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In stature he may be, but the kid has the endowment  to go deeper than Mandingo off three thirty bombs of cialis. The ineptness of Justin Blackmon, who was taken 5th overall in this year’s draft, is sickening, and let’s be real; Did we really expect free agent signee Laurent Robinson, to come close to matching last season’s totals? With a history of more injuries than Evel Knievel, I certainly did not. Oh yea and the Qb’s are Blaine Gabbert and Chad Henne. Talk about guys who must have a tough time facing their teammates in the locker room, and no I don’t mean just in the shower, though that’s more than likely also the case.

Dating back to the preseason, Shorts has shown the capability to make things happen on his own, so even if it’s him receiving a “short short” pass, the chance of a long td is most definitely there. I’m not recommending starting him unless desperate, but just so you know, Shorts can break the big one. His stat line last week: 4 receptions for 79 yards and 1 td on 10 targets. It seems Chad Henne and Shorts share a special connection. Maybe they chinese finger trapped a groupie together, or maybe they just developed a nice chemistry in practice. Personally, I like to think it’s the former.

I’m sure you’re wondering why I didn’t give you the incredibly long, intro this week. Oh you’re not? You don’t care? You’re glad I left it out? I’ll pretend you didn’t say that, and the reason I didn’t is that I have an extra special couple weeks coming up for you guys. I can’t reveal too much but it involves 90210 and the classic Ernest movies. Prepare yourselves. Let’s get into some more playas!

Randall Cobb- 8 receptions for 89 yards and 2 td’s on 8 targets. It’s beautiful to see a man capitalize on every single one of his targets (I’m calling you out James Jones) isn’t it? If you play in a league where you get points on return yardage, such as I do, the man is that much more dangerous. With Jennings being on the shelf, we’ve learned what Cobb and Jones are capable of and Cobb exploded like the girl from the bathroom scene in Hallpass. Very underrated movie by the way. I’m looking at Cobb like a solid number 2 wideout until Jennings comes back, with major upside potential. Start with no hesitation.

Jermichael Finley- 2 receptions for 32 yards on 2 targets. While on the subject of Packers, it’s shocking to me that I’ve yet to mention Finley in not a one of my posts thus far. The man has disappeared like the dude from An American Werewolf in Paris and Dead Man on Campus. Speaking of Dead Man, the real star of that classic was Lochlyn Munro. I highly recommend you clicking on that last link. Sure he’s had a couple guest roles on a few TV shows but nobody really cares. The Werewolf in Paris guy, not Finley. The fact that the aforementioned Jennings is out, makes it even more perplexing for Finley owners. It’s hard to even justify starting the big guy at this point. It’s extremely disheartening. Still, maybe a buy low candidate. You know how every time I bash someone on here they turn it around  like Ben Affleck did his career. Just when you least expected it. Although in this case, I guess we are expecting it, considering every one I trash turns into fantasy gold.

Santana Moss- 3 receptions for 67 yards and 2 td’s on 4 targets. Dip-set call Santana! Heeee’s baaaaaack! With Pierre more than likely useless for the rest of the season RG3 seems to have found a favorite new target. With all respect to Leonard Hankerson, Moss is looking like a man on the rise, even though he’s pushing 60 years of age. The loss of Fred Davis furthers Moss’s chances at fantasy glory that much more. Remember when the Jets traded Moss to get Laveranues Coles back on the roster? Maybe a bad call on their part, considering Moss is still a decent player and Coles evaporated like a fart in the wind. I like Moss as number 3 wideout moving forward. Griffin has to throw to somebody right?

Vernon Davis- ZERO receptions on ZERO targets- Being a Seahawks fan, I was elated when I noticed Davis was not even being glanced at by Alex Smith in last Thursday’s game. The 49er’s won the game so it ended up being a moot point. Fantasy wise, it’s another story altogether. How in the name of baby Jesus, can you have a game plan that doesn’t involve getting the rock to one of the most gifted tight ends the NFL has ever seen? It’s a god damn crime is what it is. I suppose you can expect Vern to move on from this embarrassing outing and go back to receiving his usual pitiful 3-5 targets per game, which to me is about as confusing as Heidi Klum marrying Seal. You know, before she started banging her bodyguard, which, is even more dumfounding when you throw in the facts that her bodyguard is neither rich, famous, nor attractive. Kudos to the bodyguard though.

