Truth be told, this lede was supposed to go to Megatron. I mean, c’mon, how could it NOT go to him, right? Well, special days happen that make you evaluate your lede and sometimes life when a guy that’s 20% owned in yahoo leagues scores 4 touchdowns on 8/122 on 8 targets. I’m gonna admit to you that I am still looking at Marvin Jones like an alien right now. I mean, the kid only had 16/247/3 coming into week 8 so this outpouring of fantasy goodness had to be a surprise even to Bengals fans and those 20%’ers out there. But second year wide outs coming alive midseason has happened before…right? Eh, it’s not as common I know. Marvin is probably more of a keeper pickup if he’s anything at this point but if you’re in a deeper league with enough bench depth to give him a shot/time, he’s worth the gamble. Not a question of talent with Marvin, just a question of opportunity. Well, I think you have that now, Jones. Take advantage. In other news from week 8 for 2013 Fantasy Football…
Calvin Johnson – Ok, who let Megatron set the difficulty to ‘middle school’ on Madden? Getting 14/329/1 on 16 targets…that’s just cheating. He must’ve been abusing the circle button.
Dez Bryant – Went for 3/72/2. The media really misquoted him this week. I’m almost positive he said he was the better whine receiver between he and Megatron and it looks like he’s right.
Tom Brady – I thought when Gronk returned, so would the Brady of old. Instead, we’re still dealing with inconsistency issues from a guy that was Mr. Consistent coming into the year. It looks messy and he’s getting sacked like Forrest Gump describes rain in Vietnam. Gronk’s back but Brady is decidedly not in any form of groove right now with his offense. I’m leery and I shouldn’t be given his setup which makes me more leery.
Reuben Randle – The Giants didn’t score a TD today. Randle was only targeted once and put up a goose egg. Coincidence? Eh, prolly, but he had scored in three straight games prior. Makes you wonder if this was the G-Men doing their best with a final sell on Hakeem Nicks (7/51 on 12 targets).
Andy Dalton – You want me to talk about him because of the stats – 325/5/1 – but I don’t really. It’s my site, I do what I want. He has a 14:7 TD to INT ratio right now after today’s game. Yes, that means it was 9:6 prior to this game. I’m glad we are good with our math. I’m still not excited nor interested in seeing if gingers have souls here.
Lamar Miller – Goes for 18/89 on the ground and 3/23 through the air compared to 9/47 and 1/5 for Daniel Thomas. Here’s where I’d be saying ‘See? Miami finally figured out who the best back is’ if they hadn’t made that 5 yard catch a TD for DT. There’s a reason these Dolphins are only 3-4 with the players they have…hint, it’s not the players.
Michael Vick – Played horribly and then left the game, clearly still dealing with hamstring issues. Matt Barkley came in to drive his team down the field for many disappointing, soul crushing turnovers to follow. Yeah, I know they’re all family but the city of Brotherly love is gonna be getting a little chippy with Kelly here soon if they aren’t already.
Reggie Bush – Another nice day for RB the RB, totaling 122 yards on the day (8/30 through the air) and actually got a goal line poach. Yes, he’s the starting RB. No, I’m not joking. Or maybe I’m Joique’ing? *Pinkie to Mouth*. Many were confused by my Joique ranking this week but he’s still the GL back in Detroit. Don’t fight it, embrace it.
Kenny Stills – On the fantasy map with a 3/129/2 line in week 8. In week 9, even google maps won’t be able to find him.
Terrance Williams – Y’all thought I’d lost my mind with Williams as a top 12 for standard WRs this week. Well, Austin keeps slipping down the depth charts and it has a lot to do with Terrance. I had a good convo with a commenter a while back. He said this was coming. I said I was worried about Austin. Clearly I was Miles off the mark here. Terrance has matured quite nicely and quickly for a kid known mostly for his fart jokes heading into the season. Phillip Tanner is still ripping from the sidelines, though…
Frank Gore – Another strong week, going for 76 total yards and 2 TDs. That could’ve been in my lineup but I traded him for Roddy Whiteout. You can only guess how that team is doing…
Jimmy Graham – Ow, my foot hurts. Oooh, I have a partially torn plantar fascia. Waahhh, I might not play today. Then he goes out and scored 2 TDs on most people’s benches. I’m picking my nose right now, Jimmy, but it’s not with the finger most would do it with. Oh and I’m not really picking my nose, either. I’m really just flipping you off. I’m still worried about Graham and this injury. It’s never good when a guy is assured limited reps realize he only had 3/37 on 3 targets. Those 2 TDs saved your day for starting him. I’m putting him in the ‘move him while you can’ category before it’s pennies on the dollar.
Vernon Davis – Another VD for TD siting. Had 3/54/1 but the 49ers were pretty much in wind down the clock mode by the 3rd quarter. I’m just glad London got to see the product Khan is trying to force upon them. I’m sure he lied and said his team played in red and gold.
Drew Brees – Ho hum, 332 passing yards and a 5:0 ratio for TDs to INTs. BTW, for those worried about Colston: great play in the end zone negated a 38 yard score that turned into a Graham touchdown. Not the news you wanted to hear, I know, but I’m not in give up mode with him just yet, especially with a limp Jimmy. Oh, we’re talking about Drew right now…right. Uh, he’s good? What more do you need to know?
