Looking back, it was a rough start to the year for Chris Johnson owners. He started off the year averaging less than 2 yards per carry and many people were calling for a premature death and by that I mean they wanted the death penalty for him…oh and they thought his career was over as being fantasy viable. However, I know one brave soul who dared to stand up and say Chris was still worthy of your roster. Maybe not at the price you paid for him but surely a clear cut starting RB in the NFL nowadays has value, no? I mean even Shonn Greene was 80% owned going into last week even if he was started nearly nowhere while he was at it. So who was that man who dared to go against the grain? Who dared defy all the pundits and naysayers who say nay? It was none other than I back in mid-September when I told you he was still RB2 worthy and to buy low on him. Over his last 5 games, CJ now has 475 yards rushing with a large chunk of that coming from today with his 195 yard, 2 touchdown extravaganza. He’s now on pace for about 1135 rushing yards and about 5 rushing TDs which is almost on par with his top 20 for RB finish last year. Would you like more touchdowns? Sure, so would LeSean McCoy owners but if you traded for him at rock bottom, you are still in the money at this point so enjoy the ride. In other fantasy football news…
Adrian Peterson – So here’s why fantasy football is funny. AP scored a touchdown for the first time since week 1 and had only his second 100 yard rushing game of the year with 153 on Sunday and yet I nary heard a sell call on him through the first 7 weeks. Obviously, he hasn’t been terrible as he’s been plenty involved in the passing game to make up for sub-par rushing yards but where were the panicked owners on him? I’m asking because I could never buy low on him and I’m jealous. Looking into the future and by that I mean this coming Thursday, I might expect a bit of a pullback from this running back with his recent ankle issues. He rested for two days last week and may see a reduced load for Thursday to make up for the short turnaround.
LaRod Stephens-Howling – After an early fumble forced William Powell to the bench for the rest of the game, LSH completely EXPLODED! Ok, he exploded for a Cardinals RB as he became the first Arizona back to rush for over 100 yards in a game since Ronald Reagan was in the White House while throwing in a touchdown and 45 yards on 4 receptions. That last statement is – for the most part – historically inaccurate but it has been awhile and I really did like Howling more than Powell until he treated his 11 carries vs Buffalo last week like a dog treats the carpet with their butt. In the end, we could very well have just witnessed the coaches punishing William more than they were praising Howling. Spare LaRod, spoil the Powell as they say.
Josh Freeman – I said he was a top 5 QB this week against a porous Saints defense. He went on to chuck it for 420, which is perhaps what all the other ‘perts were partaking of when ranking him as a consensus 12th. He’s now had two straight strong weeks. He’s also faced two straight really bad teams. You seeing the pattern? Good! Next week the Freeman fantasy meets the Vikings reality that’s he’s not this good.
Trent Richardson – Apparently wasn’t healthy enough to go as the coaches sat him after the first two quarters after only producing 8 yards on 8 carries and 11 yards on 2 receptions. No word yet on how worried Trent owners should be for next week but it was heard that it’ll be the last time an offensive linemen jokingly swaps T-Rich’s flack jacket for one of their brossieres.
Vincent Jackson – Went absolutely nuts on the Saints secondary with 7 receptions, 216 receiving yards and touchdown. Coulda had two of them but 95 yards is a long way to run. Don’t look now, but V-Jax has had three straight weeks of being fantasy viable. I know, he’s supposed to disappear every other week…I’m not used to this. Either way, it’s quite clear that V-Jax ON not OFF.
Doug Martin – An RB that there were some murmurs of worry about coming into week 7, though I never understood why. Just didn’t have the touchdowns. I’m sure he’ll ask management if the team can stick with the orange sherbert unis. Pretty sure it blinded the defense cuz it definitely hurt my eyes. Anyways, Doug reached the endzone after a long scoring drought so fantasy owners and Patti Mayonnaise were pleased.
Maurice Jones-Drew – Was removed from the game in the first quarter to watch My Left Foot because of his affinity for other people with hyphens in their last name. Wait, no, it was so the training staff could look at his left foot. For realsies, this might be really bad news as he was seen after the game with a crutch and was in a walking boot. Obvious add is Rashad Jennings with the not-so-obvious add being Chad Henne because Gabbert got hurt in the game too. In the end, today is further proof that only one hyphenated named football player can be successful on any given day. It’s also further proof that my team in Pianowski’s league is snake-bitten. Traded for MJD & Alshon Jeffreyfor Marshall & M. Bush about two weeks ago. Had Amendola on that team too. It’s a money league. Yes, I’m crying as I type this.
Ryan Fitzpatrick – I haven’t really written much about him this year because, well, he is a turnover machine which – contrary to what he might tell you – is quite different than a love or sex machine. With his three touchdown day, he’s now on pace for nearly 35 touchdown passes. With his interception and fumble, he’s now on pace for 25 TOs too. That’s at least 24 more Terrell Owens than this world needs and about 10 more than you’d really like to see from your QB. Overall, nice day from a decent QB2 option but he’s gonna give ya Fitz sometimes.
