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Alright! Stop what your doing, cuz I’m about to ruin, the image and the style that ya used to. Greetings all! Tis I, a man who has tossed more salads than Chef Emeril, the fabulous Mr. Beddict. Comin at cha live and in full effect, to bring you the heat and inside scoop on the men who will either traject you on to glorious fantasy wins and those of whom will you want to avoid like a she-male Thai hooker with full ownership of every STD on planet earth. We’ve all been there right? No? Just me? Alllllrighty then. I know many of you are saddened by the fact that I’m back after a no-show last week, as you were thanking the Gods that I was finally fired and had hopefully had my nuts clipped in a tragic modeling accident but that’s just not the case. A week off was needed as I traveled to Bangladesh to take every child at the Beddict orphanage in Bangladesh base jumping. Modeling and writing about sports is how I live a luxurious lifestyle, but my real passion is my hobby: taking my Beddict sponsored orphans base jumping. My immense generosity and stunning good looks are not what these posts are about so let’s move on to that shall we?

What we have upon is two characters combined from the highly underrated movie, In Too Deep. We have J-Reed(Sp) who shares the same name as my featured future legend and the game, and we have “God,” which is the name you will soon be calling Jordan Reed. His stats from his breakout performance reed(get it?) like this: 9 receptions for 134 yards with 1 TD on 9 targets. Yea, those are what’s known as “Godly” numbers and you should get down on your knees every night and pray to him, maybe even sacrifice some sort of creature in his honor. “Love it, love it. Think about him, think about him.”Click that link and find out where the title In Too Deep really came from. Anyway, I’m sure J. Reed would really appreciate a sacrifice or two. It absolutely worked for me as I streamed him last week and went double tight with Vernon Davis. I will continue to do so as I expect 2-3 house calls against Denver this week. Yes, I said it and it will be done. Witness.

Here’s a look at some of other humans who intrigued me enough to write about them after an all night bottomless pool party.

Harry Douglas- 7 receptions for 149 yards with 1 TD on 7 targets- You may now refer to him as “Harold,” or he might prefer, “King Ding-A-Ling.” Kudos to the savants who swooped this former Louisville star up immediately after Julio dropped like a dead fly. I have lost all faith in Roddy White this year. I feel like after I interviewed for the DirecTV promo, it was all downhill from there. Once you look Tehol in the eye, one is never quite the same again. Ask MJD about that.

 

Mike James- 14 carries for 45 yards and 3 receptions for 8 yards on 3 targets- Little Mikey is ready to fill the shoes of a running back I had ranked nowhere near my top 10, The Muscle Gerbil AKA Doug Martin. James shows eagle-eye vision and squeezes through tight holes like Wilt Chamberlain in his prime. Unfortunately the Gerbil is now saying he’s coming back so those of you hoping to have a James for the rest of the season will be weeping like Matthew Berry after I seduced his wife and left my thong in his kitchen. James looked OK in the Thursday night game this week as well but Tampa was down early so he wasn’t able to show us his full repertoire, but again, I like the way he runs.

C.J. Spiller- 6 carries for 11 yards and 3 receptions for -4 yards on 3 targets. I’d rather receive a 3 consecutive root canals without any painkillers while simultaneously getting a full cavity search from Officer Shaquille O’Neal then own Spiller this season. This was supposed to be a breakout season of epic proportions, instead it’s felt more like an epic breakout of genital herpes. Doug Marrone has seemingly finally come to his senses and is forcing Spiller to take a week or 2 off to allow the ankle to fully heal. WHAT A FASCINATING THOUGHT DOUGLAS!!! A real Einstein that guy.

Brian Hartline- 6 receptions for 69 yards on 11 targets- Boooooooooooooring. If you’re starting Brian the Hitman Hart, I hope you’re expecting no more than 8 points max. The targets are there just as they were last season so he maintains some value in PPR leagues, but the man is allergic to the end zone, and I’m allergic to fantasy peons like Hartline.

Chris Ivory- 34 carries for 104 yards and 1 receptions for -2 yards on 2 targets. Finally! It’s nice to see Rex Ryan smarten up and pound the man they traded for this offseason. I loved Ivory in New Orleans and thought he would pile up stats in New York. I’m assuming the benching of Powell isn’t a one time thing so Ivory should be getting 20 touches a game from here on out. Powell is a backup talent and that is where he should remain, barring injury of course. Do I have to say “barring injury?” You’re smart people right? Ok, I’m not going to say it anymore.

