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After my road trip deep into the woods of the Pacific Northwest to meet and pass Razzball Football initiation with our leader Sky, I have returned a new man with no recollection of last Saturday. I woke up Sunday, naked and alone, sometime in the early evening to find Roy Helu had scored three touchdowns in the Redskins big win over the Bears. Am I still drugged up? Is this all a dream? Why are my pants cut into chaps? Like almost everyone else on earth, except maybe this guy, who would of thought Roy Helu would score as many rushing TD’s in one game that CJ Spiller, Arian Foster and Doug Martin have combined for this season. Yeah, F**K YOU FIRST ROUND RUNNING BACKS! It’s ok everyone, Helu is just really lucky because of one game, but it is hard to imagine that he goes back to nothingness considering the Skins only two wins came in games where he found the endzone. Wait!…What? Yup, that is correct 12 readers of my “list”. In the Skins only two victories of the season Helu found the endzone four times. He has averaged 4.2 YPC on the year and averages 10.9 yards per reception. That looks good enough to me Shanahanigans. PLAY HELU MORE! WE NEED MORE HELU! RETIRE YOU CRAZY BASTARD! Sorry for the yelling 12 readers, I drafted Trent Richardson everywhere and if I keep punching my computer I won’t be able to bring this drivel to you every Friday. I would grab Helu everywhere, no, not there Prezzii, and either use him or stash him. Because of the unpredictability of his coach I won’t make him a fuzzy cuff til I see more. Before moving on I must share this beautiful artistic piece about the ownership of the Redskins.

FUZZY HANDCUFFS - They’re fun, sexy, and when someone breaks them out it’s good times ahead

1) CJ Spiller (Fred Jackson, Tashard Choice) Jackson has 5 TD’s on the year to Spiller’s 1.Yup and yup.

2) Ryan Matthews (Danny Woodhead, Ronnie Brown) start Woodhead with confidence and giggle at your own convenience when you say his name.

3) Darren Sproles (Pierre Thomas , Khiry Robinson) The three headed monster returns this week after taking a week to untie itself. PT is a must start and Khiry is worth a stash in some formats.

4) Reggie Bush (Joique Bell) With a shootout on the horizon this weekend Bell might be a nice flex play gamble or an RB2 for those stuck in bye week hell.

5) Giovanni Bernard (BenJarvus Green-Ellis) After my weekly letter writing campaign, the Bengals and Yahoo have finally put GOB on top of the depth chart. I think being the only letters they have received in 5 years helps me….Thank you e-mail.

6) Arian Foster (Ben Tate, Greg Jones, Javarris Williams) The bye week is saving this mess, will wait to see what happens in practice next week with Fosters hammy and Tate’s ribs…Ooh, that sounds like a tasty BBQ combo. Tate says he can play and I say follow Sky next week and listen to the podcast for any updates.

7) Rashard Mendenhall (Andre Ellington, Alfonso Smith, Stepfan Taylor) Last week was a friggin mess vs. the Seahawks. I would still use him in PPR flex and as a bye week stand in.

STANDARD ISSUE POLICE CUFFS – Ever sat on a curb while your car was searched? Been in the back of a cruiser piss drunk after getting this ridiculous haircut….in week 6? Get caught by Five-O while taking a leak behind a dumpster and were worried you would have to register as a sex offender for indecent exposure? Like the strength of those cuffs, these cuffs are worth owning or being heavily watched in 10 team and up leagues. These backs are in split situations, have fuzzy cuff potential, and are solid fill ins when the starter is out.

8) Alfred Morris (Roy Helu, Evan Roysteer) With Helu popping his head into relevance last week, we might see a PT Cruiser/Joique Bell thing getting started over here. I’d grab him and play him this week as a flex or a bye week filler. Another strong outing and we got us a fuzzy cuff.

9)  Steven Ridley (Brandon Bolden, LeGarrette Blount, Shane Vereen) Vereen should be back in a couple weeks and is considered a stash by some, but not this guy. We play to win every week around here. I still like Bolden and would use him in deeper PPR and PPR bye week situations. The Bullichit is as confusing as bra hooks to a 12 year old boy.