Santana Moss – Nabbed both of RGIII’s touchdown passes on the day and I can only figure will become more a part of the offense going forward with Fred Davis going down with a season-ending achilles issue and Pierre Garcon being made of autumn leaves.  And here everyone thought the Moss to pick up this year would be Randy. Well, not me but everyone else everyone.
Randall Cobb – Was solid last week but was overshadowed by James Jones as his multiple scoregasm tour trekked on. Well, it stopped this week and finally Cobb got in on the touchdown train with 89 receiving yards and not one but two touchdown receptions. If I’m a Cobb owner, I’m slightly worried what happens if/when Greg Jennings comes back because he has been a great sleeper treat for the last two weeks. I was going to give you a maize joke here but I think we can all agree I don’t want to be too corny. Oh and speaking of James, it was encouraging for his owners to see him do something ( 6 receptions, 53 yards) even though it seemed like he did nothing (0 touchdowns).
Rob Gronkowski – Was the only Patriot to find the endzone on the day and he did it twice. His current approximate pace has him well off of his year last year in receiving (75), yardage (950) and touchdowns (11). Ok, I’ll admit I saw the TD reduction but the rest of it is a bit baffling when you consider the health of Aaron Hernandez and Brady’s issues with getting on track with Brandon Lloyd. Chances are, you spent a second round pick on him and chances are part deux, you won’t get that value in return.
Dallas Clark/David Thomas – Proving that all it takes is a touchdown to finish in the top 10 for TEs on the week as they combined for 88 receiving yards and a touchdown apiece which is 88 yards and two touchdowns more than Kyle Rudolph gave his owners on the day. Maybe he and Vernon Davis got their bye weeks mixed up? Combine these two with Delanie’s amazing 12 yard 1 touchdown performance from Thursday and you have the best TE day ever…or what Gronk used to do.
Victor Cruz – Poured some of his signature salsa on the Redskins defense to the tune of 131 yards receiving and a touchdown. Seriously, he does Salsa dancing and I googled for like 5 seconds…why doesn’t this man have a signature salsa named after him by now? It doesn’t even have to be good, it just has to have the word ‘Salsa’ on it with his picture and people will buy it. Even if it’s terrible we all know it’s better than Pace Picante.
Joe Flacco – Was definitely atrocious but I’ll just say this: that Houston Texans defense was angry after last week’s Aaron Rodgers torching. Like Hulk smash angry. No one on Baltimore looked good but my stance of him being a buy still stands. Today might’ve just made it easier to get in on it. They’re gonna have to outpace the other team’s offense from here on out and Ray Rice can’t run them out of it.
Darren McFadden – Had 53 yards rushing to go with 28 receiving yards on 4 receptions. Now has a 3.1 ypc average on the year and has owners wondering why the drafted him this year when they said they’d never do it again after last year. Of course, last year he was good but missed half the year due to injuries. Now he’s terrible and has a clean bill of health. Maybe it creates a rip in the time/space continuum if he doesn’t anger his owners some way.
Sunday Night Football – Normally jaywrong would handle tonight’s Faith Hill inspired extravaganza but he told me he was having a Romance movie marathon and needed time to himself and his vajayjay. Last I heard he’d just finished Titanic and was leaning over the balcony at his house in a dress pretending to fly. I didn’t ask, he told me freely. Neverthewho, he should return to you for a typical Sunday Night fun write-up next week. Until then, you’ll just have to make due with a couple of blurbs on the major players on the night from me. Don’t cry. If you believe, the hot dogs will go on.
Ben Roethlisberger – It was a woulda/coulda/shoulda night for Ben as there were at least 5 billion – roughly – dropped passes by Mike Wallace and others that would’ve either extended a drive or scored a touchdown. Instead he ended with a useful yet yawn-inspring 1 TD night with a couple of TOs and a 2 point conversion.
Jonathan Dwyer – Ran the ball well, carrying the ball 17 times for 122 yards as Redman and Mendenhall were out with injuries. I’m sure this is just to spite me for my early season love that turned to hate. Whatever, Jonathan, your last name still sounds like what Elmer Fudd throws his wet clothes in! Yeah, I’m not bitter.
Andy Dalton – The Red Rocket got put back in it’s sheath as he was made to look human, which is really hard to do to a ginger. Of course, this means A.J. Green was also human but they both still found a way to hook up for a touchdown on a bad night for Cincy.
Heath Miller – I think I said you should be interested in this man at the beginning of the year. Did you listen? Are you still rocking Jacob Tamme? You are? Yeah, you didn’t listen to me. Ended the night with 53 yards on 6 receptions and a touchdown. He now has 5 touchdown catches on the season and is top 5 for TEs in receptions. One of the few ways Miller time won’t leave you with a bitter look on your face.
