I think it’s safe to say that the Dolphins… are not a good football team. Actually, they are pretty terrible. I mentioned in the Live Thread last night that there are usually two versions of the Bengals that show up in primetime games, a regular season version and a playoff version. Now, we got a little bit of both last night… and that’s probably too generous, but there is apparently just one version of the Dolphins, and I call it: “Oh god…” (I’m an atheist, for context.) I last time I’d seen that much incompetence by the color orange since the Presidential Debate. Despite the game being an amazing period of time to nap in, (yes, technically it was a two-score game… sort of like how Taco Bell is “technically” food), but I would like to point out that at the least the Bengals didn’t go full orange during the color rush epoch. They saved us from Dolphin orange on orange mixed with a darker Bengals orange on orange, which would have probably cause color blindness to all viewers. On the bright side, that much orange may have also been the cure to color blindness, so there’s that I guess. (To be fair, I did kind of like the Dolphins color rush uniforms, but I had a hard time remembering what college they played for…)

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Hello everybody and welcome to “Drape Impost”, Razzball’s weekly in-depth look at international tax policy for home décor. Let’s take a look at Norway, who charge an exorbitant 18% on imported tapestries… *answers call from Jay* I’ve been informed that this will actually be another Deep Impact article, and also that “Drape Impost” will be a podcast series on NPR this fall. Slight change to go over for those of you who have been reading regularly: I will no longer be limiting the “Start” section for running backs to less than 10% ownership in the interest of covering players who are actually worth starting. For running back starts, we’ll increase the population to look at low-owned guys who are more likely to already be on deep rosters but are unlikely to be every week plays. I’m figuring it out as I go, folks, and I will still cover backs under 10% ownership in the “Stash Target” section for all you players who are scouring the wire for adds. For those of you who haven’t been reading, you should try reading some time. It doesn’t even have to be about football, expand your horizons friends. Well, expand them after checking out these names, of course.

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orangefan

You know, I always look forward to watching the Bengals in primetime, if only to see which team shows up. The “regular season” version which has a dynamic offense that moves the ball both on the ground and vertically mixed with a potent and aggressive defense… or the “playoffs” version which is everything that the regular season version is, but the opposite and a heaping side of derp. Yes, true, we do find the “playoff” version lurking around at times during the regular season, but since they are at home and against the Dolphins, I’m probably not holding my breath. And while you could point out that the Dolphins are coming off a huge emotional win in Week 3, I would simply remind you that it was against the Browns…

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As I alluded to earlier today in our Week 4 Rankings post…

“Now it’s time… we are in Week 4, and after this upcoming weekend, you should know what your team is about. What are its needs? The strengths? What’s your league look like? Any move(s) that you want to make needs to happen in the next two weeks, because even the teams at the bottom of the standings have a chance to turn it all around before then, they’re just looking for ways to do it. That should go for the teams up top and in the middle too. Start looking at your schedule (both in real football and fantasy), take note of byes, see what kind of matchups you’ll have… Basically, start setting up yourself to be the most informed fantasy football player the next two weeks and take advantage of it, because once we get to the end of October, only the top-third of you will still be around.”

With that said, here are your Rest of Season Rankings…

Note: These rankings will be updated on a week-to-week basis from this point forward, and can be accessed in our “Rankings” section of the menu above at any time.

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Image result for age of latavius

The Age of Latavius officially commenced on November 20, 2014. That was the night when the world witnessed a 6′ 3″, 230 pound rarity put on a performance that could only be described as, well, out of this world. Four carries, 112 yards, and two touchdowns.

With Darren McFadden and Maurice Jones-Drew in the latter stages of their careers, Murray would take over the backfield and form a young, exciting duo with quarterback Derek Carr. To finish out the 2014 season, Murray rushed 68 times for 258 yards and caught 11 passes for an additional 108 yards. He did not score a touchdown. Entering the 2015 season, there was tremendous optimism for Murray’s prospects, as he was the unquestioned starter on an up-and-coming team. 266 carries for 1,066 yards, 41 receptions for 232 yards, and six touchdowns. Not bad, but not delivered-from-the-heavens great. With an improved offensive line and upgraded defense entering the 2016 season, the stars were aligned. Unfortunately, through three games, Murray has rushed 32 times for 153 yards, caught eight passes for 58 yards, and scored three touchdowns. Ladainian Tomlinson, in his prime, would put that up in one game!

