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Eradicator: “Dude, it’s OVER!”

Me: “What are you talking about? What’s over?”

Eradicator: “Everything men have been talking about for centuries; it’s all been washed away by keystrokes. This woman wrote abook about how guys act toward girls and is telling them to dump their man if he doesn’t put her first all the time. She is the “Deepthroat” of the modern male method of womanizing and it’s all going to come to a crashing halt.”

Me: “Dude what are you talking about? It’s probably just some Cosmo article. Relax.”

Eradicator: “I’m not kidding man, it’s a book and a lot of women are reading it and they are going to probably make a movie about it. So now we are all going to have to be Stu’s or girls will just ignore us.”

Me: “You can’t undo millions of years of evolution man. Girls will always like guys who have better things to do than hang out with them 24 hours a day and wait upon their every beck and call. “

There are players each season that disappoint the Fantasy Football Community and wreck our teams, leaving us left to pick up the pieces. Much like the loser/dependent slug of a boyfriend. So we have compiled a list of players, thus far that are slackers like Brian Spicoli. They had the world at their fingertips and yet they have disappointed us. There can only be one conclusion- “He’s just not that into you.”

LaDanian Tomlinson – Remember how “disrespected” he was coming in to the season about people saying he was getting older and that injuries were starting to catch up with him? First off how can you be “disrespected” by factual statements like that you are aging (aren’t we all?) and that you have gotten injured the past few seasons (haven’t you?) Turns out the people who drafted LT are the ones being “disrespected” now. Thanks for mutton LT.

Anthony Gonzalez – We were all so excited his inevitable targets and touches, benefiting from Reggie Wayne getting double-covered, etc. I hate your face, Anthony Gonzalez. You made me look a fool. I have moved on. Pierre Garcon is now my Indianapolis man-crush.

Brian Westbrook – Another player “determined to have a big year.” Thanks a lot fantasy ‘pert nitwits. I have been a huge Eagles fan since age 8 and not even I, who tend to be a homer, believed this one. Look I’m sorry to say this but LeSean McCoy- he’s not much of a downgrade.

Dwayne Bowe – Zero work ethic players really irritate me. In order to make it to the NFL and be lazy you must have such a ridiculous amount of natural ability which means if you put any effort in you’d be a perennial Pro-Bowler. He’s the new Braylon Edwards. I rest my case.

Derrick Ward – You sure got your revenge on the Giants, didn’t you? No first downs until the end of the 3rd quarter? Baltimore has a three-headed monster. Tampa Bay has a baby Three-toed Sloth. You were ranked like 48th Preseason. I thought I stole you in the eighth round of my PPR draft. I hate being “that guy” and now I am. As Ray Finkle’s mom would say: “Derrick Ward should die of Gonorrhea and rot in hell.”

Rashard Mendenhall – What is your problem? Whatever you did it really pissed Mike Tomlin off. For those that missed the news Mendenhall was being lazy in practice or something and subsequently got no touches. People who drafted you in the mid-rounds really appreciate that, buddy.

Eddie Royal – During the preseason I was ready to elope to Vermont with this guy. What was I thinking? This fairy-tale sleeper has turned a lot of fantasy owners season’s into “Friday the 13th” instead. What happened to all that “Denver version of Wes Welker” talk?

Terrell Owens – Sub-standard human being, flat out. As a scorned Eagles fan I have been waiting for this day to come and it’s finally here. He’s not Evander Holyfield washed up but he is a shadow of his former self, is playing with the worst quarterback and on the worst team of his career. I sent Bill Parcells a text message asking if he wants to come to my “I hate T.O. and he’s finally bad” party. I can tell he wants to come to it by the way he’s totally ignoring me.

Roy Williams – He looks wicked tough. Unfortunately just being huge doesn’t make you a good football player. I put him on the list of “players I won’t draft this season no matter what,” mostly because I hate the Cowboys, and I am glad I don’t own him.

