Was there a Fantasy team out there not affected by Snow-pocalypse 2013? No? I didn’t think so. The frozen tundra’s of Green Bay, Philadelphia, Washington, Baltimore and Pittsburgh may have decided whether your playoff dreams were realized or simply melted away like Frosty the Snowman in a greenhouse full of poinsettias. Damn you, Professor Hinkle! We well-informed, stat studying, borderline genius, Fantasy loving Razzballers left standing are headed for the playoffs. Some of us, however, are also carrying a roster that may look like a MASH unit. There was a blizzard of injuries Sunday that left Adrian Peterson, Rob Gronkowski and Reggie Bush owners cracking open the cheap scotch and drowning their sorrows before it was 5 o’clock anywhere. Now that you have pulled your sorry self up off the cool bathroom floor, let’s run down the players that may lead you to Fantasy Football glory and all the accolades that come with it. Namely rubbing it in your league-mates faces for the next 52 weeks. It’s time to jam it or cram it.
Availability: 65% Yahoo, 50% ESPN
Stat Me Up: Cutler has not thrown a pass in month.
$$$ Value: $15. Have some FAAB cash hanging around? Need a QB? Spend away.
The Gist: Cutler has been out since Week 10 with a bum ankle. He’s been miraculously healed after 2464 “massages” from Kristin Cavallari that had nothing to do his ankle. Cutler will likely get the start Sunday and faces a beatable Browns.
The X-File: Adult roster supervision is required. Make sure Cutler is the starter Sunday.
Jam it or Cram it: Thanks for all your hard work Josh McCown, now sit on the bench, Big Jay is coming back. Cutler is likely to start Sunday against the Browns and then will get the porous Philly pass defense Championship week. This could be the sneaky play that snags you the Shiva. JAM
Jam or Cram: Toby Gerhart, RB, Minnesota Vikings
Availability: 92% Yahoo, 99% ESPN
Stat Me Up: 12.90 Fantasy points. Filling in for the gimpy Adrian Peterson, Gerhart rushed 15 times for 89 yards and a touchdown.
$$$ Value: $100. Push all-in if AP is all-out.
The Gist: Adrian Peterson owners are lighting candles across the Fantasy world after the No. 1 Fantasy pick went down with a foot sprain Sunday. X-rays were negative, the MRI was clean, but reports Monday morning said AP’s season was O-V-E-R. If that’s the case, run to wire and grab Gerhart N-O-W.
The X-File: Gerhart did tweak his hammy Sunday, but will be a go on Sunday.
Jam it or Cram it: 8% ownership in Yahoo and 1% in ESPN leagues is about to change quickly. Gerhart will be the add of the week for any Fantasy owner still in the hunt. He faces a tough Eagles run D, but he’ll get the rock 15-20 times and his 9.2 YPC make him a must add, must start player in the Fantasy playoffs. JAM
Jam or Cram: Da’Rick Rogers, WR, Indianapolis Colts
Availability: 98% Yahoo, 99.9 % ESPN
Stat Me Up: 22.70 Fantasy points. Da’Rick snagged six passes for 107 yards and two touchdowns Sunday.
$$$ Value: $1. Got a buck left? Spend wisely.
The Gist: It’s the new best name in Fantasy ballin’. Da’Rick is worth da look. Sorry Barkevious Mingo. With Darrius Heyward-Bey finally demoted and T.Y. Hilton under performing, Rogers made the most of the opportunity with a couple TDs. If you were one of the three people in the world to start him I tip my turban in your general direction. Is there anyone left in the NFL with a normal name?
The X-File: Rogers was a highly talented prospect out of Tennessee Tech before the draft last April, but plummeted down draft boards because of major “character” concerns. The “character” concerns were three failed drug tests. Hey, Da’Rick, ever hear of Goldenseal?
Jam it or Cram it: Great game Da’Rick, congrats. It does look he’ll get more playing time along with LaVon Brazill. C’mon, what’s with the names?! Deep leaguers and Dynasty players feel free to grab him, but for the rest of us trying to win now, Da’Rick is not worth da chance. Da’Cram
Availability: 89% Yahoo, 99% ESPN
Stat Me Up: 10.80 Fantasy points. Pitta caught six passes for 48 yards and a touchdown in his 2013 debut Sunday.
$$$ Value: $30. Going to have to pony up the cash if you want the Pitta.
The Gist: Pitta returned from what was thought to be a season ending hip injury and had himself a game. Pitta was top 10 among scoring TEs last Sunday and led the Ravens in targets. Despite facing a Detroit D this week that has given up the 4th fewest fantasy points to tight ends, I still smell a touchdown.
The X-File: Flacco has completed 75 percent of his red-zone passes to Pitta the past two seasons.
Jam it or Cram it: If you’re a Gronk owner, let me say it’s been a fun season and I’ve enjoyed our chats. Welcome to my world of tight end roulette. I’ve been playing it all season with limited success. If Pitta is out there, he’s the bullet to slide into the chamber. Good luck. JAM
Jam or Cram: Tennessee Titans, DEF/ST
Availability: 55% Yahoo, 64% ESPN
Stat Me Up: -4.00 Fantasy Points. Tough day against Peyton Manning as the Titans gave up 51 points, had no sacks or turnovers.
$$$ Value: $0. Pick them up, they’re free.
The Gist: If you are one of the few that has been riding the Seattle or Carolina D, good for you and welcome to the playoffs. The rest of us have to stream every week. The next few weeks are shaping up as a good run for the Titans. They get Arizona, Jacksonville and Houston through the playoff season.
The X-File: Tennessee has averaged about eight Fantasy points this season.
Jam or Cram: Nick Novak, K, San Diego Chargers
Availability: 66% Yahoo, 88% ESPN
Stat Me Up: 14.00 Fantasy points. Novak hit field goals of 36, 27 and 43-yards Sunday.
$$$ Value: $0. We are not still spending on kickers are we?
The Gist: Novak has been averaging double-digit Fantasy numbers three out the last four weeks.
The X-File: Has 11 field goals in the last five games.
Jam it or Cram it: Novak and the Chargers travel to thin aired Denver where he could kick a 70-yarder. Or it could snow 40 inches and he gives you nothing. I don’t know, I’m not a meteorologist. JAM
*BONUS TRACKS: WEEK 15*
Daniel Thomas, RB, MIA: Thomas will get the call against a banged up Pats run D on Sunday if the concussed Lamar Miller can’t go. Thomas is for the truly desperate. CRAM
Rod Streater, WR, OAK: Streater’s averaging over 10 Fantasy points a game the last four weeks and is about 20% owned. Come on everybody, we are going Streating! JAM
Andrew Quarless, TE, GB: Quarless scored over 12 Fantasy points Sunday. He had 6 catches for 66 yards. Wait… that’s the number of the beast. Cue Iron Maiden. CRAM
Good luck in the playoffs. Leave a question below, tell me your favorite Maiden tune or hit me up on Twitter @TheGuruGS.