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hunter-henry-2016-ea75080b80e99f5d

Welcome back to the Razzball streamer series!  Once again, we had a pretty solid Week 3, so I’ll look to keep the ball rolling into Week 4.  We have our first London game on the slate this week.  I’m always way more excited for London games during the week knowing that I can watch football at 8:30 A.M. than I am when I actually am about to… but I am going to go ahead and enjoy the prospect of watching 14ish straight hours of football. Today’s big streamer is Hunter Henry (13% owned), but even I’ll admit that this is an iffy play based on the health of Antonio Gates. But if Gates doesn’t play I expect Henry to eat… he saw his share of targets on his way to 5 catches for 76 yards against the Colts last week and New Orleans would be a great match up to continue that trend.  Philip Rivers will be attacking this weak defense through the air…

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The fourth week of football (and fantasy football) has arrived, and with it the pain and suffering of being a Chargers fan has finally set in. Woe is me, just a man playing a game with first world problems. But we should always look on the bright side, the silver lining of it all. That’s the spirit! And so during this time of anguish and frustration, what’s the one thing that keeps my head up, that shining beacon of hope, the light at the end of the tunnel? Knowing that the Browns are still a thing that exists. Regardless, as we reach the first quarter of the season, we all certainly have other crisises? crisisee? crises to worry about beyond fandom, and that is the state of your fantasy football team. If you’ve been a reader of this site for a while, you all know that I’m a pretty conservative when it comes to the first month of the season. And if you’re new around here, well then, that last sentence was for you. So what are you waiting for? Now it’s time… we are in Week 4, and after this upcoming weekend, you should know what your team is about. What are its needs? The strengths? What’s your league look like? Any move(s) that you want to make needs to happen in the next two weeks, because even the teams at the bottom of the standings have a chance to turn it all around before then, they’re just looking for ways to do it. That should go for the teams up top and in the middle too. Start looking at your schedule (both in real football and fantasy), take note of byes, see what kind of matchups you’ll have… Basically, start setting up yourself to be the most informed fantasy football player the next two weeks and take advantage of it, because once we get to the end of October, only the top-third of you will still be around. But don’t worry, we’ll be sure to help you get through it all, especially since with two weeks of data in books, our rankings returned to our usual norms in Week 3, reaching the top 15% percentile of all experts and finishing 22nd overall last week.

Here are your Week 4 Fantasy Football Rankings (with our Rest of Season Rankings coming later today)…

Note: To all Razzball Commenter League players out there, our master standings are out and you can find them here or in the menu bar above, under “Leagues”.

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la-sp-broncos-siemian-sanchez-20160829-snap

I always thought AI stood for artificial intelligence, especially with my background in engineering. Little did I know that it shared its abbreviation with the deliberate introduction of sperm into a female’s uterus or clitoris for the purpose of achieving a pregnancy. I think that is the procedure they are currently performing on both Jay Cutler and Tony Romo. The facts are a little fuzzy, but that sounds about right. I believe Marcus Semien and Trevor Siemian are the donors, but it could also be Danny Woodhead, Wendell Smallwood or even Ha Ha Clinton-Dix. To be honest, however, I don’t think anyone cares. On the other hand, what they might care about is the following list of jabronies. I think if you tried setting your lineup as such, the web app might just reject it on principle. Let’s take a closer look.

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NFL: Philadelphia Eagles at Chicago Bears

If you have been following our weekly Handcuff Reports and reading them carefully (as I am sure you have been), you may have noticed this little gem that I wrote last week:

“After pass-catcher Ka’Deem Carey went down with a hamstring injury, Jordan Howard entered the game and actually looked pretty good. If Langford continues to struggle, look for Howard to get some more chances. If you are in a deep league, add Howard to your watch list.”

Well, I hope you skipped the watch list and went right to adding him on waivers. And if you did, if you were the person in your league who pulled the early trigger on Jordan Howard thanks to reading this article, then you had a really good Monday. You probably woke up on Monday morning, checked your league news and your team (I am assuming here that no one bothered to watch most of that beatdown), and saw the Jeremy Langford injury news. Then you probably took a sip of your coffee, sat back, smiled, looked at the rest of the teams in your league and said:

I’ma be all right. I’m straight… Sergio gonna be fine! F*ck a recession… I own 21 Cookaroos. Ya’ll don’t own one Cookaroo. Not one… Ya’ll are f*cked. Ya’ll are f*******cked!

Okay, now that we got the world’s longest Get Him to the Greek reference out of the way, let’s get back to business. Jeremy Langford left this week’s game against the Cowboys early and did not return, and it has since been reported that he has a severe high ankle sprain and could miss up to six weeks. After Langford left the game, Jordan Howard rushed for 45 yards on nine carries (5 YPC) and added four catches for 47 yards. With the aforementioned Ka’Deem Carey also nursing an injury of his own, Jordan Howard could be in for a full workload for the next six weeks. And if he has success in Langford’s absence, he could very well take the starting job or turn this situation into a timeshare. Even if Carey comes back quickly, he will be the receiving back on passing downs, while Howard should get the start and the majority of the touches. Jordan Howard is going to be one of the most-added players on waivers this week, so get your claims in before Thursday morning. But, alas, this is the Handcuff Report and not just the Jordan Howard report, so let’s get to the rest of the league!

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