Steve Slaton – Another player who had one good season then jumps in to the first round. Of all the guys on this list I do think he will deliver closest to his value. But I think if you picked him as high as some people did it was a huge risk. Steve, it’s intervention time. You’re on a prolific offense, you have a horrible back vulturing your goal line carries and fumbling all over the place, don’t you have any self respect? Start producing nowish!

Domenik Hixon – What a skinny whimp. Seriously, I drafted you. What was I thinking? In what universe could you have ever been the #1 receiver on any NFL team? New rule in effect- no more drafting dudes that look like Jaleel White.

Michael Turner – All the preseason talk about “who the best back is” makes me want to throw up. Who really cares? Pick one and hope he doesn’t get hurt. Michael Turner last year we all figured you would put up some decent numbers in Atlanta but nothing like the plow-fest that ensued last season. Welcome back to Earth, Michael. You are flat out not enough of an athlete to be considered a top 3 back. You are what we thought you were- a good NFL running back.

T.J. Houshmandzadeh – I fell for it again! The classic #2 receiver who finally gets “his chance” and shines in the limelight. I even touted you to other people. To make things worse you’re out there talking smack and not backing it up whatsoever. You are officially “that guy,” congratulations.

Devin Hester – You are going to set an all-time record for most consecutive seasons being over-hyped. Is it that difficult to turn blazing fast speed in to some sort of production? It shouldn’t be but apparently it is. At the end of your career you know what’s going to happen? The jerk coach from “The Mighty Ducks” is going to tell you like it is: “You’re not even a has-been, you’re a never was.”

  1. DANgerous says:
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    Shall I trade lee evens,wes welker & Ray Rice for Desean Jackson & Slaton?Do you really think Slaton is gonna turn it around?

  2. Drew

    Drew says:
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    @DANgerous: That’s a pretty even trade but I like your end more. All 3 of the players you’d be giving up are #2’s on their teams and the two you’re getting are #1’s. I don’t see any reason why Slaton won’t turn it around he has all the ingredients you need to be succesful. The other thing is you pick up an extra roster spot.

  3. mike says:
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    one of the team names in a league im in is

    “Somewhere Over the Dwayne Bowe”

    Beautiful.

  4. Ian says:
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    so, now is NOT a good time to buy low on Westbrook?

    His owner in my league is actively shopping him. I considered offering my Deangelo Williams and Royal for Westbrook and Desean Jackson (he has Vincent too, but I like Desean a little more). I, too was very high on Royal, but am obviously a little worried about him now.

  5. mgeoffriau

    mgeoffriau says:
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    Need a bye week QB to fill in for Rivers:

    Jason Campbell (TB)
    Shaun Hill (STL)
    Cassel (NYG)
    Mark Sanchez (NO)
    Kerry Collins (Jac)
    Stafford (Chi)

    TB and STL are pretty close in the pass defense ratings, but right now I’m leaning toward Shaun Hill. Jacksonville is actually dead last in pass defense, but I always worry the Titans will just run the ball 40+ times if they have a lead.

    Also, who to drop for the QB: Mike Bell, Lynell Hamilton, or Devin Hester?

  6. Matt B says:
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    Which side of this deal do you like in a 10 team ppr?

    1) WR Jennings, WR Breaston, WR Clayton
    2) RB Slaton, WR DJax, WR Harvin

    I would be getting #2 or would you prefer Addai to Slaton?
    Thanks!

  7. Plainview says:
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    Garrard or Romo in Week 4?

    Also, wait a week to use Marshawn Lynch or plug him in immediately – also have MJD, Ahmad Bradshaw and Ray Rice.

  8. anon says:
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    What’s the feeling on Agonz when he gets back? Think he will be productive or is this a lost season? I’m trying to decide if he’s worth holding on to hoping for some payoff in the fantasy playoffs

  9. mgeoffriau

    mgeoffriau says:
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    @Plainview: I’m waiting a week to play Lynch, unless we hear something other than these “timeshare” comments before Sunday. I’ll be playing Steven Jackson, Ray Rice, and McFadden over him (with possibly Choice over McFadden depending on the Felix Jones/MBIII news).

  10. Doc

    Doc says:
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    @Ian: Stay away from Westbrook. He isn’t worth the risk.