10) Bilal Powell (Chris Ivory, Tommy Bohanon) Ivory pounded out 104 yards on 34 carries last week. I don’t really know what to make of this, is he the starter, is he not, is he, is he not? I say go pick a daisy and go with how that turns out.

11) David Wilson (Brandon Jacobs, Peyton Hillis, Da’Rell Scott) I’m waiting for the Giants to sign Mike Alstott next week to fill in for Wilson. I wonder why the Giants haven’t contacted the Lions about Mike Leshoure? Call me crazy, but a guy that averaged 3.7 YPC and scored 9TD’s last year could be better and less injury prone than this.

12) Doug Martin (Mike James, Brian Leonard) Martin is out and James is in. Not that impressed over here. Own him if you need him and don’t drop anything worthy to get him. Tamps sucks, I would rather watch this show than a Bucs game.

13) Steven Jackson (Jaquizz Rodgers, Jason Snelling) S-Jax returns this week and I will be watching this one to see how Atlanta handles this new line up. With Julio out for the year I could see them still utilizing Jaquizz. We’ll find out.

14) Knowshon Moreno (Ronnie Hillman,  Montee Ball) The Broncos wasted high draft picks the last two seasons on back up RB’s. What the hell Broncos, next season let’s try to get a secondary.

15)  Trent Richardson (Donald Brown, Daniel Herron) T Rich has been blah in Indy and Brown is creeping in on relevance. Watch this situation as the Colts need to make a change if T-Rich continues to disappoint. After the bye week I would start watching Colts games closely.

16) DeMarco Murray (Joseph Randle,Phillip Tanner,Lance Dunbar) Murray is back but I would hold Randle, if you have the room, just to be certain Murray is healthy. Knees can be a tricky thing

17) DeAngelo Williams (Mike Tolbert, Jonathan Stewart, Kenjon Barner) Tolbert got 11 touches and a TD on TNF….I still wouldn’t own him outside 12 team and deeper leagues and thats only as a bye week stand in.

18) Willis McGahee (Chris Ogbonnaya, Fozzie Whittaker) Ogbonnaya is the Browns version of Snelling and has been having some solid PPR weeks. If McGahee goes down I could see an Atlanta situation all over again.

19) LeSean McCoy (Bryce Brown, Chris Polk) Like I have said all year, Brown is an injury away from some RB1 shizz.

20) Ray Rice (Bernard Pierce, Shaun Draughn) with the Ravens on the bye it makes Pierce expendable for owners looking for a stand in. Only an injury to Rice can help him now

21) Chris Johnson (Shonn Greene, Jackie Battle) Bye week leads us nowhere here. I still think Greene gets a shot at double digit touches at some point

DUCT TAPE - Handcuffs of the homemade variety? Hey, you might be in a pinch and looking around your garage and you find man’s 2nd best tool, don’t make me explain our 1st. In the right instance they can be as secure as Tehol at a Victoria’s Secret model party or as volatile as Jaywrong trying to navigate the dating scene in the D.C. area. The thing with duct tape is you never know how it’s going to hold up, I’ve seen it last anywhere from a day to 10 years, you never know. These backs may be sexy but we’ll never know, back up studs, or are left for dead on really bad teams.  Add at your own risk of never playing them.

22) Eddie Lacy (Johnathan Franklin, James Starks)

23) Darren McFadden (Rashad Jennings, Marcel Reece)

24) Zac Stacy (Daryl Richardson, Isaiah Pead, Benny Cunningham)

25) Lamar Miller (Daniel Thomas, Mike Gillislee, Marcus Thigpen)

26) Marshawn Lynch (Robert Turbin, Christine Michael)

27) Frank Gore (Kendall Hunter, LaMichael James, Anthony Dixon)

28) Matt Forte (Michael Bush, Michael Ford)

29) Maurice Jones Drew (Justin Forsett, Jordan Todman)

30) Jamaal Charles (Knile Davis, Cyrus Grey)

31) Le’Veon Bell (Felix Jones, Johnathan Dwyer)

32) Adrian Peterson (Toby Gerhart)

If you are feeling bored you could follow me on twitter  …or not

 

83 Responses

  1. pooonhunter says:
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    hello, …..guess it looks like im gonna start murray in one RB spot, have d.martin out and woodhead on bye, just picked up helu, p.thomas and have stacy. Out of those 3 who would you start next to murray? Thx!

