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So it would appear that NBC doesn’t flex yuck-yuck games out of the Sunday night slot anymore. This the second straight week of having lackluster match-up in what is tacitly accepted as the premiere time-slot.  Wait, Monday night has the best game of the week? What is this, 2005?

I didn’t tune in for the halftime Costas show, smug alert: RED. Did Bob Costas talk up a storm about bringing back prohibition? Did he rage against the senseless car culture that has overtaken the nation? Pray, do tell. “In the new war against alcohol and guns, I am the next Elliot Ness…using nothing but harsh language and bad sports analogies” -Bob Costas. I tell you what though, Costas should be asking for a ban of the Cardinals D, that’s for sure. Any-hizzle, is it just me, or is Christina Aguilera starting to morph into Miss Piggy? The worst part is, she thinks she still has it, and continues to wear skin tight clothes. Too bad it’s the skin of someone 80 lbs lighter than her. She’s like a 10-lb ham stuffed in a 5-lb bag. “If the were no cars, nobody would die in car accidents.” -Bob Costas.

DET – 20, GB – 27

HEY JACK ITS A FACT!
1. PAPRIKA IS FOR MEN
2. YOU BOOZE, YOU LOSE
E. RESPEK THE SUN
(.)(.) RODGERS IS A TRUE FOOTBALL PLAYER

Snow on Lambeau in a night game? 10,000 middle-age men just orgasm’d. The next logical step? Have a drink whenever someone said “Frozen Tundra” or “Brett Favruh”. Which I also call suicide via the vehicle of alcohol poisening. THIS COFFEE TASTE LIKE MUD, BUT DUNGY LIKES IT SO I’M WRONG, PROBABLY! “The first shall be last.” -The Dunge. Hey, do you ever wonder if Al will suffer a heart attack if he doesn’t elongate his vowels? Like, maybe some bomb is strapped to him, and it explodes if he doesn’t talk like that? Oh my god, does Dennis Hopper have the trigger? Also, combat duty as a descriptor of your environment might be a little too much, Al. It was cold out there, it wasn’t raining bombs and bullets.

Aaron Rodgers – Looks like Cris got his jaw loose early for Aaron last night, so loose, I swear NBC had fake fog coming out of his mouth the entire game. “I’m a leaf on the wind. Watch how I…Oh s@#t, there goes the tight end.” Some people juggle geese! Coughed up an early Rodgersackstripfumble in the 1st. I think it was to signal the derpy start of the Green Bay offense. Finished with a non-cordial 14-24/173/0-0 and 3/32/1.

Matthew Stafford - He only buys people Ed Hardy shirts and visors to wear upside down. Spluttered the ball out of his hands on an attempted screen pass that ended in a FAT GUY touchdown in the 2nd. Imagine how much worse it would be if Stafford had full sleeves. 27-45/251/1-1 with a 3/9/1.

Calvin Johnson – MEGATRON DOES NOT CARE FOR YOUR RULES! But he might sometimes turn into a Dodge Shadow. 10/118/0.

Randall Cobb - Cobb seems to excel at making multiple people miss while gaining no forward yards. Impressive. 7/102/0.

Tony Scheffler – What was Schef digging for on that dance? A piece of the triforce? I think, maybe, he scores so little that he has time to think of overly elaborate set pieces. 3/20/1.

Brandon Pettigrew - You really deserve it for still starting Pettigrew. 0/0/0.

Mason Crosby - So when is a native GB’er taking out their hunting rifle and firing upon Crosby? Q: Did that sack pretty much put them out of FG range? A: No, Mason Crosby put them out of FG range. 2-3/9.

DET DEF - We’ve secretly replaced the Packers’ OL with the Steelers. Let’s see if anybody notices… Suh got a 15-yard penalty? I’m astounded! 3 Sacks, 0 TD’s.

GB DEF – A.J. Hawk. Solid, gritty guy. Also gutsy. And a hard worker. Chase Blackburn can only dream. Also, passing against the Packers D, that’ll be difficult, said no one ever. Suffice to say, the Packers defense is not very good at their jobs. 1 Sack and 1 TD.

“Alcohol and cars have killed more people than anything else in U.S. history. That’s why we all need to become Amish.” -Bob Costas

The Four/Nine visits the Bawston area next Sunday. Join me?

2 Responses

  1. Shaun says:
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    Haha good read. Bob Costa is fucking nuts. I too was thinking the same thing about fake fog coming from Cris’s mouth. Why didn’t the other guy have fog breath? Enjoyed the read, Thanks.

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:
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      @Shaun: I can only surmise that elongated vowels are not conducive to fog making.

      Thanks for the kind words!

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