    @mgeoffriau: Drop Hamilton for Campbell. Hill had decent numbers last week, but I watched a lot of that game and he is not good. Campbell can get you added points on the ground as well.

    @Matt B: I like #2 with Slaton.

    @Plainview: Romo and Bradshaw. Miami’s run D is tough.

    @anon: He said week 7. I haven’t heard any new info. I ‘m holding, but I would drop him if someone I really needed came along.

  11. danny says:
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    I just traded Romo/Bradshaw for LT and Trent Edwards. You think that’s a bad move? I have Cutler as my starting QB, and Chris Johnson/Kevin Smith as my Backs. I figure LT would be an upgrade over Bradshaw, even though you guys hate him.

    12 team league

    Edwards faces the Cleveland Browns on Cutler’s bye week! (the Browns…)

  12. mgeoffriau

    mgeoffriau says:
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    @Doc: Thanks!

    Also: Drop Mike Bell or Devin Hester for Jerome Harrison?

  13. monkeytail says:
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    really like this site. thanks for the insight!

  14. Plainview says:
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    Time to punt on Titans’ D/ST?

    Also, does Bowe produce this year or should I look elsewhere – I have Roddy White, Driver and Bowe so I am hurting at WR. Are any of these an upgrade:

    Burleson, Caldwell, Garcon, Wallace, Stokley, Nate Washington or Stuckey

    My instinct is to give him more time but if he can’t go this Sunday, I may have to make a move.

  15. danny says:
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    why is everyone hating on Bowe? I realize he is hurt, but his first 2 weeks were productive. He surely isn’t someone I would drop. Why don’t you mention Braylon Edwards are someone you don’t like, now that’s a real problem there

  16. nmdunkel says:
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    Awesome rant.

  17. tankass says:
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    @danny – Bowe came into camp overweight. There was a lot of hype for him because Cassell was going to be this big upgrade over Thigpen and Croyle and bowe wasn’t prepared to capitilize.

    Eddie Royal is killing me too, and looking back on it I should have known he wouldn’t produce. He is the Wes Welker type and Orton can’t make those throws. Wes Welker wasn’t Wes Welker until he started playing with Tom Brady. Dante Lollipopper and Joey Harrington never got it done with him.

  18. Plainview says:
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    @danny: I am not hating on Bowe per se but he has not produced up to my expectations so far and now he’s hurt. My league has very short benches and I have White on a bye next week along with DeAngelo Williams so if Bowe can’t play, I may have no choice. But for his injury, I would not consider dropping him because he is very talented although he doesn’t seem to care much. I agree that he is comparable to Braylon Edwards but that is not a good thing.

  19. danny says:
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    all I’m saying is when Bowe plays, he is productive. When Edwards plays he gets 3 catches on 35 yards if he is lucky. I get the whole work ethic thing, but Bowe still has 2 hands, and a QB who can get him the ball. Edwards doesn’t have either of those, and I can’t imagine his work ethic is great playing for a team that hasn’t scored a touchdown in almost a full calendar year.

    I’m not a Bowe lover, all I’m saying is if he plays, he is productive so you gotta give him that. There are other receivers out there who are team killers who are much worse options than Bowe. I’d gladly take Bowe over Edwards, Houshmandzadeh, and Antonio Bryant. Atleast with Bowe you know he won’t score you any points because he is hurt, with those other guys you get suckered into starting them each week and they get you a pile of nothing each week. I just don’t think he is worthy of a writeup

  20. danny says:
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    and when you think you are being smart by starting someone else over Edwards, Housh, and Bryant with a fill in, it’s the week they remind you why they are rated so high. Then the next week you start them and it’s back to sucking. Those guys get you in that fantasy circle, while Bowe is just fat and hurt and you know going into the week that if he plays, he is getting you 10 points, if he is hurt, you are starting someone else

  21. stumanji says:
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    LT, Gonzo, Mendenhall, Housh…no wonder my team stinks.