    • J-FOH says:
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      @pooonhunter: stacy for standard. PT for ppr

  2. Harris says:
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    In your opinion which two should I start….
    McFadden
    S.Jax
    J.Rodgers
    Z.Stacey.
    Obviously I drafted McFadden and Jax. I hope by next week it’s a no brainer. As for this week what do you think?

    • J-FOH says:
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      @Harris: McFadden and S-Jax

  3. Phil says:
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    Would you start Ellington over Murray this week? Why is the coach doing this to Ellington ? Let the guy run.

    • Prez says:
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      @Phil: see: ryan williams.

      • Phil says:
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        @Prez: tell me what you think of Williams. Do you think I should pick him up?

        • Prez says:
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          @Phil: nahh i was sayin maybe they dont want to run their rook into the ground like they did williams. Could be the case… But they are sure keeping the lid on ellington, thats for sure. I agree with jack, start murray.

          • J-FOH says:
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            @Prez: 30 plays a game

            • goodfold2 says:
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              @J-FOH: williams got hurt (twice) way to fast to say he was run into ground. first one was in training camp and the other, i think, was in the first 2 weeks last year. He couldn’t have ever had more than 10 season carries before the 2nd injury.

              • J-FOH says:
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                @goodfold2: Williams was not great. Coming out of camp this year Taylor was to be the back up to Mendenhall then Ellington kinda took over. I like Taylor to take some snaps but not with any significance

              • Prez says:
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                @goodfold2: still, not hard to think that they would take it easy on their next guy.

    • J-FOH says:
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      @Phil: Murray, I think Detroit/Dallas will be a shoot out

  4. Prez says:
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    Prezzi got a shotout,
    Then he whipped his cock out,
    Hoping for a lock out,
    And the raiders to get bought out!

    Ok for real now.. in a league where my whole bench is bye players who arent droppable i have randle at flex.. guess hes not starting now but with murray limited would you leave him in there or drop him for ivory? Im thinking drop for ivory but i dont trust ivory and hes got a tough matchup.

    • Prez says:
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      P.s i picked a daisy and it did nothing for me… (Sad emoticon)

      • J-FOH says:
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        @Prez: try a frog?

        • Prez says:
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          @J-FOH: you said a daisy! Cant just flip flop!

          • J-FOH says:
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            @Prez: sorry. Lick the frog pluck the daisey

            • Prez says:
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              @J-FOH: i fucked the frog and licked the daisy…. Wait.. damnit!

              You need to add one more bench spot in your league next year.. shit is redonk! I understand it adds more of a challenge but damn im either going to have to drop a top guy or go without a player in my lineup if jimmy or bowe doesnt play… If both a no go, im fucked!

              And kick the stupid Qb/flex…. That shit sucks! No one uses it… Just make it 2 QBs if you want 2 QB options..

              Cust Kayin….

              • J-FOH says:
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                @Prez: If you didn’t notice already the value of QB’s is down a bit in my league with the completions/incompletes. I thought a smaller bench breeds a deeper FA pool to help with bye’s. Bowe sucks with Smith as QB, his ass is dropable in my league.

                • Prez says:
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                  @J-FOH: i noticed… But its stupid! Haha

                  The FA pool isnt the problem though. If someone has 5 byes, it doesnt matter how fantastic the wire is when you cant pick anyone up. Ya know, cuz my bench is full of undroppable bye players. 5 is bench standard for a standard league. Your league is far from standard. I think 1 more bench would be appropriate. Still leaves people with tough decisions, but doesnt screw them for a week. Just my two cents and a napkin..

                  I know bowe has been hot garbage… And to think i drafted him as a wr 2… Ugh… Im not dropping him though cuz he will get picked up and ball. He was decent last year with worse than alex smith. Which is hard to be…..

