Week 7 in the NFL was like the first five minutes of Saving Private Ryan – carnage. It was one rough week with big-name players left battered, broken, concussed and crying . Sing it, Bono: Sunday, bloody Sunday. The Bucs’ Doug Martin is out for the year with a torn labrum. So much for that number one pick. The Colts’ Reggie Wayne suffered a season-ending torn ACL. The Rams’ Sam Bradford is gone for the year with the same injury. In the Fantasy Football world, ACL stands for: All Championships Lost. Jay Cutler broke his groin and no amount of Kristin Cavallari massaging is going to fix it; he’s out 6 weeks. Philly’s new favorite son Nick Foles appears done and is sitting in a dark room with his drool cup after suffering the dreaded “C” word the NFL hates to hear – concussion. Packers tight end Jermichael Finley went down with his second serious head injury this season and spent the night in the ICU thinking he was at Disney World. Arian Foster was lost to a hammy, Brian Cushing broke his leg, Lance Briggs is out with a fractured shoulder, Champ Bailey hurt his foot and Peyton Manning’s forehead is still the color of a baboon’s ass. Oh, its always like that. Good news for Peyton owners. With so many roster shattering injuries and six teams on byes this week, it’s time to do some deep digging into the waiver wire medical bag. Get me a morphine drip and let’s jam it or cram it.
Jam or Cram: Mike Glennon, QB, Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Availability: 95% Yahoo, 97% ESPN
Stat Me Up: Glennon went 26-for-44 passes for 256 yards, two touchdowns and 17.54 fantasy points.
$$$ Value: $3. It could be the best $3 you ever spent. Except for the time you bought these. Delicious!
The Gist: Glennon has nearly 40 points in his last two games. Tom Brady has 23. I hate you Tom Brady. Glennon may not have Brady’s hair or a super model honey, but he certainly has talent and a wide receiver that can actually catch the ball in Vincent Jackson. Glennon targeted Jackson 22 times on Sunday. Think Brady would trade Giselle for Jackson about now?
The X-File: Glennon faces the same Carolina defense that left Sam Bradford’s knee looking like an open face pastrami sandwich.
Jam it or Cram it: Glennon outscored Tony Romo, Cam Newton and Philip Rivers this week. The fantasy world has officially gone bizarro. With Bradford and Cutler in the nurses office and Rivers, Joe Flacco and Andrew Luck on byes, Glennon is a fine, one week wonder filinski. JAM
Jam or Cram: Roy Helu, RB, Washington Redskins
Availability: 80% Yahoo, 64% ESPN
Stat Me Up: Helu gained 46 yards, scored three touchdowns and totaled 22.60 fantasy points.
$$$ Value: $5. I’m willing to drop an Abe on a running back that scores.
The Gist: While Alfred Morris is still the number one back, Helu is getting touches in passing downs and in the hurry up offense. He’s averaging over 12 touches the last three weeks. With the ‘Skins traveling to Denver this week, expect Helu to get some work as they will be down early.
The X-File: Has more fantasy points (44) in his last three games than Ray Rice, Trent Richardson, Steven Ridley and Lamar Miller.
Jam it or Cram it: Even with Morris the starter, Helu is getting work and scoring touchdowns. However, he’s yet to total 90 yards in a game and his coach is Mike Shanahan. Shanahan spoons with Alfred Morris after every game. If you owned Helu last week, I hope you used protection. It was a one night stand. CRAM
Jam or Cram: Harry Douglas, WR, Atlanta Falcons
Availability: 51% Yahoo, 63% ESPN
Stat Me Up: Douglas caught seven passes for 149 yards, one touchdown and 20.9 fantasy points against the Buccaneers on Sunday.
$$$ Value: $10. Hey big spender, spend a little time with me.
The Gist: With Julio Jones in a full body cast and Roddy White in a gimp mask, Douglas stepped up and took on Darrelle Revis. If that matchup scared you away, you lost your week by starting Mike Wallace, Stevie Johnson or Dwayne Bowe over him.
The X-File: Douglas may see a lot of Cardinals corner Patrick Peterson this week,
Jam it or Cram it: Depending on the status of Roddy White, this could be tough week for Douglas. The Cardinals defense has given up the third fewest fantasy points to wide receivers this season. With that said, I’m starting him everywhere as my WR3. If he’s still out there, grab him, light some candles and slow dance to some Journey. JAM
Jam or Cram: Jordan Reed, TE, Washington Redskins
Availability: 75% Yahoo, 96% ESPN
Stat Me Up: Reed caught nine passes for 134 yards, one touchdown and totaled 19.40 fantasy points.
$$$ Value: $2. Tight ends have been killing me this year. Glad Gronk is back. Reed is no Gronk.
The Gist: While Reed may not be Gronk-like, he is also not Fred Davis. Reed led all tight ends last week in fantasy points and had more than Vernon Davis and Julius Thomas combined. Is he a one week wonder? Start him this week and find out.
The X-File: Reed suffered a hip pointer Sunday, but his ACL is fine. He’ll be good to go.
Jam it or Cram it: With Jermichael Finley being fitted for a fresh catheter, Antonio Gates on a bye and Jared Cook dead to me, Reed looks like a solid play against the Broncos on Sunday. Washington is going to have to throw the ball in this one, RGIII looks back on track and Reed could be headed towards TE1 status. Denver allowed Coby Fleener to score over nine points against them. If someone named Coby can do that, certainly a Jordan can too. JAM
Jam or Cram: Carolina Panthers, Defense/Special teams
Availability: 66% Yahoo, 75% ESPN
Stat Me Up: The Panthers D is averaging over 15 fantasy points the last 2 weeks.
$$$ Value: $1. Stream away my fantasy friends.
The Gist: The past few weeks I’ve streamed whoever the Jaguars are playing. The Jags get San Francisco this week and the 49ers are 98% owned. So much for that idea. The Panthers are the benefit of my stream this week as they face a battered, broken and infected Buccaneers team.
The X-File: Carolina has the NFLs No.3 ranked defense in total yardage allowed.
Jam it or Cram it: The Panthers are tied for fourth in fantasy defense/special teams points scored this season. They also have number of solid IDPers in Luke Kuechly, Greg Hardy and Mike Mitchell. The Carolina D is a must JAM. Enjoy.
Good luck in Week 8 and thanks for hanging in the Razzball MASH Unit. Hit the Guru up below with your fantasy queries or follow The Guru on Twitter @TheGuruGS for the daily jam or cram, fantasy roster 411’s and other gooey shenanigans.