Rashad Jennings- 21 carries for 44 yards for 1 td and 7 receptions for 58 yards on 9 targets. How could you possibly expect a post related to fantasy football this week without mentioning Jennings? I know, I know, you all remembered when I interviewed the former starter MJD before the season(41.20 mark), and that we became Bff’s afterwards, but I refuse to let my friendships get in the way of my fantasy advice. Jennings is a must own, and being that it’s now Thursday, you either picked him up already, or somebody else in your league did so. Drew’s injury doesn’t sound good, so Jennings shall be toting the rock for the foreseeable future. Granted, he’s not a superstar, the Jag’s are so god damn pathetic that it’s a given Jennings could be getting close to 30 touches a game when you include receptions. Stick him in there and expect production.

Daryl Richardson- 8 carries for 36 yards and 3 receptions for 43 yards on 3 targets. If it’s not obvious to you that D-Rich is a better player at this point than Steven Jackson, you’re fan hood should be removed immediately. Jeff Fisher, who is quite possibly the most overrated coach in NFL history, should be publicly flogged for not handing over the starting job weeks ago. Richardson should be having more balls laid against his chest than Pamela Anderson, and instead he’s getting less respect than Rodney Dangerfield (RIP). Truly Mind Bottling. Coach Fisher, please get my man the rock. He’s earned it, unlike how you received your current position.

Owen Daniels- 7 receptions for 59 yards and 1 touchdown on 10 targets. In a sense, Daniels reminds me of “The Ultimate Warrior,” being that he is one of the most if not THE most underrated of all time at his profession. Barring injury, Daniels has been a top 5 tight end now for years. Unfortunately for Daniels, he isn’t allowed the use of steroids like the Warrior was, or else he may have not missed so much time. Or maybe he would have been severely injured a long time ago. We’ll never know. The fact is you’re lucky to have him and please keep starting him with no hesitation.

Titus Young- 6 catches for 81 yards on 8 targets. If you discount the fact the Lions drafted a receiver in the 2nd round last season, fairly low production, reported bad attitude, inability to learn the playbook, and the embarrassment that is Young celebrating receptions when down 14 with under a minute to play, Young is a decent option going forward. Why should you discount all that you ask? I suppose I’ll state the obvious: “Nasty Nate” Burleson went down for the season. The Lions throw the ball a lot. But you guys are smart. You don’t need me to hammer that into your huge brains. Pick him up. While you’re at it, snag Broyles, who might end up being better in the long run.

Darrius Heyward-Bey- 4 receptions for 85 yards on 7 targets. Has Heyward-Bey finally lived up to his lofty draft status? Ummmm, no quite. He never will. That’s besides the point. The point I’m referring to is this: “Ay Bey-Bey” is long, strong, and he’s down to get the friction on. Two horrible rap references in one sentence? I’m sorry. That was bad. Young Darrius isn’t even the best wideout on his team, but if you’re desperate, and you just may be if you’re asking my advice, start him if you have 2 wideouts on a bye week like I do this week. You could do worse…..Like starting Justin Blackmon as I just did. WHOOPS! Gut call gone wrong.

Once again, feel free to hit me on twitter or on here as both will receive almost immediate responses. Let’s be friends. Uncle Tehol Beddict is here for you. I promise to give better analysis to those who send me naked pics of their significant others. Tehol out.

P.S. If the Razzball writers league thinks I will be caught slipping again because I have a sports gambling addiction, and leave in players who are injured, they are gravely mistaken. I do this for the people! I won’t let you down.

  1. Caleb says:
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    Never thought I’d say this but thank god Gabbert is back. Henne is somehow worse. The Shorts TD bomb was from Gabbert before he got injured.

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Caleb, I know right? I actually thought Henne might be better than Gabbert but wow, what a disgrace. Shorts should be targeted either way, though i don’t trust him as far as I can throw his little ass

  2. nickerboxer says:
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    starting freeman, should i bench doug martin for ballard, given all the bad performances from road offenses on thurs night. plus ballard has tenn.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @nickerboxer, well MINNESTOA has a pretty decent run defense but delone carter keeps stealing carries for Ballard for some reason. This is a tough call but id prob stick with Martin the more proven player. Hope freeman has good performance as I have money on tampa

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @Tehol Beddict, HOPE YOU WENT MARTIN BUD!

  3. Sean says:
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    Looking for some opinions. Should I trade McFadden for Jordy Nelson in a PPR leage. Start 2 RB/2 WR/1 FLEX. Have McFadden, Sproles, D Murray, F Jackson, R Jennings, Welker, Britt, Amendola.

