Watching the presidential debate got me to thinking if I’d be good in politics. My heart says yes. The numerous Brett Favre and Greg Odenish pics out there of me are telling me no. When I say numerous, I mean enough to have my own porn site. But if me being President would interfere with my work for Razzball I would have to respectfully decline the position. Helping the fantasy football playing nation is in my opinion, of much greater importance than deciding how much to tax the “middle-class.” I, Tehol Beddict, solemnly swear, to lead you to glory in the face of adversity, promise to help you with lineup decisions in your time of need, and to just be there for you as a friend. I’m here for you brothers and sisters. This isn’t soccer or macro brews. This is the land of deep fried butter and kook-aid. This is fantasy football. This is America. Our wives or husbands could leave us. We could forfeit everything we own in a terrible real estate investment. We could squander all of our friendships by verbally abusing them on the fantasy message boards, but when you look on your shelf(or in my case trophy case), and you see that fantasy football championship trophy, you realize it was all worth it. There is no greater feeling on this earth. Make Razzball your choice for fantasy advice this election season. You shall not regret it.
Jeremy Maclin– 1 catch for 7 yards on 3 targets. Jeremy’s spoken. Jeremy’s spoken, on the field todaaaaaaay. And what he told us was that he is obviously nowhere near 100 percent healthy. Either that or the man’s career has regressed further than Nick Nolte and Gary Busey combined. Seriously, have you seen Nolte in any of his latest roles? You can hardly understand him anymore. And to think this once proud peacock of a man was crowned in People Magazine as the”Sexiest Man Alive.” Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Don’t even get me started on Busey. My God.
As far as Maclin is concerned, I would seriously consider benching him until he shows a return to form. Vick wasn’t even looking his way last Sunday as Maclin was seemingly just out there to be a decoy. The term “non-factor” doesn’t even begin to describe what this once Mac-daddy looked like out there. Maybe they could afford to rest him for a few weeks if their third wr wasn’t Jason Avant. I mean seriously, the guy makes Riley Cooper look like Jerry Rice in his prime. Get Avant out of the league please. He’s been stealing money long enough.
Jerome Simpson– 4 catches for 50 yards on 5 targets. The aforementioned targets do not include the two bombs Simpson drew pass interference calls on. The man’s a burner and I highly recommend swooping him off waivers if he’s still there. With Ponder miraculously looking like a legit NFL QB, Simpson will be able to put up some monster performances. He’s the Vikings only deep threat and I feel a Miles Austin type breakout coming on. Yea, I said it, you read it, I’ll never ever regret it. Sorry, I was having a flashback from my male cheerleading days. Don’t be afraid to start him.
Andre Johnson– 3 catches for 56 yards on 6 targets. I suppose 6 targets isn’t such a bad thing, but this has been the trend all season thus far. Maybe they want to preserve Dre Dre for the playoffs and are trying not to overwork him. Maybe Kevin Walter is just a better receiver. That was a joke. But seriously, Houston runs the ball so often, that we may not see many 10 catch, 200 yard games out of Johnson. That’s that stuff I don’t like. See if you can get a WR/RB combo for him.
Randy Moss– 0 catches for 0 yards on 1 target. If anyone is still rostering Moss, you should be whipped for stupidity. I too, was excited about Moss’s comeback, and but he is in no way shape or form rosterable in fantasy at this time. Nor do I think he ever will be. It’s sad seeing former legends get old. I’d compare Moss to someone like Dean Cain. Being remarkably talented, having the elegance of a champion stallion, model looks, and a rocking bod are just a few of things we cherished about Cain. Now the guy strictly does lifetime movies. That’s Moss now. He’s lifetime movie useless.
Lance Moore– 7 catches for 67 yards on 15 targets. If you’re a starting wideout on the Saints, then you are startable period. Moore has never shown himself to be more than marginally talented, I’d say kind of like a Casey Affleck, but he’s playing on a desperate Saints team that will be involved in shoot outs all season long. Like Affleck, he’s just kind of there. He never steals the show. He never wows us. He just does his job and we can’t help but wonder what a more talented replacement would do in his spot. Oh well.
Sidney Rice– 4 catches for 41 yards on 7 targets. RuPaul might play quarterback at a higher level right now than Russell Wilson. This is truly getting out of hand. He’s the only Hawk’s receiver with any semblance of talent and he needs to be force fed the rock. Alas, that doesn’t seem likely. His breakout season with the Vikings seems like decades ago and it’s time for us to move on. Goodnight sweet Sidney. I’ll remember the good times.
Andre Roberts– 6 catches for 118 yards and 2 td’s on 9 targets. Finally, the Cardinals have a viable replacement for Anquan Boldin, and Roberts is that man. Definitely a decent bye week fill in on your roster, so add with confidence. Rookie, Michael Floyd is finally starting to play a bit so maybe Roberts numbers come down, but this past week’s performance is hard to ignore.
Ryan Williams– 13 carries for 26 yards and 1 catch for 0 yards on 2 targets. Uhhhhhhh, what was that? It doesn’t get much more disgraceful than those numbers. Without Beanie Wells around, Williams had the chance to prove himself as a legitimate workhorse on an up and coming team. Instead, he just proved to more worthless than Perez Hilton. Give him one more shot. Not Perez of course, but Williams.
Domenik Hixon– 6 catches for 114 yards on 11 targets. With Nicks being injured and Barden getting his cranium smashed, the Giants have nobody else to turn to. Eli is going to throw the ball, and Hixon is capable of putting up decent numbers so if you’re in a pinch feel safe about starting him.
Jackie Battle– 15 carries for 39 yards and a td and 4 catches for 42 yards and a td on 4 targets. Will he keep this up? Um, how about no, but Battle is a nice goal line finisher and a huge effort guy. He’s pretty much the exact opposite of that cupcake Ryan Mathews. Unfortunately, he’s the opposite talent wise as well, and it’s only a matter of time before Mathews is back to getting the majority of the carries. Then again, Mathews will more than likely get injured in the near future so keep Battle around.
I’m traveling this week and will be enjoying the games from the beautiful Washington State. Don’t worry. I won’t be doing too much sight seeing and will be able to respond to all of your questions within an hour. Make Razzball your choice for fantasy. It’s the right thing to do for our nation.