Greetings! I hope this note reaches Jay in time, for tomorrow, I leave on a boat trip through the treacherous San Juan Islands, and yes my goodmen, I’m on an epic adventure in search of mass amounts of plunder and booty (mostly booty). The simple and honest truth is, I could be killed, kidnapped, ransomed, or even frog-humped and feathered for all I know. If I go down with my ship (150 ft. yacht), I’d like you all to remember me for the man I was… check that, remember me for the man I was going to be, for I haven’t yet come close to reaching the spiritual levels I’ve slowly begun to master on my way to level four ninja-sex master-God… and that would have been a sight to see. Lord Beddict at a level four? Only the Elder Gods could even begin to imagine the amount of swimsuit models impregnated by a man who will never actually meet the children. For they shall watch him from afar, through their televisions or computers, preaching to the world the sort of positive impact fantasy sports can have on child’s life. They shall know him as Lord Beddict, and they shall be proud. They shall be proud and say: “That beautiful, sexy, shredded, poetic, charming, loving man, once stuck his meat thermometer in momma’s turkey. It’s an honor.” Or something of that nature. You get what I’m saying, don’t you? [Jay’s Note: LOL] No? Good, because I have no idea what I’m talking about.

I am Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight! Take Heed!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I don't have enough spam, give me the Razzball email newsletter!


Few things make me excited to wake up. Haha, I mean, I love life, but I also love my sleep. And I’m just guessing here, but I don’t think I’m alone in that. However, one day a week I am genuinely excited to wake up the moment my alarm goes off. And it’s not because doing the grown up in the morning (although always fun).

Nope, it’s Tuesdays. Because Tuesday means I can check the updated standings in my fantasy football leagues, see the new point totals within the standings (the true measure of how well you’re actually doing), start setting my lineup for the next week, and give my first glance at how I need to work the waiver wire. Does that make me weird? I’ll vote no. And I’ll imagine that a lot of you feel the same. Tuesdays…the best non-football day of the week.

This Tuesday was no different from any others. At first. I woke up before the sun, walked over to grab my phone and began scrolling through all my leagues to see the updates now that we’re four weeks in. So much anticipated joy was shortly replaced by an increasing disappointment. Sure, I didn’t do wonderful in Week 4 (went against Julio Jones in 3 leagues, and Matt Ryan in another 3…including one where my opponent had both. Ugh.), but the real cause for disappointment was found in the LACK OF ANYTHING TO WORK WITH ON THE WIRE! Haha, ok…now I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s examine just whom is actually worth targeting, and see if any deserve a dope emoji next to their names. Here’s how you can work the wire for Week 5.

Please, blog, may I have some more?


Welcome back, my Horde!  I am sorry that I once again had to leave you in the lurch last week.  I know how you so depend on your weekly interactions with me, not only for spank bank fodder, but your required human socialization as well.  It turns out that Mother Goddess was ill and being the sensational daughter that I am, she had to come before all of your perverted needs.  Needless to say, she is on the mend and has given me permission to attend to your needs now.  Ugh, it is so trying being so in demand, but I understand your addiction.  I am quite charming, after all.  So, first things first, how did you fare in Week 4?  Me? Not so good.  I was beaten so badly that Chris Brown Tweeted that he had nothing to do with it and was nowhere around me at the time.  I swear.  Look it up.  I am chalking this week’s shellacking up to being a good daughter and not prioritizing Fantasy Football over Mother Goddess’s health and well-being.  So, for those of you who went up against me this past week, enjoy the freebee, because I don’t come cheap.  I also managed to lose some of my muscle on my teams to my Black Widow Curse, so it is good to know that at least that is consistent.  I am sure that you all got nailed too (and not in a good way).  So, without further ado, let’s see what I can do to assist you in repairing your damaged rosters with this week’s edition of Hit it or quit it, Week 5.

Please, blog, may I have some more?


I didn’t see any big shakeups this week. Did we truly go a week without an injury to a fantasy starting wide receiver or running back? Well anyway, what I have here are some names we know very well, the most promising names here were drafted in most leagues. Sadly, I know many of them are not widely available in 12-team leagues but I would rather include oft owned players than not have analysis available for those of you that need it. I also think that many of these players will be hard to get into your starting lineups. There’s a lot of uncertainty with them, which makes sense considering some of them have been owned previously but dropped. Also,”I TOLD PERCY I’D DO THIS!” Wait, what? Here’s fantasy football advice…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well, we had some derp, we had a whole bunch of boring, and so… we had your prototypical Monday Night Football game. But clearly, let’s be sure to give them their due, the Vikings are for real. Sorta. Maybe. I mean kinda. That’s my definitive opinion. In what was a not particularly close game (but not really a blow out), the Giants once again proved that they have one of the best wide receiver trio’s in the NFL and have no idea how to use them correctly. Ben Mcadoo-doo and Eli Manning keep trying to make Will Tye a thing, and I have no clue as to why. He’s like the Hollywood version of Jai Courtney. And while the Giants shortcomings on offense have been a big frustrating so far, the same can’t be said for the Vikings. I mean, I haven’t heard this much praise for Norv Turner since he defended Earth from that meteor shower. And who would have thought Sam Bradford was the next coming of “Sam Bradford fulfilling his potential”? I mean, the Vikings are 4-0… incredible. And yeah, half their wins were against the Titans and the Giants, the version of which we saw last night that was quite meh. But the other two are against the Panthers and Packers. You put all this together, and you actually have a team that is on it’s way to the playoffs. And a lot of sad Bears fans…

Please, blog, may I have some more?