    I think you’re overreacting on Bowe. He’s a WR2. When healthy, he’ll pretty consistently give something around 6 catches for 80 yards and maybe a TD. I’d only really have a problem with those numbers if I drafted him as my WR1 this year.

  22. anon says:
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    What do you think about offering LDT for Kevin Smith given the news that he is “week to week”?

    Also, I know it’s a bit crazy, but think it’s worth offering LDT for Gore?

  23. Doc

    Doc says:
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    @anon: I’d take K Smith

  24. Doc

    Doc says:
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    “Dwayne Bowe didn’t play because of a sore hamstring. Haley didn’t sound optimistic about Bowe’s chances of playing against New York.

    “Anytime you’re talking about a hamstring, especially with a skill position, you’ve got to err on the side of caution because those things can end up being a long-term thing if you’re not careful,” Haley said.”

  25. Doc

    Doc says:
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    @Plainview: Gotta hold Bowe

  26. Fresh says:
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    TDs and 100+yds score points
    Drop Crayton for any of these guys? Garcon, Knox, Sims-Walker
    in what order?

  27. Howie says:
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    @Doc:

    I picked up Percy Harvin last week from the waiver wire… Donald Driver was dropped before last weekend’s games by a fellow owner and is now available (tonight at midnight via waivers). Would you pick up Driver for Bowe and/or Harvin??? 1pt/10 yds., 4pts./TD league.

  28. Denys says:
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    I’m looking to trade Willis McGahee for “true starter” type running back who may be underperforming, or just the victim of a tough early schedule.
    My reasoning is that McGahee cannot possibly keep up this run of 2 TDs a game, and the Ravens get a much tougher schedule ahead. Plus he’s still sharing with McClain and Rice.
    Am I in the wrong? Will Willis keep this up for the rest of the year? If not, what are some suggestions for players to target?

  29. nate says:
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    I guess I am late to the Bowe/Edwards discussion, but, danny, were they drafted relatively closely? They were about two rounds apart in the leagues I play in (mostly .5 PPR) with Edwards being drafted as a #3. So Bowe is more disappointing if he is being counted on by someone as a 1 or 2.

  30. Drew

    Drew says:
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    @danny: You are right that Bowe hasn’t been an enormous disappointment. I do think, as Doc alluded to, that the injury concerns are a big red flag. We will have to wait and see where he is later in the season. I guess it’s just people drafted him around/before Colston and I don’t understand that.

  31. Drew

    Drew says:
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    @Denys: The tough thing w/ short distance backs is they kill you in games when they don’t score TD’s. I do like the idea of shopping McGahee but your trade target is going to be depend on the savvyness of your leaguemates. In competitive leagues I don’t see you getting more than a good backup RB for him. I would still take that, depending on the player. It would be nice if you could trade McGahee with another player in a package to upgrade for a single, better player.

  32. BBQKing says:
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    What’s wrong with Hester? He’s had 2 TD thru 3 weeks, and avg of 60 yds/gm. If you had him ranked anywhere higher than a late WR2, you’re the one to blame.

  33. J.P. says:
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    More on getting some perspective on Bowe. I’d say he did have fairly decent #2 WR worth weeks.

    I’m a 12-team league with small 5 player benches. I have 5 WRs (Wayne, Bowe, Hester, Sims-Walker, & Bennett). We play 3 WRs each week. I have no choice (because of injuries and bye weeks) but to drop two WRs this week and play the other three.

    I’m starting Wayne & Hester. I’m dropping Bennett : (

    I’m this close to dropping Bowe (NYGs are the #1 pass defense) and playing Sims-Walker (emerging as the #1 WR for Garrard?) (TEN is the 29th ranked pass defense).

  34. Drew

    Drew says:
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    @BBQKing: I think Knox is going to be the main man there soon. Devin Hester’s route running looks like an etch-a-sketch in the hands of drunk person.

  35. Drew

    Drew says:
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    @J.P.: Remember this is all relative to value.

  36. mgeoffriau

    mgeoffriau says:
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    Drop Mike Bell for Jerome Harrison or Maurice Morris?

  37. Drew

    Drew says:
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    @mgeoffriau: Harrison

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