Roy Helu- 11 carries for 41 yards with 3 TDs and 1 reception for 5 yards on 2 targets. Did Helu cap his 3 TD game by banging Alfred Morris’s sister, mother, and baby-momma in full on freak fest? One can only dream. I drafted Helu last season, for I loved what I saw out of him his rookie year. Then the man formerly known as “Sir Alfred,” appeared and stole the show. Now, we may get a more even split, especially when considering how horrific the Skins defense is, and that Helu will most likely be in for the hurry up offense and passing downs. Definite flex options this week at Denver. Don’t be scurred.

Riley Cooper- 6 receptions for 88 yards on 7 targets. Don’t. just don’t

Zac Stacy- 17 carries for 53 yards and 4 receptions for 34 yards with 1 TD on 4 targets. Stacy miraculously found pay dirt in his third week as the starting running back and I wish I could say there’s plenty more on the horizon considering I own this meatball in just about every league I’m in. Stacy’s upcoming schedule is absolutely brutal and with the loss of Sam Bradford, opposing teams will be 1) focusing on the run and 2) gaining huge leads and forcing the inept Kellen Clemens to throw the ball. I’ve always thought Bradford was horrible and wrote a letter to their G.M., advising him to trade Bradford and draft RG3 but he refused to listen to the guidance of a male model. The Joke’s on him. I find it hard to believe Stacy will score more than 4 TD’s the rest of the season but trust me when I tell you, that I’m praying to the Elder God’s nightly that I’m wrong. You can do it chubbs!

Jarrett Boykin- 8 receptions for 103 yards with 1 TD on 10 targets. How did this dude go un-drafted? He certainly looked legit to me this past week and James Jones could possibly miss another couple games, So Boykin is a must start. The loss of Finley obviously helps this young man’s cause as well and I expect him to take full advantage of the many one on one opportunities he will receive. Ladies and gentlemen, get this stallion in your lineup.

Trent Richardson- 14 carries for 37 yards and 0 receptions on 0 targets. Maybe the Gods don’t hate Cleveland after all. They seem to have made the correct move here as T-B!tch can’t even beat out the atrocious Donald Brown. I am absolutely appalled. All this talk about how the Colts want to be a power running team is an absolute disgrace. Yea cool dude, you have Andrew Luck. Open the playbook moron. That’s like telling Picasso he can’t paint, like telling me not do oiled up photo shoots in thongs, like telling Liberace not to spoil his piano boys with lavish gifts for sexual favors, or telling Colin Farrell to not do blow and bang hookers. Why cage in the absolute brilliance of Andrew Luck, especially when you’re “power” running game, is positively non-existent. The Colts have no shot to win the Super Bowl by the way, just in case you wanted to know my thoughts.

Ben Tate- 15 carries for 50 yards and 2 receptions for 5 yards on 3 targets. Tate owners eyes lit up when Arian went down with a hammy last week, but all he managed to do was look terrible and break 25 of his ribs and basically lose his manhood. He has a week to recover but so does Arian, and I expect both back next week, although broken ribs don’t just go away so Tate will be playing in immense pain. I’m still holding, hoping Foster re-pulls his hamstring but that’s just wishful thinking. Is that evil?

Andrew Quarless- 0 receptions on 1 targets. I’ve always had a thing for Quarless and identified him as talent a couple years ago I felt could breakout. Everything I’ve read about him says he’s not much of a pass catcher but I beg to differ. If you have injuries at the tight end spot and want to take a long shot a man I feel as fairly high upside, go with my man Quarless and either thank me later with a naked pic of your girlfriend or send me a hate message. Either way, I’ll know I touched someones life.

Darius Heyward-Bey- 1 carry for 30 yards and 4 receptions for 44 yards with 1 TD on 7 targets. Will the former top 10 pick rise to the occasion with Reggie Wayne on the shelf with a torn ACL? Well not if the Colts continue on being the “power” running team they are, but with the running game looking more than than Jimmy Johnson in the shower before he got Extenze, the throws will come. I like DHB as a WR3 going forward. Like, not love.

Coby Fleener- 5 receptions for 38 yards with 1 TD on 5 targets. Here we have the man who should benefit the most from Wayne’s injury. Fleener has beefed up this season and seems to have lost a tad of the speed he once had, but still should be able to put up big numbers going forward. He’s most def a top 10 tight end for the rest of the season and that’s just a fact you will have to except. Pick him up if available or feel lucky you already owned, you geniuses you.