    Thanks

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Sean, that works for for as you are thin at wide receiver. Keep in mind McFadden has a cake schedule from here on out, which could bit you but as long as Murray makes it back in the next few weeks you should be ok there.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Sean, maybe see if you can grab COBB or jones for Fred Jackson

  4. Johnny Hammersticks says:
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    I’m in a great position, need to pick 2 of the 3 WR’s:

    Harvin tonight vs. Bucs
    Bmarsh vs. CAR (like last week’s game, D takes over and they run?)
    Demarius Thomas vs NO (juicy)

    Or, curveball: I could start all 3, over Romo. Thoughts on that?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Johnny Hammersticks, wow hammer, this literally may be the hardest question I’ve ever been forced to answer. Thomas no question for one. Do you get points for return yardage? Percy may go off. Marshall could also be looking at monstrous performance! Hmmmm traditionally qbs receive more points on average obviously by my god, those are favorable matchups. I hate playing guys on Thursday games so if I had a gun to my head Marshall and Thomas though I pray to god I don’t let someone down with the name Johnny hammersicks!

      • Johnny Hammersticks says:
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        @Tehol Beddict,

        No return yardage, just 10 for RecYds and 25 for PassYds. I think Dallas will be down and Romo lit them up week 1, but since then he’s been very dissappointing.

        of those 3 WRs (obviously not DT), who would you sit?

        I’m leaning towards sitting harvin…which is ludacris to say

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Johnny Hammersticks, yes it’s an extremely tough call, especially when considering how trash Tampa defense is. But this is luxury so hopefully they all ball out

        • Murph says:
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          @Johnny Hammersticks,

          Drinking outta cups….mr walkway? mr ballon hands?

          Gotta start all three you could easily rank them 1,2,3 WRs for this week.

          • Tehol Beddict

            Tehol Beddict says:
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            @Murph, relax murph!

            • Murph says:
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              @Tehol Beddict,

              What you’ve never seen this you tube video????!!!!

              • Tehol Beddict says:
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                @Murph, which youtube video? send me the link broseph

                  • Tehol Beddict says:
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                    @Murph, hahah thanks for that. pretty god damn funny. not sure how i’ve never seen this before

                    • Murph says:
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                      @Tehol Beddict,

                      with 17 million views hard to believe you missed it you were probably going “super boss nova” on someone…classic later Tehol good luck this weekend and on the bet

  5. Jack says:
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    With news of Jennings out for a while, where does that put Cobb for the rest of the season? In a PPR league that counts return yardage, is he a top 10 WR?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Jack, top 20- mos def. top 15- maybe top 10- it’s possible, especially in return yardage points as he’s due to break a few shortly. We shall see about the top 15 thing but I feel an eruption of epic proportions on the horizon

  6. johnrambojr says:
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    I drafted G. Jennings early and really haven’t gotten the return on my investment…should I cut the cord and pick up M. FLoyd/B. Lloyd off waivers and not look back. If healthy again, do you think he will produce prior to wk 12?

    Thanks in advance,

    JRJ

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @johnrambojr, it’s tough to give up on him but the fact he’s having surgery doesn’t bode well for him. How the hell is Floyd or Lloyd free agents???? send me a list of your team ASAP rambo
      to answer ur question, yes id grab lloyd but i need to see who else is on ur roster as you should grab both of em

  7. VinWins

    VinWins says:
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    I figured it was a tortoise and hare thing – you got bored out front by yourself and took a little nap.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @VinWins, Your exactly right Vinnnny! although my team doesn’t look nearly as good to me as it did a few weeks ago hahah. Maybe cuz I lost my main man fred davis and Green and Dre Dre are on byes

  8. Murph says:
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    Good call on Sir Miles Austin last week, yes I think that he deserves Sir back in his title. How do you feel about im ROS? Sell or Hold? As always thanks for the entertaining writing.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Murph, I’m sorry Murph, could you refresh my memory on who im ROS is? I may be just missing something as I’m jittery over all the bets I have going on at this moment. Glad you like the reading my friend

      • Murph says:
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        @Tehol Beddict,

        *him rest of season

        working on my spelling haha

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Murph, hahah ok sorry. yea I’d say hold man. He looked good and Dezzy is laggin. I don’t own him but I’m his biggest fan

          • Murph says:
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            @Tehol Beddict,

            I take it he won you your 2009 season as well? Man I couldnt believe how late he fell this year but then again everyone labeled Bryant the second coming of TO. Whats it going to take to consider him elite again? I mean the yards arent there but a TD in almost every game is pretty impressive he is on pace to score more than he did on 09. He is the model of consistency at position that is usually a complete roller coaster throughout the season.