                  • J-FOH says:
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                    @Prez: hard to be a deep threat when your qb can’t throw 20 yards. Qb in flex was sky suggstion. Experiment year

                    • Prez says:
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                      @J-FOH: true and true. Not tryna tell you how to run your own league.. just putting my suggestions in the box.

                      *gangnams into the sunset*

                    • goodfold2 says:
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                      @J-FOH: 5 bench spots is small as shit, unless it’s 10 team or under AND has like 4 IR spots.

                    • Prez says:
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                      @J-FOH: 5 bench is standard for standard leagues. This is a 8 idp league..

    • J-FOH says:
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      @Prez: drop Randle for Ivory…Sky would be proud. I told you I would work in a shout out… J-FOH is a man of the people

      • Prez says:
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        @J-FOH: i feel a dud is on the way but id rather chance it on ivory then a guy who might not even play. I drafted ivory in about every league cuz of sky! Gahhh

  5. Zandy says:
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    Send Steve Johnson for mike James? Std league
    Is James an upgrad over mcgahee or Ellington ros?

    • J-FOH says:
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      @Zandy: If you’re really hurting. In standard I like McGahee better and Ellington is a push

      • Zandy says:
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        @J-FOH: is that because you think Martin comes back?

        • J-FOH says:
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          @Zandy: a little, mostly a lack of faith in the Bucs offense and not overly impressed with James the other night

  6. Adam Jonesin says:
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    Hey J, which side do you like: Rodgers or Ryan+Ridley+Colston
    10 teams, start 1QB/2WR/2RB/1Flex

    • J-FOH says:
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      @Adam Jonesin: who are your other RB’s and WR’s. PPR?

      • Adam Jonesin says:
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        @J-FOH: .5 ppr, RBs are Shady/Jones-Drew/LeVeon, WRs are Steve Smith, Torrey Smith, Denarius, R Cobb
        thanks

        • J-FOH says:
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          @Adam Jonesin: I wouldn’t do it

  7. Chicken Dinner says:
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    Ball or Miller this week?

  8. Ciwa says:
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    I have to choose two RB’s between Murray,Ellington and Helu.
    I consider Murray untouchable against the Lions. What do u think?

    • J-FOH says:
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      @Ciwa: Murray is a must. Is this PPR or standard?

      • Ciwa says:
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        @J-FOH:

        Standard

        • J-FOH says:
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          @Ciwa: Ellington

  9. KCC26 says:
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    0.5 ppr. Two questions: Ridley or Ellington at flex?
    Rueben randle or amendola at WR3?
    Thanks !

    • J-FOH says:
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      @KCC26: Ellington and Randle

  10. Zandy says:
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    Pick 2 rbs and 1 te and a flex please for this week std league
    Sproles vs buf
    Lamar @ ne
    Ellington vs atl
    Stacy vs sea
    Witten vs det
    Reed vs den

    • J-FOH says:
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      @Zandy: Reed, Witten, Sproles, Ellington

  11. TobiasFunkeAnalRapist says:
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    Super deep 16 team .5 ppr league. Drop Bowe for Cole Beasley? Beasley has been getting more action by the week and Bowe is now hurt and hasn’t been any good anyways. Thanks.

    • J-FOH says:
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      @TobiasFunkeAnalRapist: If you think you can’t trade him then I say have at it. At this point we need to play to win. If you think another owner will give you something for the “name”then I would try and move him. If not then go ahead and let him go for Beasley

      • TobiasFunkeAnalRapist says:
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        @J-FOH: Good thinking, what caliber of player do you suggest I go at in return for Bowe? It’s also an IDP league so defensive players count too. Thanks.

  12. Clyde Prompto says:
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    Oh man, even reading paraphrased Pink Floyd lyrics makes me feel all hazy in the brain. Also, have the Giants released any specific timetable on Wilson’s return? Just wondering if he’s worth trading for.

  13. JoeBoo says:
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    Have Fitz, Terrance Williams, and Jordan Reed. PPR league. Start two of the three, which two?