Jason Campbell – I’m looking forward to watching the rewind of this game (no I can’t watch every game at the moment of action. I’m not The Architect) because for a guy that started out with 3 straight 3 and outs and led a team to few enough yards that I could count them on two hands in the first quarter, that offense sure got going. Am I suggesting you pick up Campbell? Do sharks really attack from Tornadoes? Ok, this is a Campbell blurb and it’s already too long. Just mean to say he moved the ball against a tough defense and gives me hope that all’s not lost in CLE for the skill position players.
Colin Kaepernick – This end line is actually more on par with what Kaep was doing when he was successful last year: only 164 passing yards but 7 carries for 54 yards with 3 total TDs (2 via pass). Since a rough week 2/3 stretch, Kaep is finally Kaeptain again.
Maurice Jones-Drew – Uh, MJD…did something. Ok, he didn’t score but he cleared 100 total yards on the day with 75 on the ground and 47 through the air on 6 catches. Yes, MJD catches passes. Who knew? Well, Jacksonville did from 2006 to 2011. Not sure where their memory went the last two years…regardless, it’s hard to get excited but maybe, just maybe Jacksonville will finally Jag while others jig.
Andre Ellington – Had an 80 yard touchdown run to cap off a 15/154 day while tacking on 2/8 through the air. But we need more Mendy, right Arians? I would love to call this a coming out party but Bruce Arians is as obstinate as he looks.
Harry Douglas – I’m pretty sure he wasn’t anywhere near his endline of 12/121 before the 4th quarter. No, you research it. Insert your ‘Harry D, look at my junk’ time joke here while you’re at it. Seriously, though, he’s a volume play and I can just about promise you that 75% of those stats came when nobody on the Arizona def cared.
Alfred Morris – I don’t wanna be that guy…ok, I kinda do. No one wanted to talk about how good Morris has been this season because he wasn’t scoring TDs and yet here he scores a TD and people will finally talk about him again. NM all the stats I talked about when I called him a BUY this week. That’s real football where Knowshon Moreno sucks! We want fantasy talk! Sorry, LeSean McCoy hacked my account there for a minute. I said he should end as an RB6 or 7 by the end of the year. So far, so good.
Knowshon Moreno – Had 14/44 on the ground and 6/89/1 through the air but some fair warnings are in order. One, Montee scored a goal line touchdown. Two, there’s talk of the Broncos wanting to reduce Moreno’s touches to keep him healthy for the playoffs. I know it’s hard to sell such a diamond in the rough of your draft but you might wanna sell at $1.50 on the dollar here if that’s the real stance by Denver. I swear, this time Shady had nothing to do with this blurb.
Matt Ryan – Had 4 INT on the game and his main target is Harry Douglas with a backfield that averaged a little over a yard a carry in Arizona on Sunday. I hope you sold when I toldja to. It’s one thing to look like the Shermanator. It’s another thing to play like him.
Robert Griffin, III – Woof…that was ugly. Given how he came out of the bye, I was not expecting this. Bad decisions all game. The ‘skins were lucky they kept that close with how he played. RG3 seems to be taking a page out of the Cameron/Cameroff playbook of Newton. You lack discipline, Daniel-San! He was pulled from the game as a precautionary move. The precaution to stop sucking! Sorry, played him everywhere today. My dander is decidedly up.
Darren McFadden – It hasn’t been the greatest year for DMC – currently being outscored by names such as Andre Ellington (yes, before today), Roy Helu (same parenth blurb, different player) and Danny Woodhead – but the Raiders still want to run the ball so there’s that. I’m sure his owners would exchange 24/73 on the ground for Pryor’s 9/106 any day except that he had 2 TDs. DMC = volume play. Live it and learn to love it. Hey, at least this year you didn’t draft him in the first, right?
Terrelle Pryor – Not gonna lie and say it was pretty but he’s the 10th best scoring QB entering SNF. I said I was buying him as a top 10 QB ROS quite an internet while ago. So long ago, I’m too lazy to search the site for it actually but trust me, you want to buy some TP for your bunghole, gamers.
Stevan Ridley – Didn’t start because he told Bill that he looked like Emperor Palpatine with a sun tan…ok that’s unverified but can YOU explain to me why the ‘mastermind coach’ started the game with 4 carries for 4 yards from Blount and down 14-0 and when Ridley returned for his 14/79/1, the Pats went on a 27-3 outscoring spree? Yeah, loosen the hood there, Bill. It’s cutting off circulation. Oh and if Vereen is out there, this is a strong sign you should grab him now. Something about Ridley rubs the Emperor the wrong way. Given how stupid today was, I hope it was a steel wire brush to the taint. Y U SO DUMB, BILL?
Emmanuel Sanders – He’s been very hit and miss since I called him a buy and for that I’m sorry. Here’s to hoping a 7/88/1 day with a 2 point conversion will lead to Emmanuel in Space. NSFW there, people who should be working and not reading this.
Joel Dreessen – Was the 8th highest scoring TE for fantasy heading into SNF with a 2/9/1 line. That’s just ahead of Benjamin Watson. Yes, that’s for standard leagues. Yes, you should play in a TE optional league. Yes, you should just change your league settings now.
Green Bay vs Minnesota – The man known as Jay Wrong will cover your SNF festivities as soberly as a man who’s been drinking since 10 am knows how. Some would call him fat but I’m here to tell you that’s just an extremely distended liver. Unless you meant Phat. He’s quite that.