Why did I pick up Bobby Rainey, the guy who was waived by the Cleveland Browns back in October? This move makes me feel dirty, not pigpen dirty, but the I just picked up a hooker in an alley dirty. Maybe I should go back to the beginning. *wavy lines wavy lines wavy lines* I drafted Doug Martin in the hopes he would lead me to championship glory. He’s PPR gold and that’s all I play, standard makes me fall asleep from boredom. But nope, that was an unwise selection. Hey I listened to Sky and I was so pissed at him that I hopped on a little plane, flew to where he lives, got drunk and told him off. What can I say, I really think my insults are better in person. OK, now I grab Mike James who drops 158 on the Seahawks and makes me think that maybe I scored some pure lottery type luck. Nope, that’s strike two on your hopes and dreams. Now what do I do, Tampa is cursed, they lost their QB who woke up one day and said “I suck”, a bunch of them got MRSA, their coach is a dick, and now Brian Leonard is the lead back. Wait!….What? Bobby Rainey looked so good on Monday night, “well Jack he was playing the weak rush D of the Dolphins”, that is true diligent commenter. But Really? I know what I’ll do, I’ll grab both and beat the devil at his own game. Damn, this shizz is making me depressed. Rainey has the upside here. If you don’t already own him I would grab him. Bucs are showing signs of life and I think every current and former Browns running back is better than T-Rich. Yup, I would drop T-Rich for Rainey. If you’re going to go for it then I would go grab Rainey and hopefully the curse of the Bucs is over and they all play really well ROS.
I hope no one minds but Prezzi said he was going to do freestyles to the entire list or something like that. Let’s sit back and judge him….harshly. No I’m kidding, be kind, He’s sensitive like this guy. In honor of my first baseball article of the year I will now cross promote.
FUZZY HANDCUFFS – They’re fun, sexy, and when someone breaks them out it’s good times ahead
1) CJ Spiller (Fred Jackson, Tashard Choice)
2) Ryan Matthews (Danny Woodhead, Ronnie Brown)
6) Giovanni Bernard (BenJarvus Green-Ellis)
7) Trent Richardson (Donald Brown, Daniel Herron)
STANDARD ISSUE POLICE CUFFS – Ever sat on a curb while your car was searched? Been in the back of a cruiser piss drunk after getting this ridiculous haircut….in week 6? Get caught by Five-O while taking a leak behind a dumpster and were worried you would have to register as a sex offender for indecent exposure? Like the strength of those cuffs, these cuffs are worth owning or being heavily watched in 10 team and up leagues. These backs are in split situations, have fuzzy cuff potential, and are solid fill ins when the starter is out.
10) Brian Leonard (Bobby Rainey)
12) Alfred Morris (Roy Helu, Evan Roysteer)
13) Steven Jackson (Jaquizz Rodgers, Jason Snelling)
14) Knowshon Moreno (Ronnie Hillman, Montee Ball)
16) Willis McGahee (Chris Ogbonnaya, Fozzie Whittaker)
17) Andre Brown (Peyton Hillis, Michael Cox, Brandon Jacobs)
18) Ben Tate (Dennis Johnson, Javarris Williams, Deji Karim)
19) LeSean McCoy (Bryce Brown, Chris Polk)
20) Chris Johnson (Shonn Greene, Jackie Battle)
DUCT TAPE – Handcuffs of the homemade variety? Hey, you might be in a pinch and looking around your garage and you find man’s 2nd best tool, don’t make me explain our 1st. In the right instance they can be as secure as Tehol at a Victoria’s Secret model party or as volatile as Jaywrong trying to navigate the dating scene in the D.C. area. The thing with duct tape is you never know how it’s going to hold up, I’ve seen it last anywhere from a day to 10 years, you never know. These backs may be sexy but we’ll never know, back up studs, or are left for dead on really bad teams. Add at your own risk of never playing them.
22) Frank Gore (Kendall Hunter, LaMichael James, Anthony Dixon)
29) Matt Forte (Michael Bush, Michael Ford)
31) Le’Veon Bell (Felix Jones, Johnathan Dwyer)
32) Adrian Peterson (Toby Gerhart)
If you are feeling bored you could follow me on twitter …or not