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We made it folks. You know that because #buttfumble. Yesterday was the last Sunday without regular season football for a long time, and I can’t wait to get this season started. I’m just so excited for what we have in store for you this year, but I could also be excited from eating copious amounts of Guinness (part of an essential and balanced meal) on this wonderful Labor day. Even if it’s some strange combination of the two, it matters not, for Football, and Fantasy Football is back. Follow me after the jump to see what we are cooking for you this year at Razzball HQ. Hint: It’s not edible, even though I said we’re cooking. I mean, you can eat your computer if you want, but I would recommend unplugging it first. And probably adding some salt. Also… we don’t really have a HQ, because this sh*t right here is global. MUTHA F*CKING GLOBAL. (You should probably read that in Samuel L. Jackson voice. Really brings out the best in all things, I say.)

There are still a few spots open for our Razzball Commentator Leagues… if you want to take on fellow readers and our own contributors for a chance at some cool prizes, join up here!

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Injured Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Sam Bradford, in street clothes, at Lincoln Financial Field late in the game against Tampa Bay November 22, 2015. The Eagles had a very frustrating game losing 45-17. ( CLEM MURRAY / Staff Photographer )

In what is surprising news for an unsurprising outcome, Sam Bradford finds himself traded yet again, this time to the Vikings. After Teddy Bridgewater went down with 2,398 explosions in his leg, many wondered what direction the Vikings would go. Was it going to be a destination for Mark Sanchez (LOL)? Maybe even Colin Kaepernick? Or as I aptly put it the other day on our weekly Podcast: sticking with the status quo and having A Shaun Hill to Die On? All of these options could have been considered for a franchise (including other ones), that despite suffering a huge setback this year by losing their starting quarterback, still had a lot of pieces to compete in the near future with. And while the type of injury Bridgewater suffered is something that could affect his career outlook, so far the prognosis had been slightly positive. Even with that in mind, the Vikings’ Rick Spielman and Mike Zimmer decided to mortgage a major part of their future for the very mediocre, and very injury-prone Sam Bradford. Here’s how the deal looks based off today’s reports:

Eagles send: Vikings send:
Sam Bradford 2017 1st Round Pick
$11,000,0000 (of $18,000,000) in Total Salary 2018 Conditional 4th Round Pick*

*The conditional pick can become a second or third rounder based on the Vikings success, as in, for example, if they reach the NFC Championship Game, it turns into a third, and if they reach the Super Bowl, it becomes a second rounder.

Okay, so, my non-expert opinion is this:

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Hello everyone! For those of you that are new to my work, I have the privilege this year to be taking over the “Start ‘Em, Sit ‘Em” series each Saturday morning for the 2016 NFL Season. I’m very grateful for this opportunity, and I can’t wait to get started! A little bit about myself, I currently live 15 minutes away from Raymond James Stadium in beautiful Tampa, Florida, but I was born in the north end of Boston. I’m a pretty big Pats, Bruins, Sox and Celtics fan. [Jay’s Note: Yikes!] I’ve been playing fantasy football for a good while now, and my greatest memory is making the playoffs in my main league on the final day due to a tiebreaker after starting out the year 1-6. That was pretty freaking cool. This is my second season writing for Razzball after doing a bit of Daily Fantasy work last year, and now I can’t wait for what the 2016 season will bring. What I do know is my goal for this season, which is to be as accurate as I can, giving advice for who to start, who to bench, and maybe even some streaming analysis. Along the way, I’ll answer any questions that are asked, and have a good time while doing so.

So let’s get started with a Primer for the upcoming season…

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Despite being the urinal puck of the NFL last season, the AFC South is overflowing with fantasy goodness for 2016. Jump into my fantasy van (Hint: It has no windows) and I’ll guide you through the land of elite wide receivers and shiny new quarterbacks. Allow Honcho – your new and most favorite fantasy football bestie to help you navigate the numerous story lines that make up one of the most fantasy rich divisions in football. Can Andrew Luck keep his spleen in one piece this season? Will Blake Bortles remember he’s Blake Bortles or will he continue his ascent up the QB ladder? Can Marcus Mariota deliver through the air? If so, who will he throw to? Finally, is $72 million enough to convince you that Brock Osweiler actually knows what he’s doing? The suspense is too much! Let’s get started. As always, we’ll review the teams in order of predicted finish.

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It’s a bird. It’s a plane. It’s malamoney’s fantasy football rankings. The best thing about rankings and projections is that no one ever calls you out for having absolutely sh!tty projections. It’s not until months later when the season is over that projections can really be evaluated for efficiency, and by that time who really give a flying [fill in the blank]. Not to mention, who’s actually going to take the time to do so.

Here is my process for generating projections. Step one. Develop a random number generator. Step two. Generate hundreds of random numbers. Step three. Publish projections. Okay, so that’s not exactly how I get from point A to point B. Truth be told, I wouldn’t be surprised if there were some sources out there that did.