Well, I’ll give Monday Night Football credit, I haven’t seen these two teams matched up against each other in a while. So there’s that. Will the MNF curse hold strong, give us either derp or a horse tranquilizer to the eyes? Well, the Giants are involved, so derp is a given, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Both these teams are riding surprising starts, a theme also echoed by ESPN, who also wrote that the Vikings hadn’t lost a game in eight months. It sounds like a lot when you realize that football just started a month ago. While the Eagles are probably the biggest surprised in the NFC East, I’d would agree that the Vikings have already blown my expectations away. They’ve beaten the Packers AND Panthers already on the arm of Sam Bradford and on the leg of not Adrian Peterson. What a weird time we live in…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yesterday we had a little bit of everything, didn’t we? After voluntarily waking up early for a Colts-Jaguars game in London, I wondered: What happened to my life that would make me do such a thing? I mean, you’d think after all we’ve done for the United Kingdom over the years, they’d have the courtesy to be on the same time zone. And we had plenty of expected outcomes like my Chargers once again clutching a loss from the jaws of victory, the Browns being their usually Brownsy selves, a boring Sunday night primetime game, Cam Newton concussing (a word?) himself again, and, of course, DeAndre Hopkins showing us where all hope goes to die. And then something… majestic happened, something rare. (Some say it only happens once a decade…) But we, as a nation, for the first time this season, witnessed the first Patriots loss of the year. And it was to the hapless Bills. What a time to be alive. In fact, both (or one, or none, who knows?) of the Ryans coached a defense that shut out the Patriots for the first time since 2006, and the first time in New England since 1993. Seems good. But as someone once said, you don’t know the sweet unless you’ve tasted sour. The sour? The Rams and Raiders, the current and former Los Angeles football teams, are currently in playoff contention. One team is coached by Jeff Fisher, and the other by Jack Del Rio. Soak that wierd sh*t in for a second…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

When given the opportunity, I will never not use this. You have my word.

Look guys, if I could make a post where it was just that GIF and nothing else, I’d do it. But that’s kind of like someone spending a few hours making you cupcakes and then just eating the frosting. Sorry mom! And trust me, this was a hard decision-making process I went through there, with all the HARF HARF Big Ben GIFs that we have uploaded and ready to go, sorta how Roethlisberger describes himself around the bathroom stall. And while it sucks that I’ve been writing about football so long that I know how to spell Roethlisberger’s last name without Googling it first, it does give some perspective on a pretty intriguing Sunday Night Football game, probably the most intrugingest of the year. On another note, I’ve been doing this long enough to make up my own words, so yeah. Both teams have a questionable loss, but are 2-1, both teams have playoff aspirations (with potential… I’m sure the Browns, actually, no, I’m sure the Colts have aspirations, just not the potential, for example), and both are expecting their star running backs to make their debut tonight. One because he’s gets injured every three weeks, and other because of the ganja. Who will make the bigger impact? Which team will come out on top, thus taking a closer step to eventually losing to the Patriots in the playoffs? How many timeouts will Andy Reid eat? Find out all the answers to these questions and more tonight!

Please, blog, may I have some more?


Well, it’s that time again where we jump over the pond with our very own little franchise that couldn’t, known to some (a few) as the Jaguars. It’s almost an annual thing at this point and one has to wonder if the NFL knows how to market something properly if they want to actually grow the brand outside of the states. But hey, this time it’s all good, because the Colts are coming and I’m pretty sure that the football version of Hodor would go over quite well in London. I mean, I assume that Game of Thrones has no borders. True, they have a wall, but it’s not like the white walkers paid for it, ya know what I’m saying? After waking up way earlier than we should and adding an extra three hours of drinking time, the rest of the slate in the North American continent consists of such gems like the Titans at Texans, Browns at Washington, and the Lions at Bears. Ugh. There is an interesting Seahawks versus Jets game if you are interested in napping. And then there are the Bills and Patriots. Hey, at least you’re not going to lose to Julian Edelman as quarterback… well, I mean, unless Jimmy Garoppolo goes down again. Then, yeah… about that…

Be sure to check out Start and Sits for today’s games here, along with updated projections for Week 4 by clicking here. And as always, our updated rankings are available after the jump!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Rudy is the person behind our Pigskinonator and DFSBot football projections and is also behind the baseball ‘bots (Streamonator, Hittertron, etc.) and NFL/MLB player pages. This weekly piece will focus on players where the Pigskinonator diverge from the popular consensus.

Happy Week 4! The first season of our fantasy football projections tool (aka Pigskinonator) is going well. If you haven’t checked it out yet, check it out NOW. Last free week! Projected stats for all QB, RB, WR, TE, DST and IDP!

The regresssion fairy was kind enough to take only a small dump in our robot’s mouth during its required 15 minute daily nap as it finished 49th out of 138 experts in Week 3 after a precociously high 4th in Week 2. The most promising aspect of it all is that these results are occuring while importing our player ranking in total whereas most experts are manually adjusting players up/down. The difference is that the the default rankings are based on the consensus average rankings for players which inherently has ‘wisdom of crowds’ built into it. This helps bad rankings become solid but does nothing IMO to make solid rankings become great. We’re shooting for great and I think we’ll get there.

No new functionality adds this week but made some improvements in the robot code that should improve the allocation of rushing attempts and targets.

Onto my picks…

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Page 22 of 333« First...10...2021222324...304050...Last »

Razzball Archives