Mike Tolbert- 13 carries for 36 yards with 1 TD and 0 receptions on 0 targets. Tolbert looks as if he consumes 3 buckets of chili cheese fries per night but the man known as “thickness” can ball baby. He scored another 2 on Thursday night football and will receive all the goal line work going forward. Jonathan Stewart is nearing a return which will reduce some of his carries but if desperate he’s a good bet to get a TD almost every game. God, I miss the days of Natrone Means and Jerome Bettis. I wonder if we will ever see a back like that again. I also wonder if I’ll ever bang Pamela Anderson but who cares what I wonder?

That’s all I have for you this week my peeps. Always follow me on twitter, HERE, or if you want it written out find me at @TeholBeddict47. Your comments and questions will all be responded to in a timely manner and as always I look forward to your responses. Enjoy your weekend. Goodbye.

  1. DL says:
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    This article was horrible…….

    • tehol beddict says:
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      @DL: dog u are trippin. I just read again. Love it love it

      • PeanutButterJelllyTime says:
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        @tehol beddict: I liked the article. Who takes the time to say something negative? Probably someone named DL (ie, Donkeyshow, Labia Flop? that’s my guess on what the initials stand for).

        • tehol beddict says:
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          @PeanutButterJelllyTime: it doesnt bother me but thank u for ur kind support my friend

          • Aubrey Plaza's Pillow says:
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            @tehol beddict: i’ve seen pieces of shit hound tehol before, they seem to follow him around like that one troll guy who follows around the cleveland cat in baseball named after that wayne’s world character, but with a different spelling.

              • DL says:
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                I dunno, I guess to me it just sounded like you were trying to hard to be Grey and ended up as an over the top version of him. You ended up an extreme caricature which brings down the Razzball brand. I guess that’s just me though….

                • tehol beddict says:
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                  @DL: this how I been writing since before ive ever seen razzball. Football nation and many others. But I guess u dont like anyway so no big deal

  2. J Money says:
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    1) I’d just like to let you know that I enjoy your articles.

    2) .5 PPR in 14 man league where bye weeks and injuries have me hurting at WR this week

    WR/T flex
    Jerome SImpson v GB
    Jason Avant v NYG
    or any other low end WR that might be avaiable

    • tehol beddict says:
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      @J Money: 1) thank u sir. That first comment from DL almost brought me to tears.

      2) what tight ends are available? I like to run double tight. I suppose I like simpson better than Avant but Avant better for this particular week as far as catches are concerned but simpson has the higher upside. Feel free to give me some more names of available players and ill take a look

      • J Money says:
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        @tehol beddict:

        Hope it is not too late to respond to this.
        I just them for this week and Loudon also liked Avant this week.

        Players available to fill in this week (options are not great):
        Scott Chandler @ NO
        Donnie Avery v CLE
        Tavon Austin v SEA
        Austin Pettis v SEA
        Kenny Stills v BUF
        Kenbrell Thompkins v MIA
        Joseph Fauria v DAL
        Doug Baldwin @ STL
        Brandon Bostick @ MIN

        Any of them better than Avant or Simpson?

        Also if you have time, here is my currently 3rd place team as of this week:
        QB: Wilson
        RB: AD, Bush
        WR: Djax, Sanders
        TE: Reed
        WR/TE: Simpson (at the moment)
        K: Crosby
        D/ST: KC
        BN: K Wright(bye), K Allen(bye), Vereen, Stacy,
        IR: Cobb

        General Thoughts?

        • Tehol Beddict

          Tehol Beddict says:
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          @J Money: Never too late buddy boy. im on 24/7 playa

          I’m not a big avant guy to say the least. I’d probably go thompkins over him and maybe even Avery or Fauria who i think scores this week at least once.

          As far as your team goes, your running backs are stacked and wideout just ok. Obviously CObb got hurt and took that from being very nice core to average but this is a title capable team, especially with reed coming on like I know he will. not much you can trade either without sacrificing rb depth so I’d probably hold tight unless someone is desperate and wants Vareen or maybe even stacy since I absolutely hate his schedule going forward.

          • Aubrey Plaza's Pillow says:
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            @Tehol Beddict: sky has avery over avant, due to CLE being very bad against WR2’s.

