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Greetings! I come to you, live from the waterbed of a vixen, freshly slain, lying next to me, quivering in a frothing pool of sweat after I gave her the Lord’s chalice. What a week I’ve had my good men, I tell ya! It’s good to be back in the saddle, as I feel like this post brought me back closer to my roots. It has nothing to do with the fact this woman just sucked the life out of me and spat it on my back, or maybe it’s the fact I doubled my Wellbutrin, but either way, I’m thinking I’m back!

I am Lord Tehol Beddict and this is Disgrace/Delight! Take heed!

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Well, that got ugly fast. And I’m not just talking about this week’s Jaguars – Chargers game. That was an entirely different level of ugly. This week is why so many people have been adopting the zero RB strategy when drafting. They don’t want to risk taking a running back early because of the chance of injury, and they know they will be able to watch the waiver wire and read my handcuff report in order to get a running back or two during the season. If you play fantasy football, there is a good chance one of your running backs got hurt this week. If you drafted Adrian Peterson around the 2nd round or Danny Woodhead or Ameer Abdullah a few rounds later, this was not your week. If you went zero RB or waited a bit too long for running backs like I did in a few of my leagues, this is the week you were waiting for. As far as we know right now, though, Woodhead is the only back to go down who is definitely out for the year. The other two question marks are AP and Abdullah. Neither has a timetable for their return right now. Everyone else should be back in a couple weeks.

Anyway, let’s get to it… 

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fozzybear

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair, Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn’t fuzzy, was he? I think that’s how that goes. Here’s my version. Jonathan Stewart was a Duck. Jonathan Stewart had no luck. Without a hammy, what was he? He was Fozzy Whittaker’s ticket to a one hundred yard rushing day. Ok, so that wasn’t very good. How about this one. JStew knew what to do. JStew his hammy blew. JStew knew it true, do you? Admittedly that was not much better. I could keep going with the mediocre attempts, but, contrary to popular belief, I have better things to do. Jonathan Stewart went down. Fozzy Whittaker stepped up, and has been named to my weekly “Are you sh!tting me with this lineup” lineup…

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We all knew the NFL was a brutal sport. That’s nothing new. Yet, we’re often so surprised when injuries happen. Guys like Carson Wentz can get molly-whopped all over the field by the Bears Monday and come out totally fine, but shifty running backs like Danny Woodhead can just make a cut wrong and see ya later 2016 season. Yes, Woodhead was lost to a torn ACL on Sunday (and no…you won’t find Kenneth Farrow on this list), but he wasn’t alone. The Jest WR corps all got banged up after lunch, a slew of RB didn’t make it out of their contest in the afternoon (Doug Martin, Thomas Rawls, Ameer Abdullah, Arian Foster (what?!? no way…!)), and then in the evening the machine malfunctioned. When Adrian Peterson couldn’t walk through the food court back to the Vikings locker room every Minnesota and fantasy football owner collectively gasped. “Oh, please no. Not now. Anything but this. First our Twins, then our QB, and now our messiah.” You know, something like that. Freaking injuries… The hits just keep coming for Minnesota, and yet the Vikings keep winning.

For fantasy owners you have to take the injuries in stride, as their bound to impact your team in a negative light sooner or later. So, guess what? That’s where this little article comes in handy! Have no fear, because the next man up in Minnesota is more than capable of carrying the load until the king returns in over a month, and he’s more than capable of slotting into your lineup to bring great value in the interim. And no…I’m not talking about Matt Asiata…

Below are the top six targets to, well, target from the waiver wire leading into Week 3!

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Welcome back, my Horde, to another edition of your weekly vice, Hit it or quit it.  Well, it looks like I managed to make it to Week 2 before my Black Widow Curse cost me some of my players.  Not to mention that I got my ass beat so hard in all of my leagues this week that even Ray Rice thought that the pounding I took was excessive.  It was definitely a rough one, but thankfully, I am someone who likes it rough.  And knowing all of you (the way I think I do) you like it rough too.  I hate to say it, but I really do love it when I end the season with pretty much a whole new roster than what I originally drafted and actually come out on top.  Now is our time to shine and really work over the rest of the people in our leagues.  So, without further foreplay, let’s get down to business and see what we can do with each other in this week’s edition of Hit it or Quit it, Week 3.

