spot in your PPR league and are not loving the PT cruiser match up this week then I would go with Ball over him. Throw me your match ups in the comments if you own Ball and I will give you my best. I like him this week and I stand by that. And with that this is the end!
This is the end
My only friend, the end
It hurts to set you free
But you’ll never follow me
The end of laughter and soft lies
The end of nights we tried to die
This is the end