  3. mcBlunty says:
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    need a contingency plan if Jimmy Graham is not able to go (Finley was my back up TE but well know where he stands) options are (full PPR):

    J Cumberland
    J Gresham
    R Housler
    A Quarless

    Leaning Cumberland, whats your thoughts? Love the site, thanks for the help

    • tehol beddict says:
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      @mcBlunty: cumberland is probably the safest choice of the bunch for this week though Gresham could be ok. Geno seems to be hitting cumberland. Pick him up. Im doubting graham this week and that hurts me deeply

  4. Jep says:
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    Double Tight!! Love it and use it too with Jimbo and J.Reed!
    I just traded TRich and Fleener for CJ?K.
    Good move? Other RBs are Knowshon, McGahee, Andre Brown, and Vereen.

    • tehol beddict says:
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      @Jep: hell yea! Its the waive of the future. Decent trade for you. I probably would have done same thing though t rich has to improve I would. Cj2k should see some more holes as the schedule softens. Nice work. Glad to have you on board with the double tight playa. Thanks for stopping by

  5. Kobayashi Maru says:
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    Denarius Moore or Peyton Hillis for my flex in a PPR matchup that I can’t afford to lose? Tate is the only other viable option on the waiver wire, but I’ve got Wilson/+Seahawks, so I’m worried about overinvesting in that game.

    • tehol beddict says:
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      @Kobayashi Maru: Kobe!!! I would go tate over moore but with your season on the line im gonna drop this gem on you: Peyton Hillis. Lock it up pimpjuice

      • Kobayashi Maru says:
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        @tehol beddict: Also… Tannehill or Ponder? Yeah, it’s that kind of season.

        • tehol beddict says:
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          @Kobayashi Maru: yikes. TANNEHILL baby

  6. Chicken Dinner says:
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    My RBs: Forte/L.Miller/Ellington/Vereen
    WRs: Dez/Gordon/Keenan/T.Will

    Trade Gordon for Stacy?

    • tehol beddict says:
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      @Chicken Dinner: nooooooo. I probably wouldnt. Can u put together like allen and someone else for him? I mean id prob trade stacy for allen straight up if I was the stacy owmer

      • Chicken Dinner says:
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        @tehol beddict: Even with Campbell under center?

        Gordon/Miller for Shorts/Stacy or Spiller?

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Chicken Dinner: wel yea I’d still rather have spiller than stacy to finish the year so if you can get that done go for it. i dont really like the first trade option

  7. Mdaddy says:
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    Trade question, standard league. I have Tony Gonzales and Jordan Reed, could use help at wide receiver, I have Greg Jennings as my WR3 right now. Would you trade Gonzales for either Desean Jackson or Colston? If so, which would you prefer?

    • tehol beddict says:
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      @Mdaddy: desean for sure playa

  8. Zandy says:
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    Send Steve Johnson for mike James? Std league
    Is James an upgrad over mcgahee or Ellington ros?

    • tehol beddict says:
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      @Zandy: big Z wassup big dog. Doug martin is said to be attempting to come back week 10 so I would hold off. I doubt he does but still worth waiting on and johnson should pick it up a bit

  9. John E Depth says:
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    Funny stuff as usual. Missed you last week…

    I am in a 12 team keeper but can only keep 2 players. Do you hate Doug Martin enough to drop him? I hate owning backs on bad teams.

    What d’ya think 12 team ppr this week…
    Stacy
    Ellington
    Helu

    • tehol beddict says:
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      @John E Depth: thanks bro. Not sure who ur other players so I cant say. Other question ellington amd helu

  10. mike c says:
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    Would you trade Eddie Lacey and fitz for Adrian Peterson? My rb’s are lacey, lynch, l bell, gio, Stacey. Wr’s are fitz, a. Brown, j. Gordon, bolden, harvin. 10 team std.

    • tehol beddict says:
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      @mike c: leaves u with pretty weak wideout corps though alk sokid if harvin returns close to form and gives u scary running backs. Im ginna say yes do it

  11. marcus allen was good al says:
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    How do u feel about Brandon bostick this week and beyond? I know, anybody’s guess at this point but I like his prospects and was wantin yo opinion too

  12. tehol beddict says:
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    Did u read my shit yo? I said dude is fo real. Hold em dig hold him

    • marcus allen was good al says:
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      @tehol beddict:

      Did u think i meant Boykin? Cuz I was meaning Brandon bostick the possible “move” te in GB. I have boykin in a lge or two and am definitely holding but I’m wondering what ur thoughts are on bostick. I want shot in the dark and a hit!! Lol

      • Tehol Beddict

        Tehol Beddict says:
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        @marcus allen was good al: hahahaha ok sorry I was on the run and thought you mean boykin haha. Well just like anyone on the Packers if he plays he will produce. He could end up being the one who makes it over my boy Quarless but i still have quarless higher.