First I calculate my own set of player projections. Next I download between five and ten other sets of projections. Finally I take all of the projections, including my own, and run them through a program I’ve written that averages all of the projections together. I considered dropping the high and the low scores, but that just seemed a little counterintuitive. Besides, it’s not like I’m judging figure skating over here. The biggest pain in the ass is dealing with all the various spellings of the same name. Odell Beckham Jr. versus just Odell Beckham. Steve Smith Sr. versus just Steve Smith. T.Y. Hilton (with the dots) versus Ty Hilton. And how about Le’Veon Bell (with the apostrophe) versus LeVeon Bell. When the dust finally settles and I’ve lined up all the edges, I have my projections.

If you are interested in my positional rankings based on projected points, please take a look at my last post, The Adventure of Bidding. If you are just too damn lazy to click a link, I will summarize…

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Welcome back to this week’s “Depp Impact”, where we analyze famous Johnny Depp cameos and how they affected the films he appeared in. Let’s start with 21 Jump Street, a surprisingly funny romp in which Depp, wearing more prosthetics than an amputee convention, joined Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum… *answers call from Jay* I’ve been informed that this will instead be another Deep Impact, our weekly look at those options deep league players should be targeting. We’re entering the stretch run for drafting, so let’s take another look at some players you should be looking to scoop up in the last rounds before Week 1.

Hey speaking of drafts, there are still some spots left in our RCLs! Get in there quick before it fills up, so you can all compete for second place to yours truly. Now that the shameless plug is out of the way, let’s get to some names. Keeping with last week’s format, we’ll look at guys currently going after pick 180. If you’re only playing 10- or 12-team leagues, these players are at best people you should keep an eye out on. I caught flak in some corners of the internet last week for mentioning Jay Cutler’s name because mouthbreathers struggle with reading comprehension, and didn’t understand that if you’re late in the draft of a deep league, there is at least one glaring flaw causing these guys to be available…

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After a week off (not by choice), we’re back at it with our fourth episode of the season. And when I mentioned a week off, it wasn’t like we were all on a tropical island drinking Mai Tais (well, Tehol might have been). Nope, we recorded what was probably one of the best Podcast ever… Zach, Jen, Kevin, Tehol, and yours truly was doing our best impression of Dylan and spitting hot fire. But alas, technology railed against us in our time of need and all was lost. But do not fret, do not fear, Tehol and I are back and better than ever, delving into the unknown knowns (LOL, thanks Rumsfeld) of Tony Romo’s injury-palooza, Teddy Bridgewater’s 21 leg explosions, Colin Kaepernicks (valiant?) stand against the man, and our season preview of what teams finish where and how the NFL playoffs will shape and our Super Bowl winners. A betting man would expect us to pick the Seahawks and Chargers, so I guess this is my way of saying you should become a betting man (or woman). But still, it should be at least entertaining to see how much verbal calculus it takes us to get there… right? RIGHT? Right!

Anyhow, here’s Episode 5 4 :( of the Razzball Football Podcast!

Special Note: Next week, we’ll have our full panel going over the latest NFL news and the first week slate of games, including special guest Ramona Rice from our friends at Sports Gal Pal!

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So, if you guys and gals didn’t know, our podcast last week didn’t happen. Tehol, Jen, Kevin, Zach, and myself all recorded what was basically the best podcast ever know in the history of the entire universe, but technology conspired against us and the files came to be just static and a couple grunts by Tehol. Which, to be honest, is kinda how he picks up women. Don’t ask me how I know, I just do. We did cover this in the latest podcast, which actually did record (yay!) which will be released later today, but I did want to cover something that we tried to on the aforementioned “pod that was lost in time”. And that was the Razzball Football RCLs. And as the title states, I did have a quick question. Actually, they are probably a few questions I want to ask, but the main one that branches out into the others (tree metaphors, woooooo) is basically this: What changes would you like to see next year?

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Welcome back to our division previews here at Razzball.  Today we are going to dive deeper into the NFC North than Mac Miller into Ariana Grande.  By the end of this article we will be more worthy to be kings of the North than Jon Snow himself.  Speaking of awesome shows, I’ve been watching Oz for the first time and I’m about halfway through the 2nd season. Does the narrator in the wheelchair ever go away? Please somebody tell me I don’t have to go through 5 seasons of this.

Well anyways, this division has pretty average talent all the way around besides some outliers which we will get into.  Just a heads up, if you’re looking for tight end takes, you clicked on the wrong division preview.  There’s nothing to see here if you’re looking for top 10 guys.  As always we will go in order of most fantasy relevant offenses…

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Good news folks, Razzball has renewed my contract for a third season! While I’d love to say that I am to Razzball what Game of Thrones is to HBO, or The Walking Dead is to AMC, it simply would not be true. I’m more like Silicon Valley and Better Call Saul. But hey, that’s something right? Speaking of The Walking Dead, is it too early to start the “who does Negan kill” conversation? Just let it be Glen and let’s be done with it. Ok, back to me. As excited as I’m sure you all are to the prospect of me spending another year spewing nonsense intermingled with football advice, I’m twice as excited to be back. However, I’d like to make a minor request. Good or bad, I’d appreciate you leaving me a comment after reading my posts. If after reading something I’ve written you instantly wish you had the previous six minutes back, then please say so. If taking a dump is more enjoyable than listening to my advice, then tell me about your dump. Got it? Good.

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