    • J-FOH says:
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      @JoeBoo: Terrance and Reed

  14. Josh says:
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    PPR

    Lance Moore
    Or
    Jeremy Kerley

    Or jump off a bridge…

    • J-FOH says:
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      @Josh: pack a chute…Kerley

  15. Gerryskids says:
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    I am in a 12 team dynasty league. I have been offered Orange Julius for my Josh Gordon. I am pretty deep at wr going foward; Julio jones, dez, terrance williams, justin hunter, quick, marvin jones,britt. Sould i just hit accept( he also has Gronk, who I prefer)??

    • J-FOH says:
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      @Gerryskids: I kinda like it. Go for it

      • Gerryskids says:
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        Really??? I trade all the time, but I’m terrified of clicking that damn button. I have Josh in another keeper league so I should just get over it. I’m gonna drink some Gin to see where this one takes me. Thanks Jack

        • J-FOH says:
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          @Gerryskids: thomas looks legit and Cleveland has talked about moving him. Where he ends up could greatly effect his value. Thomas has a strong skill set and should be top 5 the next two years after this one

          • Gerryskids says:
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            Right…If I accept and Josh goes to the Lions I might stab myself.

            • J-FOH says:
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              @Gerryskids: Or he goes to Kansas City and you have a party

              • Gerryskids says:
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                Haha. Ya F that

                • Gerryskids says:
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                  Did it! Crazy…. Thanks for the help

  16. Felons says:
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    Pick 1 std, helu, ivory, hillis

    • J-FOH says:
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      @Felons: Helu but its basically a flip of the coin with him and Ivory. I’m gambling upside with that same decision in another league.

    • J-FOH says:
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      @Kid A: HAHAHAHA…hey were playing this week. good luck…to me I need it

    • Prez says:
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      @Kid A: that… Is…. Fucking awesome! Haha wow.. what a beast….

  17. Brown L says:
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    Pick two: PThomas, SJax, Ellington.

    Also, would you play Michael Floyd at the flex over any of these guys?

    • Brown L says:
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      @Brown L: Standard scoring, Week 8 only. Thanks!

    • J-FOH says:
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      @Brown L: PT and Jax, no

    • J-FOH says:
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      @Brown L: I just saw that Mendenhall is listed as doubtful, Ellington and Jax

  18. Lopes says:
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    Do you like Helu or Powell this week in a non PPR H2H league?

    • J-FOH says:
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      @Lopes: helu

  19. Mike says:
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    Bernard or Ellington this weekend?
    Standard league
    Thanks!!!

    • J-FOH says:
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      @Mike: bernard

  20. cubjet says:
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    Pettigrew, Quarless or take a chance on Bostick?

    • cubjet says:
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      @cubjet: i need for a flex spot this week and a bye week fill in week 10. What do you think of picking up quarless and bostick and seeing who emerges?

    • J-FOH says:
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      @cubjet: bostick. I’m gambling with him too. I like the upside

  21. goodfold2 says:
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    PPR with 1 pt per 10 return yards also. With news that s-jax is starting (like sky, it seems odd he’ll get full workload, having missed practice and/or not full practice most of week) has Miller moved above Jacquizz for the week? Sky thinks it would be based on how much S-Jax plays, but how do we know that in advance?

    • J-FOH says:
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      @goodfold2: we don’t, I would play him. I think if he’s not ready to play a full game then he doesn’t return. Miami running game is so bad that it’s hard to see upside with so few carries

  22. goodfold2 says:
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    in a PPR with 1 pt per 10 return yards i’ve got
    k.allen/jeffery/j.jones (BAL, great return yards floor per game)/sanders/gibson. in this league we only have to start 2 WR’s and i’m using gibson/sanders this week due to the other 3 having byes.
    Just was able to waiver NE def. CAR and TEN are also available. I’m thinking of stashing 2 of these defenses, since TEN gets @STL and vs JAX the next 2 weeks. Week 10 i’ll have to reaquire H.Miller since Gronk will have a bye. I’m thinking of using the sanders/gibson spots for an extra defense, and in week 10 h.miller. which 2 of the defenses you like best out of
    NE/TEN/CAR?

  23. Gbbb says:
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    .5 ppr. For my rb2 should j stick with Stacy or go with joique bell?

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