        • marcus allen was good al says:
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          @Tehol Beddict: cool thanks. So now I have to drop somebody for a kicker. I’ll list my team at the end. 16team ppr. I picked up bostick for upside reasons and will roll him out if graham is out but if graham is active then I’m leaning towards dropping hill, bostick, Beasley or Jones. Lemme know ur thoughts if ya get the time, thanks. PS jus wondering here if I have good enough wr depth to gamble bostick if graham is active.

          Qb Rodgers
          Rb Ellington, helu
          Wr cj, amendola
          Te graham
          Flx beasley
          K
          DST Carolina
          Bench- rb bolden, wr kwright, s hill, mjones. Te bostick (ir)-percy

            • Tehol Beddict says:
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              @marcus allen was good al: go ahead and drop da beeeeeease. though any of those guys should be fine

              • marcus allen was good al says:
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                @Tehol Beddict: u mean Beasley? Lol. Think that’s who ya gotta mean, him or bostick I’m assumin. If Austin is active that’ll prolly b the guy, tho he was my sneaky ppr guy id drummed up! Lol

                    • marcus allen was good al says:
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                      @Tehol Beddict:
                      Dammit lol. I honestly was starting him if Austin was inactive. Well with Jones dealin w that ailin shoulda

  13. Chicken Dinner says:
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    My RGIII/Gordon
    for
    His Peyton/LaFell or Pettis or Dobson?

    My WRs: Dez/Keenan/T.Will

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Chicken Dinner: lafell, pettis or Dobson is straight trash. RG3 is just now starting to take off? You sure you want to trade him? your other wideouts look good so technically you COULD do this. i dont love it though

  14. Moscowitz says:
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    Hey Tehol,

    you ask why Boykin was not drafted? No speed, no separation, nothing special to come up with except for his size. Thats it. Dont count on him to keep producing like in week 7

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Moscowitz: He’s a playmaker Moscowitz and I do full expect him to keep producing at a Brian Hartline like level at minimum. trust me. Im a professional

      • Aubrey Plaza's Pillow says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: it’s about having opportunity to actually get passes from rodgers, which he now has. So he could be that good ROS, in theory.

  15. Zandy says:
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    T – hole! Who ya got

    Pick 2 rbs and 1 te and a flex please for this week std league
    Sproles vs buf
    Lamar @ ne
    Ellington vs atl
    Stacy vs sea
    Witten vs det
    Reed vs den

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      Sproles, @Zandy: Sroles, Ellington and Reed. I almost have to say Reed for I’ve been slurping him all week to anyone who will listen though that’s a tough decision cuz Witten going against soft detroit defense. More upside for Reed here but both safe picks. stacy drops a dude this week I promise.

  16. Frank White says:
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    Tehol wutup my dude!! In too deep one of mmHg favorite flix… I have a buy while for TE THIS week so I picked up Cumberland. I know he was questionable but would you keep him out should I grab Fueri or Bostick??

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank White: What up cuz? WHat up blood? What up Gaaaaaaangstaaaaa? With Fueri did you mean Fauria? Id probably go Fauria on detroit and cumberland 2nd.

  17. Frank White says:
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    I luv my two gats I luv to pump crack but day don’t hear me though!! Lol nice!!

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank White: a definite hood classic

  18. Kzing says:
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    How high do you think J Stewart will be?? RB1-2??

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      ummm@Kzing: ummmm not a 1 or 2 probably. MAYBE a number 3. we shall see. they have 3 solid backs and tolbert locked in as third down back but he should find ways to get the ball

  19. Thurman says:
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    wait so martin was nowhere your top 10, yet he was #1 on overall on this site? maybe have separate rankings from sky, then? #angrydougmartinowner

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Thurman: i just am not a fan and would not have drafted in first round but that’s obviously just me as every site had him ranked in their top 5. I didn’t publish rankings

Comments are closed.