            • Tehol Beddict says:
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              @Murph, Yea I don’t get how Miles is underlooked. I love that guy like a son

      • Murph says:
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        @Tehol Beddict,

        Did you take Tampa or Minnesota? Whats the spread?

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Murph, Tamps +6. looks good so far but I feel some big Harvin plays coming on. I don’t trust Freeman whatsoever. pick 6 first drive wouldn’t surprise me

          • Murph says:
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            @Tehol Beddict,

            Tampa +6? Got to like that one good call…I hope you are wrong about Harvin im up against him in my main league. Let’s hope that Tampa Bay defense stays strong.

            • Murph says:
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              @Tehol Beddict,

              How about Dougie Martin?! hahaha I wonder how many of the thousands of owners sold him after he lost carries to Blount the last few weeks.

              • Tehol Beddict says:
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                @Murph, Wow, the only unfortunate part about this explosion is that I’m facing him this week haha. Blount is fuken garbage my god

  9. johnrambojr says:
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    QB: Romo
    RB:McFadden, D. Martin, Mojo, R. Jennings
    WR: Jennings, R. Wayne, Dez Bryant, A. Brown
    TE: A. Gates, J. Witten
    DEF: Pats
    K: Tynes

    I thought B.Lloyd had a bum knee?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @johnrambojr, so this is entire roster??? Lloyd should be fine. he’s fully expected to start this week.

  10. johnrambojr says:
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    Just took your advice and grabbed Lloyd…Appreciate you responding so quickly. Should I use R. Jennings or Witten as my FLEX play this week? I have a feeling Jax is gonna be playing catch up for most of the day and Witten is due. Thoughts?

    Thanks again!
    JRJ

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @johnrambojr, no prob on quick reply. I live for you guys! I think Witten is due as well, especially with Dezzy seemingly playing at half speed. Jennings should catch a lot of balls like he did last week so you prob couldn’t go wrong either way. This is a tough one but green bay at home may just blow out Jags. go Witten, as I say he gets at least one this week

  11. Rags says:
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    Would you do Gore, Britt and Romo for Colston and JStew?

    I have Doug Martin, Donald Brown and Mendenhall as my rbs and Megatron, Austin, Britt, Hartline, James Jones and Andrew Hawkins as WRs.

    I’m trying to sell high on Gore with his brutal upcoming schedule, but is that even a sell high?

    Britt could be kept in the 7th next year but that’s the only potential keeper of the four.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Rags, That’s tough. Who is your current QB? I love Colston for this season and it seems J-Stew may actually get a look as the starting back which would be huge cuz i believe he’s a hog and from my home state of washington. Gore has been pretty solid. Who’s your starting QB?

      • Rags says:
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        @Tehol Beddict, Eli is my starter.

        • Rags says:
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          @Rags, And not PPR, if that makes a difference.

          • Tehol Beddict says:
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            @Rags, yea and hurry and pull the trigger if you haven’t. Stewart is now the number one back and may produce at sexually explicit levels

  12. paulzone says:
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    Need some quick trade advice.

    I give bradshaw & reggie bush for Ray Rice. Would you do it with this team?

    qb – luck / stafford / palmer
    rb – matthews / bradshaw / reggie bush / shonne greene / alex green / hardesty
    wr – megatron / wayne / aj green / denarius moore
    te – gonzo / rudolf
    k – zuerlein
    def – vikes

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @paulzone, Tough call. two very solid dudes right there. leaves you a nice combo of rice and mathews with Greene possibly coming on. would he do it for bradshaw/greene? or Bush/Greene? I’d prob still do it if I were you but Im a sucker for the stars/ try the other options. but if they don’t work then yea go for it

      • paulzone says:
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        @Tehol Beddict, I tried both of the other rb combo options first but no go. So I just accepted the trade for Rice, giving bradshaw/bush…i just have to believe that with the addition of rice, my team becomes better overall. thanks for your advice!

  13. Rocky says:
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    I’m looking at a dilemma of riches at WR this week (I wish I could say this about my RBs). I’ve got Welker, Antonio Brown, Eric Decker and Randall Cobb all as solid plays this week but I can only play 3. Who do I sit?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Rocky, I;m almost leaning towards Welker though that seems crazy doesn’t it???? maybe Cobb

  14. Rocky says:
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    @Tehol, I was thinking the same thing! Welker going against Finnegan is definitely the toughest matchup. Not sure I have the stones to sit the 5th rated WR in my league… Wish Cobb would get more backfield carries and flex into a (far) more explosive McCluster. My problems would disappear… Thanks for the confidence boost!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Rocky, If Jordy Nelson is limited whatsoever, it’s hard to sit Cobb.

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