With our fake football season winding down you are either in the playoffs, positioning yourself for the sprint to the Shiva or crying Knowshon Moreno tears because you drafted Aaron Rodgers and Arian Foster. Need a hug? If you are in, congratulations. All those hours spent researching, analyzing stats and ignoring the family paid off. Cheers, I raise my whiskey glass to you. If you are out, all those hours spent researching, analyzing stats and ignoring the family were for naught. And your wife just served the divorce papers. There’s nothing like spending Christmas with your best friend Johnny Walker at the Motel 6. For those playoff bound, it is no time to quit it with the chronic rosterbating. Don’t worry you won’t go blind, but you may need glasses. It is however, time to stop taking chances on the “upside” guys. But Guru, doesn’t Ace Anders have a lot of potential. Yeah, I know disembodied voice of Razzball Nation, but potential is one thing in Week 3, it is quite another as we head into the playoffs. Stick with your consistent ballers, that’s who got you here. I only need one defense, right Mr. Turban? Well, my fellow Razzballer, if you are one of those that doesn’t own the Seattle or Carolina defense, don’t stop streaming the D now. Find the best matchup for the week and look ahead to the next few weeks. If you have roster room, pick up the defenses that have the best matchups going forward, i.e., any team facing the Jags or the Jets. If you don’t have room for three defenses, drop the dead weight off your roster. Trent Richardson isn’t going to turn into AP anytime soon. Whattabout kicker’s? Grab three of those, too? Don’t get all crazy now, Taco. One kicker will do, just make sure he’s on a high scoring team, plays in dome or has a good weather matchup. But, o wise guru, there’s nothing good on the waiver wire. Not true, my playoff bound friend. Just choose wisely. That’s why I’m here. The fake footballin’ championship is within your grasp and all the glory, bragging rights, cash and prizes are there for the taking. It’s time to jam it or cram it.
Availability: 83% Yahoo, 95% ESPN
Stat Me Up: 4.50 Fantasy points. Glennon completed 14-of-21 passes for 180 yards, zero touchdowns and an interception Sunday against Carolina. Yuck.
$$$ Value: $5. Own Aaron Rodgers or RGIII? Spend a little and stream away.
The Gist: Tough week for Glennon against a tough Panthers defense. The rookie QB made a number of terrible throws, including the blooper of the week when his intended pass went backwards for a fumblerooski, but the pick should have been negated on a pass interference. Either way, Glennon has been a nice surprise this season on a horrible team. Glennon was coming off consecutive 17-point fantasy games and has at least 15 in six of his last seven.
The X-File: Sunday was the first time in nine games that Glennon went without a touchdown pass.
Jam it or Cram it: Ok, Sunday’s game against the Panthers was typical of Glennon’s year – good against bad teams, bad against good teams. Glennon gets the Bills D this week in Tampa. It’ll be one of those good games for Glennon. JAM
Jam or Cram: Donald Brown, RB, Indianapolis Colts
Availability: 56% Yahoo, 61% ESPN
Stat Me Up: 12.40 Fantasy points. Brown rushed 14 times for 54 yards and a touchdown, and caught two passes for ten yards.
$$$ Value: $45. Got any cash left? Use it.
The Gist: Trent Richardson sucks. How’s that for expert analysis? Ever since the trade with Cleveland, T-Rich has been outplayed by Brown and finally Colts HC Chuck Pagano saw what we saw: Trent Richardson sucks. Sunday against the Titans, Brown played 52 snaps and Richardson saw just 13.
The X-File: Brown has scored four touchdowns (one receiving) in his last four games.
Jam it or Cram it: Pagano said Brown will be the featured back moving forward. Surprise, surprise. With the Colts finally coming to their senses by letting Richardson devote more time to his “film” career, Brown is going to get the work. Brown gets a tough Bengals defense this week that is 8th in the league, but he’s a definite add in PPR leagues and worth a gamble at the flex or in deep leagues. JAM
Availability: 75% Yahoo, 94% ESPN
Stat Me Up: 7.34 Fantasy points. Patterson had one catch for four yards, but did score his first NFL TD on a 33-yard run. Too bad we don’t get points for crowd surfing and high fives.
$$$ Value: $3. Take your three bucks and buy some scratch tickets. You have a divorce to pay for.
