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Well, we had another exciting week in fantasy football. HAHAHA. Yeah… so… how about those Olympics? The football off-season actually has been pretty eventful and full of storylines now just a few weeks in. We’re going to have our first openly-gay football player next season. Awesome. Incognito and Martin got into a Twitter slap-fight. Good times. Ed Reed had $50k stolen out of his car. That’s totally not shady. John Elway aka Secretariat got extended for three more years, but more importantly, was officially given the title of GM. When asked if he would be okay with a two-year extension, reports were that John Elway said “Neigh!”. I wonder though, will he get is pay-raise in chaff and carrots? Anyhow, I guess the roundabout route I’m taking here is to let you know there’s plenty to talk about. Making it relevant to fantasy football, well, now that’s the hard part.

Mike Lombardi and Joe Banner go the way of Chudzinski… Brandon Weeden sheds a tear because he wasn’t invited.

That was good hustle Jimmy Haslam. The one-year and yer’ done strategy has been pulled off flawlessly. Granted, while I was against the Chudzinski firing, I didn’t think much of Lombardi or Banner, who seemed to be out A.J. Smithing A.J. Smith in wrenching abrasiveness. Then again, they did leave the Browns with a bevy of picks to play with, including a first rounder by fleecing the Colts. The new GM, Ray Farmer, apparently wasn’t even part of the process when hiring the new head coach, Mike Pettine. Seems apparent that it’s play-offs or bust, all before the end of this month, or they’re in deep kimchi. But what’s the fantasy relevance here? Uh, Brandon Weeden want’s to join the entire former front office and leave? I guess? Personally, I’d want Weeden to remain with the team. The sadness isn’t going to make itself, ya know? But hey, maybe they can trade him to the Colts. For Trent Richardson.

Jay Cutler is average, says the guy who traded two first-round draft picks, a third round pick, and a guy with a neckbeard for him. 

Jerry Angelo, former Bears GM had an interesting evaluation of Jay Cutler this week. By interesting I mean back-handed.

 “Has all the physical tools, but inconsistent in the clutch. Mostly due to a lack of poise. He’s not comfortable reading defenses and consequently locks onto a favorite or predetermined target that may or may not be the right choice. The less he’s asked to see, the better he is. A better half-field general than a full-field one.”

This kind of seems silly seeing as how Cutler rarely gets enough time to go through his progressions before landing on the turf from shoddy pass-protection. Not only that, a majority of above-average QB’s aren’t really known as ‘clutch’ guys. Tony Romo says hello. Cutler has his moments, but has now missed 12 games since 2011 and has a hard time getting more than 20 TD’s with a side of 15 INT’s no matter what… he should, at this point, only be fantasy-bench and match-up material.

In more Bears news, because I have to at least try and get past 500 word’s on this thing, everybody in Chicago was Kung fu fighting…

With Chip Kelly changing the face of football forever with his innovative thing-a-ma-jigs he does on the sidelines, and, you know, innovations in still not using Shady enough, and, um, finding the whitest person ever in Nick Foles, that was super-innovative. And, then, last but not least, there was that off-season conditioning plan of his that involved smoothies and Navy SEALS training. Which totally go together, because SCIENCE yo. Anyhow, when you’re in a copy-cat league, teams start to a copia-catting.

What are the Bears doing, pray tell?

“The Bears hired Joe Kim, a prominent martial arts expert with years of NFL coaching experience, as their skill development coach, a source confirmed Tuesday night.”

If you’re not using Yuen Woo-ping, then you’re just BS’ing the process…

“Instead, a source said he’ll work with all positions on the Bears with the goal of improving their hand work when blocking or escaping blocks.”

I’ll tell you this though, I’m buying Matt Forte. I’m buying Jay Cutler. I’m buying the Bears defense. I’M BUYING ALL BEARS. There is nothing to fear if they can just Eagle, Shadow, Fist their way out of trouble any time they want. Or, at the very least, Ndamukong Suh and his Cobra-Kai buddies won’t be able to pick on Cutler anymore.

What you might have missed this week…

Hey, dynasty people… this is your time. The off-season is when you plan your 2014 attack. With robots and lasers. And we’ve got a new dynasty writer to help you get the upper hand. Excuse me, upper ‘robot’ hand. And he just went over some thoughts with The Senior Bowl.

I took a look at Trent Richardson’s 2013 Season in our new series, Final Fantasy, and LOL’d all over the place.