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faab-quincy

Knowledge of the player base is not one of my specialties as a fantasy football analyst. I have to confess I didn’t know who Quincy Enunwa was coming into the season.  After his week one performance I sure did, but because my process this year has been suckie, I didn’t take notes so I forgot to mention him in last weeks FAAB post. So he’s finally making an appearance as one of this weeks top recommendations. Then I’ll discuss some running backs to pick up after a dreadful week of injuries to that position. Here’s your players to consider for Week 3 FAAB (Free Agent Auction Bidding) waiver claims…

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wentz920

Seriously, for those of you who missed it, I spent the entire game trying to formulate ways on filing a restraining order against Jon Gruden on behalf of Carson Wentz. For those of you there… maaan, Gruden gonna be baitin’ hard to Wentz’s game tape from last night, am I right? I’m not even sure how Wentz garnered so much heaping attention and praise from such a mediocre line against such a mediocre team, but there Gruden was, acting like I’m pretty sure how all Eagles fans will be today: over compensating how good Wentz and this team is after destroying what are essentially two FCS schools in the last two weeks. Now, that’s not to say that starting 2-0 doesn’t deserve some praise, especially with the aforementioned rookie quarterback (who had the noteworthy triple-coverage pass shown above) leading the way, but maybe we should wait on waxing poetic until after they beat a team not named the Titans and Bears. Oh, and speaking of the Bears… wow. 1-7 at home last season, and now another disturbingly flat performance in their home opener, not to mention them perpetuating the continual trend of making me suffer through every f*cking Monday Night Football game. I could have fallen asleep and missed nothing…

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EAGLES BORN OUT OF THUNDER

EAGLES BORN OUT OF THUNDER

Tonight’s game is kinda of a matchup between teams that are sorta-kinda similar, but not. How informative! Yes, you could say that about every team in the league… Look! One has football players, but they are all different! But to get away from the meta-conversation, both these teams came into the season full of mediocrity and low expectations. While we’re only in Week 2 (about on our way to Week 3, granted), the Eagles and Bears seem to be travelling in very different directions from their shared starting points. Carson Wentz had a successful debut against the Browns (alright, you’re right, it is the Browns), but Ryan Mathews made it to Week 2 without a season-ending injury, and Jordan Matthews looks pretty good. (Against the Browns…) The Bears on the other hand… Jay Cutler did Jay Cutler things, and the running game was astoundingly meh. So are the Eagles a potential playoff team with the Bears destined to once again be a doormat for the NFC North? It’s quite obviously too early to tell, but depending on how the game goes, both, none, and either could be the case after tonight. Well… maybe not either.

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In what could have been a wonderful work of satire in today’s title, last night’s Sunday excursion into Minnesota’s new football stadium may have upended years of programming in thinking that Sam Bradford (22/31, 286 YDS, 9.2 AVG, 2 TD, 121.2 RTG and 1 CAR, -3 YDS) isn’t quite the second coming of Joe Montana, but moreso a cross between Mr. Glass from Unbreakable and Jimmy Clausen. Yeah, an M. Night Shyamalan reference, deal with it. One game won’t change my expertly crafted comparisons, but after beating a team that has basically controlled the division for the last decade, and doing it mostly without Adrian Peterson who did essentially nothing until finally resigning to get injured and leave the game, should say something. I mean, Matt Asiata got more in his first carry this game than Peterson has ran the entire year… And so when we are in the second week of the season, saying that the Vikings front office was onto something by mortgaging a part of their future in a desperate attempt to replace Teddy Bridgewater may be a step too far as of now (since if you whisper “Sam Bradford” into a mirror three times, one of his ACLs will explode.), it is an encouraging start. And before you think that Bradford may not be the lede you were looking for, I think the meta conversation here is that forming conclusions and finding confirmation bias from two weeks of football is probably not wise. And that’s something that should probably be discussed. It matters in the general football sense if you’re, say, a Seahawks fan, but it also matters in fantasy football if you’re, say,  a Todd Gurley owner. When is the right time to panic? To make a move? We’ve only seen about 12% of the season thus far, and to make a baseball reference, that’s game 20. Making waiver moves, exploring trades, probing at what you can do is always a good thing, but my advice here (since I’ve seen a lot of inquiries on this) is to hold for the moment. Or, at the very least, do not sell yourself short. Just wait a bit longer before chugging down the bourbon and gaslighting yourself… one more week, maybe two, before you make any major decisions, and I promise you’ll have a clearer picture and still have enough time left to do something about it.

Here’s what else I saw during yesterday’s Week 2 Sunday games…

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lXRDURi

You know, at first glance, you wonder why we’re watching a prime time game featuring the Vikings. At least, that was my reaction on our last podcast… but when you delve into the actual thought process NBC went through, it starts making a bit more sense. First, it’s the Packers… their like the Patriots, in that half the nation tunes in out of love and fandem. The exception here being that the other half of American which has resounding disdain for the New England franchise let out a collective “meh” when it comes to Green Bay. Could the combination of Rodgers doing State Farm commercials and Clay Matthews never cutting his hair be part of the reason why? Most definitely not, but I’m no psychologist. Second, the Vikings are debuting their new stadium and were a team on the rise. A lot of young talent, and a lot of upside, quite possibly leading them to be a nice sleeper pick for the postseason. Then, Teddy Bridgewater’s knee exploded in 18 different places and the Vikings decided to mortgage a part of their future for Sam Bradford. Seems good. So we get tonight’s game… which should be stated, has the ingredients to be close. A division matchup, at home for the Vikings, the air of a new stadium. Then again, this is Sam Bradford’s debut, so an 80-point blowout is also just as possible…

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