The Gist: Patterson certainly has skill and blazing speed. The talent is definitely there and was on many preseason sleeper lists. In a Dynasty League, I’m all in on Patterson. I prefer him over Tavon Austin and Aaron Dobson. Next year.
The X-File: Over his last three games, Patterson has 14 touches for 113 yards with two touchdowns.
Jam it or Cram it: The quarterback situation in Minnesota makes it hard to trust Patterson. For him to get any worthwhile Fantasy points he needs to score on reverses or kick returns or maybe the ol’ Statue of Liberty play. We have no time to wait around, we need to win now. CRAM
Availability: 98% Yahoo, 99% ESPN
Stat Me Up: 18.80 Fantasy points. Ertz caught five passes for 68 yards with two touchdowns.
$$$ Value: $1. A dollar for a guy that scored 18 points? I got that on me.
The Gist: Rookie Zach Ertz is an intriguing prospect who has gotten increased playing time in Chip Kelly’s Eagles’ offense. He’s also getting more love in the passing game than veteran Brent Celek. Ertz had two TDs on Sunday, but has been inconsistent. Ertz has five games on the year where he scored one point or less.
The X-File: Ertz has three scores in his last four games.
Jam it or Cram it: Great game from Ertz and Nick Foles looks like Joe Montana in Napoleon Dynamite’s body. Ertz will be getting a lot of the waiver wire love this week as people continue to play tight end roulette. Don’t be fooled. Ertz’s huge game came against the Cardinals D that gives up a ton of points to the TE position. What tight end gets the Cards this week? Jared Cook. Grab him. CRAM
Jam or Cram: St. Louis Rams, Defense/Special Teams
Availability: 40% Yahoo, 30% ESPN
$$$ Value: $8. Defenses are going to be scooped up quickly by anyone in the playoffs. It’s smart to grab a couple looking ahead to the next week if you advance.
The Gist: The Rams have forced 11 turnovers over their past four games and since Week 5 their D/ST has averaged 14 fantasy points per week.
The X-File: Injuries in the secondary have tested the Rams depth against good passing offenses.
Jam it or Cram it: The Rams face the Cardinals in Arizona this week. Look for Carson Palmer to be throwing the ball. Also look for Carson Palmer to get picked off. Palmer has 17 INT and three fumbles this year. Turnovers mean points and taste delicious. JAM
Jam or Cram: Alex Henery, K, Philadelphia Eagles
Availability: 90% Yahoo, 91% ESPN
Stat Me Up: 6 Fantasy points. Henery kicked one field goal and three extra points on Sunday.
$$$ Value: $0. Don’t spend on kickers, Taco.
The Gist: Henery is averaging over seven fantasy points in his last four games and has three games in which he scored double digits this season.
The X-File: Detroit has given up the 2nd most points to kickers this season.
Jam it or Cram it: I’m expecting a high scoring game against the Lions in Philly this Sunday. With Foles moving the offense and the Eagles averaging 25 points per game, Henery will have his scoring chances. JAM
*BONUS TRACKS: WEEK 14*
Joe Flacco, QB, BAL: Flacco completed 24-of-35 passes for 251 yards and one touchdown on Thanksgiving against the Steelers. Flacco gets the Vikings this week. The Vikes let Josh McCown and Matt Flynn score over 15 points. Flacco’s a little better than those guys. A little. JAM
LeGarrette Blount, RB, NE: Blount was the Patriots’ primary back Sunday with Stevan Ridley battling a case of the fumbleitis. Blount totaled 10 Fantasy points, rushing 12 times for 44 yards and a touchdown. I want no part of Belichick’s committee. CRAM
Michael Crabtree, WR, SF: Not liking players coming off an Achilles injury. While Crabtree played 65 snaps last week, he’s not someone to trust against the Seahawks. We’ll climb the Crabtree next year. CRAM
Brandon Myers, TE, NYG: Myers is averaging over eight points in his last three starts. He saved your humble-but-nonetheless-handsome Guru’s turbaned ass last week when Jordan Reed was a late scratch. JAM
Good luck in Week 14. Leave a question below or hit me up on Twitter @TheGuruGS. No you can’t stay at my house.